[b]When you read this kind of complaint frm a woman, you will be quick to take side wit the woman.
wat I see here is dt the woman doesn't really vibe well wit her Inlaws DTS why she is complaining.
If you truly like sm1 you wouldn't see dt as an issue dt shud trouble ur soul. On paper , they may be wrong bt you just AV to accept dem dt way.
Secondly, since it's now a pattern dt you know dem of, dt shouldn't also bother you. try to accept dem dt way.
We nid to be flexible most times in our marriage,
no be only you get principle say inlaw must inform you ahead before coming. You tink say your husband too no get rules too.
His family still see him as their own. your husband probably was closely knitted to dem before marriage .
weneva you see dem uninvited, you sef go jokingly tease the inlaw "haa,...broda joe , na ur face be this. this one wen you show unannounced hope we are safe"
It is called social skill.
If it is the volume of huz chores dt will be much for you during their visit, you ask one of dem for help in the kitchen. It's not a difficult thing.
most times, we are quick to complain because we dnt want to get involved.
I believe dt the one who single handedly does the spending shud be the one to complain more not you the wife. e no easy to feed 2mouths not to talk of 5mouths.
While the woman has a point dou bt the person taking responsibility for the spending shud be the.one to complain more which most likely na the husband.
Most men can tolerate hosting in-laws . They dnt really complain if they AV the financial capacity to feed frnds/family even if the relatives or visitors coming are up to 20. he only complains wen he doesn't av the money.
most women just want to complain because the people coming to stay are not from her side.
It is possible not to like ur relatives but you can still use sense nd manage them wen they com visiting.
By virtue of marriage connecting you nd dem, you just AV to kip managing dem without complaining.
It is women dt dnt AV good human relationship dt do complain most. You as the woman of the huz, you av the right to ask one of the relatives dt came to come assist you in the kitchen or any oda chore.
some will want to single handedly kip doing a task or chore and not ask for help wen odas are willing to offer help because they wnt to curry sympathy say they are the only one working. It's manipulation.
It's not because of dem nt telling you before hand of their coming dt is the problem. The woman doesn't like the husband people.
shebi na my wife go team up wit her sister to bring her children com do holiday for my huz without pre-informing me. I dint see it as any issue. Bt I told her dt she will be the one to take financial responsibility for their stay all Tru. she hear dt one, she asked dem not to com.[/b]
One big pastor of a church said something in his msg that " your wife is your first daughter. she is not your competitor" I was wondering wat he meant by dat until I started understanding seeing Tru the behavior of my wife.
my wife nd myself was inside the vehicle coming bk frm my father's burial yesterday. she ask I buy her something. I responded dt I dnt av cash. Dt I av spent a lot of money at the ceremony .
This woman said, "you shud av spent wisely". I looked at her and the picture of when she was telling me to spray money on her while dancing bk in the village wen the musician was singing just dey play like video for my face..
you stay bk nd withold spending carelessly, the woman go say you stingy. you spend to impress her, you tell her you dnt AV mony wen she ask frm you after some days, na still she go say you didn't spend wisely.
You start worrying less in your marriage when you start seeing Your wife as your first daughter ,
if you hand a project or responsibility in your wife's hand, dnt take your eyes off it. You too also follow it up closely from afar or else they will mess it up.
Lilosama: A Nigerian man shares his honest opinion on why he believes he can’t marry a career-focused woman. He explains his expectations around marriage, intimacy, attention, and how he believes a woman should balance her career with her relationship. Do you agree with his perspective, or do you see things differently?
Fridud234: But help me understand the cruelty and double standard that exists in Nigerian society when it comes to marriage and family support.
When a man and a woman get married, in many cases, especially depending on the social class of the woman’s family, the woman’s family members are often very supportive of their daughter’s husband.
They show up for him. They support his business, career, challenges, and sometimes even go out of their way to make life easier for him.
The reverse, however, is often not the case.
Women hardly receive the same level of genuine support from their husband’s family. Perhaps they support their own son behind the scenes, I’m not entirely sure. But the woman herself? Many times, she is left to figure things out on her own.
And this becomes even more painful when the woman loses her husband.
Instead of the first question being, How do we take care of her? How do we make sure she and the children are okay? How do we support her through this difficult period?
What often comes first is:
“What belongs to our son?”
“What happens to his property?”
“What will happen to the house?”
“What does she have that belongs to the family?”
Suddenly, the woman who was supposedly married into the family is treated like an outsider.
The same woman who spent years building a home with their son, raising their children, supporting his dreams and standing by him through difficult seasons can suddenly become someone they need to protect the family from.
And I genuinely struggle to understand this.
If marriage means two people become one, why does the woman suddenly become “the other family” when her husband dies?
If she was good enough to marry your son, good enough to bear his children, good enough to build a life with him, why isn't she also good enough to be protected, supported and cared for when he is gone?
Why is the emphasis so often on what she might take rather than what she has lost?
Why is her grief sometimes treated as an inconvenience while questions about property, inheritance and ownership take centre stage?
And this is where I think we need to be honest with ourselves as Nigerians.
We cannot keep preaching that marriage is the union of two families while practising a system where one family welcomes the husband as a son, but the other family continues to see the wife as an outsider.
If she is your son’s wife when he is alive, she should not suddenly become your enemy because he is dead.
If those children are your grandchildren while their father is alive, they should not become bargaining chips after his death.
Family should mean more than blood and inheritance.
It should also mean responsibility, compassion, protection and humanity.
What baffles me now is, it’s 2026 and this is still the practice in Nigeria. If we must change our country then we need to start with our mindset. So many things are wrong in our society and we need to address these things.
We need to ask ourselves: What kind of family are we really building when the person who needs the most support at her most vulnerable moment is the person we are most eager to fight?
Dnt worry . am coming to see your people very soon. I have told you several times. . Forget about chinasa, nkiru, chisom, I don't have anything wit dem.You are the one that I love.
Ahayalift: All Thanks unto ALMIGHTY I AM THAT I AM that keeps me Alive till this day and beyond. I sincerely wish and thought those Nigerians from the particular Region that were Tracking me for some Years now would have stopped after they read my Post about them here on NL, but they did not. I would not have continued posting all these if they had stopped, as a matter of fact I don't want to have anything to do with Yoruba Land or Nigeria anymore! But as they have continued their inconsiderate efforts of making Life difficult for me, I have no choice but to do the needful.
I met and fell head-over-heels in Love with the the most naturally beautiful BornAgain Christian Lady towards the end of Year 2017. I guess the fact that we were both Children of Police Officers made the desire to protect our indigenous Father Lands and Nigeria kinda stronger. I was so well welcomed in their Home after her wonderful Dad and Mom confirmed that I truly love their Daughter and really ready for Marriage. Her Mom often insist that I eat with her in same plate, me eating with Mom of my would-be Wife?! I was shy at first but soon got used to this uncommon genuinely loving Christian Family.
My joy knew no bound as this family of the Tribe that I have always wish to marry into accepted me as their very own Son, ever since I started the Christian process for the Marriage. It was on one of my visits to their residence in Abuja Police Barrack, that I heard discussion that their village at their Home Town was attacked by Herdsmen bandits. Maybe I was too much in Love and too eager to be a Hero, I was so angry with the Herdsmen and vowed in my heart to do all I could to stop them from advancing acts of terror in my fiance Homeland. Before this very day that I felt very angry that her Home Town was violated, I didn't really care about any Bandit/Herdsmen activities. The following day when I got home from work, I started an extensive Research about the Herdsmen/Bandits activities in Nigeria. By evening of same day, I continued the Research to see how best to help defend my fiance's Southern Nigerian HomeLand. That relentless focused process then later led me to stumble on another related fresh News which was posted on NL. Of how Christians in Church in Markudi Benue Village were attacked, slaughtered and dismembered. The Post was with a warning "Graphic!" I've never seen such horrific images before. The more I checked, the more I saw that such similar killings have been going there for Years. I didn't know when I started weeping profusely uncontrollably and asking why is the Southern Nigeria Church feeling the Pain of these fellow Christians, why are they not speaking out or doing anything serious to protest or stop the Killings of these Christians in the North?! So, I started writing and speaking out against the People fingered for Herdsmen Banditry activities that have stared in my fiance's HomeLand and that have been going on in Benue and other parts of the North for a while. As at then, I didn't know that the Killings was not really the fault of any Tribe or Humanbeing.
I already built my own house in Abuja, had my car and living a financially comfortable Life. My childhood Friend that is a Civil Engineer was living with me, as well as 2 Guys that work with my Agro Company. I already started to diversify into Solar Industry and FinTech/E-commerce (I was developing my very own FinTech Company:PaySafe.com and already finished WeShop247.com I later lost the Domains when my long Troubled Era started). In fact, my Family was amazed as my E-commerce Site was tested for ordering goods and all worked excellently well. The Sky was literally the Limit for me, already small Millionaire and becoming a Billionaire was an obvious ultimate likelihood for me. I already planned to build a massive House immediately after my Marriage the following Year. It was as a Young Man with all these going on smoothly for me then that I veered off into focusing on fighting for my Wife-to-be HomeLand which completely shifted my Focus from my Personal Life Development into daily seeking (from morning to night) how to stop the Herdsmen Terrorism that had newly started to invade there. I still don't know if I should never have been interested in any efforts to stop the Killings and Maiming, as some few People from the very Region for which my good jolly progressive Life(the kind of which many young men pray to have) was refocused and redirected to help HomeLand of those that later so relentlessly fiercely persecuted me even till this day, even in foreign Country.
Every weekend then, we bought life goat and shared into 2 equal parts, half of which I drove down to take to my in-laws' place and the 2nd half we use to cook for the week. Sometimes, my mother-in-law would say she prefer big life fishes for the weekend since I had fish Ponds and I gladly took some to her as I know she loves me just like my very own Mom. Even before then, the family shower so much Love on me and I feel so happy to buy gifts as appreciation, one of which was latest android phone that I bought for my fiancee's Brother. All these can easily be confirmed.
Before I met this wonderful young Lady, I was not really perfectly BornAgain. But when she came into my Life, she taught me the importance of walking in perfect Holiness, reading the Bible daily, etc. In fact, she got me to memorize Bible 66 Books Titles: Genesis - Revelation. We had our memorable official wedding introduction mid Year 2019 with plan to marry her erarly in 2020. In between, by March 2018 maybe because my Holiness has really increased, The Supreme SPIRIT of I AM THAT I AM revealed to me in a Trance that the same Killings that is happening in the North for many Years, and that has slightly spread down to my finance's Southern Part, was about to heavily invade the SouthWest Yoruba Land. HE vividly showed me bandits heavily kitted in Military uniforms invading Churches and killing People, also kidnaping Yoruba Kings and killing them, etc. It was a shocking Revelation, I drove straight to my Pastor in Abuja the following morning sweating. I explained what I saw, but he laughed and said it was just my imagination. Yet, throughout that week I couldn't sleep well.
Earlier in my efforts to defend and protect my wife-to-be's Homeland from further invasion and Terrorism, I did so much extensive research and collated some stuffs on Nigerian Herdsmen Banditry. I never thought or knew it would eventually be later useful in effort of protecting Yoruba Land from same. I used that same gathered info with addition that Violence and fighting with them can not really solve the Problem, but Peaceful Resolution through sincere brotherly dialogue or outright Dissolution of the Country. And that uniting the Yorubas to genuinely Love one another beyond and above money, class, culture, religion, tradition, etc. is important. I also made efforts to wake up the Church Leaders by Communicating the Divine Revelation that was shown to me to them, and I also let them know that Yoruba Youths need Re-Orientation because despite the Global Big Churches that started from there, Yoruba Land has highest rate of money Ritual Killings. The young Children and Youths need to be helped to know that "The Best way to become a Millionaire/Billionaire is by working hard to provide useful goods and services to Humanity. Not just by Fasting and Praying alone, or through Ritual Killing YahooYahoo plus." This is because Youths that are focused on getting easy quick wealth and riches are already just waiting tools for Bandits to use. I communicated to the Church Leaders in Lagos, the fact that The Youths of Yoruba Land grew up unloved as Loners that Yoruba Leaders don't sincerely care about (unlike the Youths of the other Great Tribe in Nigeria) And this is why invading the Land would be easy. So that the Church Leaders would in turn wake up Yoruba Politicians, Royal Fathers, etc. I started Yoruba Unity International (YUI) because I noticed that Yorubas don't prioritize fellow Yorubas above Class, Culture, Religion, Money, etc. In fact Yorubas don't love and protect their fellow Yourbas like the other wonderful Strong Tribes do. So, I knew the Invasion of SouthWest would be far more easy, devastating and eventually massive than my fiance's HomeLand Area. I also started discussing this in all Yoruba WhatsApp Groups. I was soon noticed by the Spies that infiltrated our YUI Groups, etc. I started being careful after noticing Tracking activities on my Phone. And one of them that privately contacted me on WhatsApp said he has seen that I have a genuinely good heart, but I should think very well before continuing to Fight for Yoruba People. It got me really thinking deeply why such a Muslim Fulani Man gave me a chance to escape.
The situation started affecting my phycology so much that I forgot to fuel my car for 3 days till it abruptly stopped in the middle of the road while driving with my fiance on the way from Church to drop her at home. I still didn't realize that my car was out of fuel. We came out of the car and I got her a taxi that took her home, while I went to bring Mechanic that later said it's just lack of fuel. So, after several discussions and arguments with my finance on the way forward later in 2019, (she wanted me to stay in Nigeria after our coming Wedding as her Job and vision was already getting established in Nigeria, while I know that I should leave the Country without delay) I gave her the go-ahead to marry one of the other 5 Church Brothers that were also asking for her hand in Marriage before I came into her Life. Her wonderful Parents initially protested, and asked how they would return all that I have done and given to them. I told them I'm forever their Son and I will never take anything that I gave them back. I actually look forward to whenever I return to Nigeria, to come with awesome gifts for them as well as for mine too.
Finally, the the Ever Pure Supreme SPIRIT of I AM THAT I AM reiterated that I should to leave Nigeria without any further delay in same Years 2019, I sold my house and car and left. To prevent myself from being tracked, I adopted my Father's Christian Name as Surname and Englishnized my personal Name, and did all that our Eternal Heavenly FATHER favoured me to do to keep my identity undiscoverable for the Trackers from Nigeria. While in foreign Country, I wept bitterly as I soon started seeing in the News that the Revelation that The Ever Pure Supreme SPIRIT showed me has started happening in Reality, in Yoruba Land exactly as I saw in the Vision. I warned them since March 2018 till I later left over a Year later, they didn't do the Re-Orientation Program which would have made the societal fabrics of Yoruba People impenetrable, and their Youths unmanipulatable.
I enjoyed peaceful Life abroad till Year 2023 when I used my Gift to campaign online for Yoruba President Bola Tinubu emergence as Election Winner against the Candidate from my Ex's Part of the Country. We are still very good friends at hearts, despite already being married to different Spouses. We both still know that we would have had awesome Great Marital Life together by now... In fact, to prevent Emotions from running into kindling fire that we know we would not be able to quench, we had to mutually agree as BornAgain Christians to stop communicating with each other through email or any other means. In the Election period, I used my Gift to Campaign and convince Voters to Vote Baba Tinubu then because I had Divine confirmation that if he did not Win, another Northerner would continue while it is rightfully Turn of Southern Presidency, as the North already spent 8 Years. It is much easier now for President Tinubu to hand over to another Southerner if the Great Man from my Ex's Southern Region wins. In fact, I have been campaigning for him because I know he has a good heart and would truly make the Country great.
Unfortunately, probably because they didn't know my political Life Direction started because of my passionate Love for them and their Region, some few politically-aggrieved People from my Ex's Part of the Country have been on vendetta mission against me even since the Yoruba President won. They said or think my 2023 Campaigns made their Person to lose to Tinubu back then, I've already vowed to them that I will no more Campaign for President Tinubu because even now I'm currently disappointed in how Nigeria is. Yet, they still hacked my Phone and then used the Evangelism materials that I shared to grievously and bitterly Blackmailed me to the People of the Country in which I live, this is after they have tried every other means possible. They contacted any and every reputable Person/Group/Organizations they feel any of the information on my Phone would offend to turn such to my Enemies. Every African observer already knows that heir bring-him-down-at-all cost Manipulations and bitter Propaganda is unmatchable. They have invested so much Efforts, Money and Time into making some of the wonderful People of the Country in which I live to hate me. They convinced them by using the Videos and End Time Radio Program information that I shared while Preaching. They intentionally omitted the fact that my Mentor that opened my eyes to the evils which I posted about is their very own Brother in Nigeria that has been warning the whole World with Evidences about the subtle Life Destroyer, and even calling out Names of the Manufacturers, etc. I was never the Original Maker of any of the Videos as the faces of the Makers of the Videos that I shared were clearly shown. The Americans, Nigerians and Persons from the Country where I live that Original Created and Posted the Videos on several Social Media are enjoying their Lives while these very set of Persons from Nigeria have used the simple fact that I shared the End Time materials, to planted so much hatred in the hearts of some where I live and even gotten them to join in stalking, stressing, and indirectly persecuting me. I'm so grateful that the People of the Country are the very best Kindhearted Souls in Africa, they still refused to be physically pushed against me as those from Nigeria have severally tried to manipulate them to do. So, my so called Christian Brothers from Nigeria finally showed their faces as the ones that have hunted and make Life extremely difficult for me in the Foreign Country where they are supposed to mind their own Business and let me mind mine, they physically came with efforts to attack me in June this Year. They've continued all these nonsense for Years because I kept quiet and suffered all in silence, but not anymore! I've forwarded all the Evidences to my Families and they said they will Escalate the matter internationally to show to the whole World how Evil this group that has been after me is. They also vowed to get Justice for me, but I've pleased that they should keep harms crossed for now. My Wife's Country People are now also fully updated too.
I can never wish my worst Enemy the excruciating lack of Rest of Mind, Progress stagnation, Financial Terrorism, Business incapacitation, Call Monitoring, crippling Stress, Heart Pains, Sleepless Nights, Financial Loses, Restlessness, daily weakening Anxiety, 24 Hours Stalking and IT Surveillance which they've concentratedly put me through in the past few Years. The One and Only Supreme SPIRIT ALMIGHTY I AM THAT I AM that put Life into You, I and into every Humanbeing saw that I have been far too much Punished, Obstructed, relentlessly Heavily Blackmailed, wickedly Victimized and callously Stressed out for just too Long, far more than enough even if I truly offended them Years ago for that matter! HE then stepped in the Month of June and warned them to leave me alone!
I still wonder why despite the fact that they identified as being Christians, they couldn't forgive the fact that they saw the impact of my Campaign for the Yoruba Presidential Candidate Years ago while I was defending Yoruba Land. During such Season, I also only retaliated their tribal verbal abuse against me for being related to Yoruba. It was for political reasons and it should have ended at that. But they have done so much wickedness against me for Years since then, even after I have severally apologized to them.
Hopefully, now that they will read this my True Love Story which shows that my becoming Political(now past, I'm no more interested in defending any People or Land). I am no more hiding the Truth that I have confirmed beyond any reasonable doubts in the past few Years that the People from my Ex' Region are far more Superior in Wisdom and Intelligence than we Yorubas. So, I don't contest with them any more, they are far more advanced in Wisdom than Yorubas, but that doesn't mean they should Trample upon other Tribes just because ALMIGHTY gave them Greater Ability in Africa.
I'm no more interested in helping to secure any Land as I'm now completely focused on Ministering unto ALMIGHTY I AM THAT I AM that called me, HE has given me over 700 Songs to record and produce unto HIS Eternal Glory.
Honestly, I'm not happy to write this at all, because I know that the majority from the Tribe concerned are very kindhearted good People. But there is this few that are hell-bent on crushing every and anyone that tries to work on preservation of Future and Honour of Yoruba People and Yoruba Land. This group went after Adeyinka Grandson in UK till his marriage scattered (I severally spoke with Adeyinka on phone those Years that they are our Brothers and that Violence against them would never solve any Problem), currently calling Sunday Igboho unprintable names for suspending Yoruba Nation agitation while they too have suspended theirs since for the current Political Dispensation. These their several double standards was what I called out on anonymous Forum Years ago that got them to start targeting me. As I've said before, it was actually in the Process of researching and fighting to Defend my finance Homeland (which is same as their Place, I started out fighting for them out of passionate Love for her) that coincidentally created and propagated YUI after I fell into Trance and The Supreme SPIRIT showed me that same Danger is about to be far more Devastating on Yoruba Land than in their own Southern Region. For long, I was not really sure that they were the ones working in shadows to perpetuate Financial Terrorism that chased away all Customers from my Business till June this Year when they have convinced some from the foreign Country where I now live that I'm an evil person that should be dealt with. They came gathered physically close to my Junction one early Sunday morning by 5:00AM in June this Year 2026, I passed them by not far off as they've gathered in the dark on the left road while I turned right as I was on my way going into the City. I heard their Nigerian ascent saying "Ah, he don escape o! We are too late, etc." I was extremely sad thinking but these are my Christian brothers for ALMIGHTY sake! The Full Complete Story at:
olagbara oooo. Is dis a book sorry a story or is an article for people to read?
nnamdi640: , you are correct, I once asked my sister in Christ, the kind of man she want, my sister started listing, a tall man, handsome man, a caring man, the one that shock me was when she said she wants a God fearing man with small ashawo vibe, it was there I knew that gender has problem.
which one be God-fearing man wit ashawo vibe? Dos these two character in one person pair?
80% ? By money related? How did you arrive at Dt figure? In the circle of the rich family or couples, your hypothesis no follow.
Most of the rich couples divorce is not first related to money. na wetin the poor or those wen no get like dt dey overlook for dia marriage, the rich dey take file for divorce.
There are lots of examples of rich couples dt separated due to one weird reason.
The footballer Kaka comes to mind. Bill gate anoda example.
come to naija , PST oyakhilome, PST Chris okotie, Folorunsho alakija, in edo, funke akindele, tonto dike, ty salvage, tuface idibia, 9ice,frank edoho,yul edochie, ay makun...the list goes on... and on...nd on
capetownboyz: Man, I don’t know what to feel right now. Well, for a start: never let a woman talk you into having a child unless you are financially ready and capable—not just of having a child, but of dealing with a respectful person and choosing the right mother for your child. Not all relationships lead to marriage, and not every woman you sleep with must have your child. That’s a very important point. Well, I’m dealing with a woman whose disrespect I find so disturbing. We’ve been at loggerheads over who should get custody of the child ever since our separation, but she’s still adamant and keeps adding more insult to the situation. I’ve been doing well providing for my child’s monthly needs, yet she complains that it’s not enough and talks down on my efforts to provide. She adds insults to some of her requests, and I find that really annoying. Because of this, I made sure I didn’t provide financial assistance this month. I’m standing firm on getting custody of the child. If she’s tired of taking care of her, she can bring her to me. But this lady is very stubborn and annoying. No wonder we didn’t end up together—she might trigger me into an abusive state, and I don’t want that for my peace of mind. That’s more reason I chose separation, and we aren’t married either. I somehow feel guilty about the situation, leaving my child in circumstances that might put her in a bad state regarding her food, meds, and care. But I have no choice at this point, because I work very hard and the job takes a toll on me. All those sacrifices are being met with disrespect and blame, so I’ve chosen to stop and focus on brighter means that will give me the financial freedom I truly seek—instead of suffering out there in this country and getting no gains. Worst still, I can’t monitor the growth of my child personally, and she uses the situation to gaslight me a lot. I want that child to be with me before I can take up her responsibilities and take good care of her. But while she’s in the hands of her mother, I feel no emotion in sacrificing my energy out there anymore just to provide. I’m not irresponsible—I just hate her mom. I hope I’m not being selfish here. 😓
meaning you had a baby wit her but you didn't marry her. let me ask, wat Abt her parents or anybody frm her side dt you can talk to Abt her behavior if changes could come.
She knows you av soft spot for d child nd will always provide for dt child dts why she is using Dt avenue to abuse you.
The antidote to these kind of women na to stop providing for a while . Do it for like 2mnts straight. The pikin no go die. wen she understand wat it takes to provide and kip spending money naturing a child, she go mellow .
The abuse and voice she dey raise weneva she wan talk to you go stop because expenses go humble her.
she seeing her period after the rape incidence doesn't rule out the possibility of she been pregnant before you had sex with her. It is not unusual for women to still menstruate while preg. some menstruate like 3mnts into preg.
MY SUGGESTION
since you said you can locate the rapist , it's good you do dt. That baby is 10mnts old. e neva go far.
A baby accepts any body dt keeps giving her care and affection as her parents even wen such adult is nt related to dt child. just like you now knowing ur not the biological father.
If dt baby grows under ur care , he /she will call you daddy bt you urself know dt ur not the real fada esp wen you haven't told him/her.
MY QUESTION
Are you ready to go all the way for the reminder dt dis child no be me born am? such awareness may likely cause you discomfort psychologically.
you know how frnds , family and those in the know will want to make jest of you Abt raising a baby born out of rape by a stranger .
If your ready to nurture the baby and damn the consequence then go ahead and raise dt child but if you no get the mental vigour, then try to look for the person wen born am and hand over the baby to him.
Dt was a phase and they AV pass Tru it. most importantly higher responsibilities av preoccupied them so much. Them neva die. They are still breathing. While some just enter nland occasionally .
If you drop a headline dt if anyone sees so ...so...and soo....lady dt you want to gift her sometin huge. You tink say the so called scarce lady no go find herself out to show face?
Winnerrrr: as a teenager, i used to be shy and timid all the time, i like attention but don’t know what to do with it when i get it.
it got worse in my late teens, my hands and legs will shake profusely during class presentation and it used to be hell talking to girls.
but as i grow older well into my 20’s, my confidence naturally grew and now i feel like i can talk in front of anyone or any crowd confidently. what was the magic that changed it all?
RESPONSIBILITIES.
the human mind engrosses itself with lower problems when it’s not occupied, imagine you got a call that your kid got an electric shock outside your house and you are in the bathroom, aren’t you going to dash out with probably just a towel to go save the kid? are you going to worry about dressing up or the color of your shirt or shoes? no.
thats exactly how it is, take on more responsibilities and you will just kill it off naturally. your mind will just switch the shy/less confident part of you to optimize for the task at hand.
another example is how older people seem more confident and less timid compared to young people, because they have gone through crazier things that transformed their lives to the point where being shy or timid doesn’t even register to them.
in essence, what i’m trying to say is that if you are shy or timid you are probably dealing with lower problems in your life, set bigger goals and expectations for yourself and your brain will be forced to kill off your shyness and timidity.
not only responsibilities, it's more of where(environment ) and how(family relationship).
An environment dt is loud and very busy will always attract ur attention. wt you see often will force you to express urself dt moment. could be an environment where is populated with tout and street urchins doing their ratmatazz and battle of supremacy btw diff grps. the avg mushin or ajegunle resident in Lagos Nigeria eyes don see the good , the bad and the ugly at an early age as they grow up. .
Also, how we were raised too in a home is even the major reason. A home where parents allow their children express themselves freely over any issue is a booster to the child's confidence. You can call it a happy home. House wen be say any papa and mama no dey allow their pikin talk their mind dey kill their self esteem and in turn makes dem timid. If the huz com be huz wen the parents like to dey instill fear for the children body dey also add to it.
When children are not always put forward to be seen, heard and them seeing things outside the home also affects their confidence level. You can call it exposure. the more a child interfaces with his peer outside his home and also socializes, the more he gets use to relating wit people without feeling shy..
communication pattern too. when a parents pattern of communication wit a child is rooted to instill fear such child gets witdrawn. Any small error or mistake, na back hand for the child back. Or from the papa koboko. Instead of talking it out and letting the child explain him or himself.
Poverty sef add to it. pikin wen dem born inside poverty ,most of dem dey very timid. wat a 10yrs old rich man pikn know ,most 15yrs poor man pikin no know. big man pikin don watch a lot of educational programs on paid TV like dstv either frm the TV or on his tab 24/7. Such child easily get informed on trends at the tap of his finger. It is an informed mind dt knows and knowing makes you confident. How many poor man fit afford tab for.his pikin? Poor man area sef no dey get light to even watch trends and events compare to the rich. If light no dey, dem on generator.
Anoda thing na physical deformity. A child dt has one deformity or the oda will AV a low self esteem. Low self esteem makes a child shy. because dt child sees himself or herself as not normal frm oda children. several attempts of socializing with his peers always lead to him/her been teased or mocked. so he/she prefers to get witdrawn most of d tym.
The reasons are quite much. Let me allow odas express themselves.
Plentydreams: I am not saying it's wrong,but if you are a Yoruba you will understand that is not a true appreciation
you said you are not asking her out. The same you is not cool the way she said only thanks. Let me ask. What was exactly ur intention giving her dt money? wat kind of response do you want to hear from her or how do you want her to say it?
Or you label her appreciation as incomplete because she didn't follow it up wit the usual sycophant prayer and appreciation we are use to hearing. "Thank you for yesterday" we enter the third day, she repeats it again. "Thank for for day before yesterday"
when we give and we get disturbed because we dint hear the kind of response frm the receiver. Then such giving is not frm the heart.
Except ur tying to pass a msg to the gal dt "I am the one dt is helping ur life. If I didn't send you dt money, you for die". so greet me multiple times anytym we chat or see.
Cleties: It. Started while in my college years by then where I belong to some group of religious organization that is where I began to stop talking to other genders,,.. cause I really wanted to arrive a successful person in life so i choose and decided on steps which I would be taking so I won't fit or got hooked up with any lady within myself not caring neither listening to what others even the society would say concerning this pathway I'm living to myself all alone..Now from the look of things I felt I had lost my urge speaking to any woman of my age concerning intimacy and it's causing Me more hurts than it should I mean there is alot more having intimate with the oppesite sex rather than keeping and staying lonely,,,I just don't know how to start and where to regain it I even tried applying my self with younger girls so I could just start a fresh again but I guess it a late to me cause already known as one that doesn't look or talk with women at this point im emotionally confuse and depressed towards all this Im going through present now .. kindly advice a lost one Here
Dear lost one as you addressed yourself,
wat your going tru is a rage ravaging ur mind. the trajectory it took for ur mind to be led astray dt association wit the opposite gender is d same trajectory it will take you to unload dt wrong notion.
It is not a difficult thing to do. It's good admitting you need help. DTS the beginning of ur start.
Practical steps to do.
1. be open minded.
2 start staring at women.the kind of ur spec Not in a stupid or lustful way.
3 show interest. wen your frnds talk Abt women mata, gfrnd talk, join dem and listen.not necessary you talk. na frm one or two persons experience you go learn.
4. get urself engaged once in a while wit movies wit good story love line. I recommend a foreign movie . It's just for u to see and understand the chemistry wen a guy is chatting a gal. Nollywood own get as e be.
5 do some imaginary drama in ur head. cud be wen ur alone in ur room or walking down a road. As if you dey talk to the gal and she dey ur front even nobody dey there.call it soliloquy.
6 compliment dem. wen you see a gal dt is attractive around you. compliment her. dem no dey pay money to talk am
7 start online if starting physical will be hard for you. Reg and join some online dating site. ur confidence level builds up wit tym as you chat wit random gals online.
8 Hope no be soldier face you get. relax ur facial muscle. smile more. Confidence comes from within. majority of gals likes a smiling face esp wen you dey around one.
9 come out of ur cocoon. stop lying down on ur bed 24/7. Once in a while , dress up. jst take a stroll around ur area. As you dey waka , be observant of people passing ur pathway esp d females. greet d one ur eye like. make sure shey she hear you.She go reply you. na so confidence dey grow.
10 Be observant of single ladies in ur compound. Know dem by name and start drawing close to dem. know d kind of gist dt appeals for each female. some go like compound amebo, some go like boyfriend and gfrnd talk. Just know wc one fit which female for ur yard.
11 Reduce to dey enter motor for short distances you fit trek once in a while. the intention na to dey use eye dey find one wen you like. if you like her, walk up to her side and shoot ur shot.
12. Most females dnt like to start up a convo. try to initiate a conversation wen ur in the midst of females.
My first movie I watched him was in the movie title "onome" . that was an old classic back den around 1996 or 97 where he played the role uncle dafe alongside sam loco and chris erakpotobor. memories of dt movie still flash Tru my mind as an adult today. Rest well great man.
I sat down this evening, and started thinking hard regarding the phone i bought for my mom and she took it and started using it, herself. One of the reason i was forced to create this thread. [b]Each time I bring the issue it always end up in quarrel and her usual manipulative talks. [/b]Na now i dey know say i nor be man, from the comments I have seen here, I hate myself right now for being so weak and spineless.
is not an issue of she been a manipulative person. The question Dt shud be thrown at you is how do you disarm or dismantle her antics? Solution will come when you start been a stronger manipulator over her..
you can't say. maybe he is using this pathway to make his bulldozing move into power stronger after tinubu ends his second term . I scratch my back, you scratch my back politics
kalulu...what about the mother of your daughter? separated or she passed on or which? if she is no more, why you no put effort remarry.
your dota needs a mummy figure over her. And you too need one sweet woman as wife to dey assist you to kip the home and oil dos parts for ur body wen need oiling for bed too ..
LilMissFavvy: You said you want to keep custody of your daughter? Who will handover the child to you? Unless the mother willingly gives you custody of that child, you can't have it.
She is now a single mother of 2 children from different fathers, look what you have done to her, yet you think you have caused her no pain, you complain about bills, you think pregnancy and childbirth is a joke?. You should be grateful for successful birth, I do not pity you because you are the educated one, the signs were there yet you continued with a lady who's a c0mplete opp0site of you. After the business you opened for her collapsed and her refusal to go write ordinary WAEC, you should have ended the relationship knowing that this lady is not serious with her future.
Since you do not want the relationship anymore, then be ready to foot the bills from afar, don't expect that she will let you go like her first baby daddy, she now has two mouths to feed. You have ruined her life becau$e 0f her carele$$ness, How many men will still take a single mother of two children from different fathers serious? Be careful because if this lady and her mother places a cur$e on you, you will live to regret it.Your financial situation can always be fixed in future but can we say the same about her life?
sisi, you see @ bolded no go work even if she go babalawo huz. Infact, wat you call curse will be an expression of verbal frustration frm that woman and her moda. the woman is more on the wrong side Dan the man if at all there is any fault frm the man. you mean the young man shud stay in dt toxic situation and die.
Robertgreene1: I don't joke with her bro. I take very good care of her. I even sent her 5k for data on Sunday evening. But there should be some boundaries you know. Besides, as a creative writer, l'm very good in chatting and l type quite fast. Infact, l used to enjoy chatting with my girls from morning till night back in those days. But l don't have that kind of time again. I'm 30. So if l loose my job now, we will start eating chats abi But everyone is still entitled to their opinions sha. Shalom.
a creative writer means you likely work more from home . you cnt say you work every single second, every min and every hour of the day to write. Or be wit ur pen or laptop writing scripts. Are you saying Inbtw ur tym you dnt av like 30secs to spare to communicate.
Dey deceive yasef..if call of contract or biz wen you don dey pursue for long enter ur fone dt moment, shey you no go pick the call?
Even electronic machine like pressing iron, stabilizer and inverter dey take small brk Inbtw before dem.pik up again while working.
It's good we take our job seriously bt side by side to dis thought is dt any tin called job you tink you do dt consumes the whole of ur tym without you having tym for urself just as d way you are painting the picture is not a job .
D problem in ur story is how u manage communication wit dt gal. not you saying "I take care of her". "I buy her data" , I do dis I do dat.
wait till wen you marry. you go buy heaven and Earth for woman thinking you are playing ur husband role nt knowing dt wat makes her much more happy is not wat you buy for her but your PRESENCE.
you got it wrong youngman. Men are more logical Dan women. you said you are 8yrs older Dan her but you are not acting as the older here. the older shud be the one to de-escalate or manage a tense moment.
It's good you apologize to her but remba to swallow the consequence which is you looking stupid apologizing to dt gal when it's suppose to be the oda way round.
most of dem know dt diz tins will crash before putting money in there. Dia calculation is dt they wud av make some cool cash before e crash. say the stuff na just 6mnts ago dem start am .say e still dey new. say e go take long before e crash. notin knowing say dt mnt you join na dt mont e fit crash.
Gentlesniper: When in action, remove your mind like someone said,you can start counting backwards from 100 or start remembering the highlights of a football match you watched that your team lost...... It works like magic
DTS means he has to take off focus from his partner. Some people like seeing the face and reaction of the woman they are banging. DTS wat thrills dem in the act
when single I use to wonder why daddy use to get pepper body and raise his voice until now am in his shoes. the billing keeps coming unending. Thank you daddy for all you did dt I under estimated your effort to get it done.
bitbillionaire: Do you know that if you had bought Wema Bank shares with just 200k in the year 2020 that 200k would have been worth over 2 million now? There is money to be made in the stock market. All you need is patience and a promising, well-managed company to invest in.
Inflation makes d amt weak wit passage of time. The value of 200k in 2020 is not the same as 2 million in 2026 if at all ur forecast aligns.
Dt 200k in 2020 if you add small money to it in some places in Lagos will give you room/parlor sefcon. Now in 2026, you and I know how much be room nd parlor sefcon.
A colleague of mine got room nd parlor sefcon in July dis yr for 3 million total package. #2million annual rent.
Abokisure: My colleague was given a traditional marriage list of 5 pages. From our estimation 5m won't cover the items in the list. They even added umbrella 🏖️. What they will be needing the umbrella 🏖️ for only God knows. The catch of the matter however is the fact that the girl in question is 37 years old, older than my guy. Anyways I advised him to try and raise the money for the items. Hope my advise is in other. Note that this guy won't be able to raise the money even in 3-7 years.
Are you sure ur dt guys frnd? You dey do tuface. You are neither for him or against him. You also frown at the huge amount and you said he won't be able to raise such amount in 3yrs tym and is the same you telling him to try raise the money.
wud you av said same to ur own blood brother? Issues like dis, you help him tink and take a stand. Not been neutral.
Go beck to him in SA voice and tell him to meet the gals parents let dem see ow they can bring down that amount. and if they insist on Dt amount, let him tell d woman dt he won't be able to proceed wit d marriage. there are oda likely good women on the line he can get to replace her.
Kalulu44: Good morning my people, I hope you all are doing good. This latest revelation got me thinking and I want you guys to have a say too. . Two days ago, I was having a chat with one of them Os. This was my favorite among all of them, cus she's very young, respectful and easy to relate with. She's the first person I usually call if clients needs them from me. So why chatting, she was telling me how she needed money badly to travel by the end of this month for the burial of I can't rmbr whether it was her father she told me or a close relative. While discussing, she told me how the pressure from her siblings concerning money is taking the toll on her blablabla. . I ask her why are they pressuring her, is she the first child? She said yes, and they gave me more shocking details. First of, this is a girl I was envisaging her age to be between 22-24. She shock me and told me she was 19 and the first child of 10 siblings of which 2 are late. What I exclaimed! She also told me her mum is just 42yrs. Guys, I couldn't go further with the discussion with her. I excused myself with a lie of going to do something. I did that cus if we continue the discussion, I will say something that will get her upset. Ever since then, I haven't brought up that topic anytime we are discussing. . But guys, I have been thinking. How come a 19yrs old girl is the first child of 9 other siblings (even though 2 is late)? How old will then be her other siblings downwards? Was this the reason she venture into prostitution, just to cater for her siblings. And to think she started the hustling at 17 or so, cus she once told me she was at this same hotel 2yrs ago and then left and then came back 3 weeks ago. Guys, what's your take on this issue. A 42yrs woman already have 10 children with the first child Who's 19 already having the pressure of fending for her siblings. Honestly, I am still in disbelief. . @poweredcom @Wotowotoman @Pootle @congo4ka @CJStarz
is it her 19yrs age doing prostitution or the 42yrs of her moda wit 10kids? wt is difficult to comprehend here. Her moda marid early and probably to a poor man. DTS why the gal is fending for her family.
Family › Re: My Husband’s Family Comes Uninvited by gerizzim: 6:21pm On Oct 07*. Modified: 6:45pm On Oct 07
But everyone is still entitled to their opinions sha. Shalom.