₦airaland Forum

LordKO:
The advice is only suitable for men who have dysfunctional homes or those who hope to have dysfunctional homes.

The biggest dummy ever sold to this wannabe woke generation is that human beings are inherently self-absorbing and that, individually, one needs to remain self-absorbing in order to be safe and prosperous. Well, what's true is that human beings are inherently just and need to take to conscientiousness in order to remain safe, prosperous and fair.

As a man, and by extension husband and father, bulk of the family functionality or otherwise of it lies on your desk. Strive to conquer yourself without striving to conquer others and love others without hating yourself.

Working based on the postulation above, the onus is on you to be conscientious, marry a conscientious woman and be the best you can be to her manifesting it through your altruistic actions and equally be the best you can be to your offspring manifesting it through your altruistic actions too - reciprocation from them will be automatic. If the wife, however, one day decides to join Woke-Christian gang, a single bullet or something similar can do the magic.

The golden rule is sacrosanct.

Very true.

Some men don't understand that it is the love(the sacrificing one) you pour into a woman, your children that you'll get back. They think if they treat their wife like shit, use money for their children school fees to carry women and leave their wives to carry the heavy burden of the entire household that they are still entitled to be taken care of in their old age, or the small change they'll have that time will save them.

It's only the wife of your youth that'll pack your shit with no complaints given.

Money can never buy it.

Men who live a life of responsibility to their family, Treat their wife with love,assigning her honour as though a weaker vessel, present in the life of their children as a father rightly should might not be travelling over the world for omo- ugwo but they are rarely neglected.their account balance will show it, the love from the wife when he needs it the most will attest to it.

ucheoluwa:
Marriage should not be in the dictionary of a jobless lady ...talkless of relationship. She must find something doing and get busy. Must she be rely on a man? In this 21st century na 50-50 o

When she tells you she wants to hyphenate your name in the spirit of 50-50 hope you'll take it well

jelraj:
Do you think the poor don't have dreams or vision to be rich, have you ever seen anybody that chooses to be poor?.. Because life has been fair to you doesn't mean it has been good to others. Even the beggars on the street have dream, the bankers that work 9-5 and paid peanuts have dreams, a civil servant have dreams. It's not always about hard work or hustle as you call it.
It takes grace, especially in a country where the minimum wage is below $100.

Lemme tell you, nature has a way of balancing everything, no be everybody go get money na reality.. One can even be rich today and lose everything tomorrow.. From your point now, if a man loses his source of livelihood his wife should abandon him right? Nothing is guaranteed in life, what happened with building together?
Nobody come life come work for anybody, we die different day, even our children life is different from ours..
I'M A REALIST

You're quite realistic but more of a pessimist than being optimistic.

And you'll still build with your woman even if you're fairly successful, with the right woman, your fortune will multiply bountifully but the basics required to survive should be set in place by you. Failure to do this would definitely create issues no matter how good the woman is.

You are the head for a reason. Not by virtue of your dick but by the responsibilities placed on you.

However, To each his own. Whatever rocks your boat, flow with it.

jelraj:
Base on your logic
All men are supposed to do whatever it takes to make their woman happy, even if it means robbing a bank.. I don't blame u, just because you are fortunate doesn't mean others are..
Not all of us will be rich, if you like hustle till your last breathe.. FACT. Does that mean they don't deserve to find happiness or they don't qualify to date women?..

So shut up if you know nothing about life, and stop seeing things from your view only.. You don't know what people go through especially in this country..

Rich is relative. I don't use that term.

Are you telling me that as a man. You do not have an idea of the kind of life you want for yourself and your family? Ok, take the woman out of the picture(you obviously can't imagine an outsider chopping your money ), what kind of environment do you want your children to grow up in, what kind of school do you want for them?

I agree with you, not everyone will be financially successful. But If you believe that no matter how hard you try that you won't achieve it.

There is really nothing much that can be done.

Bro, I am not talking from a place of spite here. I don't get a Kobo coming on here.

I wasn't born into wealth. I have experienced what it means to not have, but looking back, I don't think I did nothing extremely extraordinary that you as another man cannot do.

The problem is that most men just live everyday as it comes. They have no plans and some that have do not have the discipline to follow up on those plans.

If you want a change, make it happen.

Look around you. Men build roads, buildings and in extension civilisation and that translates into the family as well,

A man creates his reality, then his woman and by extension his family lives in it.

So the question is what reality do you want?

jelraj:
Even if his hustle is being a frauster, a yahoo boy.. All hustle na hustle... Men have suffered.

So I should only hustle because I want to be sufficient enough to satisfy a woman..?
It doesn't matter how I make my money, I just need to work to please my wife not myself.. Bro check and balance na.. You are part of the reason that push guys into crimes

Fraud is one illegitimate means out of thousands of legitimate means to make it. But no, hustle automatically means 419 in your head as you already believe you must need a woman to make it.

Your own go hard Wella.

Drfernandez:
I hate people who make too much noise. For the last time, if truly you and your father are not useless, post assets declaration forms of you and your father and post your bank account here, I will send you $5,000 to your bank account within 30 minutes if it is established that both of you have assets worth at least $200,000. Do it or shut up. Money money money every time and everywhere even when you are as poor as church rat.

My guy is triggered.

Omo baba olowo. Sorry sir, please invest that 5k, your children will appreciate it?

Drfernandez:
You are always on every thread shouting money money money and saying that men without money are useless. Now I put it to you, if truly you and your father are not useless, post assets declaration forms of you and your father and post your bank account here, I will send you $5,000 within 30 minutes if it is established that both of you have assets worth at least $200,000. Do it or shut up.

I should post my account to prove what to you exactly? Slowpoke.

Empty barrels make the loudest noise.

My message is this. Every man, whatever your hustle is. Before getting married, be financially sufficient to provide the kind of life you want for your family. It is not in a woman's place to do that.

If that makes you feel agitated to the extent you have to flex financial muscles. Go hug a transformer.

And I never say men who are in the process of making it are useless. That's your conceived opinion. But before bringing a wife and children into the picture. Put in the work and have what it takes to provide the life you want for them. Anything other than that is a sign of misplaced priorities on your part.

Now go f*ck yourself with your 5k.

ModestGal:
Lol, where you got it wrong is this **My believe is that, A man should get my back, and Me too have his back**
That is marriage, that is love, friends should get each others back, families should get each others back. Maybe if we are trying to get each others back, poverty would reduce in our society, not some people relying solely on others for their living existence

And my point is still clear, SELF DEPENDENCY IS NOT A CRIME and it helps during emergencies where the hubby might not be available.

And also, if you fall into the categories of Parasites, you should brace up your self esteem and empower yourself

It's a man telling you this.

I'd advise you to relax, take a chill pill and think critically about the kind of man, male role model you want for your children. A financially sufficient and responsible one or not.

With this mentality of yours, you are better off being a baby mama. cause you'll only attract weak, criminally minded men.

ModestGal:
Now, I can see where you are coming from, you are so much poverty oriented that you think only a man can help your situation when you are suffering. Are you not even ashamed of yourself trying to force it down me to take money as number 1 criteria''
Anyway, I'm sorry for your situation, but I'm not used to those kind of women, I'm used to seeing powerful self dependent women who even help their husbands in time of distress.
Your type are the reason why Nairaland men bash ladies, now I understand why they do.
In your low dumb thinking, I would go marry bus conductor and during labour, no money for bla bla bla? My families would all be dead abi? ''You even said its that time it would clear for my eyes, lol'' you really think low of yourself sha, please brace up your self esteem. When I'm not even married, I have helped women with such payment because her husband wasn't around and she did CS to deliver her baby. But its because this woman was not having her relatives around to help her.
Were you thinking at all when you were typing this?
So you plan to get pregnant without plans on how you will take care of the baby? What if natural occurrence of death comes? Or don't we have pregnant women who lost their husband?
No one prays for bad things, but it does happen.
Its non of my business what your criteria is, but for the sake of yourself, always have something as income the help you in times of emergencies

This your last post is disgusting and showing how parasitic you want to be to men and how money loving you arw

Chai, Poverty dey for this country o

Just stop being stupid.

There is nothing wrong in seeking out a man that is financially stable when going into a long-term relationship. It's not in anyway tantamount to golddigging or leeching as you seem to believe.

Even when you have your own income. Your man should be a pillar of strength.a fortress that you can rely on. in your lowest moment. There is no better feeling than knowing that your man's got your back in all ramifications.

Women are the most vulnerable in a marriage, and it's only common sense that you make sure to secure the best safety net you can attract. There is nothing wrong with it!!

A man brings structure, stability into a relationship, without seeking for this in a man, you're doing yourself and your unborn children a great disservice.

I don't know if it's your lived experiences that is making you feel like this. But no woman should be keen on being a work mule when in a relationship. You deserve better than you think

eyizlive:
[b][/b]

I don't understand this, abeg who can explain that to me?
Sorry to mention u o, I don't need an explanation from u cuz I doubt u can do that...just wanted to quote it for someone sensible to see.

Men must have dealt with her like

sexylassie2:
Black american aren't bottom rung in american society.

About 3% of African Americans are in the upper 1% class, 12% were upper middle class, 40% were middle class,25% were working class and 21% were living in poverty.

To be realistic, African Americans are doing great. When you break down the numbers about 11 million bafrican americans are in poverty compared with 17 million whites

But they make up just 13% of the population, so ratio wise, they are still at the bottom of the American society.

1Sharon:
Submissive lol..unbelievable

Someone who you can basically talk to like one of the children

You this Sharon lady. What's your problem. If you have a problem with Nigerian men then go to Europe and get yourself a white man.

You are the type that will be giving the unfortunate man that will foolishly marry you high blood pressure.

Ybaby:
Your answer is in the parable of the talents.

No human being was sent to earth without talents and potentials. Talent is a seed like mango send until you make it grow into something substantial ko mean anything. The world is full of talented no goods...... you know why? execution is hard work and exertion

Talented lazy men full everywhere awon potential the future is bright ...... Talent means nothing if you wake up at 8am.

Ma se ri talent eh mole ara kunrin Oluwa yo bere lowo re kini o fi se.

_______

His lord said unto him, Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord.

— Matthew 25:23
The third servant, however, had merely hidden his talent, burying it in the ground, and was punished by his master:

Apt.

Everybody has potential and vision. The implementation is the hardest part. Not everyone wants to put in the work required.

That is why when I hear women say I want guys that have potential, i am like, who doesn't have potential, why are you setting the bar so low?

Jeff Bezos with all his money, still has potential, at least Forbes told us he'd be a trillionaire by 2026.

Why must potential be only talk about how I will get there. But not what you have done to get there.

quick tip for those asking qualities of good men: any man that talks too much. RUN

Klass99:
@ The first bold, thank you for saying this.

Bukatyne, you quoted this post as well, I hope you saw the part in bold very clearly. When people share their personal stories or the stories of others about hurtful or unhappy marriages, you are always quick to blame the women involved, by claiming they didn't choose wisely.

I specifically asked you the other day, if you followed Debrief's story and her ex-husband's version right, here on NL for a reason. The ex husband echoed what efosky just said here. He admitted to being the cause of the breakdown in that marriage, he admitted to changing into a total monster, after the big bucks started rolling in. The same man, prior to marriage and prior to becoming rich, was humble and religious. If I remember correctly he was a godly person in school, a very dedicated fellowship member or leader.

Debrief, met him in school in the same fellowship they attended, they dated without sex all through their dating phase, she married him a virgin (her virginity is not my point though) believing he was a godly and good man but from their story, we see how that turned out. Yet, someone like you, would still blame Debrief for choosing unwisely. How was she to know, that this seemingly god and godly person, would become the monster he did because of money/riches.

Even her hubby was shocked at the extent of his savagery towards her, when the lawyer presented him with x-rays of her broken ribs, numerous hospital receipts, detailing the number of times, she had been in and out of the hospital because of him. He came on NL and told his version of the story, at a time he was critically ill and sorry for all he had put her through. Debrief, never even mentioned the broken ribs, he did.

Please note this is not an attack on you. I want you to understand that a woman's choice of spouse IS NOT always the reason why she suffers. People change, either for good or for worse. I have changed too from a naive/fickle young woman into a more solid and well adjusted one. So what makes you think spouses don't change?

I'm not looking for a debate or to start an argument with my last question or post, I'm just saying....

Well said, however, I am not excusing wrong judgement on the part of the woman. A man that you'd be taking his name; you need to do your homework in all aspects before submitting to that man.


The scenario you painted goes to show that there is some truth in the saying that "you don't know the true character of a man until he has money".

Money doesn't necessarily change a person but amplifies their true character. So if a man is a naturally arrogant person, it might not be obvious until he has money because the confidence of a man is directly proportional to the size of his pocket. But if you study the man closely, you would still see those traits but the problem is many people turn a blind eye to it.

Women should choose right. But men greatly determine the dynamics of a relationship.

[quote author=Romangalactic post=90994676][/quote]Context is important.

bukatyne:
@bold:

Perhaps you help the upcominhwomen and list what you think makes a man a good leader.

Hopefully, they shun the opposite so we have peace in our homes.

I agree men need to be held more accountable which would be hard if the women choose the bad men with their eyes open.

I could. It's just time.

Women need to be educated on qualities they should look out for in a man. Failure to choose right on the part of the woman coupled with irresponsible men is the foremost reason for dysfunctional relationships today.

Romangalactic:
The world is bigger than your circle

Why the f do you need the world when choosing a partner?

Romangalactic:
Emphasis on a normal emotionally healthy woman.

Take a look around

Change your circle.

pmoye:
You're really very perceptive.
You raised a very crucial point (in bold) about some men being fixated on the financial benefits that go to a woman in marriage. I keep asking some of them, what use do you have for your wealth when you're dead? And would you not rather leave it all for the woman who is to take care of your children, and your legacy for those that have one? Of course, assuming the man dies ahead of the wife.

I find it really hilarious when married men bicker with their wives over who owns what, the wives too returning the favour with 'His money is ours but mine mine'... I thought in marriage the two become one. This I find extremely childish and foolish. Foolish because these men are literally and practically ready to entrust their life unto their wives, but not their money. Which is more valuable, your life or your money?

You marry a woman, sleep in the same room with her (I am always scared to sleep with a woman in the same room ; what if she wakes up at time and kills me just to get access to whatever she thinks I have?? ), eat food and drink drinks prepared by her, be vulnerable 24/7 to her without be afraid that she will take your life, yet you do not want to trust her with your money. In this matter, I know there are instances where the woman is to blame, but I have a feeling most times that it is the man who lays down a bad and selfish example. In the end every man ends up having a wife that he deserves, not really the one that he wants. If you show leadership by treating her right, it is not likely that you will not have the best of friend, wife and mother in your wife. It is all about leading by example and selflessness... Even if your wife chop your money, isn't that infinitely better than a stranger does so? Your wife has a 100% stake in your life; no other person has that.



[/b]

My brother, you almost brought tears to my eyes with this your write-up. It's a pleasure to know good men still exist.

I keep saying it that most dysfunctional marriages, not all(before they come for my head) is usually the fault of the man. From a surface point of view, it might seem like it's the woman. But most times. The woman is reacting to the deficiencies in the man.

When you treat a normal, healthy woman right and act like a leader, set the tone in the relationship. Not just shouting "I am the man" up and down. There is no how she would not submit and respect you. Men need to be held more accountable.

We should grab a drink together if you're keen. Would love to connect in person.

pmoye:
Thanks for your choice of words, financially sufficient to provide ... for his family. It probably would have been a better choice in my original post, but then I needed to paint a graphic picture so I used the word rich. Little did I know that some individuals hate that word... I consider being financially sufficient to provide for one's family as being rich. And such provision will not stop at just food, must be good food, health care, education and a decent status in the society. These things are really basic needs even though many now consider them luxury.

Yes. but don't mind them with their rich is relative b.s

they understand exactly what you're talking about but will fight you tooth and nail like they have signed a contract with poverty.

and I appreciate your point about the importance of a homemaker wife. the traditional roles of the man and the woman are equally important and the man is not in anyway doing the woman a favour going into the world and bringing home the resources. even at that I believe the woman's role is even more crucial given the times we live in today. the times are dangerous, children, more than ever need a parent to look after them during their formative years. that Job should not be left to nannies and daycare.

its a pity so many men are myopic and only consider the financial benefit a woman can offer.

You guys need to tag me when you create these kinda threads.

Op. You deserve some cold bottle of beer.

Ybaby you never disappoint.

Y'all have said everything.

It is morally irresponsible for any man to think about marrying when he is not financially sufficient to provide the kind of life he wants for his family and just sheer foolishness on the part of the woman.

kurupt1:
The building part is the riskest part?
See una mentality? So u want a man to build and sweat and u just pack into his life without building with him?
This is not how the older generation saw life.Most women then started from scratch with their husbands!
Continue to look for who has built,let you park in .What a lazy mentality
Do you know what it means when you are someone's wife?

This is a very stupid mentality. Financial stability is a must for every right thinking man before going into marriage.

You're not doing her a favour by being a provider, protector to your family. Your legacy dies without the right woman. And your building doesn't end when you marry. Your 1 million will turn to 10 million with the right woman.

It's weak men that think they need a woman to build with from scratch and any woman getting into such an arrangement is shooting herself in the foot.

kaymart:
don't you see this comments of yours as a little bit insensitive?
To watch him burn? are you "GOD"?
you also stated confidently that one can't get mature advice on this platform, I utterly disagree with you on this. This platform meant and serve different purposes for different people. For some, it's a business platform, for others it's entertainment. While a good number see it as a counselling chamber, networking zone, employment avenue et.c. It's left for one to know how to decipher between the good real advise and the playful and seemingly taunts
The guy came seeking advice. If you are knowledgeable enough, render your kind advise without words of prejudice. If you ain't endowed enough upstairs, you may steer clear and give room for individuals that are magnaimous enough to help him out.
I sense pride and jealousy in you going by your comments here. I may be wrong though.
Perharps, you wished you had what OP already has. Dear friend, life doesn't work that way. You need to understand this phenomenons of about Life and imbibe hard work, perseverance, patience and pray that fortune smile at you. Until then, get rid of unwarranted enmity.
Cheers dear friend.

Assuming this story is true. There is no amount of mature advice now that can salvage the union. except he is a man without any kind of self-respect that will take back a cheating wife.

The guy said the truth. And the truth doesn't care about your feelings.

Op should end the union, learn from his mistake and move on.

I don't know why people are so quick to label everything racist nowadays.

The fans concern is totally valid. and not racist in my opinion. The joy of many fans that support these lower tier clubs is usually the young talented indigenous players they have. Their thought is since we can't compete for silverware. Let this be a starting point for our indigenous players to grow and move on to bigger things.

But the direction the club is taking is detrimental to that vision. And their response is nothing but virtue signalling especially given what is happening around the world currently.

Who here will feel comfortable with having enyimba flooded by Chinese players?

Westernlove:
Lol MUMU.....

Second time you are quoting that one comment. Goes to show how pained you really are.

Loser!

Ariza:
If you don't see the correlation between the what I wrote in that screenshot and what I wrote here then I'm sorry to tell you that you really need to work on your mental capability.

I'm happy though that after taking your time to search for something"implicating" or "contradicting" that post is all you could come up with. This goes a long way to tell you lots that you are only suffering from selective comprehension and you will only see what you want to see.

Now I will address this once, My posts here aren't for everyone,they are for those who can comprehend more than ABC writings so you may have to come with your brain while trying to understand them neither do I post here to please anyone. As much as I like to air my opinion, I allow people to air theirs too and I don't hold people at gunpoint to agree with me. So If you feel threatened or triggered you may want to question your own emotional intelligence. I write what I write and I stand by it.

So you all either learn to counter my opinions logically or you learn to avoid them. Because you little conspiracy theories here won't work. Good Night!

"Conspiracy theories"? because of who?. You're not worth engaging with, reason why I did not quote you.

Good night.

Westernlove:
Even the older reasonable ladies knew this stuff has gotten out of hand and It wasn't worst like this during their own time. These days You can't even say Hi to an average naija girl, She'll just start to feel like a demi-god because there are lots of unanswered messages In her Inbox and It won't stop coming In, A lot of Male beings have lost It honestly, Men has no dignity again....

Have you ever wondered it could be that you aren't a high value man yourself, and not because of simps as you are made to believe?

If you're the type of man women desires. No matter the amount of attention she gets from other males around her. Just a Hi and she will open her thirty-two teeth like flashlight. I suppose your redpill gods should have taught you this as well, or you have not been promoted into that class yet?

I'll keep saying it. majority of you guys that claim redpill on the internet are losers in real life, not all, but majority.

Arsenate:
There's just something really sneaky about you I can't place my finger on. Double faced sort of. I find it amazing some guys on here can't see you for who you truly are.

I guess you're looking for something along this line.



I find it hard to reconcile what she is saying here with what I thought she stands for.

But hey. It's a faceless forum, anyone can be whatever they want to be.

Ybaby:
I will speak for ONLY myself on this matter.

I will NEVER say NO to my PROVIdER husband.

He needs to step down from all that stress in the man's world he goes to everyday.

He is too good to me and my eggs for me to refuse him

Also I find my man very sexy and I enjoy initiating bed with him.... he is a sound man, dependable, funny, helpful and a great lover too.

I cannot resist the man

- same way no matter how tired I am when my kids were babies I will get up at night to check that they are ok and breastfeed them. Now I go for visiting days with homecookednfood no matter how tired I am. I do this because i love them and him.

Jehovah. see better woman.

Why your man no go dey motivated to provide.

Ybaby:
Like black America!!!!!!!!

Where a man is only a mandingo ... objectified for his blokos
Because he is lazy and criminally minded.

Let me add such women are wicked, the black American woman chose not to ask greatness of thier men when they realised that if he is great he goes for white women.

So they chose to baby him, tolerate his laziness so they can sha have a man - the men thinking they were enjoying thier life living off a woman till they are old and a collective of useless old men with kids everywhere because once baby comes Lakisha realises she needs a provider man not a mandingo

Mandingon has no skills except to fccuk and moves on to Shakisha... another circle of free rent, fatherless kids.... etc

Let me be clear pickme women are mean - they see the man as a baby needing help instead of as great man.

They provide him with food, shelter, kids, clothing for years and he amounts to nothing. He does not get to his full potential because he choose a woman who sees him as an accessories..

At first it is fun, but later it is hell.

Young men marry a woman who tells you my kids will be born in America - provide it for me. A woman who says baby I know you. You are a great capable man. Let's pray my king.

Not all this, let me help you kind of women. Even toddlers detest help.... they know it is not good for them talkless of a man.

Jatijati radarada


Nothing to add or subtract - you see why I spend time teaching here?

Very true sis.

When you incentivise weakness in a man. it never ends well.

Ybaby:
You are one wise man.

You keep explaining to that woman and women like her because right now society is making women think they are men.

That if they did not co-provide for the house they are not as valuable.... it is a lie- a big lie

No child says daddy I am hungry - they say daddy let's play catcher - daddy teaches courage

But mummy I am hungry is all the time, anatomically she Carrys a kitchen on her chest and innately kids know this even after they stop breastfeeding

Those pickme women are scared - they know they bought thier husband, he is.married to them for free shelter, free food and clothing. They know that if they donot pay half the rent that man will be gone. He married them for thier masculine characteristics.

Not because they are good visionaries, great encourages, fun to be with, amazing mothers, sexy wives, bring him peace or can do a mean two hand stroke in the bed room

No he married them so he can live in Lekki

the thing just tire me.Nigeria is fast becoming like Black America, but I'll do my part sha, set up my brothers, Sons and men in
my life to be strong, hardworking, resilient, 100% providers for their families.

I so much detest weak, lazy, criminally minded men.

and when I see women who do not understand the intrinsic value they possess but think they have to contribute financially in a man's life, I just shake my head in disgust.

tonapuck:
My dad was in that situation for 2years. Her wife never disrespect him for just one second, no change in behavior. Even we children never found out she's the one taking care of all the needs, she did that so we don't look down on our father. Our
dad later told us our mother was the breadwinner for the 2years when things was back to normal for him. We thought he's been providing for our needs from his savings.

They love are respect each other regardless of the challenges. Wife doesn't have to turn her husband to a slave because he lost his job

Why should there be change in behavior if the love they share is pure and true.

You can keep on asking this question or you can accept reality and man up.

A man doesn't fight reality, its like fighting God. you can't win.