₦airaland Forum

Oludrex: Dear God, lookin up unto you this morning.. Remember my face.. I shall nt experience this in this one life of mine
Amen

amen oh me too

Shigoboy: You asked if its weed that took him to jail? Bro no small offense that has no punishment once it got to the court of law, I and my 43 colleagues both male and female spent good 2 weeks at ibara prison yard abeokuta during my school days as a result of involving in protest against policemen unlawful act on campus then, where I met a lot of innocent that have spent years in d prison and not knowing when thy are going out, the prayer is that one shouldn't fall a victim of circumstance, I learnt a lot and met a lot of people over there.....well let me stop here cos I don't just like remembering that, the experiences dere was so crazy, immediately we entered into the cell which know as there own country, we were taken to the toilet by the commissioner of for search, they took all the money we brought in and divide it into 50/50, 50% goes to d country account while d rest will be return to the owner, here are the available executives post, president, vice president, commissioner of police, provost, chief George, OC labatry, OC food, OC water, note: OC means officer, chief imam, and pastor, what a very discipline place, I met a lot of notorious arm robbers who still control there business in the city while in prison, abeg if I continue d tory ah no finish today, make I stop here.

bro, u're so right. Thnx for remembering me all the officers names. I forgot, maybe because I only spent a week there.



Story to be continued shortly. Life for Naija e no easy oh

Gud morning fellas... I go continue when I don reach work, buh if I dey busy too much una don enter one chance be that oh.. Btw, how una night? Hope una sleep well?

Big4wig: So funny buh i forgot to laugh

My main man, me dey always gbadun u no homo...gud mornin bro

Dis man dey paara! But all wetin hin yarn na true. Sometimes I wonder why our northern elders no dey reason beyond dem nose dem. I just tire for their matter walahi.

ifex370: ogbeni... u go pay for d 35kb i waste wen i de open dis thread

how much? Broke a'ss

[quote author=Go_n_Die]So so so dry! Goosh![/quote]G and D!

Pls guys I will post the rest tmrw morning. More stroies to write. More interesting points also. Thnk u all!

It was in Ghana in 2010 when I went to visit a friend somewhere in Accra. One morning we woke up and decided to prepare a cat-fish pepper soup. Me and my friend decided to hit the market so we can buy the fish and some other ingredients. In no time we got to the market where one very black dude was selling the fish. I asked the dude a simple question "bros you get cat fish?" I said looking at d busy guy. Before you know this guy started cutting some other types of fishes. I concluded he was cutting them for other customers. As soon as he's done cutting em he handed em over to me.. I was like "wetin be dis? I asked wether you get CAT fish?" He looked at me and I said in Ghana accent "I thought you said I should cut('cut" was pronounced as 'CAT') it. I said "no, I didn't say u should cut it, I said I want cat fish) I couldn't help it I laughed my ass all the way home..

Every time I think about this I laff to stupor.

Mods move dis to appropriate section and take it to front page. This is a true story, no be joke oh

wicked nairalnder!

"Jankara market, oya everybody wake up. Agbe kpo, Operation sweep, oya carry broom. Operation state pan, hold sometin" the house speaker announced loudly while scratching a tin of milk on the floor making a very loud unpleasant noise. "Everybody panji, no noise, if you make noise, you go jam am.. If you jam am, you go use head carry am" he continued. 'Agbekpo' means 'paint rubber of sh'it carrier who is charged with the task of disposing the sh'it.. The gate is open for only agbekpos of all the cells in the prison at 7am.. They're all to empty the shyte, wash the container and come back within 10mins. Failure to return with d stipulated time will attract another punishment. Nobody is allowed to go out of the cell untill around 10am except some senior inmates who are given a little privilege to roam around d cell. Some them even wash uniforms for the warders and get paid. Some of them do shoe shinning job etc for d warders..

"Peee peee peeee peeee peee" a warder came blowing whistle around which means all inmates can go for an hour break from 10am-11am. I got out of my cell, walked down towards the entrance of the ward. Just before I got to the entrance, I heard a voice calling from behind "skul, skul, I looked back, it was one of my colleague in a falsely accused crime called 'AA'. 'Skull is the nickname I got since I was a kid and a video games freak. I was nicknamed after a character called 'skull' in 'captain america (we go yarn dat another day). "Guy, hw far" I greeted AA with a frown on my face. "O boy dis place na die oh" I said to him as I notice some bruises on his face. "Omo how far, e be like say dem don kpokpo you for that cell oh" I said jokingly. He nodded in affirmation "you wan try? Those guy na criminals and killers for that cell I swear" he added. "Ah! Thank God say wicked people no dey my cell o, na so-so flex we dey flex" I said. "If to say I knw I for tell dem talk say I be muslim, at least dem no go beat me like for our cell" I regretted being a christian that day.. LOL!



Omo to type no easy oh, yeeeeeee! I dey come.

Decapo: Broda quick come back o...u must finish dis tori dis nyt o....or I won't goto work tomorrow

u beta go work o. No come talk say na me mek dem sack u.

I couldnt sleep the first night, I was lost in different thoughts couple with the uncomfortable style of sleeping. I was very surprised and disappointed. I tot it's gona be a room for 2-3 inmates not I'm coming to meet a full house. I promised myself not ever come back here again. I thought of my family, my friends, my girlfriends. What will all they be thinking. I was so confused. My head was placed near one dirty and smelling dude that has a very big wound on his head. He prolly might have gotten it from where he was caught trying to rob or steal, I tot... "Oga dress dis yo smelly head jor!" I hollered at the guy. "You dey maad! Na who send u come here? Abi u chop winch?" D guy shouted at me. I just composed and ignore d wicked looking idiot. I stood up to adjust myself and switch to the other hand so to avoid the bad smell from dat arm-robber's wounded head. "Who be dat wey dey stand up, abi u wan escape?" A thick voiced guy shouted from the other end. "Oga no oh, I just wan change to the other side" I replied. "You for try excape na, na warder go blow ur head wit bullet" they said to me again and everybody busted laugh. How can I even escape in a room with heavy iron gate bars gate locked with a very mighty padlock, I tot.

I later managed to close my eyes and have a very short sleep. "Allahu akbar, allahu akbar" I was brought back from my short time sleep by the call to prayer and sahur by 4:30am. I didn't have food for sahur (food eaten by muslims at 5:00am for fasting) that morning so I couldn't fast that day. I just woke up, did my ablution and pray with them. After prayer everyone goes back to his sleeping position. It was then that I had some sleep.



I dey come abeg. Tori still dey oh.

Continuation


Time To Sleep

Sleeping positioning be anything to write go home especially for those of us in the Jankara Market district. Because of limited space dem go arrange just like sardines. There's dis dude I forgot to mention, he ' THE MOPOL'. The Mopol is the CS0 and NSA of the Federal Republic Of Freedom State (I remember, my cell name is freedom state. Imagine freedom state for inside prison. What an irony!). The mopol is a senior office just like d governor, the vc, speaker of the house etc. The mopol also make sure every thing is in order. He discipline anyone dat misbehave. Main looking at the mopol guy you know that sino rambo is his mentor. So when it's time to sleep he (mopol) arrange everybody to his position with slaps and kicks. All jankaras residents must sleep side ways, it's either u sleep on ur right or u sleep on ur left hand. If u sleep on ur back u'll get a dirty slap from nowhere. Likewise if u sleep on ur tommy. Buh as ghetto boy no send, I adapted to the condition as omo boy no get choice. Now I have to sleep here till when my bail terms don set

Sarah a: . In all I thank God that gave you the opportunity to be alive to write out your experience.

thanks sis, u too much..

Rooneyboy: with a jumbo size igbo I guess , ur favourite

u no well o. Me wey don repent?

See how some folks derail dis thread

Continuation


We were 2 news news comers in my cell, plus 85 we met there makes 87 in one room. We all share one big paint rubber as our toilet. At about 10pm after everybody have broken their fastings all every has panjied to hsi post. 'Panji for ya post' is a slang used in prison which means 'stay in your position'. So after everyone have panjied to his post, the vice president of the cell yelled at me "alejo, oya come here". I was frightened. It was as if my heart was torn into pieces. I walk very carefully from my post, leaping and making sure I don't step on anybody because I can get a slap from behind. I got closer to him, he looked at me and shook his head and said "na God save you say na for Ramadan you enter here, wooo, awon omo oro ma ti gba eti ye foo(I woulda been tortured)" I didn't say anything I was looking like a dummy while thanking my stars. He asked me what brought me here I told him it was a raiding. He hissed, wishing it was robbery that brought me here. "alejo, una no kill any police?" One rugged looking dude asked from behind. "No oh, na raid dem raid us oh". "Puaaah" the guy landed me a very hot slap that got me confused and forgot where I was confused for some minutes. I was later shown the rules and regulations of the cell. The vice president read all the laws for me while I listen attentively. He told if I have anyone outside that can visit and bring me money so I can be given a bed, pay some amounts so I won't given cell chore at all. Some of the chores are; sweeping the cell floor, washing the state's plate, washing the very dirty toilet, disposing the paint rubber full of giants sh'its etc... Every morning as early as 7am all cells are to bring out their paints of rubber full of sh'it. The person with the task of disposing the sh'it is to carry the miserable sh'it plastic from the cell, to outside the ward then back of the premises where a dilapidated suck away is situated. You are to empty the whole sh'it through a big opening from the suck away. The wash the rubber very well and return it back to the cell. I told the vice president that I will call someone the next morning to bring me money so I can pay for bed and work.. If you have money to pay for bed then you will sleep on the flow. I called (there a business center where inmates go and make call during break hours for #20 per minutes) a friend the next morning luckily for me he vistied early and handed me 2k. I beg the VP and gave him #1500 so that I won't be told to go and carry sh'it. I kept the remaining #500 with me.

Since I don't have money to pay for a bed which is about #2500-#3000, I have to sleep on the floor. Those that are on bed all called 'VIP section' while the small space in between 2 beds is called 'ajegunle' and the middle part of the cell where inmates are packed together like sardine is called 'jankara market'. Since I don't have money to rent a VIP apartment and no money to rent a room in ajegunle I was placed in jankara market. We have lice, bed bugs and other blood sucking insects everywhere on floor. The smell that comes from the toilet every time someone is about to sh'it is deadly.


To be continued....

SugaryBelle: So op you're an ex convict

Nope! I was on ATM (awaiting trial).

OBJ ex convict still rule you for 8yrs

No surprise if I become president one day oh

Continuation


A few minutes later the warder was back on his seat, back on his sh'it and beans wit d remaining bread sitting confidently be the side. He was sweating profusely, but he refused to give up. He grabbed his spoon again, bite from the bread, fetch some sh'it and beans and continued his meal. Suddenly he held his stomach, something is not right. He looked at the beans, stared at the direction of our cell and all the inmates just troway face. He covered the beans, stood up and head outside again. This time around he never return.

He got sick and hospitalised. The guy that cooked the beans and the other who brought up the idea were severely punished and locked in a single cells for 3 days. 'Single cells' is like another prison inside prison. In these cells you can neither stand up nor sit down. You'll be on a squat mode for as long as you are kept there. The place smells so baad! Mosquitoes and some dangerous insects will feed on ur blood and flesh.

My First Night Inside Cell

Naija prison needs a massive rehabilitation. I don't know if I can put all what I saw into writings. Some things in that deadly zone is unprintable. Ok, imagine 87 men in just one single normal average room how are they going sleep properly? (If u ask me, na who I go ask?). I was luck to have arrive at the prison in the month of Ramadan (muslims fasting periond). It was on the 3rd day of Ramadan so we met a different settings in the cell. All the christians inmates were put in separate cells so only the muslims can have their time to pray together and worship etc. Since I'm a muslim I was aligned with the muslim prisoners (many plus me are on awaiting trials). So I was shown mercy because it's Ramadan, all the baddoos had been moved to another cells. I can hear screams and shout from other cells as the new comers were been tortured.


*modifying*

dr dams: Hmm! I can only imagine.

Well, I have been there before for an outreach programme.
The experience was funny at the same time pitiable.
U go see fresh dudes, old men, badoos, rough guys e.t.c all in this habitat. They have their caucus, ogas @ the top and other clades of such.

In their church, the pianist, leader, singer, think of anything are all prisioners and u gat to see the way they sing and pray tirelessless and aggressively like wounded lions.
(That one no say you no go smell weed just after the chapel sha). That environment aint cool.
The unfortunate thing is that most people there are still on trial.
The way I held and clinged to the pass given to me en!! I just dey fear make he no lost... hahhahahah, no exit be that, them go gimme jersey.
Only that we were not allowed to take our phones in, I for show una orishirishi!!!

Nothing as good as freedom! Just four hours I spent there , inside the highly walled environment, there was no peace of mind.

hahahahaha!

Guy if you lost that ya pass nahin be say you don turn prisoner automatically be dat. So, anytime u visit make hold am tight.



Make finish d tori abeg! Make una no vex!

wow! So dis eish hits the fp! This calls for celebration *pops a mighty, imaginary e-champagne*

Mods I troway salute oh!

iluvweed: How ordinary weed go land you for court?

I dont believe jare.....


If na so e easy I for don turn SAN or JUDGE since LOL

Wetin dey be say....dat ghetto wey I go weed na military zone, but also a free joint for all men to come and chill, drink is served etc. But some lunatics don terrorise zone of recent, all these cult boys and the likes. Once a guy was arrested with a pistol and the whole zone got deserted. Laterrrr on everything returned back to normal. The military police caught us and they handed us over to the police and also made sure were judged (wrongly thou)) and unfortunately for me I wasn't with my I'd card. Those that have IDs were freed. I was unlucky

Must read ------» https://www.nairaland.com/1547260/short-story-first-experience-after

After my primary school [name withheld] in '95 I was posted to a secondary school [name withheld] osborne ikoyi lagos but due to my extreme stubbornness my wicked father have no choice but to send me to a boarding school all the way to from lagos down to sokoto in '97. "Na which kind old man be dis for God sake" I often ask myself. My dad once brought out knife and threaten to kill me for I have frustrated the sh'it out of him. I tot he was serious so I pleaded and pleaded "papa abeg I no go do am again, I swear papa, if I do am again make u kill me" I screamed. I got beaten to a point that all I can hear is one strange sound like a car horn steadily in my ear drums.

While I was still in osborne secondary sch I engaged myself in many bad activities, from fighting to smoking (cigar), from late coming to absent ism. I once set the sharp side of my pen on a female student's bench while she's just about to sit her a'ss down...and suddenly "kprakpa" is d sound that echoed in d classroom. "Dis mumu girl don take her big nyansh break my pen o" I tot to myself. Before I knw it I hear "paaaaaw" she landed me a very hot slap on my face. I just held my face with my palm my mouth wide open like "WTF!" And as if d hot slap is not enough, the wicked, stupeed biatch also went and reported my sorry a'ss to d principal and I got the beating of my life dat day!

Long story cut short, my dad got angry and tired of my bad attitude and was forced to tranfer me to a boarding school in far north sokoto [name witheld] even thou I don't like going there but I have no choice than to obey the old man or else na die be dat oh. I reluctantly package and arrange my luggages, everything that I needed.


To be continued in the morning jor!

SQURA: fact is that i dont do guys.

oh holy rat sh'it! so you a re forkin lez leme introduce u to ur kind, @Nadia_SA... U guys shld go and av fun 2geda.

Hackerjay: I shall neva step my foot in prison IJN...wot of u...

Amen oh! Bro, no pray mek even ur enemy go there oh. Dat place no good at all! As in, d place worst!

continuation...


We looked as the hungry, shameless man emptied the small pot of beans mixed with sh'it and red oil all for himself and went straight out of the cell. Peeping thru the door, I saw him balanced on a chair as he placed the food (sorry, the sh'it food) on a small stood. He tore the nylon holding the bread, grabs his spoon and got set to start eating sh'it (my smelly sh'it included). Mehn what a disgusting sight to behold! We all watch as he fetched the shyte/beans and happily emptied the content in his bigass mouth. I was astonished the way this stupid man keeps swallowing the thing without even thinking twice. as he ate and ate, a few minutes later he paused for a very long while, guess the toxin has started taking its course.... He didn't finish the meal before he excused himsef, he left the plate and the remaining bread there and headed out of our ward.


To be continued

Who be dat geh wey wan derail dis front page thread? Abeg reverse and park well oh!