₦airaland Forum

[quote author=C'est moi]Awwww....#wipes tears,he called me a 'princess'.This your story is a stepping stone to greater ones.Don't relent and thanks for the vote of thanks.
P.s- I'm not 'ma' o.[/quote]You worth more than a princess dear, i'm very sorry for under rating you to a "princess"

Thanks Alot sire. . .oups, ma . . . Ohkay dear!

Now please tell me what you like and don't like about the story pleasee?

Obinnau: from what I can deduce in the story, you wouldn't have problems handling longer scripts in future, I admire the way you incorporated the message of God into your story and still pass the message you intend to pass across. You could have chosen to elongate the story by digressing a little into how the chief's household was, the relationship he had with his father, brother, even including conversations. More than that your writing skills are good

Thank you sire. . Wow!

The truth is, the original plot was a bit shorter than this. . . I just wanted to write something to see what the reactions would be like.

I would have described the house and household but. . .mak i no fall my amateuristic hand, since i neva read reach

I would have added the background of the Chief and etc, but i felt it would make it unneccesarily complex; Next time i'd follow my heart

Above all, this would be the ending part of a story i had in mind titled "FEARFUL FEARLESS" to show you how complex it would be. I havn't really got the boldness to start writting, i feel i'm not competent enough... So make i bench first.


But if you need some hidden facts in the story, i can tell you. . . .should i?

Tonia500: that is nt flattery, and the truth is i enjoyed everything about the story.

Woww. . Thanks ma'am.

But you must dislike something na

jayloyexten: nice presumption
theres the likelyhood++but how good can u guess
we'll get to know soon-
_
thanks bro
concernin readin d previous i didnt rilly get wat u min
buh if u cant get bk- its no p, we'll just continue
the story explains it self from all angles even the centre-ull flow

Yap. I meant that your story is almost impeccable, that with were i began reading it, i had understood almost everything; you even flash back to some events, and i grabbed them. I'ave read the first page but if the story would not end soon, i shouldn't rush it. . . Shey?

Eze Promoe: [color=crimson]Bros ERF, you've got that talent in you. You are the bomb. Though I haven't finish reading it but I see some substance of ingenuity in the begining.
Talking about amateur, just spare me that balderdash. I have never seen any amateur work here on Nairaland, everyone is a prowess.
Story-telling is a natural trait in Nigerians hence the success of Nollywood.
Kudos bro[/color]

Eessh.. Thanks alot My Boss.

The beginning might be better than the ending ooh

Please grant me this one favour. . .

Run throught it, and tell what you like and don't like.. Thanks in advance

Tonia500: Thank you bt ur work is nt an amatuer piece,u are better than in terms of writing
thank you for the honour.

You are welcome my sister, u guys made me really happy.

Thanks for that flattery again. .

Now tell me what you like and don't like about the story?

Obinnau: I didn't mean for you to hurt your head o.

you are welcome.

LoL
That is what i call "DOUBLE THANKS"


Now is up to you sire.. .

What do you like or don't like about this story?

Sammy Hoe: Ishilove, can u just tell me at least one of my grammars that was wrongly applied. That you don't know d meaning of a word doesn't mean it was wrongly applied, so take note and improve your vocab. if need be.

Okay my man, don't take it personal. There is something you don't understand here and it seems you don't seem to care about getting it.

With due respect sir, the problem here is not all about your "High Sounding" grammar, it was all about the audience in this competition.

You know quite well that the judges ain't the audience, we are the audience & most of us stumbles here, not to write exams or test but for fun.

So when your audience are professors, you know what you use in impressing them; but when they are amateurs and novices as i am, then you come down to our level.

Please try and understand sir, there might be no one to tell you this again as you progress in you career.

Thanks for your understanding ßro.




For the judges, all i would cough out is `wow` . . I really love you analysis, it got me this kinda feeling of regret; I would have had something as this if I tried.....but hell NO! (i no get level and stamina reach)

For all the writters and spectators as i am; we should know that, when a Goat takes the position of a Lion, he behaves as a Lion & not as a Goat.

What the hell do you mean??

Even if an SS1 student should be giving the privilege to be Judge over us, he would behave more of a professor than a student. Most times we are defeated by inferiority complex and that shouldn't affect our thinking.

The Judges might be far from the word called `Perfect` but the truth still holds that, they have all it takes to make us perfect in them.

*story don finish*

Wait a second ow, only two male judges nai dey? Una know say Women dey dey bias for romance write ups we we oh..

You all would be roughly appreciated if una criticizing the work in my signature. . . Thanks

Okay.

The Little glossary:

The Creator: The Almighty God.

Lucipher: Satan the Devil

[quote author=Physics_Mania]Yuppppi, Niciey, Succuley, Greatie, Exquisitey. Welly done Oga kpatakpta, you try no be small.

Thank u 4 d vote of tanks 2. . . . u know i am d last man standing[/quote]Thanks manh. Thanks for the comment, i'm glad you enjoyed it..

joywendy: mmm well I dnt read novels like dat so am nt really d rite 1 to judge. Bt since u asked 4 it. No p. What I luv? Mmm ur describin it ok (2 much can make it boring 4 me sha I dnt knw bout odas). It reminded me of all this mount zion movies kinda .what I dnt like d ending of d story. Ozoin...(Sori dnt remember d spelling) shouldn't have died like dat. lucifer should ve just left his body n gone back to d underworld. N it will end with the chief givin an inspiration speech or smetin.that all I can say for nw. My opinion. In case more comes up I will update

Hahahahaha...

Actually the Chief was a tool to both Ozoigbon and Lucifer.

While Ozoigbon was a tool used by Lucifer.

Ozoigbon killed the Chief ignorantly not, with him thinking the Chief betrayed him.

Lucifer killed Ozoigbon rudely because he betrayed him.

In both cases, they faced the evil they did, and died in like manners.

The Chief died peacefully, but the stubborn Ozoigbon died roughly due to his hardened heart.

Above all, they both excaped retribution beyond death; which was the most important as it was everlasting...

Gerrit?

You want them to live after all the evil they did? Even Lucifer would terminate the physically

Most of you writters are really funny#smh

Unfortunately ERF that needs this lovely critics don't see them; the guys that revere them badly, gets them in large unlimited quantities.

*envyMood*

Next time i go try join, if na for only critics self. . . . .they don't buy "critics" with money . . .



Awwwww.... How i love critics, please i beg of you all "CRITICIZE ME"

I'm pleading

joywendy: un-clad with everythin in u lol i didnt say u should kill urself to claim blessing oh. maybe i was take it back to prevent ur sucide attempt

NO WAY OW.

No be sucide naa happiness oh.


But Sist, tell me what you like and don't like about the story...

Please. . .

Bring it on . . . *mynd*

Feed Me More . . . *ryback*

I need More . . . *oliver*

joywendy: finally!!! thank GOD. i cudnt comment earlier i was kinda busy and all.lol really? thanks 4 d vote of tanks. u are welcome! and mind u this is no amateur work u are going places

Sheeiii. My sister, you love flattery.

I hope to improve ma.

And for that bolded, i claim it un-clad with everything in me. . .amen ow.

Thanks ma'am..

Tonia500: *crying*it realy touched me! ,i think i shuld repent too,bt cm oh how u take cum learn speaking in tongues? Thumbs up for you my dear.

I'm happy it touched you Aunty.


LOL . . . I will tell you, i promise.

Thanks ma'am

adegwurulez: waoh!!!!!!!!! standing ovation for u bro. abeg when u go start ur next work? cos me go lyk follow am

Thanks alot my man.

My next work? I actually get things for mind but i never read. . . .i need to read alot and brush up comot from amateur before i write again

when i start i go put am 4 ur thread. . .

[quote author=Mynd_44]I will work on it[/quote]Thanks a lot Sire

Yea. Front Roll things....

Is this the summary of the story? OR this is what it's all about OR is it the ending? OR is it the starting?

make i know naa. I don't wanna be a novice..

Oga Moderators.

I recommend this story for frontpage.

www.nairaland.com/1458354/lesser-power-short-amazin-story/3#18583205

Would appreciate it candidly, if honoured.

Thanks sirs.

*Space booked*

Riide on Sire. #following#

YES! I'm so happy my less-amateur-work had been completed.
I'm not learned when it comes to literature/writting, i havn't even read books; but i decided to take just a step, no matter how small to do something that would welcome me to the world of literature.

This is the first thingy i've ever written be it article, script, novel and any other name we use to refer "write-ups" so i'd be very happy if you pour out your critics without sentiments.

Me reading classic works on nairaland was kinda was kind of ashamed to put on something but i just need to try. . . . Yes, there is no harm in trying.


I would be so foolish if i end it here without a vote of thanks. . .damn.

Yes, i've got all the space, so i'd thank ALL.

VOTE OF THANKS

Desertboom

He was the first to comment on this thread, and it kept me going. I was so happy that someone appreciated me just after the first post; and i was like 'i must end this.' Thank you so much sir

Chistar

He was the second to comment, and he planted Nollywood thingy on my head; it's still ringing till now. When he commented i was like 'Jesus is lord forever' I'd need to ask you sir, did you find this nollywood thingy in the story up to the last word?

Adegwurulez 11

This man was the bomb, he was my most active follower, his flattery got me swelling like a cat.
Thank you very much sir, i'm highly greatful.

The rock5555

He was the 4th to comment. Thank you once again sir, for the accomodation down there.

Kslib 3

My all is well bros. He blew me off balance with his comment and i'm still having the effect now. Thank you very much sir.

Obinnau 2

He was the guy that made the comment that place this bruise on my head. I hurt my head as i flew into the sky, when he made that thunderbolt called comment.

HBG 3

My big time friend, she was the first female to comment; her comment almost gave me a heart attack, my b.p rose in excitement. Thanks alot dearie *still waiting for your analysis tho*

C'est moi 2

I remembered i was taken to the psychiatric hospital; a princex commenting on my thread That was amazing.
Thanks alot ma.

Sambroose

He was the 9th to comment, and i fell down from a mango tree without feeling the pains, why? I was happy.
Thanks alot sir.

Temhab 3

A royal damsel stooping low just to honour my thread, i almost passed on== to afghanistan, i was really madly in happiness. The third most active female in terms of commenting.
Thanks a lot dearie.

Joywendy 5

Yap. This is my twin sist, the only one i had in NL and also the most active female. Your comments gave me real hope. Thanks alot dearie.

Konklushun

A very great personality that honoured my thread. I appreciate big time dear. Thanks alot.

Damex333

The noble king Damex, he always drop some spices for me. And with him, i had cool nutrients on my story. Thanks alot sir.

Yemi2plus

Yes. I won't leave out my number one Padi; I always caught him viewing. . .he had been a great inspiration to me.
Thank you sire.

Tonia500 5

The rare gem that honoured my amateur thread; she was the second most active female. She was a very massive inspiration, mostly when i felt. . .
Thanks alot dear.

Becketh

Potential/future Miss World honoured my thread gladly; I even thought i was dreaming. Thanks alot dear.

Eze Promoe

The great man that his story introduced me to literature section, he branched my humble thread and dropped a highly significant spice. God bless you sire. More ink to your pen so that you would finish. . .

Foxy Flow

Biggest bros, stumbled here and added more than 20cubes of maggi to the bitter soup; i appreciate you sire.

Emiru

The man that i borrowed his humbled name without informing; God bless you sire. I promise to pay you for plagiarizing your name.

Physics_Mania

For leaving physics to honour literature because of my amateurical story; GOD BLESS YOU SIRE.

Chorem

Caught you viewing most atimes, and i was already dancing withing. God bless you most beautiful & thanks alot dear.

Silent Readers/Followers

Without your views, i would have been pointless and aimless; your views were mightily encouraging. . . God bless you all and Thanks.

The Mods of this section

I app your good handiwork to make this section accomodating. Thank you sires.

All senior Men/Women in the writting rhealm of Nairaland.

Your works i've read were very inspirational to my humble self. . .thanks alot.


You reading this.

Thanks alot, without you. . .

And everybody yet to read this

God bless You.

I've got just one advice for you all :

“Remember thy Creator in the days of thy youth”



NOTE: Numbering was based on the first to comment to the last.

The numbers at the side of names indicates the number of times they commented before i click "reply"

Thanks

He was suprised at the young man, he played as if he was battling with a kid; he was so relax and behaved as if he was an angel himself. Unlikely of the majority of others he terminated, they were dead serious & spilled the word swelling. This man was behaving like a god to him, and his confidence was extremely disturbing. He gave him a dead look, and studied him closely as he continued with his speech.

“Firstly, you broke that rule and i am supposed to deal with you accordingly but i'm giving you a chance: give up your evil ways & turn to your Creator,”

This angered Lucigbon so much as he struggled so much that he broke lose from the force helding him bound, to the bafflement of the people. He made a strong loud laugh to commend his spiritual strength; focusing the head of the staff towards Emiru, he spoke a confusing language for some minutes and robbed the sparkling head with its right hand. Immediately tens of sparkling swords gushed out- they approached Emiru with great speed; o
ne by one they all vanished into the thin air on reaching the Emiru's body. Lucigbon jumped backwards this time in fright, he wasn't sure of what took place before his very eyes.

“I'm having the feeling that you don't understand the bible you work against, have you not heard the word that explains our heritage as sons of God? That no weapon fashioned against me shall prosper? Then why tempting God?”

Lucigbon became vexed deeply, he knew his time was running out and the young man was a joker; he gripped his staff so firmly that it disappeared. His head started shrinking and the whole body began swelling and vibrating, it became so big that it burst. It burst without particules, instead a large owl was seen. The large owl gave a loud hoot, it was so energy filled that the wall it backed exploded. It was exposed the next room were the Chief's wife & children hid in fear as their dad passed on. The owl crie
d once more, and approached Emiru with a great speed.

Emiru wasn't smiling any longer, since Lucifer himself had gained full control over Ozoigbon; it was no longer his body.

His face shone as he spoke with somewhat fury:

“At the mention of the name 'JESUS' every kneel must bow, and every tongue must confess that He is lord; I command you now, be transformed back into the body of that whom you intend to destroy and bow, NOW!”

He said it not as a request but as an order; the owl still approached him as if he heard not what Emiru said. Emiru stood still as the owl approached as if waiting for it to devour him. As the owl drew nearer to him, it decreased in speed & at few centimetres near him, it transformed back to Lucigbon, with the staff.

Lucigbon was on a different attire this time, he was on a black attire; he seemed anew. He wasn't ready to give up on a mere man; he shook himself rapidly & raised his staff, pointing towards Emiru- he gave a loud cracking shout as he began talking in the demoniac language.

Emiru said: “Ozoigbon, it's over, you can't win this battle. The Creator is most supreme, turn to him, quit your ill ways- He only can save you from Lucifer. ”

Lucigbon was still busy romancing his staff while speaking the strange language in a bid for a greater spell, when he felt an eruption in his stomach; his eyes were bulging out gradually, his legs were shaking roughly as he fould himself going up into the air- he was swirling in the air.

He couldn't bear it anym ore, as he was tearing apart. He let out a shout and said “Emiru, i have wronged you and the whole people”

“Please find a place in your hearts to forgive me, i have erred” Ozoigbon said in great agony.

“How which i could. . .but for Lucifer, we must have our own dose of injustice and evil; he that works directly or indirectly, knowingly or unknowingly, he must recieve his pay accordingly- on earth or beyond or both” Ozoigbon Lamented; he was sorry for his wrongs at last, he's eyes were opened; indeed, he was the tool!

Lucifer in Ozoigbon, noticing he had his mind back won't just let him go that way; he must recieve his dose.

Ozoigbon was wearing away, his hands, legs, head, were leaving his body, and he tried hard vainly to draw himself together and neutralize the effect.

Emiru who was muttering silent prayers, prayed to a stop, and watched Ozoigbon being tormented by his own embodiment.

He new not what to say to him, he just told him the truth:

“Ozoigbon, Jesus is merciful, i know you are ready, just open up to him forgetting all odds, he will forgive and accept you”

Ozoigbon was giving up on the contest, as his head and the whole body was splitting into two. He was about being bisected when he heard Emiru's last statement.

He gave a loud shout saying:

“Lord Jesus, have mercy on me & save me” and with that his head was bisected dividing his eyes, nose, mouth, chest, abdomen into two equal halve.

Emiru watched in pity as Ozoigbon was tormented and killed, by his former master and embodiment at the moment, Lucifer!


THE END

[quote author=Physics_Mania]I'm a silent viewer or rather was a silent viewer, because i'm now a repentee...hehehe

*speakingInTongues*
Carry on Oga. . .[/quote]Thank God He arrested you.

Thanks. . . Speak well ow

Okay. Lemme talk:

There is an aberrant posibility that Pastor Salame might be your father OR he've got a tie with you NOT probably because he's gay and wants you.

Anyhow im end sha..

I couldn't read the back, i'd like to flow along with you!

You know say na we dey believe say the spiritual rules over the physical naa. .

^^

That's the thriller; though he never mentioned Agumba being the brother of Uju. I guess that was your thought.

To my own understanding, Agumba is a spirit in the body of Uju's brother. He would only found out letter on to his bewilderment OR he knew about it, but waiting for the appointed time OR not sure yet.

Anyway we go know lerra...



No fear Eze. . .

To be continued. . .maybe shortly but you may drop your comment if you wish..!

Lucigbon kept on ranting as his custom was,till Emiru interrupted him saying:

“There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk accor...”

He thought he had some voice as Lucigbon's saying “You fool,” as he felt a sharp pain that interrupted him, it was as if an invisible sword pierced deeply into his heart; the feeling was strange & he was feeling empty, he felt like shouting, but he held himself bearing the pain. The swordlike object was increasing in its force and he couldn't bear it any longer as he let go of his hands into the air as the force picked him up; higher and higher he went up and with a heavy sound “kraaaasshh” he f
ell down hitting the wall and slipping downwards to the ground; he struggled for a while with pains written all over him, untill he became motionless.


Fear gripped everyone as they stood in their various positions as if stone-dead; they couldn't comprehend their so-thought saviour, crashing down dead to a Lucifer-like creature, without even a show of power. They began having a rethought of the whole ideal, contemplating on whose is all powerful; since one is holy & peace filled but of a lesser power, and the other was all evil & had zero percent of peace but it seemed at that moment to have the greater power.
All eyes were now focused on the Chief, since Emiru was nomore, the Chief should be their mediator.

The Chief stood out, he braced himself, opened his mouth as if he was about coughing out some sour words when he was cut short by Lucigbon.

“The one you had so much confidence on, is no more; this would be the last i'd give you to renounce your new found faith & come back to me, so we could end what we started together in a commendable way”


“I had sinned greatly- killing hundreds of persons and had done more worse things than death; I deserve more than death. But the last i would never think about, would be me going back to my old profound wrongs. I'm a brand new man and if killing me would be the only remedy, you can do that. So far i'd have eternal peace in Jesus,” the Chief said aloud.

Lucigbon, thinking he had done a good for the Chief by giving him a last chance to modify his deeds, fumed with anger. He began swelling like an angry cat as he held his staff with great power, he shook it rapidly and directed the head towards the Chief. With a great force and speed , beating that of the speed of light, a round large metal blazing with fire puffed out, and ran into the heart of the great Chief. It drained the blood of the Chief, squeezingly, the Chief told Edafe to beg the people most importantly his brother for forgiveness; with that he died standing.


Lucigbon let out a great laugh. What and accomplishment, he never new it would be this easy; “perhaps he had wronged the creator” he told himself.

He heard what the Chief told Edafe and smiled, because he knew no one in the palace that saw what happened would live to tell the story. He lifted his hand into the air, and twisted his index finger as if writting something; he controlled his staff to himself and said “it's time to end. . .” he heard a sound at his back, someone was muttering “Ma kai ya bra da bo sai gada bro go dia say shaiada” the voice was very familiar, but the language: perfectly not familiar. It was Emiru speaking in tongues.


Lucigbon turned around breezingly in disbelief, so did all; he saw Emiru on a sparkling immaculate white attire, his eyes closed while speaking those words. They all drifted their eyes back to were he layed when attacked by Lucigbon- lo and behold he was not there. Confusion mixed with gladness filled their hearts at what they saw: confused that the loquacious evil monster might be the lesser power contrary to their thoughts and glad that their saviour was back, some confident winds find their way into the arena as the people charged up.

Lucigbon gripped his staff firmly squeezed himself together as if to make a great shout; he wanted to spill out the `shocker,` the very last spell that would end the play; but he found not his voice neither could he move. He was now confused, looking very stupid before Emiru who was still speaking in tongues; he tried once more but he went weaker, and weaker. He just stood, holding his staff, with his body twirling around slowly on the same spot.

Emiru became quiet, he opened his eyes, looked around smiled, and frowned almost immediately. He arranged a chair few meters away from Ozoigbon,sat down and jumped up almost immediately as if he heard a shocking news.

He walked towards Lucigbon and said:

“You are conversant with the scriptures, so do you not knowthe Bible says 'touch not my annointed, and do my prophets no harm?'”

Lucigbon found himself nodding his own head simultaneously against his own wish,of which was to remain silent; accumulate more strength and give a great unexpected strike that would tear him down as he did some hours ago. But how his head shook itself was a mystery

Wow. . .wow. . .wow! Intriguing!!

This is really nice. You write just the way i'd like to write. The message being passed, the teaches, adventure and the rest of it; that's how i would wanto write.

I'm now your number one fan ow. . . .

Lemme read the earlier updates
.
.
.
Please update soonessst. . .