₦airaland Forum

Why not ask the mother in-law to quit the place Dan destroying the building.

Subsea101:
Bold of you to call her standard "fake", show me anywhere is this story that points to her lifestyle as fake!, una go just open mouth dey generalize nonsense

You see pikin (OP) wey dey behave like mumu, wey suppose focus on his education, na only food e dey chop, still get mind dey think of wetin go distract am from his current primary purpose.

OP, focus on your education ffs

the love vendor still dey defend gal wen no send am.

Mr educationist , ond, and, bsc,msc, PhD....dt claims to be educated Weldon oooo.

you have all the education in the world but one small gal dey use you dey play ping pong.

Now tell me, who is wiser and more controlling btw you and dt gal?

You brought a petty noise online for us to read and we have read it. A man dt doesn't use his sense, odas will use it for him. That is what dt gal is rightly doin to you.

maybe the op should have just use only lazy .

a man may be hardworking and loose his job which describes him as jobless temporarily but not lazy.

some may have a job but be lazy coming to work or place of bizness.

Merry100:
Men should focus on advising men because too often they speak rubbish and present it as fact. So I should blindly follow outdated principles created by flawed humans instead of challenging them? Did all the women who followed these rules in the past have positive experiences? What am I, a sacrificial lamb?

I don't mind being called a "know-it-all." I just won't entertain illusions.

I don't see the importance of all that has been written. The only potential of posts like this is that they fuel the egos of men who already lack manners and make gullible women even more gullible.

What are men; embassy consulates? You expect women to unreasonably shrink themselves to fit men's checklists? If a man wants specific qualities in a woman, let him look for women who already have them. Women are not clay to be molded.

Your care-home example is inaccurate and irrelevant. Most elderly care home residents are visited by their children, not partners, because many are widowed, divorced, single, or have absent partners.

Loneliness or having children is not an excuse for living a miserable life. Marriage doesn't always protect against loneliness, and there are other ways to have children these days, even without sex. Many married people are even lonely.

Peace of mind, not marriage, should be the baseline. Marriage only works if both partners are responsible and accountable. It is not just about "God forbid"; be wise as well. God will not spoon-feed anyone when He expects them to use common sense. Are those who fail in marriage serving the devil?

It is commendable that you want your daughter to be prepared for life, but to protect her properly, she must understand that peace of mind comes first; not marriage. This will help her navigate life without falling prey to the wrong people. You better don't turn your daughter into a desperate woman or give her unnecessary pressure. Setting boundaries, maintaining standards, and choosing wisely are crucial because being a man doesn't mean being reliable. It is better for her to take her time and make the right choice, rather than avoiding breakups as if marriage were a competition that awards gold medals

The world is tough; especially for good people. Equipping a female child should go beyond education and technical skills. She must also be equipped with emotional intelligence, survival skills, and relationship skills to thrive in life.

Even the kindest person married to a bad partner is likely to live a frustrated life. I don't endorse hating men or oppose marriage, but I encourage women to know themselves best and choose what works for them.

The harmful principles that shrink women have continued because our foremothers remained silent. These patterns should be broken to prevent them from being passed down to future generations.

The post about Osa Ighodaro's marriage shocked me. She is beautiful, talented, and she was already doing well even before marriage, yet she had a hurtful experience. There are commenters who blamed her without knowing her personally. This is the society we live in, where women are always the ones to be blamed.

you wouldn't be quick to say all this long talk if your mind we remind you again dt it is the male dt approaches the female to ask for a relationship or marriage not the order way round. request for marriage in particular. woman no dey ask man for marriage.

Like this small analogy:

If you as a female go to a shop or the mkt to buy an item, would you pick the one dt is defective. you and I know your answer. No sensible person will pick a defective item.

the item only sits on the shelve weda good or bad, it is now left for the man to open his eyes to see and look very well before he picks the good item.

Op is more like talking to the buyer than the seller of that item.

If a guy approaches a lady and sees some characters he isn't comfortable with , he will take a detour.

similarly, a lady will also take a detour wen she too starts seeing some red flags she isn't okay with dt is after she has already agreed to go and stay in dt relationship wit dt guy for a while.

It is the man dt does the approaching and he is the one dt finally decides if to marry you or not.

The op is talking to the first main gender btw the two gender wc is the man dt puts leg first to ask for a relationship/marriage. wat follows next is for ur gender to either accept or not. your gender is not the one doing the asking.

He is saying the oda gender shud get themselves ready be removin any defect in them so dt wen the man see's her in a good characteristic form, he will like to make her his own.

no crucify our op mbok.

communication is very very importantant in relationship cum marriage.
if she is not responding to your msg. dt means she doesn't see you as sm1 dt measures up to her fake standard. Let her breathe.

Igbophobia:
Does God have a special person for you to marry? I'll answer you from the scripture and from experience. The answer is a big yes.

From scripture, remember when Adam was alone? The bible says God brought all the beasts to Adam and it was Adam that named them. There's a twist there: the bible says but none of the beasts was found fit for Adam. Later when God made Eve, Adam saw and named her because she was his flesh and bone.

In a spiritual sense, there is an eve for every Adam. If an Adam misses his Eve, he ends up with a beast.

On a personal level, I've been tempted to marry someone but God through His Spirit warned me not to.

This should be clear enough at least for the believer: marry in God's will or marry a beast. This could be why christians are admonished to at least marry another Christian. That minimum is for Christians who don't care about finding God's will in marriage.

What marrying another believer does for you is minimize your marital pains because they bear the same Spirit, unlike the calamity of marrying an unbeliever which effectively makes satan your father-in-law.

Marrying by 'finding a wife' is a sure recipe for disaster. If not now, later because even if you marry someone you think is a Christian, they may not actually be. For instance, there are many people in church today who are not Christians because their names are not written in heaven because they're walking in darkness such as fornication, hatred, internet fraud and many other sins. Would you say you found a good thing if you marry someone like that?

You see the logic you propounded above? It originates from Christians especially pastors who are guided, not by the Spirit of God but by their flesh.

bia stop trying to think or assume for God. tell us explicitly what chapter or verse did you see your own confusion from.

capetownboyz:
Well for a start , I would say my mind wasn’t really ready to start a family but unfortunately I found myself having a baby with my girl friend and we kept hoping maybe we can handle the stress and see what the future holds in store for us and then we can plan better ..

But to be honest ,I find myself back tracking and seeing myself alone not bothered by a family at my age cause I’m more of an introverted person and I love my peace and quietness but this days it just hard to focus on myself when everything seems like a burden and responsibility..

I’m not that financially buoyant or have something doing at the moment but I’m quite comfortable enough due to my past earnings in some few businesses which normally was to take care of my mental well being alone but this days I find myself trying to be there for my family and coupled with recession and bad economy ,it is taking a toll on my mental health and I’m being forced to be out there doing something concrete enough that will back my young family financially but this is not my trend and sometimes I find myself still thinking I’m living alone and looking out for opportunities in my own comfortable way not same way that feels hectic and serves as constant reminder for me to proof to myself and show that i am capable of handling the family life I got myself entangled in..

As regards my other half to be honest she is amazing ,beautiful and well disciplined but I’m not quite satisfied with her back ground and it [b]feels like I went too low [/b]and I didn’t aim higher . She got this home domestic trauma that she experienced from her family , seeing her dad hit her mom and all that , though she let me know of this issues which I thought to myself wasn’t that really deep but tonight I find myself arguing with her cause she saw a post of a woman who was abused by her husband and due to that she kept mentioning that she will stab and kill any man who does that to her repeatedly and find that really offensive and full of negativity. Thinking how to best figure out my finances with my family and here I’m being reminded of someone who is emotionally unstable as regards abuses her mum faced from her father and aside that have seen many red flags that doesn’t quite balance with me ..

I keep thinking , how I wish I was still alone and how needed to be by myself and plan my life well but at the end of the day I’m reminded have started a journey which I ought not to have cause it feels just too early for me ..Though I’m 31 by age this year but I don’t think age should be a determining factor as regards when you choose to settle down ..Due to this difference,I’m thinking of just leaving or asking her to leave and take the child away but I’m worried cause my daughter is too beautiful and loving to be left alone with her mum ,which to me I don’t really trust her and her back ground cause she grew up from a seperated household but I don’t think that should affect her as regards her household but to be honest it feels heavy to me and I feel like giving up but at the same I want to fight it out and believe I can defeat this phase of my life and channel a good purpose through my family but my lingering worries are : if she is really worth it, I mean doing life with her and creating a good foundation and purpose for ourselves.. Our insecurities are clashing and we find ourselves arguing over this and it starting to feel like we will be heading out different ways soon but still I can’t leave my child cause I don’t trust her well being with her mom cause she herself is not financially stable and likewise her family but I can handover the child to my parents cause they are doing well for themselves and capable of keeping a good eye on my child but she is adamant and swearing she won’t leave her daughter alone and I’m quite worried..

Pls advice me ,how do I create a balance and purge any negativity from my family ..I’m still looking for a job or thinking of getting a enough capital to start a business ..have really exhausted myself financially starting from when she got pregnant, till now and a never ending cycle of commitment and responsibility which is eroding my sense of freedom ..

you see that line.

most of us dt are married sometimes reason this way. Regret of "I married wrongly" , "I married sm1 too low for my status", "my ex was beta",.........and the list of regret and gnashing of teeth keeps going on and on and on

if you think you marid too low, dt means your saying you are wiser , more knowledgeable, more expose, giving or contributing more, more classy Dan dt woman dt has a baby for you.

Shud dt be ur reasoning , den dt is where ur strength lies. use your comparative strength and advantage you have over dt woman and begin change things in dt huz for good.

Reduce ur complaining. you have not put any effort ur already complaining. clarity comes along the way wen you start taking baby steps to resolve ur issue. use your wisdom to bring back your joy you were savouring and saw in her before she got preg for you.

look at her again and write out wat you actually like abt her. see how you can use dos her strength to ur advantage.

Above all, the major reason why your lamenting is because you dnt have enough money. what money cannot solve , more money will solve it.

The 3rd pix

the photographer graphically bend the leg of those 3 women at the left hand side.

essentialone:
Bro, understand that men don’t fall in l0ve with a w00man’s achievement. We don’t. Never have. Never will.
‎
‎She can be a CEO. A surgeon. A lawyer. ‎A PhD holder. A boardroom assassin. ‎A successful business w00man.
‎
‎It does nothing for how a man feels about her.
‎
‎Men don’t fall in love with titles. Men fall in love with peace. With femininity. ‎With softness. With warmth.
‎
‎She can earn six figures, run meetings, lead teams, and dominate corporate spaces. That’s fine. Applause at work.
‎
‎But if she come home competitive, combative, loud, rigid, and masculine, she Is not a wife, she Is a coworker. And no man wants to clock into another job at home.
‎We don’t want competition in our living room. We don’t want perf0rmance reviews in the bedroom. We don’t want power struggles at the dinner table.
‎
‎We want peace.
‎
‎If she can’t or won’t cook. If she despise cleaning. If she reject submission. If femininity offends her.
‎Then her degree doesn’t make her attractive. It makes her irrelevant to serious men.
‎
‎This has nothing to do with ego. It’s biology and order. A man will choose a respectful waitress over a rude lawyer every single time if she treats him better.
‎
‎Because her promotion won’t nurture children. Her independence won’t build a family. Her résumé won’t give him peace after war.
‎
‎Men build outside, w00men soften the inside. That’s the balance.
‎
‎Break that balance and don’t be shocked when men opt out.
‎Marriage is not a LinkedIn collaboration. It’s a home. And homes are built with warmth, not credentials.
‎
‎These are also the cause of most marriages.
‎
‎If this offends someone, it wasn’t meant to comfort. It was meant to clarify.
‎
‎Learn or perish.
‎
‎Class dismissed.
‎Till I come your way again.
‎Keep following for more.

baba. this one wen you drop for here no align to the question the op ask

buh smart perfume still dey ok. For a man.

Sonnobax15:

Imagine the huge amount of money the innocent man would have spent on sponsoring the native hen abroad

Funny thing is that I have a neighbor currently who's on this path. . I just dey look am dey laugh cuz I know his own breakfast would be microwaved in such a way that it'd take like forever but can never get sour

Men,when we go ever learn?

my man, I hail ooo. you are always having same experience with some perons story on this platform. If it is not Frm ur own experience, e go be one of ur frnds or neighbors . No gist for here dey strange to you

RaptorX:
No be only 800k na 800 million, factory job that they can tell him to go home tomorrow because there is not enough shift and they will call you back, keep doing Naira to Pound conversion nonsense.

it's 600k for 20hours per week ooooooh? in a warehouse. he select's parcel and drop on a conveyor.

point of correction.

chibuikejohn:
Now you are making sense, but you see that 20 hours, his soul will almost vacate his body . thats why you can only do 20 so you can have enough time to rest and recover

we do chat. he is complaining of tax. He said he had to work day and night shift all tru December to be able to meet up his bills.

borie4u:
Haba why the lies. 800k is 430£ and who will pay you that in a day after tax. Abeg make una no dey give lies here. The most you will earn in factory in a day is 200£ after tax and please factor in that you earn much ur rent is also much with council tax, electric and gas bills and internet too

I was wrong with my figure not actually a lie

Point of correction

It is 600k for 20hrs within a week.

borie4u:
Haba why the lies. 800k is 430£ and who will pay you that in a day after tax. Abeg make una no dey give lies here. The most you will earn in factory in a day is 200£ after tax and please factor in that you earn much ur rent is also much with council tax, electric and gas bills and internet too

I was wrong wit my figure not actually a lie.

Point of correction
600k for 20hrs within a week

nedekid:
Ie £400 per day?
Bros it's either you did not understand your friend or he is lying to you.

Point of correction
He makes 600k for 20hrs within a week. typo.error

Nationsdaddy:
800k per day how is dat possible? Favtory worker for that matter bros abeg say somethomg else.

Point of correction
He makes 600k for 20hrs within 1 week.

Nationsdaddy:
800k per day how is dat possible? Favtory worker for that matter bros abeg say somethomg else.

Point of correction
He makes 600k for 20hrs within a week.

yommysure:
Did he go via study route

yea via study

Point of correction
He makes 600k for 20hrs within a week

tpain121:
So he makes 400 pounds per day as a factory worker🤔

Why are some of you so gullible?

Ooh typo error. I wanted to say 600k for 20hrs within 1week.

seems you just stumbled on the word gullible and you want to spell it correctly for us.

I kno a frnd dt left Nigeria like 6mnts ago for uk is doing very well. He was working in a factory here in naija earning around 170k per mnt.
He got a factory job in uk where he earns up to 800k per day. same hrs. Different pay.

even if he had remained as a teacher in London, he wud have still made money. it's not really abt the vocation. It's the demand of his craft over there. Nigeria biz environment get comma.

Love800:
Yea WizKid is bigger than fela in terms of being successful(albums, hits, international collabo, sales), but fela is bigger in musical themes, message and poetry.

Many things to take and judge dem. I have not even talked about fela's activism, and wizkid's ground-breaking attendance in international performance(example, the Tottenham stadium stage performance record breaking).

these your parameters won't give a good comparative analysis. . you compare and contrast two items/persons if they both did same activity.

There is no inch of rational reasoning dt we can put side by side felas music with these crop of present day artist.

In album------give it to fela ( you mean in quantity/Quality)

wizkids song and present day artist song duration is like 3 to 5mins song. Do you know dt if we are to cut felas one song into today's present 2/3mins duration, we will have an album cut out just Frm one felas song.

In hit-----------give it to fela (mention one wizkid track dt is a global hit. Aside from holla at your boy dt is probably wizkid most popular song)

Artist upon artist have remix best of felas hit tracks. even wizkid himself took some lines off Frm felas song.

Felas died many years ago. his songs as way bk as 1980s is still been aired till today . It is evergreen even before wizkid was born and after him.

How many of wizkid old songs dt is even living do we hear like dt presently.

international performance-----fela didn't do collaboration. He had a band. He was more of a stage/solo artist. so you cnt compare since fela didn't do collabo.

Do you know how many musical instruments fela can play? mention one wizkid can comfortably play.

Beyond back and forth argument. In saying which is greater , we all know is fela.

Am not a fan of either of them.

I don't think she left because of too much of sex. it is likely due to other reasons . she only use the sex as an obvious excuse so the guy won't feel bad.
people leave a place , a job , a relationship ,a location wit the expectation of getting or entering a beta or high value one.

You cnt leave a 100k pay job for a 30k job rather it's the reverse. After you get into the new place or job or relationship , you now realize dt they are plenty discomfort in the new location. you will likely want to go bk like the prodigal child.

the oda guys she went to date after she left may likely not disturb her too much for sex like the first guy she complained about.

It may be the flaws in those ones in oda areas dan sex may be more Dan the too much sex she was complaining abt bk wit the first guy.

It may likely be monetary reason. Most ladies can adjust to a guy wit high libido dt gives dem steady cash Dan a guy with high libido but doesn't give so much.

same way they filed an appeal against super falcons when they lost against Morocco at the last wafcon alleging super falcons Michelle alozie and.plumptre are not eligible to play for Nigeria.

Agozskey:
This is long...
My father died in 2017, I was 17years old and from that point, my life changed completely. I became the one carrying the responsibility of this family far earlier than I should have.
When it was time for me to go to school, my late father’s family agreed to sponsor my education. Instead of supporting it, my mother blocked it completely. Because of the hatred she had for my father and his family, she rejected their help and continued to paint my father in a bad light even after his death. That decision alone altered the course of my life.
Instead of school, she pushed me into serving an oga and learning sales against my will. I stayed there for about two years, and it did not work out. When I came back, I was 20 years old, already behind my mates.
From there, I started working in factories, struggling to earn money and bring it home. I denied myself basic things I didn’t buy clothes, didn’t enjoy my youth everything went into the house. At some point, she even wanted to be holding my salary, controlling it completely.
Eventually, I found a place where I started making a reasonable amount of money. At the time, where we were living was terrible, so with the little progress I made, I paid rent for a room-and-parlour apartment, bought furniture, bought her a big bed, bought a TV, and tried to give the family a better standard of living.
I was 22 years old, doing all of this.
I told my mother I wanted to save money and set myself up properly so I wouldn’t depend on one source of income forever. Instead of support, she insisted that I must “settle her” first before thinking about my future.
When I told her I wanted to leave the house to seek greener pastures, she refused unless I gave her money. Eventually, I counted ₦300,000 and gave it to her to start a business.
Mind you, at this point:
I was handling feeding
rent
clothing
and most household expenses
My brother was contributing nothing, and I never complained or pressured anyone. I carried everything alone.
Later, I lost my job and entered a broke phase again. I was still managing to make money online without structure, and we survived partly on the business I opened for her. That business eventually crashed, and as usual, she took no accountability for it.
After that, she went fully into farming. I clearly told her I hate farming and begged her not to involve me in it. Despite that, she kept forcing me, threatening that if I didn’t help, I would not eat from the farm produce.
This hurt me deeply, because when I was the one providing, I never once threatened my family with hunger.
THE INCIDENT THAT LED TO EVERYTHING
Today, she was pounding fufu. I was not in the mood and clearly told her I didn’t want to pound. I said she should find another means and I would help in other ways but pounding was a firm no.
Her response was that I would not eat from the food.
I stepped out to hustle for money as usual and came back later to eat. When I got to the kitchen, my mother stopped me from eating. At that point, everything inside me snapped. I told her that if I would not eat, then nobody would eat.
In anger and frustration built over years, I carried the pot of soup and threw it away.
She immediately started laying curses on me calling me a cursed child, saying I would never make it in life despite the fact that I have carried her and this family since my father died.
After struggling over the pot, she ran outside, called neighbors, and threatened to have me arrested. She told everyone I was wicked and cursed. As usual, it was me against her and the world. The neighbors only saw an angry son, not the years of sacrifice behind it.
She openly said she no longer wants anything to do with me.
The painful irony is this:
I am broke today largely because she has always made decisions for my life, blocked opportunities, and drained what little progress I made. My brother, who obeys everything she says, is also suffering silently but cannot speak.
HOW I FEEL NOW
I am exhausted.
I feel used, manipulated, and painted as a villain.
I feel like the more I sacrifice, the more control is taken from me.
I am fed up.
I don’t feel like I have a mother in this situation I feel like I have an opponent.

lalalasky and agozskey. Both moniker drop
this same story. this gist is fabricated

Lalalasky:
This is long...
My father died in 2017, I was 17years old and from that point, my life changed completely. I became the one carrying the responsibility of this family far earlier than I should have.
When it was time for me to go to school, my late father’s family agreed to sponsor my education. Instead of supporting it, my mother blocked it completely. Because of the hatred she had for my father and his family, she rejected their help and continued to paint my father in a bad light even after his death. That decision alone altered the course of my life.
Instead of school, she pushed me into serving an oga and learning sales against my will. I stayed there for about two years, and it did not work out. When I came back, I was 20 years old, already behind my mates.
From there, I started working in factories, struggling to earn money and bring it home. I denied myself basic things I didn’t buy clothes, didn’t enjoy my youth everything went into the house. At some point, she even wanted to be holding my salary, controlling it completely.
Eventually, I found a place where I started making a reasonable amount of money. At the time, where we were living was terrible, so with the little progress I made, I paid rent for a room-and-parlour apartment, bought furniture, bought her a big bed, bought a TV, and tried to give the family a better standard of living.
I was 22 years old, doing all of this.
I told my mother I wanted to save money and set myself up properly so I wouldn’t depend on one source of income forever. Instead of support, she insisted that I must “settle her” first before thinking about my future.
When I told her I wanted to leave the house to seek greener pastures, she refused unless I gave her money. Eventually, I counted ₦300,000 and gave it to her to start a business.
Mind you, at this point:
I was handling feeding
rent
clothing
and most household expenses
My brother was contributing nothing, and I never complained or pressured anyone. I carried everything alone.
Later, I lost my job and entered a broke phase again. I was still managing to make money online without structure, and we survived partly on the business I opened for her. That business eventually crashed, and as usual, she took no accountability for it.
After that, she went fully into farming. I clearly told her I hate farming and begged her not to involve me in it. Despite that, she kept forcing me, threatening that if I didn’t help, I would not eat from the farm produce.
This hurt me deeply, because when I was the one providing, I never once threatened my family with hunger.
THE INCIDENT THAT LED TO EVERYTHING
Today, she was pounding fufu. I was not in the mood and clearly told her I didn’t want to pound. I said she should find another means and I would help in other ways but pounding was a firm no.
Her response was that I would not eat from the food.
I stepped out to hustle for money as usual and came back later to eat. When I got to the kitchen, my mother stopped me from eating. At that point, everything inside me snapped. I told her that if I would not eat, then nobody would eat.
In anger and frustration built over years, I carried the pot of soup and threw it away.
She immediately started laying curses on me calling me a cursed child, saying I would never make it in life despite the fact that I have carried her and this family since my father died.
After struggling over the pot, she ran outside, called neighbors, and threatened to have me arrested. She told everyone I was wicked and cursed. As usual, it was me against her and the world. The neighbors only saw an angry son, not the years of sacrifice behind it.
She openly said she no longer wants anything to do with me.
The painful irony is this:
I am broke today largely because she has always made decisions for my life, blocked opportunities, and drained what little progress I made. My brother, who obeys everything she says, is also suffering silently but cannot speak.
HOW I FEEL NOW
I am exhausted.
I feel used, manipulated, and painted as a villain.
I feel like the more I sacrifice, the more control is taken from me.
I am fed up.
I don’t feel like I have a mother in this situation I feel like I have an opponent.

this same story with different op name. likely a fabricated tales by moon light.

But his contract with the super eagles is still running

This is long overdue. the bridge is weak.
That bridge gives out a strong vibration wheneva those heavy articulated trailer and tanker drive pass .
those that do use d walk way of dt bridge dey feel it.

Sonnobax15:

Men will never learn..

Since I placed my banny in my shop,I've been noticing how she has been glowing . Omoh,na once I use style tell her say make she go find another work do

Since then,na me come dey glow

Nigerian bannies wey be Merlin when it comes to relationship scam

People wey God create for fun,na those kind people you expect me to take serious . No way

this man! You always have a similar experience of every oda person's ordeal posted on nairaland.

VeryWickedBro:
"Get married early, the money will come."
"Marriage means responsibility"
"Marry early so that you can play with your children"
"Children open the floodgates of wealth"
"By 30, you should own a car"
"By 27 you should be in your husband's house"
"A fool at 40 is a fool forever"
"Buying a land is the best investment"
"Once you reach your 30s, money will flow"
"Play with your children while you're young"
"You don't want to attend PTA meetings with young girls"

Sound familiar?





I'm tired of typing...
Bottomline,
You will continue to struggle if you continue to adopt the 1980/90s advice.


Good night

children are the leaders of tomorrow.

they wil use this to give the younger ones false hope so as to immobilize and make you dumb at a younger age not to qtns or challenge their policy and decisions.
keeping you in queue dt won't usher you too dt position they are occupying. Because they want to perpetuate themselves in power at a very old age and possibly die in office.

Nahimm:
I turned 29 about a month ago. I met my wife in the first quarter of 2024. We dated for a short period—about three months—before she became pregnant.

At that time, I was earning very little and living in a face-me-I-slap-you single-room apartment. My wife, on the other hand, was working, had a side hustle, and was also in her final year of a part-time academic program. She earned more than I did then. I was almost done with my own part-time program and was hopeful that completing it would help me secure a better job.

My wife is from the South-West, while I am from the Middle Belt. I loved her deeply and did not want anything to make her unhappy. I agreed to marry her, but I was not financially prepared for the traditional marriage list her father gave me. Because of the pregnancy and the need to be married before the baby was born, we opted for a court wedding.

After the baby was born, we moved into a one-room self-contained apartment. God helped me secure a new job, and my income improved, although it is still not enough to say I have full financial stability.

After childbirth, I began noticing many issues. I cannot say they were unusual because we had never lived together before—she only used to visit me occasionally. My wife comes from a family where her parents are separated. When we started living together, we experienced frequent misunderstandings. She was often unhappy, easily provoked, and at times verbally insulting toward me. I also noticed challenges with hygiene and other domestic concerns.

People around me advised that these behaviors might be related to postpartum changes, so I tried to be patient. At the time, I worked from home, assisted with household chores, and made conscious efforts to make her comfortable and happy, but it remained difficult.

Whenever we had issues, she would invite her mother and sometimes her mother’s friends into our home. They would speak in her language, which I do not fully understand, and she would describe me as wicked and complain about finances. At that period, I was indeed struggling financially. I had debts from securing the apartment, which cost close to two million naira, and although she also supported during that process, the financial pressure was intense.

My wife does not talk much, but when she does, her words are often very hurtful. She has made statements such as threatening to curse the water and salt she used to cook for me and calling me broke and proud. I overlooked many of these comments, believing they were influenced by postpartum stress.

One pattern that concerned me over time was laundry. She would not wash my clothes. Personally, I do not see washing my own clothes as a major issue, especially since we do not yet have a washing machine and I have time to do laundry. However, when I wash, I wash everyone’s clothes—hers, mine, and the baby’s, including her underwear. Over time, it became concerning that even when she did laundry, she would not wash my clothes unless I complained.

Financially, I give her close to ₦100,000 monthly, which is about 60% of my salary, to cover feeding and the baby’s needs. I also take care of other household bills. Hospital expenses are covered under my HMO.

Despite this, she often makes it seem as though the money I give her is insufficient and that she spends far more.

I have tried to communicate constructively. For example, I suggested that she buy food items in bulk instead of in small quantities, but she does not take this advice.

One issue that escalated matters significantly was intimacy. She often reacts aggressively when I touch her at night. I have tried explaining that I understand intimacy cannot happen all the time, but when she declines, I expect politeness rather than kicking, shouting, or asking me to leave her alone. On the rare occasions when she responds more calmly, she gives reasons such as needing to wake up early for business or to prepare the baby.

She sees her mother almost every day and regularly shares details of what happens in our home with her.
Last month, following a serious disagreement, she left our home with the baby and went to stay at her mother’s house. During efforts to resolve the issue, her mother told me several things I had not previously known, particularly complaints about the amount of money I give my wife. I eventually settled the issue by stretching myself financially to satisfy her family.

Despite my efforts, my wife did not return immediately. She stayed at her mother’s house for approximately one month and returned only when she decided to do so.

My own mother, who had not yet met my wife, initially encouraged me to be patient and make peace. She supported the steps I took to resolve the issue so my wife could return home. However, after I had done everything requested and my wife still delayed her return, my mother became more protective of me. She suggested that I relocate and inform my wife of my decision—if she agrees, we relocate together; if not, I should proceed alone.

My mother’s concern is that this pattern might repeat in the future, possibly many years later, where my wife might leave with the children, disrupting my life and delaying my progress.

I have not acted on my mother’s suggestion.
My wife has now returned, and things appear slightly better, but her manner of communication has not changed significantly. She remains very defensive and does not welcome open, healthy conversations. When I feel overwhelmed, I go silent to avoid becoming aggressive. She also tends to withdraw and remain quiet.

At present, I am focusing on improving myself, particularly financially.

At some point, I considered divorce and discussed it with her. However, our nine-month-old baby is a major concern for me, and I genuinely want a stable and healthy home for my family.

I would appreciate guidance on how to handle this situation.

when the foundation is faulty, what can the righteous do? Let me ask?

was it before marriage or after marriage, you got to know that her parents are separated? Or you knew but overlooked it? if you knew before marriage and didn't dig deep to ask qtns wt led to her parents separation, then you allow the time bomb to lurk around till now it's detonating.

Another thing I got Frm ur story is dt u weren't very observant. A guy dt is vry observant shud be able to see some red flag he is not ok wit wen he is wit a lady in few weeks or mnts.

Anoda tin is how you position urself during dating. you shud av taken the position of a false trouble maker in d relationship during dating. Dt shud av make you see how she reacts to every trouble you trow at her. dt will give you a sign if you cn tame her or not. this I doubt you did.

Anoda thing I noticed is dt you were always trying to make her happy and dnt punish her wrong doing . when she does smth wrong, she knows you will easily fall for her manipulativ apology.

As for the qtn you ask if the marriage will work? my brother it will organically not work wit dis kind of character mother-in-law and wife have except she change.

Possible solution:

have a meeting with her mother over the matter. let the mother know dt your not ok wit her daughter. If the mother is taking side wit her, den start processing ur way out of dt sham union.