₦airaland Forum

NLElder:
First of all don't be quick to judge me. I am just here for matured help/advice cos I am fast loosing it. I am sure if it's abroad I will to told to go meet a therapist.

I am a young man in my early 40s and married for 9 years now with 2 kids. My nature of work is such that I am living on another town 5hours away from my family. This has been the case 6years out of the 9 years I am married. I have never really enjoyed my marriage as a young man cos I am always driving up and down every weekend to meet my family and when I got a promotion with more responsibility I reduced it to every 2 weeks, and as the stress of work and driving became more stressful, I now go every month. I have tried all my best even till date to see if I can get another work in the same state my wife and kids reside to no avail and my wife can't leave her work in the state join me as she is in a federal government establishment that has no branch in the state I live and work. The scenario so far shows you that I am not enjoying a healthy sex life with my wife, but being someone brought up to respect the marriage institution, I have resigned to my fate and taken life as I have seen it. To make matters worse, with due respect to my wife, she suffered female genital mutilation and you know it affects women's sex life and their man is always worse off for it. In summary we lead a routine boring sex life in the few occasions we even get to have it. However, the 6 years I have lived and worked in another state, I have never cheated or thought of cheating on her despite all the cold lonely nights I have to spend alone. I am a kind of introvert and never hide it from people that I am married. Some will be like "u no get side chick"? I will say no. The problem started 4 years earlier out of the 6years in the city I live and work. Since I am always lonely and bored in my crib, I mostly do video calls with my wife and kids daily or chat online with friends to keep my mind busy and avoid unnecessary tensions that will remind me of the lonely boring life I was living. This also keeps me away from sexual urges if I feel any as a fool-blooded young man I was. It was in one of these online chats that I got close to one young lady of about 30. We really got close through chatting and graduated to exchanging numbers. I always make it known that I was married to everyone I meet and she was no exception. We became best friends online and kept our limits as married man and a single lady would. We became curious and excited to meet each other live when we found out we were in same city.

We arranged a harmless date in a restaurant in town were we really got to know more about each other. I found out that she was a struggling young girl teaching in a private school with NCE and was unable to proceed to degree level due to lack of funds. Her salary wasn't even up to 18k and she was squatting with one lady in very uncomfortable circumstances. After that 1st live meeting, a very good friendship ensued but entirely platonic .

All these past 4 years before I met her, I cook for myself and go to market by myself. One Friday she called and I did not immediately pick cos I was in the kitchen. I called her back later and told her I was cooking and she jokingly asked if she could help. As at then she was yet to come to my place, so I told her if she really wanted to help then I would come and pick her up and that was how for the first time in 4 years, a lady visited me in that town. It felt awkward. It did not take long for me to find out how homely she was...washed plates, tidied everywhere, and finished up the cooking. I really felt at peace and started getting worried at the same time. We spent time chatting but kept our distance and nothing happened between us and I dropped her off later where she was squatting.

After that, our friendship went to another level and the visits became more frequent but still nothing happened between us. I got to know she was a well brought up lady that still had values and I also confirmed she had no man as at the time she met me. She said she had always wished to be married before now and never believed she would reach 30 and still be single.

I know my story is getting rather long, so let me try to wrap up. In summary, she started having issues with the family she was squatting with and didn't have enough money to rent a place of her own. I didn't have enough to rent for her either as I was already carrying a lot of financial responsibilities for her by then...monthly stipend of ₦10k to add to her salary, tolletries, making hairs and even helping out with her sick mum hospital bills. So without a 2nd thought, both of us decided she move into my place. Inside me I knew it was somehow but I think by then we were already in love with each but maybe living in denial.

So she moved in and that was it. Yes, we started having sex, uncomfortably at 1st but later became 2 sex maniacs. It was as if she was sent to compensate me for my horrible marriage sex experience I have endured all these years. We couldn't have enough of each other. In fact when I want to travel and see my family, she breaks down crying. I knew it was more than a side chick matter. In fact this lady gave me a fulfilled sex life that I swear if it's in the olden days I wouldn't mind taking her as a 2nd wife. Months grew into years and our passion for each other grew to the point that we got jealous of the opposite sex calling us. She even starts frowning when my wife calls or tears will start running down her eyes. People, I became so confused. We both knew we have gone too far and yet were not ready to end it. I even because part of her own family cos I go with her to see her sick mum and played a prominent role when she died. I don't know her older siblings knew if I was married or not , but I think she confided in her older sister who seemed to like me so much and only warned her to be "careful."

After 2 years, she started agitating about marriage so much that she said she needed to move out of my place. That as long as she is with me, she might not get married since it's obvious I wasn't going to marry her no matter how much both of us pretended about it. Deep inside me I knew she was right and I couldn't be selfish to keep her from meeting single suitors but I felt an inexplicable pain in my heart as if a part of me was about to be cut off. However, I forced myself to assist her to get a place and yet she on her own kept coming to my place every weekend until she moved in again leaving her place wasting for over 2 months., only going there once in a while to pick things..

All the 2 years we were together she was open and truthful to me about relationships she was now trying to build with single guys she hoped would marry her. I was already feeling bad inside me that she was about to leave my life, but she kept assuring me that she was with me and truly told me everything happeneing in the new relationship she was building.

She later moved out completely from my place after 2years on a new year day. She said needed to start the year on a good and clean note and had gotten serious with the guy that said he wants to marry her. I began to feel extreme jealous I couldn't explain. I knew it was not right but I couldn't stop myself. I tried my best and stopped calling or chatting with her but I still didn't find peace. One evening a month after when it was now clear that she has decided to get serious with the guy she said was coming for marriage, she visited me and and you can't believe it, we made hot passionate love. And when we were lying side by side, her new man called and she quickly ran into the toilet to answer him. I felt it was time I ended this whole thing, it wasn't looking right again. So I confronted her why she was still leading me on when she is now in a marriage -bound relationship and she said because she still loves me and doesn't know how to let go of me. We cried together that it wiould be tough as we would soon separate from each other for life and she left. I cried like a baby as we made love again and she consoling me to try and teach my wife the things she does to me despite her FGM predicament.

The period she was with me, she was uncomfortable answering calls from her man and I got fed up and decided to investigate. So I went to the street where she showed me the guy lives(she was truly open to me and I give her that) and waited to see if she has started visiting him as she mostly denies and lo and behold, I saw her entering the guy's house. I felt a sharp pang of jealousy which I couldn't control. I picked up my phone after some minutes and started calling her, but her phone rang severally and she didn't pick. I was almost half-dead with jealousy. I cried iny heart and drove away. I sent her a text that because she was "enjoying" herself with her man she was now avoiding my calls. That maybe tbe guy was so good at it. She called about 2 hours later and really took offence that because she visited him and did not pick my call was simply because she doesn't want him to start asking questions and not necessarily that they were doing anything. We quarrelled like never before and said hurtful things to each other and I asked her to return my key at my office the next day cos by then she no longer visited my house as she has really gotten serious with the guy. She returned the key and for over 2 months we stopped communicating and became strangers.

Instead of pushing her out my mind, I felt a daily torture looking through her Facebook pics, WhatsApp status, and other social media. I will go to her guy's street and painfully watch her enter his house from afar. I was fast losing my mind. I knew it was over for good and don't want her back but the obsession is yet to leave me till date. Everyday, I check her pictures and feels pangs of pain and jealousy as I see her lovely smiles. My people it's punishment and torture for me. I keep obsessing every second of my life about her. Who can help me? Something is definitely wrong. In one of her recent status, I saw her flaunt her hands with an engagement ring and I felt a sharp pang of sadness instead of happiness. People help me I am loosing it. Even though she has apologized to me and I too have apologized for the hurtful things we said in the course of our quarrel, my mind is still not at peace. Even now presently she is engaged she still calls me and tries to engage me in friendly conversations but I will just be answering without interest. She even sent me a pic recently at a wedding she went to and I told her she should stop sending me her pics but should be sending to her man. She apologized and said she has taken note. Yet, I will feel bad inside me if I don't see her friendly chats which my attitude has made her reduce. Yet in all these, first thing in the morning I will quickly rush to check her pics, if she has made new posts, etc etc. I need help, I really do. Sorry my people for the long post but I really needed to empty myself to see the help I can get if any cos I want my normal sane life back. I have also prayed to God and asked for forgiveness for cheating on my wife ....I have no excuses for doing so but from the long story you can see it was never my intention.

If you were Muslim na to marry that lady no need for all these foul play.
Monogamy is a scam.

I thank God I am Muslim ooo.

Islandlady:
Seriously! Sex is what most men think about everyday of their life! Men think about sex all day long even the so called redpillars

Most times, I'd have different male friends I wish to remain good friends with but all they will be thinking about is how to have sex with me, too bad

Men pls think about something else apart from sex!!! T for thanks

It's biological.

hammer567:
NA UR PAPA BE USELESS UGM.

Says a bastard !

You get papa?!

If I be your papa, I go disown you!

successmatters:
Your excellency, President Peter Obi.
A big phenomenon.

. The most deluded comment on Nairaland

baliyubla:
This Very annoying animal should continue taking sides with invaders all for political patronage.

Someday David, the Hen must come home to roost.

Deluded idiot!

You will see the truth you will not admit it,but you open your mouth waaa like a town crier.

sirjoggy:
Reno why you always reason with your anus

You guys a the most deluded set of people to ever occupy this space allee Nigeria.

Even a deaf man knows that no Igbo candidate stand a chance.

The people who determine how votes go are the North and South West.
And from all indication PO can't win and even his base SE have strong political apathy with IPOB criminal terrorist on rampage how do you think he would win?

See eh,some of you like deluding yourself.

BIGDADDY000:
SOMETHING is not right here, i don't strongly belief that all this attacks are caused

by IPOB, i really doubt it, my mind is telling me that they have been penetrated by

by some LUNATICS, probably FULANI JIHADIST, because this is extremely and not

the way of IPOB handwriting, and safe your strength am a YORUBA.

This is same dumb and stupid excuses that turned BH to the monster it is today,but no everything apart from Ipob are not to be blamed.

You must have sipped expired palmwine to typing this nonsense.

Me ,I am not from SE ,but some of you who keep denying this,I feel a time will come those rubbish you write to exonerate those evil monsters will grow numb like some suffering from leprosy.

It's just a matter of time.

tamdun:
Hypocrites, ipob just killed an hijab sister and her 3 children,same ipob kill husband and wife then removed her private part,same people cut off the head of their law maker and throw it in the street, they keep committing crime on daily basis, now tell me what makes south east better than north?

Let's just leave out some of our northern brothers over stepping the line,these people always feel this self importance that no one oa better than them.

successmatters:
You cannot condemn when you don't know the perpetrators. Let things clear up a bit so you can know who you are condemning, if you condemn immediately, you may need to apologise later.

I like the way you guys use this formula dodge e whenever your nonsense is being called out.

Una go soon cry.

Is not yet,by the time they get to you I hope you will come here and type this drivel.

hammer567:
GOD PUNISH YOU, WHAT DO U CALL BOMBING OF SCHOLL CHILDREN IN KANO, ATTACK ON IGBO BUSINESS IN ABUJA AND SOKOTO.


WHAT DO U CALL KILLING OF ANAMBRA SENATOR.


LET THE WAR START...

And God will not punish you for lying?!

You think God can be monopolized into taking vengeance against innocent people you useless UGM are killing....


Your land is already getting cursed for the innocent souls your people are taking.

successmatters:
Thread after thread, they are wishing evil on Igbos.

Your nightmare will continue to grow stronger and bigger.

God bless all Igbo people in the world.

Our God pass them.

Why foolish people like you exist beats me hollow.

Kenneth4u205:
It might be his fellow Muslim enemy that machete him . Easterners or UGM don't machete someone like this .only Fulani can machete someone this way from the angle of the cut

No problem ooo.

Until they matchete you we will also say they do not machete like that.

Some of you are irredeemably dumb evil minded.

One thing life has taught me is,when it's time you have no where to run to.

Emersonjay:
This old man should just shut up!! Silence is golden..



I'm really surprised how money can make one to start asslicking all of a sudden!

He's obviously saying the painful truth some of you don't want to admit because most of you are deluded.

Uprightness100:
Very Serious blasphemy! Comparing JESUS to a mere man is the highest form of blasphemy.
But we don't fight for GOD. HE Fights for us. We only Admonish people on who HE is. When you refuse, you will meet with Him when you cross over.

JESUS Christ is GOD!
JESUS Christ is the Son of GOD
Without JESUS Christ, All go to hell Fire.
JESUS Christ is the Only way to Heaven!

https://www.nairaland.com/7130270/without-jesus-all-go-hell#112899338

Jesus said to them, “If you were Abraham’s children, you would do the works of Abraham. But now you seek to kill Me, a MAN who has told you the truth which I heard from God.” John 8:39-40.

Who should we believe now:.
All Christians who say he is not a man or Jesus(peae be up on him)?


Acts 2:22
"Fellow Israelites, listen to this: Jesus of Nazareth was a MAN accredited by God to you by miracles, wonders and signs, which God did among you through him, as you yourselves know"

.

Idiko1:
She is one hell of intelligent southerner. I wish majority of goons who claim to hail from southern Nigeria have an ounce of her brain.

Oga,just enter Sapele road not inside town whether Edo cult boys no go use una shine.

See ,even governor himself dey know wetin e dey talk how much more one albino ape.

Afonjakid:
Exactly, it should be extended there too

You should come and extend it na...if we no go use you play football.

EmekaA125:
Delta, Edo and every part of SouthSouth belong to IPOB and Mazi Nnamdi Kanu.

I agree every where belong to yiyyr dead brain Mazi Cownu!.

You think Edo is like Aba or Annambra?

Wallaahi una go see madness!

BobbieZion:
But they do.....
As they always are,it is worrisome when you see humans carry out dastardly acts while others defend....cause they share the same Fate?
Al-Taqqiya their most creative tool to defend ISLAM by any means even lying.
It amazes me.
May God have mercy on their soul,cause they on the wrong path.

Tell us when your brain comes back.

007Marvel:
How is the road to Auchi now!� Kidnapping and Killings has become the norm in that road since 2021! Yesterday they called me to come to Auchi and same people advice me to Come through Saboginda ora,Afuze! Relax Muslim are bad eggs! And in 2018 if you remember clearly They intercepted a car of arms and the so called Muslims in Igara axis! You dey feel say na only you dey familiar with Edo north abi

That means even in Orlu too people are also safe.?

Who has been klked since last month in Auchi road by religious mob?

Do kidnappers catch only non Muslims in that route?
Do kidnappers also ask for the religious identity of their victims?
About a month ago one of our elder was kidnapped in his way to farm by suspected Fulani Muslims.

Guy,you just dey talk nonsense.
You no get talk for mouth.

Cyynthia:
I laugh when people say that Yoruba Muslim are very peaceful.. lol


Why won't they be peaceful when the southern region they found themselves is dominated by christians ?

Muslims are peaceful when they are in minority..

Put Youruba Muslim in a Muslim dominated region and watch them and be like other muslinms..
Just look at what is coming out from this man's mouth..
I Pity Yoruba christians.

You are a bold face lair!.

In my community, in Edo north non Muslims make up about 1 ℅ of our population.
And nobody has attacked or lynched anyone.

Stop pandering lies you obviously can't defend.

Skankamola:
Unless you mean the punishment for blasphemy is not death or you mean islam clearly states how the blasphemer should be killed and you have proof it is not mob action, otherwise what the mob has done is what islam prescribes. Barbarians.

I know from heads like you with preconceived notions will always say stupid things.

mrvitalis:
lol fighting for a God meant to fight for you ...I am Igbo before you talk anyhow .. themselves know ..if that girl was Igbo them no born them well

U can only rant online u can't do sh.it

Whether tube IBO or not.

Don't even dare insult the prophet in the north except you ate tired of your life.
There are some irate youths that will ignite your ass if you do.

Skankamola:
Moronic peaceful terrorists. #islamisevil

You can say that to your deluded self.
Islaam has nothing to do with their actions.
Stop being an emotional layabout!

I will never attribute the dastard action of Rev King (google it)to christianity.

NOwazobia:
1. They are not ardent in their belief, kind of Liberal minded.

2. They are in the minority (South South), hence their Tolerance.

3. The peaceful nature of the other religions in the south kind of also influence their nature considering that they are in the minority.

4. Many of the Muslim of southern origin are more like converts who still live with the consciousness, tenets and morals of their former religion before converting to Muslim, the religion of pieces.

5. Fear of retaliation by their host also engineered their peaceful behaviour. Even when they want to, they sit down and count the cost.

If you no talk well you go collect.

Southern Muslims understand that we live in peace and respect,but if yiy dare insult our prophet I guarantee you that some hot heads amongst is will react in the manner you will not like.

In fact, religious issue is hardly a boiling issue.

mrvitalis:
Muslims are always nice when they are in minority
Wait till they become majority

If you self talk anyhow you go collect !

You think it's about southern añd northern Islaam

I am a southern Muslim-Niger Delta to be precise.
We don't joke with our religion.

Her insulting the prophet was totally out of line; and those mob who killed her should be caught and harshly dealt with.

Mob action and Islaam are at variance.

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Wife not babymama

Malory:
The guy should leave Man U and run for his life

You think we are discussing romance and IOOB NEWS?

OGA,park well.

You obviously know nothing about Man United.

NaBanga:
The couple is cute, but it won't end well. Blacks across the world need to wake up about these whites. By the time it's done, he will cry heavily.

Stop mouthing your myopic view here.
Because it does not work for others does not mean the same faith will befall them.

You guys should learn to see exceptions.