₦airaland Forum

Sarah a: Nice write up

thnx sister..

ifyalways: @OP,morrrrrrre!

I've been to Ikoyi prisons on prison ministration. I could never have guessed that things were this bad inside.

ifyalways, they won't allow you to enter inside d wards/cells where d main bullshitt is happening..

There's morrrrrrrrrrrrrre stories but I will post later in the evening. Plssssssss guys bear wit me

chinedumo: u no know that if prisoner plan am together them fit snap pix tell d outside world wetin dem dey see.

op no vex o.

But u don start prison charity NGO?

bro na true. When I dey there sef I reason something like dis. Abeg u get their latrine pix? Dat place is sooooooooo disgusting and irritating. Some people no go fit survive for dat kain place oh.

akhis: You self non believe yourself say u write that

time will tell.

If GEJ dies today, we will do a very big memorial in his honour. He is Nigeria's Mandela.

UN Secretary Ban Ki Moon paying tribute.

Wow! Dis man can speak english mayne!

If GEJ dies today, we will do a very big memorial in his honour. He is Nigeria's Mandela.

TVC LIVE! Andile Mandela giving tribute on behalf of Mandela's grandchildren.

chinedumo: op no use me play. Lol

Some people get moral to smuggle camera for prison

bro, it's like u na warder abi?

Bros congrats. Abeg na where the party go take place.. Which side for lagos?

As we were all walking back to our ward, I sighted chuchuchu. Chuchuchu is one of the special inmates in ikoyi prison. Thou there's no big boy in jail, one can get whatever he wants as long as money talks. They said "money talks, bullshitts walk out" lol. Chuchuchu is one of the big boys in the yard. Outside prison I've known him as someone that always dress clean. He use to be my junior in secondary school. He was in jss3 wen I was in ss2. After school he started working for one alhaji who is changing currencies in VI since then he's been stacking papers. As I saw him I hailed him and proceed to move on cos there's thid warder chasing and flogging inamtes wit a koboko forcing dem to their various cells. As I was about to run I was halted by chuchuchu's voice. "Ina zaka je ne? Ka saya a nan, ba wa ze ta ba ka inna nan." (Where are u goin? Stay here, nobody will touch as long u r wit me." He commanded. " Shuu see dis boy wey I dey flog for school anyhw nahin dey mek control for inside prison." I said in my mind. We stood there and discussed for a long time. He told me how got here. What he did. He ran away with alhaji's money in different currencies worth millions. He ran to abroad [country name witheld] to a nearby country and bought properties there. He told me he have a house abroad and that he collect rent payments from the residentials. I was left surprised. He looked at his watch and said "oya make we dey go, make I escort u go ur sell. If I no follow u now dem fit change am for u oh." "Ok, abeg make we go" I agreed and we walked toward my ward. He took me to my ward and down to my cell without any interrogation, come c as dem dey hail d small guy for prison. "Dis boy get mouth for dis jail oh" I tot to myself. We got to my cell and we stopped at the entrance as chuchuchu and my cell president started to themselves. He told the guy to make sure nothing happens to me. All my cell mates were surprised seeing me coming back late and with one the prison's big boys. "I don become small chairman be dat oh" I tot. Just then I saw Iman coming towards my cell with a plate in his hand. He had prepared the indomie and wants to pass it to me, he entered our cell freely and handed over the plate to me. My cell mates were again surprised. "Guy u sabi people for dis prison oh, u sure say u go go house if dem release so" a guy said jokingly. "You dey mad, na u no go go house if dem release u, u wey be say u don get stove and bed, u be residential here already" I replied d guy back and everybody laughed. I saw from the peep hole that chuchuchu and iman were already on their way out of the ward as I open my plate of indomie and started munching it like a hungry lion that I was then.

Noises and commotions was coming from every angle of the cell as usual. I couldnt believe I was winning and dining with all these criminals in one room. Although many inmates are being jailed wrongly just like me, a lot of dem na confam criminals. I made many friends just in my first day, I was in a very good relationship with the DPO, a Hausa guy. Main looking at his face you go know say dis one don kill person before. Na God know wether he dey even chop human beings. The guy just like me just like dat. "Abi e fork my yansh?" I tot. He asked me if I av any cigarette wit me I said no. "Tj, give me cigar there" he brought out a 50 naira and handed over to the guy who is selling cigarette. "Oya take oga DPO" tj handed him 4 sticks of benson and hedges. Cigarette is sold for 20 naira per stick, 2 for 30 naira, and 3 for 50 naira. But as a senior officer, d DPO was given 4 cigarette and he handed 2 over to me while he retain the rest 2. I robbed mind with many him and he told me that himself and his gangs are the ones terrorising and robbing/controlling badagry express way. They owned that zone. He aslo told me that he needs a certain amount to secure his release. I was shocked to learned that deadly arm robbers can use money to pay warders and judges to secure their release out of prison. What a country! He als explained told how they rob using okadas. How they will rob aboki guys that change currency at a .________________/\_
< / '—_______——____|]
/_==0;;;;;;;;___.:/
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// (..) ), ——"
//___// point. He said after his release, he will need to rob and make some couple of millions before he could retire and turn a new leaf. I open my like mumu! So even inside prison these dey pray to comot go rob people again! We don die! As wey dey naso we burn cigar, me wey no dey baz before(I use to cigarette before I quit for more than3yrs) don come turn chief bazists. 300 naira wey remain for my hand I comot 50 naira give DPO make e arrange more baz for us b'cos na 4 hin go collect but if na me dem gi mi 3. Imagine an ordinary alejo dey send DPO msg for jente. (na God oh) he collected more baz and we continue smoking and talking while the rest inmates are doing they own things. One guy who said he's from mushin neighbourhood (I forgot what they used to call him) also clinched wit me. He told me I should worry that he have boys in mushin, that he can connect me wit them if I want any weapon they'll provide I just said no wahala.

It's 5pm and time for fasting breaking is approaching. Everyone was busy trying to prepare their meals. Everyone has his own stove, food stuffs etc. Family members use to visit and give some of them food supply. Those that don't have anybody outside world will have to hustle, make money and buy whatever they need to survive. They all busy preparing food with a very small but mighty stove. You'll be surprised at the amount of food a little peak milk tinned sized stove will cook with a very little kerosene. Guys will prepare stew and rice, some will prepare beans while some even prepare egusi soup and then make eba to swallow. Garri is the most common food in the yard. Boys no dey lack garri at all no wonder the prize of garri is very high in the market. It's high time Nairaland garri activists protest about the prize of garri. (Na joke o). As everyone is cooking, the room now turns to an oven. Imagine out 87 men make like 50 on stoves dey cook. No be small tin. As time goes by just before 6pm, food provided by NASFAT (one muslim organisations I forgot the full meaning of nasfat) will be shared round by the 'OC food' to everyone for fasting breaking. A times they bring rice, a times eba, semo etc.. They also share fried small-small fish. You go c where boys dey buy/sell fishes. They buy and sell 20naira for one fish. Then later on the main prison food go land. That one na rubbish food aswear.. They can just bring only garri and white rice that looks like tuwo and without stew or anything to eat it with. Na u knw wetin u go take do sauce, nothin concern dem. as the time for prayer approaches the whole cell room will be swept and and mat spreat all activities stopped till after prayers.

chinedumo: Make i give una tip of what op is saying

Yeeeee! Where u get dis pics from! That is exactly what I'm talking about!

Tmany: @op you no dey here word. You know whether the guy na under cover policeman, you go just start round two
You be hood guy nor with the number of associate you met there.

A lot of things is wrong with this country we still got a long way to go.

In tony montana's voice. *Bleep no! I ain't going back to jail, I've been there*

tunde1200: I will like to know you!! Brother

u r welcome broda. I reside in lagos n u? Pls come wit a high grade we coming.

Justeenaleo: Come oo,is smoking weed d type of crime dat takes u to prison? Maximum security prison at dat? Shey our law officers don arrest murderers,pedofiles nd their likes finish? Na wa,by d way @op no work for u today,dis story must finish, I don vex

D tin tire me o, my sister. Our police and judicial system na yauyau.. Abeg make u no vexx oh, I go update small but d tori too long to finish today. Abi u wan mek dem sack me for work?

Kingtim: No tell me say the tori do finish o lol

O boy tori stil boku oh. I can't even end it today because I have a job outside here but I will typing anytime I'm less busy. I must finish d tori anyhow. After my release d tori go end..

Gud morning ladies and ghettomen. Hope yall sleep tyt. Update coming up by 10 am. Have a fruitful day

"Hahahaha! Wetin you go find for that place na" yahaya and sunday inquired as they were busy laughing at me.. "I wan go see my friend wey be warder na" I replied. "Aaah, you wan go c warder?! You no know say dem go think say u wan escape?" Yahaya said. "And if dem c u dey talk to warder anyhow dem lock una 2 for single cell...dem go think say wether he wan help u escape" Sunday added. "How I go take escape for this kain maximum security with high fences like dis? Abi dem think say I be michael scofield?" I said angrily and they all laughed. We decided to take a stroll, while we were strolling I saw another dude that I know from the hood again. Iman. I was so surprised. Iman is a son of a warder but his a thug life nigga. He runs with the baddest boys on the street. I asked him why he was here he said he did a deal at his work place and the thing was unsuccessful. I asked him how much deal, he said it's 70k and I was disappointed. How could you risk going to prison for jst 70k! I wondered. He said he has been on awaiting trial for 4 months I just pitied him. I found out that my own situation is even good. At a point I feel that it's good I was here, maybe God wants me to come and experience how life is going in here but I also prayed for God not let me enter this miserable place ever again in my life.

Iman has been a very bad boy! He knows every nooks and crannies of the yard. He knows d rules. The dos and don'ts. "Skul come make we go show u Sir K cell." Iman said. "Who be sir k na" I asked anxiously . "U no knw sir k again? Dat guy wey dey sell igboh for road side." He explained. "So u mean say baba k dey for yard? Na wa o, na full house dey here be dat oh!." I said as we walk down to to area where the main convicts were been locked down. We walked pass a mosque where I saw some chinese prisoners. I also saw one iranian guy around. I concluded he was the iranian dude who was caught trying to smuggle some weapons into the country. I also ask and they told me he was arrested recently in connection with weapon deals. The whole story thing happened last year's Ramadan (fasting period). I think it should be around september or so I can't remember right now. We went straight down where there's a whole lot of convicts. They're putting on their normal blue uniform. Many of them are doing one business or the other inside. Some sell provisions, some do shoe-shinning/repairing, some nail cuting, others are dry cleaning etc. We reached the end of the block where I saw a guy making stoves using cans. I stopped and watched as he busy doing his tins. I even prize the stoves I forgot their prizes but the biggest one is around #1500 or plus. We also saw some VIP cells that are well furnished. If you have the money you can pay to serve you terms in one of the luxury cell rooms in federal palace hotel.

We later saw sir k he shouted when he saw me. "Ah! Fine boy, wetin carry come here? werey, abi u come buy state beans?" He said jokingly. "U dey mad, na u go come buy state beans. U wey be say u don collect jersey" I fired at him. "Wa abi oloshi ne ye, ofe ki won fun e ni igbe je ni?" (Meaning: "u are a bastard, I wil tel bois to feed u on poo". He said wit a sudden frown on his face. "Guy cool down no be play I follow u play.. Omo how far I dey even hungry sef." I complained and codedly changed d subject. Just when I said I'm hungry "gbagaun, gbagaun, gbagaun, gbagaun" the bell keeps ringing. That means everybody must go back into the cell. The break is for only one hour twenty minutes. "Make una quick gather money buy indomie make I go cook am for una inside my cell. I go bring am come giv una for inside una cell." Iman suggested. "How u wan tek comot for cell after dem don lock cell?" I asked scepticaly. "Dem dis one get out for here oh, e be like u no knw as e dey go" AA lectured me. "Ok oya na make we contribute, I get 2 H" I dropped 200 naira out of my 500 naira, I'm left with a balance of 300 naira wit me. Everyone contributed and we all handed the money to Iman and left before a warder will come a chase us wit a koboko.

Update coming now!

bayulll01: @op u av a very good command of english I will advise you to write a book you will excel,if it's a true life experience and not just creativity or imagination I pity u,still u should try and write a book,u could be another chinua or wole soyinka in the making,hope u ve stop smoking if not u need visit a rehab.

Chinua Achebe ke? those ones dem be baba na!. Well, thnx bro make we dey c as e go-go.

Continuation




I collected a soap from Yahaya as I was going to take my bath. The cloths that followed me the the prison yard were a blue and black polo shirt and a black round-neck which I wore under the polo top. Both cloths were dirty and the stench dat is oozing out of them can cause a mini earthquake. I pull them off, pull off my blue jeans which has turn multi colours due sleeping on the dirty cell floors. I also off my boxers before I took my bath. After taking my bath I used the remaining water to wash the tops. I wash them and spread them on the grass so they can quickly dry before the bell is rang. I sighted Yahaya nearby smoking cigarette as he is watching some guys were playing table tennis. I went up and joined him. "You go smoke cigar" yahaya asked "yes na" I replied even thou I'm not a cigarette fan. I hate cigar with a passion but wen it comes to igboh, me and fela na d same. I lit up the cigarette and puffed it hard and inhale thinking I was smoking weed. "Kpu kpuh" I choked a bit but I tried hard to keep it going so I don't fall my hand for where men dey. As I was with yahaya discussing my mind was on my cloths that were on the grass. Someone can just do away with them before I know it. I and yahaya went back to where my cloths are and sat somewhere on a block where I can be seeing my cloths.

Yahaya told me how he was arrested somewhere around eko hotel where he was hustling at a club on a friday night. A woman accused of him of trying to steal from her car which he said he didn't know anything about. He said he has been on awating trial for over 3 months and that nobody knows that he has been arrested. I told how I got arrested and everything. He pleaded with me that if released I should please go to a place in new market VI to inform his people of his conditions. I agreed with him. I felt pity for him, I'm willing to help him if I'm out, I promised myself. Just as we were discussion another dude from our sale came around and joined us. His name is Sunday, he's an okada rider. He said he was arrested by the police and charged to court for nothing (before okada was banned in lagos). Just like Yahaya, nobody knows his (Sunday) conditions. He also told me to pls help him deliver the message when I'm out. Another dude came also from my cell, he also narrated his own part of the stroy. Unlike Sunday and Yahaya, this dude (I forgot his name) was charged with murder and also on awating trial. According to him he said he was arrested around Iddo, there was a fight and someone was killed and after everything police came and started arresting anyone they saw on sight. I somehow believed his story cos I knw our Naija police and their way of handling things un professionally. I promised all of them that if I'm out I will do what I can do to make sure someone who knows them get the info. They all put their hope on me and they believed I will help them.

I smoke and smoke a lot of cigarette there and tried hard to forget my worries. I checked out my cloths on the grass, the black round neck was dry so I wore it and left the other one to dry fully. There was about to be a football match around on the nearby pitch. We moved closer to the field to watch. It was a match between Ward C (our ward( and Ward B (other ward) I can see some of my cell mates on the pitch. "Som these guys dey even play ball for inside this place?" I asked myself. And suddenly I saw a guy that I know on d pitch. Another Sunday, but this Sunday is not an inmate but a warder. "So dis guy wan go play ball with prisoner?" I tot. I made sure I stayed till after d game so I can meet Sunday. After the match I made my way closer to where Sunday was. "Sunday, how far?" He looked at me as if he didn't even know me. "Aah Sunday, u nor know me again" I said as I approach him more. he gave me a sign which I didn't understand. Before I knew it "puaaaaah" I received a very deadly slap from behind on my neck, I turn around just see another kitted warder behind me trying to deliver another hot slap to my face. "Wetin you dey find here, abi u wan escape" the warder shouted at me.. I didn't even answer him I ranned for my dear life.

Typing.....

Make una no vex abeg I go update for night around 11pm..

Kingtim: Op... Why not write a book. I strongly believe you'll excell. Damn! see the way u dey write the experience.. Your english mixed with vernacular is so on point... I see myself buying your book someday!

writing a book ke? wit dis my worwor type writings?! God dey sha.

I'm lookin up to writers like; flow, foxy_rebirth, saint and some other guys with writing talents. They're my inspiration. I advice u to read there stuff u learn.

bigtt76: Tushe nor gree MI naa ..abi you nor see how hin lips black finish

abeg no mind d OP! MI wey be say na igboh smokers club he dey. Our club. buh e be like say MI dey rub charcoal for lip before he comot oh

sure way: e be like say this your story na another seasonal film...

bro d tin still long oh.. Abeg mek na bear wit me una knw say.. I just dey learn hw to wrtie

Myself, AA and many other inmates walk out of our cell, out of our wards. Omo come see faces, awon omo oro dem. One by one, we met our partners (dudes I was arrested wit). We met Uche, Ogbebor, yemi and some othere guys. We about five in numbers. We saw everyone heading to a particular direction. "O boy why everybody dey go dat way" I foolishly asked AA knowing well that there's no way he woulda known since we are both new comers here. "Make we go confirm" he replied. All of us walked down to the place and learned that inmates are struggling to fetch water from one tap. There's only one tap in the yard and water can stop rushing at any moment, hence the rushing. "Guy na water dem dey collect o, me sef wan bath oh. See as pesin just dey smell anyhow. Choi" I protested. "Na so, abeg make we find bucket jor!" Uche supported. I immediately spot one of my cell mate, Yahaya. He was dragging a small bucket of water along so I followed him behind.

"Bros I dey hail o" I said as I approach him. "Alejo, hw u dey?" Yahaya replied. "I dey fine jaree" I said even thou I'm not ok. We walk together to a place like an uncompleted building that looks like an abattoir. Thou the place is roofless. All the inmates are there busy taking their bath naked. Nobody send anybody. Na that day I see different types of pricks (penis or joystick or d'ick). I see men wey get horse prick, men wey carry prick like tuber yam. Banana shapes, candle, coca cola and pepsi bottle shaped d'ick. I saw a guy with craawcraaw all over his body. I stood there and watched as my new prison friend Yahaya took his bath. After he's thru he gave me the I went back to the tap to fetch water. I got there in no time as I aslo saw AA coming thru with a bucket. I joined the queue till it got to my turn, as I was about to fetch one guy that looks like Vin Diesel came from no where and place his bucket under the tap. "Oga wetin happen na, na my turn to fetch na" I protested. The guy just looked at me with one kain bad eyes as if he's gona eat me raw. "Thunder fire you there, you wan die? Abi ofe kin pa e sinu ewon ni" (means...u want me to kill u in d prison abi?) "Ah bros no vex oh, shebi na play I dey play!" I quickly said before he land me a heavy slap. I waited till he fetched to his satisfaction, another wicked looking dude came to fetch I dare not say anything, those guys are convicted criminals they can do an undo. After they fetched I managed to fetch mine and left for mt bath. As I was walikng to where I will take my bath I met a guy that I know in my area. He has been in the 'federal palace hotel (prison yard) for two year on ATM (awaiting trial). "Baba yayyane?" He greeted me. "Heeey, chuchuchu, lafiya kalau" I replied as I shook his hand wit a smile on my face. It's been long we saw, I didn't even know he has been behind the mighty walls all these years. He told me to go and have my bath and meet him later at Ward A, cell B or so.

Sorry guys plsssss...I'm in a BRT on my way to lekki.. I'm typing in d bus will update soon. Thnx.

@skibobralph...u for open ur own thread na....ahhh!

[quote author=Jigga_man101]Wait, r u nigerian? And r u laughing at Ghanaian accent. Wonders shall never end[/quote]Yes broda, I'm a Nigerian. Actually I'm laughing cos I told the guy I want to buy CAT FISH but the dude went and CUT FISHES are u a Ghanian?