₦airaland Forum

I scrubbed hard on the floor with the miserable sponge while use the detergent water to flush the dirt away. I was the floor thoroughly, rinse it with ordinary and then proceed to the other side. I lifted the faeces container, pour detergent on the spot and washed the forking place. "Na my last day to wash this place be today I swear" I said in my mind as continued washing. I quickly finish, I was given a very little water to wash myself, na wa oh, dem no even fit give enough water to clean up. I manage the water to wash myself applying a little detergent since there's no soap. I got out of the lav, put on my cloths and back on my seat. I was in sorrowful mood, I was lost in different tots. I tot about Fela, the legendary-igboh smoking fela. If to say dem lock baba for dis kain place with dis kain situation e for no sing say....."Them dey worry me, worry me, worry worry worry worry"
"Dem want make I sing about prison (dem go worry me)"
"Dem go worry me, worry me, worry worry all over d town. (Dem go worry me)"
" time weh I dey for prison, I call am 'inside world'
" time weh I dey outside prison, I call am 'outside world'
[CHORUS] Na craze world ----»repeat after each line
No be outside da police i-dey
No be outside da soldier-ah dey
No be outside da court dem dey
No be outside da magistrate dey
No be outside da judge dem dey
Na craze world be dat
No be outside dem find me guilty" I tot as sit down on the ground confused. I just pray by monday my bail terms will be reached so I can't get the hell out this pit hole. Fela must be locked somewhere different, cos if it's wit dis kain of condition he woulda never sang that trash few minutes later the bell rang and everybody went out to relax.

I wasn't having any slippers on me and I didn't want to go out with my 5k clarks sandals cos I wanted to go and have a proper bath with enough water. Original italian clarks oh, no be Aba made wey some boys for nairaland dey wear I collected a slipper from DPO and drop my sanders with him cos I'm confident it's save with him. I went out and looked for a bucket without much stress I found one and filled it with water to the brim. Bought an okin soap, I bath sotey my skin start dey pain me. I wash my hand like 99 times unsatisfactory. I also wash my blue stripes polo, I couldnt wash my jean cos I don't wanna be walking around in boxers while my JT-money (john thomas) be dangling around. "Nah mehn, ima wear dis jyne till I leave dis biatch." I promised myslef. I dried the cloth on a block and head straight to buy a cigarette. "na cigar sure pass" I said as walk down. I bought 2 sticks benson&hedges light it up and found a place to chill and smoke while I wait for my shirt to dry.

Fellow patriotic citizens.......























Pls how does it feel to have a clown as's president, and clowness as first lady?

moscobabs: -how much u gave me to read this story?

-how much u gave to compensate me for not ready any other story since past 7 days?

-how much u gave me for my MB ?

-how much u gave me when I was imagine how u were been treated ?

-how much u gave me when I was putting myself in your shoes?

-how much u gave me when my wife denied me of having sex with her on allegation that I was busying reading your story when she was caressing me?

-how much u gave me when I was given query for reading ur unending story.
bro gboju joor!!!

Bro my shoe oh.. Na heavy, oversized timberland boots I dey wear oh. You go drown for inside. Bro u go pay me oh!

[quote author=Okija_juju]Every Year.. Una dey Invite Holy Ghost come Nigeria for Crusade.. People go gather, fall, stand, kneel down, Pikins go loss, People motor go loss, then go thief people phone, e.t.c inside where Holy Ghost dey and nathing dey happen.... YET!!! The poor for inside una still poor, the wans wey don hammer, dey chop dey go. Pastor account Balance don dey big pass God own, Country wey una dey live inside still no good, School wey una pikins dey go, dem no dey learn nothing, and the wahala continues.

YET! Next year.. Holy Ghost Conference 2014 - The OVERTAKE, Una go gather again..


Kai!!!

The gods must be crazy... [/quote]Okijia_Juju pls report yourself to the nearest police station around you. You have e-murdered somebody here oh. Abeg do quick o,

Buoyantic: Op don sleep ontop him phone

bro u be winch oh how u tek know?

ChiSun27: Na wa o!!! Tot previously dat responsible females don't lyk ganja boys...but d ladiz av proven me wrong.

Experimentom..u go get wyf for dis ur thread wey go dey supot ur ganja ministry o xpecialy a*t*n*k.

But u r supoz 2 b apy sey no b shyyyyyyyyttttt u kom lata carry cus d memory wil 4eva linga on u til u die sey u kari 85 inmates shyyyyyytttt with ur hand. Chai!!!!

I reject dis for me, my family n frnds.

bro which one u go carry give me na? E don tey o!

Make I drop my whasap 080325243?2 and bbm 283245D?

anitank: Trust me I'd prefer disposing and washing the sh'it bucket covering my hands and nose with something than wash some microorganism infested lav with just sponge

There'll be no next time

moscobabs: op wetin na,u spent just 3 days in prison But u have been imprison us for the past one week if not more now, finish this tory na. u just dey keep us for suspense since all dis while, I have not been reading another story since the day u started this your experience. I beg finish quick because I want put am for stript for movie ooo and it must come out before the end of this December. dnt spoil biz for me jare

eiya bro no vex abeg na jab cause. How much u go pay me for d movie? No fuk up!

It's wash hour, I and my colleage, OC water went into stinky place. He is to provide water while I wash the whole place. A small bucket was give to me and one other small plastic plate which I am to use in pouring water from the mani bucket. I was give some omo, I poured some of the omo in the water contained in the bucket. I stood there looking not knowing where the fuvk to start from. "Guy, na to close mind do dis thing o! If dem c u dey dull na wahala o." The OC water dude whsiper to me. He he was being nice and honest. "You don enter here u don enter be that, small boy go slap ur face nutin go happen. nothing wey u fit do... All these guys wey you dey see so dem no send u o. Dis place be like house for dem. Dem dey enter dey comot anyhow" the dude continued as I tried to figure out where to start from.. "As u see me so I don wash dis place tire. I no get choice. Na for d main time" he keeps encouraging me. "Eh as u don wash am tire come collect wash na" I almost said. The small room that looks like a dungeon (if you are a tall dude like me you cannot stand inside. You av to bend down a bit cos inside is very short) was separated into two small halves. The first half is a bathroom while the other side a toilet. The toilet is not usable, it is a damaged toilet and it must have been there like that for a very long time. You dare not shit in it or else, na jamming things get you! I started washing from the bathroom, I washed everywhere from the the floor to every nooks and whatever, I expanded to the other side. I was face with the stupeed rubber, the idi0t just sat dare looking at me seemed to be saying something like; "thunder fire you, oya carry me comot for here make u was d place" "If I slap you eeh, smelly idi0t" I replied the sh'it bucket. "Abi I don dey mad, dis place fit turn pes maf sef"I tot as. Continued the task.

PurestBoy: OP thank God you're back, I think say dem don carry u again ni

Dem go carry you?












Na play o

PurestBoy: 50 minutes more, I'm waiting but why always 12midnight? Why not now? This criminal habit still dey your body. Lol

Oga police, I no be criminal ohh Oya take 50 naira

yung da maz: Chaii op see as u spoil show


Xo u even wash dah dirty lavatory.....chaii ogbeni u hear am hot ooo....

bro d tin tire me oh. Buh I still thank say no sh'it I carry

I smoked and smoked till my chest starts getting heavy. "Cigar no good oh, see chest just dey pain" I complained. "Na so na, na igboh sure pass, e no give u chest pain.. E go just make u dey high like cloud 9" yahaya said as he blows an avalanche of smoke into the air. "na why I stop cigar since cos if start to play ball under 10 minutes I don gas out. But igboh no dey be like day" I added. "Na so na, u no say cigar na bad chemical. Yahaya said. "Na true oh, if I comot here I no go even smoke anyone again. I stop both igboh and cigar" I said even thou I knw that it won't be that easy. "You sure say you go fit stop igboh so?" Asked yahaya. " I go fit na, wetin dey there. Abi dem born me wit am?" I replied and we both laughhed. It is almost time to break fasting and mostly everybody started bringing their food stuffs. Cooking time. It's about the be a hell in this motherfuckerrr! "Everywhere go start to dey hot now" I said angrily. "U neva see anything, shebi na just two day u don spend for here, we wey dey here since last 2 months nko" sunday who barely talk said with a frowned face. The guy no dey even smile at all. Person wey no get hope how e go take spark smile. I kept the cigarette fire burning as the whole place is also burning. If u wan bake bread or toast cake, u no need oven, just come inside Ikoyi prison Ward A, freedom state, tell the warders say na bread u wan bake dem go allow enter. Ur bread go done in 3 minutes time (if u tryam u r on ur own oh). Few minutes later it was time for prayer, I prayed hard and I asked God to grant my bail/freedom. I pray tire! I wonder if God heard me in this hell of a place. Shey God dey see as hin people dey suffer like dis inside heat, sh'it, peace and hunger. Na wa oh! After prayer we ate and after we prayed again and everyone positioned in their various post. There was an announcement. The speaker of the house is speaking. Saturday is the day work is being distributed.those that worked this week will rest and another set of people will continue. I was surprised to be told that I am to take over from OC lavatory. "buh I don't pay for d work na" I said to vice presido who is a very gentle but rugged guy. "Dat ur money don expire na, abi u know no say dat money wey u pay na for jst 1 day? U even get luck say dem no give u work yester day" he carelessly said. "Na wa oh, so na me go come dey pack sh'it go troway now" I almost cried out loud. There 2 OC lavatory, one to wash to whole lav while the other is to dispose the rubber of sh'it. I went to complain to mu friend, DPO, he told me to wait while he went and talked to the Vice preident. Few minutes later he came back and inform me that he had pleaded on my behalf so I will only wash inside the lavatory while the other dude will do the sh'it disposing job.

I slept that night thinking of how I'm gonna wash that stinky, dirty and miserable place. And d worst part is that you ain't gonna wash the damn place with some kinda long brush or som'n, you're only gonna be provided wit just a mere sponge. So you have to scrub hard with ur hands and make sure everywhere is clean or else, u go jam am. I couldn't sleep that night, I'm just having a terrible nightmares. Before I knew it, it's 4am again and everywhere is heated by the various fire from the small stoves. The tot of washing the lavatory is as fresh as a fresh tomato on my mind. After eating, praying and every, boys went back to sleep. As was sleeping when some one gave me a tap. "Alejo, oya come go carry that sh'it go troway" the voice said with a command tone. "Which kain sh'it I dey go troway, na lavatory dem say make I wash oh" I said to the guy who is staring hard at me. I was told by DPO that I'm not to carry sh'it again but to wash the damn place. "You say wetin? Mr man man come do ur work o!" The guy shouted and drew the attention of the vice presido. The vice pres instructed the other to carry the sh'it while I do the washing. I was saved in die minute.

12 midnight guys, thnx for ur concerns

big head: @op
u shld stop smoking asap,
it damages the body more than u can ever think of.

and come to think about it, wld u love to see ur child smoke?

just answer the question and i'll be satisfied. cos i believe you shld practice what your want ur younger ones to be.
#justSaying.

Guy forget, smoke no be bad tin o! Na those wey dey smoke misbehave dey spoil the name. Even our president dey smoke, sey u no know?

Olayinkaoj: @OP. Were d foreign detainees and convicts share cell with Nigerians?

foreigners and big men dem get their own separate cell. Abi u wan kill dem?

ifyalways: Yeye want begin smell for this thread.

OP,updates please

lol

Na shyte go smell o



@all y'all.. Abeg make una no vex, make una follow me bumper-to-bumper.. Today hussle get as be, very hectic

"Dis one wey my bail never work, hope say nothing happen sha. Abi no surety gree stand for me, or dem no qualify?. All these tots flowed in my head as I sat down at jankara market burning more cigarette smoke. "Make pesin no go murd for here o! Laiye laiye I go survive am, a whole me, skul. Guy fashi, u go make am jare." I was talking to myself like a mad person. "Abi I don dey mad?" I wondered. I don't have a choice but to just manage, survive while I do my times in this hell pending whenever my bail is ready. We were caught on thursday, slept in police cell till Friday noon when we were taken to court. So since they could bail us friday and saturday, we have to wait till monday cos courts don't work on sundays. It's still Saturday noon, 3-4pm or so. I hated the fact that I'm still gona have to spend the next day Sunday in prison. It's like I just came to spend my weekend in jail. Why jail of all other places. Why not Yankee or even Jand, or even dubai! Of all places I see no where to go and spend my week but Federal Palace Hotel. This is bad! "Skul hw far? Wetin u dey think?" Yahaya interrupted me. "I just dey meditate" I answered him weakly. "Guy I knw say u don tire for dsi place, no wory u go soon comot." Yahaya tries to encourage me. " Me sef I don tire walai, u no see all my skin as e be? I just dey pray make u comot so u go fit go tell my broda for new market say I dey here" yahaya said. "I go everly comot na, highest monday I don leave dis nonsense place" I concluded. "Yes na, by monday ur bail go don ready u go comot sharp sharp" yahaya added confidently. We all laid to relax on the dirty floor, my cloths are already dirty so 'I didn't gave no damn!'. Who I wan even give damn to, nobody give any damn. Every man on his own na damn! We slept for like an hour before call to prayer was made, I joined dem to pray sluggishly, I was damn tired. In fact I don tube sef! As soon we finshi I went back to my post, my luxurious apartment. I laid down on d same spot again, I was just tired spiritually and mentally.

Justeenaleo: E fit b say u don smoke again na hence d eba (kidding)

lol. Baddest girl ever liveth.

Sarah a: Am waiting patiently

Sarah, I'm typing now.

Justeenaleo: na waoh,i was wishin dey'd release u,nd dis one wey u dey chop eba,i hope u hv repented

dem no gree post bail oh

Dem dey repent for chopping eba again?

Midnight sumtin., na eba sure pass now

Na till late night be dat oh.. Make una manage am.

It's 4pm, time for prayer (isha'i), speaker of the house (OC somethin I don forget jare) annouced that all men should package. In other words, all men should get up so praying mats could be spread every where on d floor. There was a drum of water just by the lav entrance and OC water is there serving water in a kettle to anyone who wants perform ablution. Every one was queue. The chief iman of our cell was one young yoruba dude. Our president no dey pray oh. D guy no send he own na to crash for bed, all dsi type two storey type bed. D guy no get religion, hin na atheist. Our iman will always perform special prayer after normal salat. I wonder if God dey answer criminals prayer, how dis life for be?! As soon as we we're done with the 4pm prayer, a few minutes later boys have started preparing their food. State food is shared by the OC food and later food the NASFAT will also be share. "Who go buy fish? Ta lo ma ra eja? 2 head 30naira, 1 head and 1 midle 50naira" A guy was advertising his fried fish. "Mek I pay 30naira for head n midle na" another guy prized d fish and d dude collected hsi money sharply. Everyday garii is shared mostly in the afternoon. Boys dey store garri like say tomorrow no dey. Boys no dey lack garri. Garri, saving life in prison since day one. I often dash my own share of garri to yahaya or any interested fellow. Time for fasting break up, I ate some of the dabino (date)I was given by NASFAT and also drank the bobo milk that was also shared by them. 6:40 time for prayer again, muslims, we too dey pray sef. We go still prayer for 8:00clock oh

After 7pm prayer everybody started eating anything they can set their hands on. I kept the eba I donated by nasfat and I brought the bread I hid under DPO's bed and ate it stepping down with a bobo milk. After eating cigarette started flowing, I smoked cigar as if I'm smoking igboh. I have missed mary j so much. "Mary Jayyyyy, u knw I miss u nanananana, maryyy, u d one for meeeeeee. Cos I wana marry wana nananananana. Mary I miss u, I wan caress and kiss u nanananana" I always sing to mary as I was cheating on her wit cigar. After boys don lem na dat time comdey go come start. While some boys are busy arguing, others will be quarreling. There was dis guy that likes whinning. He will start whinnin guys one by one causing trouble etc. After 8pm prayer those in jankara (floor) will sit on floor discussing. I sit down sotey my back bone one break. Na style of sitting wey I no do! Life tire me for some moments. Those that are on bed have already started sleeping. I wish was on bed oh, na sleep for sure pass even thou bed bug sef full dat bed. We just smoke and smoke like no tomrrow. DPO never stop supplying me with cigarette and I never stop burning em to ashes. He told me I have money he can arrange for me to get a weed smoke I dey maaad! For dis place! Me wey never chop belle food nahin I go say make find igboh smoke? DPO must be a learner.

10-10:30pm, time to arrange us sardine, everybody panji for ya post. We slept there as usual, woke up for sahur, pray, eat but I decided not to fast that day cos I see hell for previous one. In the morning as early as 7am the gate was open and did their normal shyte disposing work. My friend yahaya and sunday were called out and taken to court.11am the gate was open and we all got out for break. I wanted to make some calss but not having much money. I wanted to confirm how the bail process is going. I'm hoping to hear my name anytime around 12 or 1pm which is the time when bail is done and also visitation. As we walk I saw my warder friend and he gave me a sign to meet him at the back of one block. We strolled down there with AA and met him there. We shook hands and he told me that warder are not allowed to have much rapports with inmates. They're believed to be supplying inmates with illegal stuffs or even plan their escape. So they are often be sanctioned if caught. I told him I understand, that's why he acted like he don't know me yesterday. He asked me how I got here and I explained to him, we talked and talked. He said my case is small that I will be out soon, hopefully today.

It's almost 12 noon and nobody came to call us "wetin dey happen na, abi dis people no wan come bail us" I cried. "I tire o, abeg make we near that place so that we go dey hear if dem call our names" AA suggested as we left the warder there and head to the direction of the main gate near the football pitch. Some inmates and some outsiders were playing ball on the field so we stood there and watch. We started hearing different names being called, we listen closely hpoing to hear our names but for where. I only hear other names being called "na wen dem go call my name na" I cried again. I'm tired of this place, I don't want spend another night here "pls God make my bail posible today o" I prayed silently. 12:30pm, 1pm still dem never call us. "AA, e don red oh! So na here we go crash today sef be dat oh" I said angrily. "Mtschw" AA just hissed. Life tire am. Few minutes ago, the bell rang and we all went back to our various luxury hotel rooms. I was so sad to the core. I'm fed up with this place! At least I don try na, I don spend 2 day na. I brought out 20 naira and collected 1 cigarette and told d guy I will give 10naira to colect d other one later. He agreed and I lit my sh'it up. Few minutes later the gate was open and I saw yahaya and sunday escorted back from the court by a warder. 2 guy that went with them didn't return. They have been freed. We thanked God for them. Yahaya told me that the judge that was suppose to preside their case didn't show up. I felt pity for them forgetting my own condition.

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My oga I troway salute oh

Prettielle: dont wori God ll help u ovacum it.

Amen.

moscobabs: It was a sweet experience ooo. tell us when u r gonna continue the story pls

sweet ke? U too try gto there na so u go come write d tori here. I go update for evening sha.

Iamoilprince: This story sweet die! I dey refresh like no 2morow! I tink its better u'v a specific time for dropping the gist!
Like: U give us 2 or 3 paragraphs in a day. The 1st one comes like between 8am-9am. The second btw 12-1pm and 3rd btw 10-11pm So we can knw wen to come n read straight. Pls do consider my suggestion. Tanks for d story! I rly rly appreciate wat u share

bro nice suggestion. Thou I cnt guarantee that. But I'll make sure I update twice everyday. U know say man haffi work

ChiSun27: No wonda u av not posted in abt ur Jankara xpernce.

Finish one first na...u wan kill persn abi cnfuz persn?

I dey tell u. Dis story sweet n funny walai, e be like I go start am afresh wen I don finish dat one.

ChiSun27: Was funny to me...but not to d xtent of scattering.

thnk u jare, u b correct guy.

yung da maz: If dis ur poco apoco style of updating go finish for my old age..........keep following u till i turn pale

I go finish d story for next week na, u no seh man haffi hussle fi december/new year.