₦airaland Forum

everybody is saying forgive your husband, work on you marriage bla bla bla... if the table was turned around the same people would say throw her out... forgiveness is for only women

gabicon:
I sympathize with you my dear, however you need to understand that anything that is being built to last has to have a solid foundation and building a solid foundation is governed by rules of the necessary modalities of how strong a foundation is required.

Simply put, every strong marriage is built on core values, your family core values create the rules and regulations that govern your family. These core values are communicated to anyone that comes to live in your home, irrespective of how close our family is boundaries are required so that people are not offended or take offense. The problem here is your marriage hasn't been built on core values, I can bet that your brother in-law does whatever he wants, when ever he wants and however he wants.

I will suggest you solve this problem holistically because it's only a matter of time other family members will come with their own behaviour.
What I think you can do is give your husband plenty of sex, after which discuss creating core values and rules to govern your home, write them down, your husband is the chief enforcer of the core values, communicate your core values to anyone who decides to live with you and outline the consequences.

It would have been a lot easier to do it before you both moved in together, but it's never too late to be right, confronting your BiL may not be a wise step, he is the family informant, anything he says they will believe.

that family informant part is so true .. my father even warned not to allow any long term visitor to stay with my family until after two years of marriage because every new family needs privacy and time for it be nurtured ... the man and the woman are from two different backgrounds and they need time to get to know themselves better so bringing a third party to house would really make things difficult because there will be an imbalanced team

damlawrence101:
Is picking his brother stuffs ur problem?
Or you want him to pick ur stuffs

is there nothing like privacy in your dictionary? a single guy is different from a married man simple

crackkhaus:
Get busy, that's the only wisdom you need.

I've never seen a busy woman with a job or business that takes her out of the house from morning till evening, bothered about who is opening her pot.

Busy women just prepare the food and are very happy they don't have to dish it also when they have places to be and other things to be doing.

If you're so bothered about your BIL finishing your soup/stew and protein, then cook and package some of it for storage. Also take out your husband's portion and store it in a flask or container to warm it when he's ready to eat.. The only quantity of food you should leave in the pot is that which is for your BIL and he can go to it and eat it anytime he likes.
The only thing you can tell him is to ensure he cleans his plates when he's done, it's a simple request - you can even say it casually and in a playful manner.

This is how you handle visitors who are staying for extended periods.

I don't know if women don't teach their daughters how to act in their matrimonial homes anymore.
Everything must turn to fight with you young women.

that is what we do in my house too my elder brother has that same stupid character he even goes the pot in the middle of the night to take meat or fish and I find it very irritating sometimes I lock the pot of food in my room because he is never satisfied the worse part is that he doesn't even contribute money for food but he wants the largest portion...

aspiring44:
It's always painful when a woman cheats
One cannot just imagine it .

but it's alright when men cheat abi

now that you told your cousin about it be rest assured that the whole world will know about it... he will start giving your fiancee attitude unconsciously and people would start asking questions... any secret that you can't keep to yourself is no longer a secret..

government and their talks .. they behave as if culturing other fish specie is easy, go to their research institute on the island the place is like a grave yard students go there on IT only to learn theory no practicals... we can't even make prawn crackers in Nigeria or even tin fish... the. equipment are there but they don't use them

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party member shit. common man no go fit get one room sef

dexmond:
Burning markets and properties in Lagos is a crude means of reallocating resources. It could be political power, as in lets cripple the economic power of these people or let's not allow these guys up north to over run us as they are now migrating from all over Africa.

you are right on this one because my mother's shop rent used to be 300k then a fire outbreak started all the shops were demolished and rebuilt even though the fire no even reach their side the rent was increased to 500k per annum and must pay for 2years in advance and that was how she lost that shop and all her customers

this just too much for us God.... where do they expect my mum to start from after over 30 years on the island coupled with the fact that she just paid shop rent

why on Earth would anyone try such rubbish

who asked you?

you are the definition of evil... must you have sex with a girl for fun especially when it's not mutual? if she commits suicide it's on you asshole cos not every girl I emotionally stable to take shit like this

toniblacman:
Na wash .... don't swear

am serious o even her sister who serves as their mother said the. same thing that we have the same energy

very evil thought... see me wishing my future mother inlaw was alive because she died in her prime and from what I have been hearing about her we would have clicked as besties I swear

Bros have you ever heard of postpartum depression? please do a research on it and help your wife .... stop being selfish that woman might be going through a lot shit mentally that you don't know about

this guy na Oracle if you know you know. .... Because God is not a magician

this guy na Oracle if you know you know. .... Because God is no a magician

Bros abeg tell us the full story... did you sleep with her friend or not

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DaVader:
I'm very sure a lot people don't need this, most people in the shackle dubbed marriage by some poetic religion institution need a counter thread.


Iya kamilu, my next door neighbour who came through window at the middle of the night with her baggage after taking in for her drunkard husband also need some legal backup to leave through the door when she can no longer cope with the nonsensical attitude of her husband.

Why do people that are not legally married need to visit the court before they can resolve their "union"?

if you have shacked up with someone for up to two years it's called common law marriage

this story sounds like mine lol.. although mine lasted for 5 miserable years
don't feel any guilt you deserve better just reflect on the relationship and see what you need to improve on about your personality but don't step too far away from your comfort zone to please anyone

swedbase:
Can you honestly wait for a man for 7 years to decide on accepting you? I'm pretty sure that you wouldn't have rejected him If he had came with a Range Rover at that time. Perhaps he has improved financially now hence the acceptance. I personally will never look your way even if i have problem in finding another girl. A real man should posses these qualities self esteem, discipline and principle.

oga he needed to work on himself not money was cos he was the most financially stable of them all but I am not looking for a rich husband cos I am focusing on being a rich wife

it's not easy for everyone

favoryte33:
In as much as i wish you good luck on your new relationship,i would ask that you take your time to observe her. If a woman rejects u for that long,then she doesn't have u in her plans. 3 fuking good years? she must have been left shattered those years.

I rejected my present fiance for good 7 years before I said yes . he wasn't what I wanted at that moment but he didn't stop coming for me I made sure his improvement was visible cos he really needed to work on himself