₦airaland Forum

Tallesty1:
No it is not well.

They are legally married before God and men so what the............ Is she still waiting for?


Bros be a man.

Before men yes
Before God No

Op why did you post this in family section? You would have gotten saner and religious advise in religion section. 50% commenting don't have a clue what a christian marriage entails or its significance nor do they care.
Following their advice, the way am looking at them it remains for them to tell you to rape her. Na waoh.

Phema:
Oh really? So for people that did Trad and Registery, their wedding isn't "complete"?

To each his own.

Yes. Its not complete without God's blessing. They can go for church blessings which shouldn't cost beyond 20k. The basic thing is the ring.

santos247:
[color=#990000][/color]
Thank you. I am actually trying to strike a balance between been open hearted to her views and been the man in the house. Infact, she complained initially that she was tired of the whole arrangement and would want to come over. I had submitted admission applications for her only for me to communicate our decisions to my father in law and the game began to change.

I do not intend to fall into infidelity but I have had cases of couples who haven lived apart that long gradually became strangers to each other. I do not want mine to drift like that. In the multitude of counsel, there is safety. I think, the opinions here express diverse views from which I should be able to pick my lessons.thanks once again

Finally it came out. In advising people try to wear their shoes. Gone are the days of sentimental advice.
Op it seems you are discussing this on phone with her. Its something you need to discuss physical presence. Look into her eyes and be as honest as you can to her. Tell her sincerely you won't cope with her apart.
Besides is she the only issue in her family? By that I mean bread winner, tell her you will ensue her family is well catered for.

Last Bullet: Op I hope her coming there will not stretch your finances too much o. Very important.

kennyslim1:
Abi died in the hands of her hateful husband

Do you think he intended to kill her? He needs Jesus.

kennyslim1:
Na demonic man be that...hitting a lady is a very crazy thing to do, talk more of a pregnant one...some men gan! Always thinking with their "joystick"

You are very wicked

What

Phema:
So, christians are meant to abstain from sex after trad wedding? Or that doesn't count?

A christian's wedding is not complete without white wedding or church blessing if they can't afford wedding.

iwakolewa:
Op is correct, unfortunately, some men don't do these things, and will never do it......

With good reasons. Never go 1 mile with a woman if you are not prepared for 10 miles.

Some women will turn you to house boy if you show slightest weakness. Just know who you are with and to what extent is safe.

Phema:
Mstcheeww! So now married peeps abstain from sex? Or, didn't you just say they've done their trad?

And why does it seem like the guy is just getting to know his wife is a vagin?

Whatever rocks their boat jare.

Didn't you read the part where it was said they are christians. If you don't know the christian doctrine, kindly ask.

Even if she visits must she sleep over? If she was bold and open about her commitment to God. Why are you bottling your own feelings about the temptations you are facing?

Is this the foundation you want to build your marriage?

real22:
My own opinion. You should have a stable job or a good source of income. You should be able to rent a good apartment for ur new family & at least give your wife #30k to #40k every month for the up keep of the house.

Then for the marriage plan form introduction to traditional to white wedding have a budget of 1.5m to 2m naira.

It depends on custom of dowry. You can do trad with 100k sef. With this, poor people won't marry which isn't true.

Stillfire:
Lol. Another Aunty again? Beware of the aunts!

Yes, we keep on bothering ourselves what people will say if I reject the offer. She should simply have told the Aunt that somebody is handling the cake. Now you are disappointed.

Op I was actually thinking of creating this thread before I saw this.
Never depend on people concerning your wedding not even a blood sibling.If they say they want to handle the hall decoration, band,cakes, souvenirs,food, wedding program etc These are critical aspects. Tell them to convert it to money to help out. If they send it, fine, if not, no problem.

How they feel shouldn't bother you.

kandiikane:
There are loads of couples who have to deal with time apart for a while, if you cannot deal with 3 years apart and be faithful to her especially when she can visit you then I don't think you should have gotten married. You should have allowed yourself to mature before entering into such a commitment.

Did you type this part in your sleep. Did you read this part to yourself before posting or did you post in a hurry?

'Especially when she can visit you....' Like seriously. So visit once or twice a year is enough abi? Besides do you know what is involved in those visits? The cost implications plus securing visa or you don't know she may apply for visa and it gets denied.

You didn't even consider if the girl can be faithful to him. I know what op is afraid of and I think is genuine. He may come back after that 3 years and find out his wife is a stranger to him. No connection again.

Augustbreak:
Yes,like a poster asked,,what will she be doing,OP?schooling,staying at home?Is she a bread winner of her Family?May be that's the reason why the parents doesn't want her to join you.Have a heart to heart talk with her.

Even at that. She's married to her husband not her father.Am not saying they should not support her parents. Op its unfortunate you married a girl not a woman.

sexyseun:
From your post i think your wife's parents still have much influence in her decisions, i don't think its much of a worry except when she takes their decisions over yours too often.
since you are still a student running a PG course overseas, i see no reason why she should come and stay with you permanently since she also has a job here in Nigeria, she coming over for a visit is splendid just like the dad suggest. I know you are longing to be with her and the kid but more also its best for you now to focus more on your studies while she isn't with you for now. thank God for modern technology, we have skype, yahoo messenger, bbm, whatsapp, viber, and so on, these can help the communication line to wax stronger.

i suggest you allow her come over for a visit and after that she come back to Nigeria and continue with her work, if by God's grace you secure a good job over-there, then you can now plan for her and the child to come permanently.
Regards
#seuncarestonight#

I would have said this was a good advise but putting it to weigh I found it wanting.
You failed to address the major issue raised by op which is loneliness, intimacy, bonding with his family.
Do you want him to come home and the child can barely recognise him?
What of the wife? Can she hold her body? We should put this in light with current trends where even Anita wife of Pastor Chris is seeking for divorce because according to what I read he's not emotionally and physically attached to them.

Besides op said finance won't be an issue. Op right?
There's an extent to which all these chats, calls etc can go.If it were for a year. Ok. Now its 2-3 years haba.Tomorrow you same group of women will say men are unfaithful. He's human you know?

Looking at sweet pictures like this will make chronic bachelors green with envy. People will be like marriage is sweet o. Unfortunately its not always so.

Marriage can shorten or lengthen a man's life.

corperscorner:
I got married early this year and ever since, my wife has never for once stepped into the kitchen to cook for me.

Its always been Mr Biggs and Sweet Sensation. She acts in a very strange manner at all times and this has got me wondering who I truly got married to.

Though she never cooked during our courtship, I didn't see it as a big deal. But it just got worse.

Recently, I confronted her and demanded she must cook for me by force or she should be ready to go back to her parents house. We had an heated argument over this...as I requested her to make me hot rice.

She stared at me in an absurd manner and said "you want hot rice abi, you want rice abi, OKAY"

The next thing I saw, my wife hit the wall with her palm 3 times and a very hot plate of jollof rice...dished inside black calabash, appeared from no where and she said "Oya take".

I didn't wait to check mayb the rice has meat or not, I took to my hills and since then, I haven't been home.

Please help me beg my wife to leave my house if you know her...

Buahahahahaha

Op you must be kidding, right?
Like seriously? You want rice abi, you want rice. This would make a good Nollywood script. Nkem Owoh and Patience Ozokwoh fits in naturally.

Even if it were real. Don't you know any Pastor you can contact for deliverance. To think you have been sleeping with her. Why are we supposed to do? Tell her-someone we don't know and who doesn't know us to leave your house from Nairaland.
If I say you are foolish, it would be an insult to foolish people.

See crowd following BBA. What if rapture takes place while your eyes are glued to nudity and carnality of it. Will you be caught up to be with Jesus? Are your garments clean? Are they white as snow?

Families in the village barely have 10k monthly yet they survive.Am talking of a family of 6 persons. You never appreciate God's goodness until that 50k ceases to come.

Jahblessme:
@emiye
Honestly,its suffering to me because there are 2 kids involved.If it was only her,it's different.
Its important for kids to get a decent start in life if possible especially when the man spends 200k when he's around.

I buy clothes when the need strikes..I buy for the kids very often cos they outgrow them pretty fast

You people keep hammering on the man spending 200k while around like housewives would do. Why not ignore that and look at what's on ground.

Is Jumbo tissue not 200naira? Is it a hard tissue. Sometimes you people fail to read what you are writing.

You are too much in a hurry to post. Besides you have not yet asked me how a stew lasting 1 week can be cooked with chcken for 1500 while soup lasting for 1 week can be cooked with 1k.

Longer throats. I have been to a wedding where food wasn't even significant. Are they not still married today?

chidyhels:
Hehehe
Am just being realistic here
I foot my bills and I know how much I spend on myself, talk more of when car and children are involved.

By how much you foot on yourself I guess you mean buying different gold necklasses, ear rings, watches, fast food joints and bars if you drink, cinemas, clothes, exorbitant shoes, costly perfumes etc. These are vain things. Are they wants? Yes
Are they neccesities? NO

Won't you live if you forfeit some of them?

I said a soup for 1 week can be cooked comfortably with 1k and even dared any of these women to ask me how so I can outline the condiments and current prices.

NOW I tell you a stew lasting for a week can be cooked with 1500 naira with enough chicken. I dare any woman here to doubt so I can spell out the condiments with current prices.

Now how many women here have vegetable or fruits garden at home? Do you know you can grow it, sell and make 5k or more from it? It pains me when I go to a family that built their own house and yet not a single plant is there. What you see are weeds and then the madam of the house will cross legs and be sipping juice while watching big brother africa. The hubby will wake up as early as 6am to go to work. He will give her 10k for weekly food. The bags of rice, garri, beans , yam are there.Yet she will be nagging.

The thing with women is never start what you can't continue with. For example you were giving her 100k monthly and then reduced it to 40k. You are aradite to them. Don't they have savings?

chidyhels:
With this your list, hunger will finish herself and kids.
Start keeping a proper list of your expenses as from today. You will be marvelled at wat you spent.

50k can never be enough for a mother with 2 kids and a car to maintain.
Pack car one side or sell it and start a biz ,use gen only wen its necessary, she should just drop that mentality of living big just becos her husband is abroad. Her focus should be on how much is on ground.

So how much does your own husband give you? 200k abi?
Some women who receive lesser and are using it without complaining. Be coming here to claim Dangote wife.

Assuming he gets a good lawyer, he has a good defence. How will you determine who was among the rapists. I hope there's still fluid evidences.

Sijioke:
no na daddy showkey.

Did you go to primary school? N Mandela stopped apartheid in SA and didn't influence anything in slave trade.

Its same as Man U beating Barcelona in video game

purityme:
Yes my hubby is a snub, he don't satisfy me on bed,and NO its not about money its more abt emotions den money. Money can't buy peace of mind I want Peace of mind

Use Burutashi to cook his food. Besides how do you dress? Some women after maarriaage start wearing grandma clothes.Are you still appealing? Wear your seducing mini skirts and take a go at him. Every man wants an active woman who takes initiative. Be a tigress in bed. Climb him and do ya thang.

elainemia:
Visit www.storiesmomstell..com for info on why marriages fail and other issues with regards to being a woman and having a family. It will be a good reading experience for you. Feel free to drop your comments!
Lovely weekend!

You are not a smart blogger. I should click that link?

Richiy:
Confidence is when I see a genuinely and well thought out approach. Not something by the roadside to prove you are "man enough". Doesn't freak me Walahi.

What is your idea of 'well thought out approach'.
Sending kids with well branded T-shirts to sing a love song to you and present you with flowers and a card, going to your parents to enquire about your dowry, sending a brand new car as birthday gift?

You go wait tire joor. Too much romantic film is affecting you, walahi.

No matter how intimidating a woman looks just walk to her and say your mind. Highest is am not interested.