₦airaland Forum

tonapuck:
Are you making a general statement or you're actually talking to me, for your information I'm not a broke man and I refuse to be broke cos I got STANDARD, I will feed you and your generation, your comment shows you're a broke man or a female. Hypocrite, what's love when you can't have the back of your husband without disrespecting him Shm

Very useless thread.

A man who has truly gone through the process of acquiring wealth doesn't talk like a child. You seem to be rash and illogical, you don't know who is who here. Whether you're Bill Gates or not, if you address everyone with respect and dignity, it doesn't remove anything from your account.

Back to the topic, A change of attitude when the man fails in his role to provide does not necessarily make her a bad woman. It's his responsibility, never hers.


how would you feel if your house is constantly in a mess and your children are unkempt, and would the right course of action be to start playing her role in the house, or make sure she sits up and get her shit together. So it is with the women folk as well, many times when a woman starts playing her husband's role in the house like it's hers without constantly reminding and motivating their men to take the mantle. Those men find it really hard to get back on their feet. Like something spiritual is blocking their path.

When I say young men should hustle, it's not so as to brag, show off or chase women. It should be to create and maintain the life you want for your unborn children.

My wife will not feed me, not under any circumstances.

boyjo:
This is for men who understand their roles as men and want to provide for their families.
A lot of comments you read here are from mentalities that have vowed to live off women rather than work hard to provide for their unborn children.

It's just sad honestly.

softplace:
bro nigeria clients dont have patience oo, once they give you project by 1am they want to see what youve done by 12pm , so i skip a lot of things

True. that's why I don't work with them. the stress is not worth it.

But comitting your work is very important and its just a one line command. so try as much as possible to do that

softplace:
i actually work a lot with scripts

That's not an excuse though.

But its all good, It's just mid-boggling that an engineer making that much doesn't work with Git.

softplace:
believe me as a tech person doing well in Nigeria, i still want to move abroad and just in a dilemma

if i should stay or go

By God grace i earn between #300 to #500k in a month but still feel i should move

i would be 27 this year sha

i almost had a job in canada but lost it because i dont save my projects on git that was what the company asked me but didnt have it to prove i did them

a software engineer making 300 to 500k and you don't use version control?

But is it that guys don't save at all. Every right thinking man that takes seriously his responsibility to provide should have a decent amount that can take his family through a crisis for at least 6 months saved somewhere.

At least that is more than enough time to get your shit back together.

Ybaby:
because men have only 2 jobs in the home

Provide

Protect

They do no chores, no pregnancy, no menstral men, no cooking, no nuturing - just 2 jobs make a man a man not blokos just 2 jobs make a man not muscles just 2 jobs not kolaqalagbo just 2 jobs - in your quiet hour rememeber you have 2 jobs ONLY oor you pick the mop

Gosh, you crack me up.

Ybaby:
TRUST INFIDELS TO LEAVE THE CHAT ROOM

This woman have come again.

It's not that serious tho. No need to kill the fun.

mhizv:
And I don't see why I need to keep explaining to you! It's not just finances.

Life isn't all Rosy and things happen! That there's a like set back and the woman assist doesn't mean he isn't man enough.

The argument has been mainly on finances! If she should or not.

If he doesn't want her to,no problem. But if she feels the need to then there's also no problem.

I'm speaking based on what I've seen! Several times no one said her business is an insurance policy! That's just how you see it.


She doesn't necessarily needs to let you know before getting things done within the house. And the kids and running the home still remains the number one priority reason I suggested a business.

I don't fancy this house wife stuff honestly. At least earn money for yourself..if there's comes a time the man needs assistance and he comes to you,by all means go ahead.


I sure as hell won't let all responsibilities be on my husband entirely,just as we both have save for rainy days.

It's between the couples anyway.whatever suits them

Good night mhizv

mhizv:
Sighs*

Look at this from a neutral ground

Concern doesnt necessarily need to be just money!

If I have a means of helping financially,are you saying I shouldn't?

I wonder what most men want really!
How can you be comfortable with your wife doing nothing!? Asking you for literally everything?
If you want her to take the home and the kids as first priority why not set up a business?

These are everyday happenings!?

LIKE I SAID! IF YOU'RE BOTH COMFORTABLE WITH IT,CARRY ON!

You make it seem like a woman must help the man fulfill his role as the provider. You just said that is the only way she can show she's concerned about the affairs of the home.

Mind you, I am not against a woman doing a business as long as she still prioritises what should be most important, the children. I'd even be her biggest fan, but her business does not in anyway become an insurance policy for me or my children. A man protects, and money as the Bible rightly says is for a protection. his Money should not just be for provision but also for protection(investment).

And she will not be asking him for everything like a child. The wife will have full access to the family's finances and a percentage will definitely go to each party for upkeep monthly.

I don't know why I need to keep explaining this to a woman.

You just can't seem to see beyond contributing financially. If a man needs you to help him financially to the daily running of the home then he has no business getting married.

As I said earlier, if that's what rocks your boat, stick with it.

mhizv:
Even traditional women, take responsibilities when the need arises.

Just as you can't completely depend on office jobs,same way there are risk to businesses.

If the man feels his bouyant enough to run the family and doesn't want her to work,then fine!

Anyway these are discussions to have B4 actually getting married. Cos personally I'm not going to be a housewife!
Didn't spend years in school just to keep my certificate in a box and become a house wife.


I always use my uncle as an example in discussions like this.

While he was working on the new building and school, the wife was running the home completely.

It was more like division of labor. He focused on getting the project done and she focused on taking care of the home. Feeding, bills,and every other expenses. Which made me admire her alot.(her husband is well to do )

So I feel it's not just about if he's bouyant enough. It's more of a contribution
Making that move to show you're actually concerned about the state of affairs in the home.

It's left for the man to accept or not. Just make a move

It's fine. My itch with your argument thus far is encapsulated in this

"Making that move to show you're actually concerned about the state of affairs in the home."

You opine the woman can only show she's concerned with the affairs of her home only if she contributes financially, I find that a flawed way of thinking.


Anyways, if that's what rocks your boat, good for you.

mhizv:
In another post I said if it's a decision they both decide to make. Then it's okay

But I personally can't be idle. I'd rather have a business than just sit at home cooking,and cleaning all day.

+It's not a necessity. It's just reasonable she has a source of income. Anything can happen! What if the man losses his job? Do they start from the scratch or what?

I've seen women shoulder responsibilities of the home, pending when the man gets a better job.
It's best the woman gets a job flexible enough for her to have more time for her kids or just run a business

Fair enough,

But this argument of the man failing in his role due to unforeseen circumstances,I just don't dig it. There is risk attached to everything, even the woman running the business. It's just common sense for adults to save and have substantial cash aside for the rainy days irrespective of how the income comes in.

But to each his own Sha. I'd take a traditional woman anyday, money ain't everything.

mhizv:
Marriage isn't child's play. If you're not mentally prepared you'd have problems.

Both parties have to contribute,to making the home work. Both financially,and other wise
I advise all my make friends to marry a woman with a job or one with a business.

Marry a woman that can carry the home when you're at your lowest!
Marry a woman that respects you enough,and wants the best for you
One that wants you to achieve more than you already have.
One with ideas,and you can turn to anytime and you're sure she'd deliver.

Personally I feel a woman without a source of income has no business getting married(unless you and your husband agree to it)

Depending on your husband for literally everything possible isn't something I'd want to do.

I love you I love you isn't enough to sustain a marriage my own piece anyway

There are pros and cons to everything. Most men when financially sufficient would prefer his woman to run the homefront as opposed to still juggling a 9-5 along with family responsibilities.

There are many ways you can motivate your man without necessarily contributing financially. A clean home, well kept kids and a home cooked meal from a loving wife is a strong motivator for men.

A woman should motivate, not necessarily help the man play his role as the provider.

emmaodet:
Unfortunately, the yardstick you are using is wrong.
Most men are either struggling or poor and you can use the Rich yardstick as a reference.
To me, it is only an inconsiderate woman that will pile the whole financial needs of the family on a man in this modern time.
Please, we shouldn't prepare our modern women for a life of a slave who can't sustain the family in case of death or other unfortunate events that happens to the breadwinner without turning to prostitutes.
What is the usefulness of women empowerment if it is not making any impact in the life of their family.
Let us drop this archaic mentality because this is the jet age or computer age or machine age

I do understand where you're coming from. It's not easy anywhere, and being in Nigeria makes it harder. But I tell you if you have your priorities straight in life. Financial stability/freedom as a man is still very possible. Go to illupeju, in this our same country, Indians still run a strictly traditional form of marriage.The men are solely providers and the women do their part conscientiously.

This western approach to marriage just doesn't work, the divorce statistics says it all. Even if your wife is a working class, to find a Nigerian babe looking to do 50/50 without grudges is like searching for a needle in a haystack. And it comes along with a lot of complexities as you would be going against how both partners are physiologically and psychologically designed.

And then the children. What happens to them when two parents work? Personally, this is the main reason for me, statistics show that children that received more attention from the parents in the early years tend to do better in life generally.

Things are hard, but every man should strive to be financially sufficient to support his family.

There's no week this topic is not discussed on Nairaland.

Arthur2021:
I don't think you get the message.
The issue here is not hypergamy(most men have no issue spending at all).
The issue on ground is the broke shaming and yet this dolts can't take it.
Most of us dragged on this thread (caps,Emma and I) earn very well,I don't think any of us will have an issue with giving wisely to a lady having no money.

I met my lady when she had no money(dependent on parents ). Infact I will advice my daughter to date rich men.

The problem is why do these same dolts cry foul when we men hold ladies to high sexual standards? When we say we desire virgins or young feminine women they call us names,misogynists, paedophiles...you need to see how the thread of ubunja on why you should marry a lady from 19-25 struck nerves on this forum.
We have accepted the hypergamous nature of women,why can't they accept our own nature?

The loqacious animals dande and sexylassie2 have called out and harassed redpillers for stating their spec (what they perceive as slut shaming) yet they broke sham men they know zilch about.

If you want to state your opinions and spec as a lady dont frown when men state theirs

I think the OP wrote with a hypergamous viewpoint.

but if you're coming to it from this angle, I totally am with you on that.

most of these women fail to understand that to get married to a well to do man who is a provider, and not just date short-term. your chances are quite low if your intrinsic values as a woman is in the gutters.

No right thinking man with resources will want to be a retirement plan for what your red-pill brothers would refer to as a post-wall thot.

CAPSLOCKED:
I SUPPORT THIS ACT OF MILKING, AND I'LL NEVER CALL ANYBODY A GOLD DIGGER OR LEECH.
THESE BEHAVIORS OF WOMEN HAVE BEEN ENABLED BY YEARS OF SIMPING AND FOOLISHNESS BY MEN WHO HAVE GROWN TO BELIEVE CASH CAN BUY THEM EVERYTHING INCLUDING LOYALTY.
IMAGINE PAYING A LADY TO REPLY YOUR CHAT, OR PAYING HER MONTHLY TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU?
I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ENTITLED WOMEN (EVEN THOUGH PERSONALLY I DETEST ENTITLED PEOPLE) BECAUSE IT SHOULD BE REALLY SIMPLE FOR SENSIBLE MEN TO SET STANDARDS.
SHE'S NOT REPLYING YOUR MESSAGES? BLOCK & DELETE.
SHE'S NOT GOING TO DATE YOU UNLESS YOU DEPOSIT UPFRONT? BLOCK & DELETE.
SHE'S NOT GOING TO MAKE SIGNIFICANT CONTRIBUTIONS IN YOUR LIFE? EXIT, BLOCK & DELETE.
WE ADOPTED THIS AS A GROUP WHEN WE WERE LITTLE BOYS SO NOW THAT I READ ABOUT WHAT MEN GO THROUGH IN THE HANDS OF WOMEN I LAUGH OVER IT CUZ I HAVE NEVER PUT MYSELF IN A POSITION TO EXPERIENCE THAT LIFE... WE DON'T BEG OR PAY FOR ANYTHING FOLKS, WE CHECK THE NEXT DOOR, AND THE NEXT DOOR UNTIL WE FIND THOSE WHO WERE PROPERLY BROUGHT UP LIKE US.

stop being extreme. most guys aren't paying any woman for a relationship. except its strictly a transactional one(sugar baby, escorts, e.t.c).

there is nothing wrong with a woman being hypergamous; seeking the highest value mate she can attract in order to ensure
her comfort and that of her unborn children. that's how its always been. and that's how it'll remain no matter how liberal we'll
evolve to be.

you guys claim to be red-pilled but still fight this basic reality.

even most right thinking career women are looking for a man of a higher financial prowess. that's just how it is.

And I hate to break it to you. the intrinsic value(youth, beauty, sexual purity, nurturing capabilities) a woman brings into a man's life would
always be valued more than any financial value she might bring.

a beautiful 18 year old virgin would be more sought out for than a Linda Ikeji.

If a woman has to spend on a man to be deemed valuable, there is something wrong, she has lost woefully.

Only men who have not achieved much in life will be intrigued by a woman's money.

I am not in anyway encouraging a man to start playing husband role in a courtship. but stop making it seem like its wrong
for anyone in a relationship to watch out for his or her own interest. that is the only way to avoid deep resentment down
the line from either party.

Eniolakiite:
Well I’m not concentrating on the negative. Only noted that they exist

I stan positivity anytime anyday!

that's more like it

Prayer helps too (assuming you believe in God)

Eniolakiite:
Yea I know there are some people enjoying their marriages in Nigeria, I have relatives there.
However there are some not enjoying theirs and I’m saying the number is not insignificant and should not be neglected.

In the end, everyone should be watchful and all the best.

Marriage is sweet when with the right person.

why not focus on the positive marriages and learn a thing or two from them. use your learnings to contrast what you see in the negative marriages, then you'll see where the problem is. it's usually very obvious if you look in closely. then arm yourself with that knowledge in choosing the best spouse for yourself.

you seem to be concentrating way too much on the negative ones

humilitypays:
simple!!


It is an insult to Nigerian based Nigerian guys for one ekuke as Emma put it to come here and yan dust that as a Nigerian guy, that before u come to the US, u must throw away that your nonsense mentality this and that as if American men are more civilised than Nigerian based men or more intelligent or something, what kind of nonsense is that


If not that Donald Trump have put so many visa restrictions on Nigerians visiting US, most of us will be strolling into US every end of the year in style to chill and charge our phones and check out in style.


The op should go and yan this dust he did to his mates and those in his remote village, not on a public forum where there are people and relatives of people living larger than US President Trump in Nigeria, who chose not to live abroad permanently working his ass off hourly and not because he couldn't secure a good job in Nigeria or couldnt start a profitable business and couldn't survive in Nigeria and managed to escape from Nigeria through one chance visa opportunity and only to come online to brag and act like living in the US or wherever have made him the yardstick of civilisation and good life, I hate nonsense in my life

no vex my brother, same thing with the guy that created the third thread about loneliness in diaspora. they make it seem like its so archaic to expect your woman to treat you well. same America where you'll still get conservative women in the south who are just as or even more traditional as our women.

las las, we go dey alright

TonyeBarcanista:
You are right! And that is why we are advised to be vigilant and watchful when making spousal choice.

From personal observation, most people in abusive relationship saw the signs, neglected good counsels and hopped into the relationship simply because of their selfish interest and obnoxious desires.

NB: Most not all

very true.

humilitypays:
Young lady stop believing that crap, it is all lies peddled by ladies who failed in their marriage by choosing the wrong guys out of their selfishness and greed!!!


Lots of ladies I know married to Nigerian guys living in Nigeria and abroad are all enjoying their marriages to the fullest....stop believing nonsense stories told online.......go into your own marriage with joy and expect the best and forget people talking nonsense and the process of having a wonderful marriage start with who you chose to marry......don't marry out of selfish reasons and greed....marry for genuine reasons....marry who you believe in and strong believe in his vision and goals....work with him to build that goal....stop marrying out of greed and you won't be crying that your husband is treating you like a slave, where does this even happen today How many married ladies in Nigeria of today are being treated like slaves like you guys are forcing us to believe

I was having this conversation with a friend yesterday. I keep telling her that all this fears you have about marriage will be allayed if you can train your perceptive powers in order to vet and choose the right person. When a man loves you, all this insipid fears created by feminists to make it seem like all women are suffering in marriage suddenly becomes a joke to you.

I really don't know any Nigerian man that wants to treat his wife like a doormat. or control her like a bull. most men just want to lead, albeit with love and then respected and cared for in return.

abbey621:
Y'all ned to chill out with these scare tactics. I've been married to my wife for 5 years now in this America and she still cooks, serves me food and even water to wash hands. It's all about what you have to offer and how well trained your wife is. Any woman abroad or at home that feels such is beneath them can go to hell, yes in the USA women reign supreme but there are ways to be diplomatic yet be in charge. Give a woman access to bank accounts, let her control the shopping in the household, maintain your sexual prowness and continue to bring in good income and I emphatically tell you as a man you can get away with almost anything. Let her think she's driving the ship, for example, give her access to your bank accounts and credit cards but keep certain accounts private for rainy days. This is America , most people have 4 or more accounts. Get life insurance and investments list her and the children as beneficiaries, this kind thing will sweet her die. Encourage her, build her up, let her have a career. In short let her win the many numerous little battles while you win the war. As time goes on, you'll realize you've gotten her to do exactly what you wanted without force...This is how real men in America operate....BE PREPARED FOR THE WORSE WHILE HOPING FOR THE BEST, SEE IT AS A BUSINESS ARRANGEMENT, EVERYONE MUST DO HIS OR HER PART!

You are a man abeg.

In a nutshell, find the right woman and be honest with her.

Una Don start again.

It's just 7:30am

How can you ever be able to take care of a woman when you carry their matter like gala for head.

Davash222:
Don't believe the honesty of a broke man.

so you agree with Nairaland feminists.

VeeVeeMyLuv:
Noooo!!!..... he/she is very correct!

Carefully take your time to check the characteristics of young ladies driving jeep, Benz and other big cars in Abuja, Lagos, PH and Kaduna, check those celebs that get endorsement deals, those flashy ladies that travel to Dubai for vacation,

what do you see?

those young women that have been appearing in dresses that are revealing in public, what did they get?

Favours upon favours

you are looking at a very small percentage of them. most are twerking live on IG for 5k.

there are many decent, sociable, chaste women getting the rich, responsible and god-fearing man, they just don't shout it on social media. Happiness is best enjoyed in solitude. it radiates when you see/know them in person.

josen16322:
@Liliantalks not every guys in dis hardship country can put their shit 2gether wit out some one helping dem 4 instance look at me i always tot i can make it by myself but i was fukin wrong even my mom told me not 2 date any idle women 4real except love don shark me

When you have this defeatist kind of mentality.how do you even want to make it

Ofemmanu1:
I've made my mistake, and I'm carrying the cross now.
I've married a broke idiott.

I don't understand.

You guys did not have the conversation regarding finances before marriage or what?

These things can be avoided by just ordinary common sense.

Hmm. This is the kind of woman feminists espouse. I think you need a better pictorial illustration for the message you're trying to pass across. This ain't it.

Poorboy:
if you die now i mean today, how will your children survive?

That's when your so cherished wife will start messing around sleeping with Everyman that comes her way only to feed the family.

Think responsibly you're not in the stone age.

there is something called investments Sir.

I don't have time for too much back and forth. got work to do but to each his own. I've seen different relationship dynamics and I know what I want and I am working towards it.

Thanks and Good night

Gandollaar:
Virtuos woman Kee you there..it makes me a strong partner.

strong partner indeed.

sha don't fall prey to all this criminally-minded men who'll leach off of you.

Good night.

Gandollaar:
I'm a woman. You are on point!

and you think that makes you a virtuous woman.

be there incentivising all this weakness in men.

this is coming from a man