₦airaland Forum

cowgurl: Hmmm! Interesting comments on here. But we all should be reminded that meeting someone online is quite similar in some ways as meeting someone offline, the only obvious difference is the anonymity that goes with the former and even that as well can also happen offline till one get to know the other in toto. Then again, people offline are also guilty of hiding them flaws or are ' professionals' in acting what they are not just to impress/get their aim targets and still get away with it. The crux; when an online personality[b] who's like you in some ways[/b] reaches out to you to get to know you better, reciprocate the gesture cos he/she may have lots more to offer than what you already see online. Just because many folks see online dating as being silly does not mean it is in totality, it's all in the way one goes about it. Let's be open minded even when finding love cos you know, it wouldn't hurt to enjoy the risks and adventures that goes with meeting an online personality u kinda have a thing for offline.

chucky234: Back to the topic,I think love is a very serious thing and often hard to identify when in love as people easily mistake infatuation for love.
Its hard to fall in love online without offline activities and that's to say every online relationships that involves people miles apart without offline contacts are merely built on infatuation or passion, you can be infatuated or put passionate about people's character e.g intelligence,humour,look,ambition,business or profession e.t.c

In the past few years marriages have succeeded from online relationships, I don't think all were purely based on love but as they were/are only tyring to love the ones they married and not marrying the ones they love.

In conclusion,love is hard to find online as what you call love may not be love rather you are simply infatuated or passionate about the person's online ghost personality.

cecegorz: I will say YES to the question. But the issue for me will be, where does it lead to?
Basically, online allows people to consciously project a type of drop dead gorgeous personae which they can only dream of in real life.
It only takes a careful presentation of sterling attractive qualities, meant to impress and endear the other party, who has no inkling of what lies behind the screen.
My take is that if you find yourself getting attracted to an online personality, take a pause and arrange for an offline date, it will give you room to evaluate what you have been discussing online.
That also means that having a long distance love-interest online is a dangerous thing, because you might spend years building on that fantasy, and by the time you see the person live, you'll discover it's been wasted years.

sauer: Can this occur at a faster rate online than offline? My reasoning will be that it depends on the people involved and what amount of time they have for each other. Apparently, if they see each other very often offline, perhaps as work colleagues, who says it shouldn't proceed faster offline? At any rate, it's only a measure of how well they connect with each other on that non-physical plane.
And I don't think rejection is any easier to handle online or offline. Rejection is rejection, since it has to do with the non-acceptance of the qualities anyone brings forward. It certainly affects any way. This is why most try to avoid rejection by bringing forward very good qualities, while hiding the ones that could prompt rejection. Limited thinking would immediately assume this is a peculiarity of online relationships. But cowgurl did point out, and with good reasons too, that this can happen in offline relationships as well. So, I see no reason to think one is any "safer" or "sensibler" than the other.

pendo89: True,true.
Remedy? Go beyond potraits and insist on talking with the person on video if you both can.See them live as they talk like ur both in a conference room.

There's this man I was doing some consultancy work for.
Seemed pretty charming and very intelligent.Attributes I personally admire. One day he insited on letting me see him on video.So video I clicked.
Nothing silly cz it was official and I still wanted to see him to get this overall picture and background which people never pay attention to.
Now as the conversation wore on, he started picking his nose and eating potato chips while licking his fingers .Not once but several times. Nxt he was was scratching his underarms,head etc.
I put off video cz I almost puked. When we talked again he was telling of plans to build some million naira house in Abuja and he wanted me there.
Now whether he meant it or not I didn't really bother cz all I could visualise was the nose picking and body scratching.
I said to myself.Sincerely if I had any feeling towards this fellow,the annoying habits he displayed online were a put off.
I wasn't eager to meet him and discuss anything cz the image just stuck with me and it spoke of a careless dirty person.

I think it's wise to see the person you are conversing with to avoid building vain fantasies.It's easy to put up a potrait of my sis,friend or cousin and tell u fake stories.

azpekuliar: Can same-sex parents raise a straight child?

sauer: Whether it is statistically significant or not is not the point here. You know that. In addition, your insistence on proof proves nothing. What does "1000's of supposedly successful online relationships" prove then? That people can't succeed doing it? Of course, no!
You see, I'd not go that claremont way by insisting that it's not a rational thing to do. I'm as well suspicious of online relationships. However, I wouldn't totally condemn it. The internet is a new aspect of our lives as modern humans, so it's only understandable to regard it with suspicion especially regarding intimate concerns. Plato's condemnation of poetry, a then emerging art form, is apparently not justifiable today. The success and evolution of poetry attest to this. When the TV first came, conservative modern philosophers thought it would take the life off a burgeoning scientific population. Is it not the same TV that offers educative materials and audio-visual aids in the understanding of science? Same was said of the computer. . . .We can go on and on. The method of such thinkers, as claremont, is then to find a way to accommodate these phenomena when it becomes apparent that they are succeeding. Pray, you won't do same with internet dating.
I do not agree with you in your attempt to employ evolution as a tool for nullifying the potential successes of online relationships. The internet might as well be part of our social evolution as humans. And who says the internet cannot be a channel for the passage or development of our mental attributes? As an example, some people have very well not met Richard Dawkins, but are heavily influenced by him solely based on what they glean online. Are these people mentally deranged? Undoubtedly, the internet has become part of our lives, physical and non-physical. And in the forseeable future, I see the internet becoming not only a tool for giving or getting tips, but also one for managing all aspects of our lives. I do have as a prediction that subsequently our online identities will become hardly inseparable from our offline ones, such that people might go to jail, get married, win the Nobel prize, etc. based solely on what they do online! But, I digress. . .

All said, my attempt is not to completely approve of online relationships. As I mentioned earlier, I'm suspicious of it. However, I won't throw the baby out with the water. Instead I want to show that online dating is present and thriving and normal, and it's what we'll have to deal with in the coming decades.

Pastor AIO: My point is that the most certain thing in existence is the least communicable thing. This therefore breaks the presumption that there must be a link between certainty and communicability or consensus of any sort.

pendo89: When you set foot in Kenya mention the word primitive energy and everybody will
2 weeks ago Korean air published an article announcing their scheduled flights to Nbo. In their effort to woo tourists,the article encouraged them to come and see 'primitive energy' on African soil.(in the wild,park and stuff .
Now that word caused a major uproar, they were forced to immediateley withdraw it from their websites and apologise a million times
I think everything got lost in translation but kenyans viewed it as an insult to Africans.
Well we use that word everytime somebody spends energy doing something silly.
like dating a ghost

chucky234: Hmmm,Emofine where have you been all this while nah? Seem London is treating you with so much goodies that you had to abandoned us here,abi.... Welcome oooooo!

sauer: Now, whether one finds "offline" or "online" relationships good depends on what attributes (physical or non-physical)are most valued by the judging parties.

Some are much more interested in a person's personality than they are in the person's physical qualities. And the bulk of a person's personality can pretty much show online than it would offline.

Typical emofine thread.

FXKing2012: And if not for Christianity, Africans would still be living in caves doing hunting and gathering. So wat African institutions, instincts and common sense are u talking abt?

You see yourself now! Was Abraham a Christian? Was there even Christianity during Abraham's time? Why would u wanna expose your folly up in here? And besides, God was only testing Abraham's faith; God was never gonna allow Abraham kill Isaac. Dont be stupid u eeediot!

Seun: Change your email so you can get future PMs

MRbrownJAY: @OP
how many times have you heard people online say that they are smelly, unclean, arrogant or even rude? most people online only talk and push forward their good side........so no wonder many people online might fall quicker in love than people in real life (who would judge the person for who they truly are).

also, although a person's character is what should be important, it is the whole person that should be judged.......it doesnt matter if someone has all the right attributes, if there is nothing behind to back that up.

pendo89: I asked a married person why he was teasing me and he said he was trying to be daring! whatever he meant. He likes trying risky unreal things.
Reason I doubt that people seeking love online are single .Most are in serious offline relationships.I think they prefer something exciting, out of the ordinary,something they can't get but still want to explore. What do u call that if not waste of energy.Primitive energy actually.

Now this is a new one emofine> 'online character flaunting' (I love the way u choose words)

lefulefu: . She dey in love wit me

Many are moved by words.

london2lasgidi: Basically, I don't think falling 'in love' online is real.. Online is different from real life; and judging an online character based on their online "intelligence" or superficial personality won't give you a comprehensive assessment of who they really.... We're humans, and we all have egos; and I believe most people come to forums like this to find a niche where they can endear themselves to people.......

claremont: Human beings have evolved primarily via physical contact with one another, the online pursuit of romance negates this very important characteristic. The question really is where would it all end?! I would argue that if this worrying trend is not controlled by those who are into it, we might start having online husband/wives, online kids e.t.c in the near future!

"By the way some people are rather open online": Exactly my point, their so-called openness online is due to an abject lack of self-confidence offline. Ideally, their behaviour should be the same in both spheres, but the mere fact that they prefer to 'open-up' only whilst hiding behind a computer keyboard may reveal deep-seated psychological, psycho-social, and/or psychiatric issues.

"or is "falling in love" offline to you more noble": I think everyone knows my sentiments about this madness called falling-in-love by now, no need to start flogging a dead horse. My infamous thread aptly titled "Love does not exist" refers.

These days, the religious section seems to be devoid of thought-provoking topics. It seems to be more or less a portal for religious goons to showcase their ignorance, rather than being a portal for logical and rational debates.

sweetcocoa: Come emofine,why are you blowing too much grammar this hot afternoon? This matter is supposed to be simple but your english is make am hard now.

london2lasgidi: I'll oblige if you're good looking, and since you live in London; the 'love' will get deeper quickly lmao......... pardon my ebonics lmao.....

lefulefu: She must have ikebe like mzzdarkskin

claremont: People who "fall-in-love" online are not attracted to a real human being, they are attracted to the online alter-ego being presented to them. Unfortunately for these sad souls, their desperation for "love" is so much that they have lost the capacity to differentiate between a real human being and an online alter-ego. So they pursue this online alter-ego with reckless abandon, because it gives them something they desperately lack in the real world.

In addition, most people who go online in a desperate search for "love" do so because they lack the self-confidence to pursue meaningful relationships with people in the real world; this abject lack of self-confidence may be as a result of several failed relationships in the past, or it may simply be because they consider themselves physically defective as far as beauty/handsomeness is concerned i.e. (f)ugly, fat, flat-chested, skinny, e.t.c, or it may be due to a fast approaching old age and its attendant cultural consequences on a single male/female.

I'm totally against any form of online relationship, I believe human beings are social animals who can only form meaningful relationships via physical contact with one another. I would seriously question the sanity of those sad souls who ignore their fellow human beings in real life, and then choose to pursue online characters. Surely, they may have deep-seated psychiatric issues IMHO.

OFF-TOPIC, where have you been hiding?!

london2lasgidi: are you in love with an online character? lmao........................ you must be really not good looking to fall in love online lmao...

fall in love with me..... and I'll supply all your needs.

plaetton: Both the christian and moslem dream of leaving this earth behind to live in a spiritual heaven or paradise after.

london2lasgidi: how's she the best black student in uk studying history? lmao............. she isn't top50 in the uk.... what was her GCSE and A-levels result??..... best black student in the uk doing history at kings college.. lmao..

this forum is becoming more useless by day..