₦airaland Forum

chris baba: Mr Poster it would be good if u stop that smoking life mehn. ur a talented story teller . Wish i could help publish your experience gaskiya ne. Big ups!!

yes bro it will sure be gud, but it ain't easy thou. Walahi! Buh I'm trying mehn, I only smoke like 10 wraps a day now in the comfort of my house thou.

An0nimus: @experimentist You could stick with the way you've been writing the story and do the more detailed one somewhere and probably publish it as a book or something. Just saying.

Your story is an eye -opener by the way.

Yeah I feel u I will work on that. Thnx man

[quote author=nene_blazing95] :ochei,bros yeh...shey yhu don go do medical check-up so,e be lyk say d cigar wey yhu smoke insyd prison sef plenty pass de weed wey yhu dey smoke for outsyd world!!![/quote]morning Nene. Not only check up I was under treatment for a whole week. Ah, all d bad water wey man don drink, u wan bacteria to build empire for my body abi? No oh!

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Continuation (from 2nd to d last update)







After prayers na lemin tinz, I hardy gather appetite to lem all d food. Me wey be say to lem for my house sef na serious work if I neva smoke weed now na prison food I must eat soberly. In Davido's voice *omo c gobee*. As a soji boy I get mouth die, c food everywhere. Guyz just dey coordinate lem come give. D cell DPO na my main padi, na me and him dey even lem for d same plate. D guy warmed enough rice and gave me spoon, I ate very slowly make e no be like man no chop anything. Yahaya, not the yahaya you knw in super eaglet that carried under 17 world cup oh, dis one na federal palace hotel, freedom state yahaya. Yahaya also invited me to come and join him as he was eating eba and vege soup. I could not eat again, I'm fed up with their bullshittt. "I don belle full oh" I said to yahaya who was busy scoring hatricks with several balls of eba. "Guy na wa for u oh, u no dey eat at all? No go die for prison oh" he said jokingly. "Thunder fire you na you go die for prison" I hollered back at him. I brought out a roughly handled cigarette from my pocket and lit it in the fire from the small DPO's stove. Before I knew it the cigar has gotten to the filter. I wish I have more cigarette to smoke away the pains and sorrows. I tot about home, home sweet home. My friends, they all be somewhere talking about me now I guessed. My mama and my paley, how will they be feeling by now. I felt pity for them, I wished I hadn't gone to the joint and all dis wouldn't have happened.

As an Alejo aka new comer aka new jack and aka fresh man, you will be made to entertain the house. All the inmates will ask many questions about the outside world. After the meals, I was told to get up and stand at the middle of everybody as questions were been thrown at me from different angle. "Alejo, na which musician dey reign now?" A guy asked me frm the comfort of his bed bugs infested bed. "Dem plenty bros, I no fit count dem finish" I said to the house. "Ok, sing one currnet song for us" same guy commanded. "Choi! I don diie, which music I wan sing giv these criminals wey dem go happy small now" I tot inside me. Suddenly an Idea pops into my head. I'm decided to sing daduble by Damoche (RIP, thou he was alive then) to them. "Ok meji le'ekpon, okon lo'oko...meji le'ekpon, okon lo'okooo..oya chidioma oya daduble, chidioke oya dadubule, dadubulele (sing chorus till fade)" I sang it to them as they all sang after me, the whole house was in uproar. There was shouts from every parts of the cell. They rejoiced as if they are told to go home. The vice president asked me "na when robbery happen for ur area last?" He asked. "One happen for around CMS side last week oh" I lied just to make him happy. "Ehen, shey dem kill any police man" he inquired wit a smile on his face. "Yes dem kill police oh, dem even wound plenty sef" I lied again making him gets more excited. They hate the cops with a passion. They want them dead! No be small tins oh. I was later told to go and sit down. I laughed my a'ss out when an alejo was called to sing and d dude start singing one yoruba fuji song lmao no be small tin oh... I noticed the president of our cell laughing for the first time. Imagine one young skinny boy na him be presido for dis cell. Person wey I go give one blow mek he die 7 times. How dem even take dey vote for presido sef. The guy must have rigged the election if at all an election is conducted to determined a presido. I was later that the guy is the baddest guy in the whole yard. The guy dey call shotz from on top hin prison bed. Some people get mouth oh. Some of these guys are used to being jailed cos they keep going back to their previous criminal life after release. Choi! I don die!

Bedtime, time get packed like fishes inna di sardine tin. Oh lord! Na the part wey I hate pass be that. Since I still cyan pay for bed I have continue sleeping with the jankara residential. I made sure I avoided some extremely dirty guys and some guys with craawcraaw for body. There was dis guy that has been infected with craawcraaw disease. All dis guy body na craawcraaaw full, he is always scratching his body. Head, ears, belle, back, legs, eyes, teeth, nose, in fact, he even scratches down to hsi anuss. No be small tin aswear. And person papa go tell me say make I lay near dis dude laiye laiye. I tried every possible scope to make sure I'm not even one man close to d guy make I no go wake and body turns craawcraw. I usualyy sleep between yahaya and sunday cos they are cleaner than any other dude in the house. I laid in between sunday and yahaya on a dirty, worn out and bed bugs infested blanket. I and yahaya gist and gist while puffin on some cigarette. They both reminded me not to forget them if I'm released. I told them not to worry I promised. I told them I will have to make calls tomorrow to know what is happening about my bail. Yahaya told there's a call center I'm goin to call when the gate is open and they also said they will look for phone to write down their descriptions on how I can locate their family members and friends and inform them of their conditions. Likewise the other dude that was on murder case. I wish I can help them all to get out cos I believe those guys are innocents. Sleep came and took me away to dreamland.

Purestboy I see you. Na only u dey view dis thread like dis. Thnx for d patience bro. And guys sorry I was late I'm bouta post now.

Numero uuuno: Are putting the ikoyi experience here too?
Or you want to tell us how it all started?
Whichever,i'm following.

dis is a different story o, way before the prison experience.

Oludrex: I fit teach u o.. Bt money for hand, back for ground

Oya boss mi.. update na #no tym

Ok, my oga at top.


Typing in progress......12%

youth must work: nne how he go take wake u up when u no drop ur contact or pin?, my oga experimentist z nt an alarm clock. U grab. Instead hand d job over to me. Cause am following ds guy to were ever he goes.

guy, u dey find work abi? U wan cho'olu? Oya drop ur CV here ___/

youth must work: Which kind Op be this, u command hausa, igbo, yoruba and even english wey no be ur papa language, gosh I commot cap for u, if ur book no sale make I crack !!!,@experimentist

bro, i only command hausa and yoruba for now oh. My Igbo babe dey dull me, she nor wan mek I sabi Igbo

Na lie oh, make we dey at alert. Theses oyinbo can be deceiving most times.

Justeenaleo: Smart enough not to know smoke in a safe place to avoid getting raid

come take time oh! I'm smarter than u think oh.. I no knw wetin hapen dat day oh. But I was smart enough to discard the claro weed I was smokin and d half sk in my pocket before I was searched. E for be double wahala for me

youth must work: lol, ds man are u frm d moon, am an igbo frm imo . If u see me u done see mosque. Allah akbar !!!

lmfao abeg mek na no kill me wit laff oOooOoo

Oludrex: I once ask my friend why he smoke igbo.. The guy was like.. Drex if u never smoke am .. U no go know why guys smoke am

bros na true oh...if u lack d holy (igboh) spirit in you, you won't get d message oh.

Justeenaleo: Abeg come update,our neighbours dey suck fuel comot for d gen,e go soon finish nd batry wil die nd I will miss dis bed time story

oh baby, abeg mek u no vex biko.. I was kinda busy today, buh ima type and update late at night. Ana ma biya biko

Oludrex: @Op .. To be sincere.. Is this story for real or another Igbo inspired narration?..

bro I don talk am several times na, na true life story oh. Abi u wan pishures?

medalz: I can't believe you can get me addicted to your post, I've never tread a topic like this before. You've got a good narration skill, you keep me in suspense refreshing over and over to knw the next thing. I think the compilation can make a good novel for secondary school students. Thumbs up @ OP

thnx man... Don't change d dial, more stories on d way.

killuminati: OP where u dey na? Come update o I dey enjoy all these LIES.

lol naso lies dey sweet u reach? u be maakwa oh!

Justeenaleo: Eh? Which transformation? Anytime these ppl in power mention "transformation" d only tin getting transformed is their deep smelly pockets,we've not smelt power for d past six days,before d six days,dey just dey wink at us with their light,2seconds each wink.....naija na jungle

Eeeyah! Na gen sure pass be dat oh.. We hope d country gets beta soon sha.

Justeenaleo: Hmmm op op......real experimentalist abeg cum giv us some sugar,God protect ur children,I dnt wish dis kinda situation on my worst enemy,not even NEPA(currently my worst enemy)

lol, wetin nepa do u na, watabout d transformation agenda na?

Billyonaire: Just when Mandela is being laid in state, a zombie speaker doesn't allow us to unionize with the world to celebrate Mandela Christ. Harvard graduate speculating on body language. In Democracy, there is something called Separation of Powers and that's too much for a man whose face resembles a sallah Cow. They can do all for power to return to the north, and even FFK is against their drunken rhetoric at the moment.

Poor man like you. Keep quiet mr man!

Hahahahahahahahaha thunder faya FG if na true.. Na by force to join police.

How dis lies tek mek fp?

Omo c gobe, na where we come dey go shayoo na?! I go vexx port go Ghana

NOTE: Hi fellas. Actually I didn't know dis story will get to dis extent and even to making front page. Initially only decided to share the part where that hungry warder ate poo and beans and stop but I saw so interest in the story from many Nairalanders so I was motivated to write the whole experience I gathered in there. For those of thinking the stroy is fabricated, hell no, everything I wrote up there is real.

Ok, now I want to take you guys back to how evrything started. From our arrival etc. Get a grip!

The Genesis

After the crook judge finished judging us at the magistrate court Igbosere rd, lagos island, about 6 of us or so, he were placed on 30-40k bail wit 2 sureties. We were taking out from 5th floor of the building to downstair with handcuffs on our hands and legs like some notorious criminals. The cut handed us to the warder who were are on standby already waiting for people like us with their coastal bus, arm mopols etc. They locked us in one cell in the court premises. As soon as we entered the cell some guys we met inside started intimidating us. they threatened us and ask us to drop our money. "For wetin na, na una papa carry me come here?" I cursed. "Gboooaaa, abi oloshi ni iya e ni, ogun lo ma pa iya e" a very ruff guy dude with scars all over his face gave me a very heavy blow I staggered back ward. "Oga ko jor, a jon lo ewon ni, abi oloshi ni wo no?!" I replied as I tried to retaliate the blow I received but I was held back by some other guys who are also wit d same guy that gave me a hit. "Wetin haffen sef, why una go dey collect feefle money eh?" A guy behind me who we met there protested. "Na so una go dey collect everybody wey enter here eeh!" He added. We caused a lil commotion until a warder came in and calmed the situation. Few minutes later we were moved into a coastal bus and taken straight to the prison. As soon as we arrive, we were asked to come down one by one and headed str8 to the entrance. We were asked to drop all our belongings at the counter to a warder officer who take record of evrything but not without a bribe. Imagine, a warder officer asking for something from a prisoner

Before entry a thorough search will be conducted. They will search from ur head to ur toes. Your yansh hole, armpits, pr'ick, even if u get toto sef dem go chook hand inside just to make sure no one carries any illegal item into the yard. One by one we got into the yard, I was surprised to note that more people are being brought in. "So na so dem dey carry people enter dis place everyday?" I asked myseff as I wondered. As we sat on the floor waiting on our next destination some of the inmates were passing by, some are offloading pure water from a truck. "Una don die today! Wetin carry una come here?" One of the inmate threatened us. There's a guy called omo alhaja who was brought in wit us. He told me that it was his 3rd time in the yard now that I should fear those guys that they can't do nothing. I looked at him " shoo, so u be regular customer here" I teased. He smiled and hissed "no worry I get boys here, I no go suffer, if u dey my cell u go enjoy well well. Nobody go touch u for where I dey" he assured and I nodded in agreement. Some minutes later a guy who looks and sound like a kanuri man came and started addressing us. He told us that from now on, we are under hsi control. That anyone that messed up or misbehave will be dealt with severely. If anyone tries to escape will be shut down by a sniper. He said we are not in Nigeria anymore, that we are now in federal palace hotel. the black maria that brought is referred as a hummer jeep and that from now on our names is 'alejo" which means new comers.

"Alejooooo!" the commander shouted. "Yes sir" we all shouted back. "We be dis place?" he asked loudly. "Federal palace hotel" he answered. "Which kain motor bring una cone?" He asked. "Hummer jeep" we replied. Same process was repeated like 3 time. Then were asked to sit back on the floor. I and 2 of my friends were called by the wicked kanuri guy. We went closer and started talking saying "dis place wey una come no be una papa house oh, here na prison, na work una come do here oh" he said furiously. "Una go pack sh'it, clear grass well- well. But if una no wan work una go pay some money" he added. "Ah oga we no get money oh abeg" I said with a pity face. "Thunder fire you! Who be ya oga?" He fired at me. "Sorry sir" I quickly said. "U no get money abi, ok, u go pack shi't na. Shebi u no wan pay" he said as he walk forth and asked me and AA to follow him. As we followed him I decided to speak hausa to him maybe he will consider that I'm hausa and show a lil mercy. "Yalape don Allah ka yi hakuri ma na, ba mu da....." I tried to plead with him but was stoped by his shout. "Shut up there! If u speak that ting for me again u go c ursef" h said angrily. I just kept quiet and followed like a zombie. "Na the money wey ya papa work put for my pocket u wan collect, thunder faya you" I dare not said that loud or I'll locked in a single cell for the whole night.

He wicked guy took to the back of the yard where there are many spoilt suck away. There were about three suck away filled up with sh'it water (I mean confirm sh'it water o) and we were give a bucket so we can be fetching the poo water from the suck away and pour into a gutter by d side. I watched as my friend AA grabbed the bucket and started fetching the poo water and pour them in the gutter. The smell that oozed out of the suck away if mixed with some chemical can cause a very serious gobee. AA fetched and fetched and fetched before he was told to hand over the bucket to me, oh God! I was confused, how the hell will do this! I just swallow my breath grab the bucket and start fetching d damn poo water. "No be sh'it water? I go pack, highest we go find water wash body" I encouraged myself. I fetched, fetched and fetched tire before I was told to handover to another dude. Life just tire me immediately at the spot.

After enough sh'it water packing we came back and met the rest alejos where we left them. After everyone is back to the waiting point we were all asked to enter one particular room which is referred to as "new arrivals room'. The place stinks like dead. There a latrine in the room which is sending out some deadly poo stinks into the atmosphere. It gets worst when pee is dropped in cos it stirs the inside making the smell to increase. Oh my goodness! Through the windows some inmates came peeping at us from outside. "Alejo, una welcome oh, make una no worry una go chop beans well well" one of said while grinning. I saw omo alhaja called a guy and they shook hand thru the window. He requested for a cigarette which the quickly went and brought some in a pack. Omo alhaja gave me 2 white london I collected it a lit it immediately so to neutralise the deadly stench coming out of the damn toilet. We slept in that miserable room on the floor till the next that we were taken out and pictures and record of each and everyone of us was taken couple with the details of our offence. No be small tin oh..

youth must work: Op. I jux found out nw say u be igbo guy. Lol. I wonder hw u managed d write those hausa or yoruba.

Last bullet > see as all ds oka ikpo nairaland babes jux d trip for u.

U re nw a mighty E-celeb. I salute sir !!!

my broda I no be Igbo oh, I be confirm aboki inside me and ice prince na the same mama born us (na lie o I no knw ice prince from adam)

Typing tinz

youth must work: Op, I really want to visit ds place in my next generation, hahhahah.

no need to wait till next generation, just try murder one and wait there til cops come, tell dem say na ikoyi prison u want serve. (Na joke oh no tryam bro)

Sarah a: At op oya do quick na? Habi you won make I slap you ni? Lol

swthrt, remain loyal

[quote author=Jentle-Josh]I'm not sure of what brought me here, but, one thing is certain; I'd watch this thread to the end. Infact I've bookmarked the topic already. @Op I dey gbadun you. You needn't rush it. Just continue updating the thread "poco a poco" (which means little by little). This is a real eye-opener presented in a scintillating manner.
A na ma bia (I dey come).[/quote]nnwane, obago