₦airaland Forum

Kaczynski:
Instead of giving them money, she could have allowed them entered the golden gates.

What or where is golden gate?

It's both ways. For the other gender to be a "maniser" she also will be a natural liar.

the load of shame is very heavy for her to carry alone so she wnts to shed some off for her colleagues to wear too.

your wife if it's just one person to pik

just asking Dou...so you will carry your bag and move in with a random person you dnt kno Frm.adam on the Internet dt obliges you to com.

why not approach frnds, church members, neighbors, co-worker and acquaintances you already know. at least dt can assure you of your safety.

Pls, careful pushing this request to a stranger online. the days are evil.

Is there nobody you know that she listens to? talk to the person so Dt the person can call her to order.

Gabon FA suspended the team and ban their super star abumeyang and the other guy . Reason because they didn't measure up by performance in this same afcon osimen is also playing.

Their reason is not as serious as our own osimen , quarrelling with your team mates because you weren't given the ball.

I wonder what disciplinary measure Gabon wud take in this osimen case if he were to be a Gabonese player?

SixSeven:
When I read your first few words and saw that you've made up your mind, there's no need convincing you with whatever conclusions you already have made up.

Your research of a very limited sample size can never be a representation of the world. But one thing I have learned in life is LIKE ATTRACTS LIKE. When you get to that point on life, you will be able to seive the wheat from the chaff or the other way round. Do what works for you. I wish you well.

We should ask him

Is it not the same girls you avoid at 18 - 25yrs because of promiscuity or wateva inadequacy that will eventually grow up to be 30yrs above he is giving clearance for dating/marriage? Or is there something that wipes off their character defect when they get to 30?

.

Vikto17:
how percentage of 18-23 girls fall into this category? give me verifiable link or data of 50 Nigerian girls below 25yrs that are CEO of their business or have built any reputable organization by themselves? you are twisting everything around with the 2 percent u knew and that is not right

my last paragraph sums up my talk. Don't give a generalized false statement.
I am neither for or against marrying younger or older gals.

I am only responding to your general conclusion by saying gals below 25 are liabilities. Which may not be true.

You shud be the one to tell us where you got ur statistic from abt younger gals?

Kobojunkie:
. in the master-slave relationship you describe above there is exists no partnership given that the woman is more a slave/employee/student under her Master/Leader/Employer/Teacher/Head. Those are not partnerships but hierarchical relationships that require one individual ruling as an authority over the other. 🥱🥱🥱

Your traditional/religious configurations of marriage, have throughout history rightly never been regarded as partnerships...they have never met the requirement for just that. This recent attempts by those from some from those --- religious and traditional --- backgrounds to insist that it is that which it cannot be is born of subscription to dubious ideologies which seek to turn common sense on its head -- nonsensical ideology-driven notions. 🥱🥱🥱

So, what is with you not practicing what your preach? 🥱🥱🥱

Did you read thru his msg to understand before attacking it?
this one you wrote up is only you that understands the crap you wrote.

the OP said it is his experience.
The dynamics is shifting. It all boils down to the kind of gals dt come your way.

what works for or didn't work for him may not infact cannot be applicable to others.

ideally as we get older , we are supposed to be more wiser and must have gathered enough experience about life but the curve doesn't extrapolate as we expect it to be. You can be 18, 20, 25, 30, 40 and still be dumb.

this marriage of a thing has less to do with age and.more to do with character.

I dnt mean she kneeling down goodmorning sir and goodeveng sir the woman will be saying as character here

How stable is the lady emotionally?
How stable is she financially?
How well can she Handle mental stress?
Is she a chaotic person or the one dt brings you peace?
How well can she cope when you have and when you dnt have?
How well does she relate or manage people?
Are the both of them compatible?

A frnd of mine said he cnt marry a woman above 25yrs. He actually marid one less Dan 25. their marriage is still intact while some of dt same grp have seperated.


shebi Na my 37yrs old female frnd the husband separated Frm.her two mnts ago just for one flimsy reason. she marid wen she was 31 dts 6yrs ago

There are plenty young gals now dt are doing well in business now ooo. I use to underrate them till I hear som of them tell.me how much they make doin a physical bizness.

some of the younger serious ones grow in maturity as they handle cash and transaction in their daily biz not as we assume them to be as financial burden.

I bet to be corrected. A lady of 23yrs working at trade fair or lagos island say for like 5yrs is far more mature Dan some unemployed graduate ladies in their 30's dt has Neva worked before.

Why? Her regular conversation with different people on the street which is the real life itself has equip her to handle not just finance but also how to manage diff people.

All in all. go with what works for you.
either way the argument shifts , that's the individuals opinion not really a generalized fact .

giftson102:
Before you push for court marriage, know it's true advantages and disadvantages and be sure of your decision.

First, there is nothing like court marriage in Nigeria. What you are calling court marriage is actually called "statutory marriage" or "Marriage at the registry" or "Marriage under the Act"

🚨🚨The advantages of statutory marriage are:

📍It only recognise one husband and one wife. It is a monogamous marriage.

📍It is easy to have and not expensive. With less than ₦70,000 you can have a valid statutory marriage.

📍It does not require parental consents for adults above 21 years.

📍Only two adult witnesses are required for the marriage to be valid and these witnesses do not need to be family members.

📍If a spouse contract another marriage with someone else without first divorcing the legal spouse, the legal spouse can sue the other for bigamy.

Bigamy is the 0ffence of marrying a second wife/husband and it comes with 7 years imprisonment.

📍The legal spouse can sue whom their spouse married and that will land the person 5 years imprisonment for marrying someone who had a statutory marriage and is not divorced.

📍Adultery is a ground for divorce and you can claim compensation against the spouse who committed adultery and the person they committed adultery with.

📍In the case of d£ath of one spouse, the living spouse have the legal rights to take control of what the late spouse acquired.

📍Even if the other spouse has side chicks and side cocks, or had traditional marriage with someone else, the legal spouse is the only one that will have a say and be recognized.

📍The marriage certificate, which has Nigerian Coat of Arms, and FORM E written on it is the only marriage certificate that is recognized all over the world. Any other marriage certificate is invalid.

The disadvantages of a statutory marriage (it can be advantages to some people depending on a particular case) are:

🚨It does not give children of the marriage special privilege against children born by the parents outside wedlock. All children of the couple, have equal rights.

For example, if your husband gets a woman pregnant and bears children outside, those children have right to inheritance alongside your children.

🚨There is nothing like 50/50 sharing of property during divorce. You can only get a share of what was acquired after the marriage and you must prove you contributed to acquiring them. Evidence comes into play!

🚨The divorce process is only done in any High Court in Nigeria.

🚨 Return of bride price does not end the marriage. You must go to court.

🚨You MUST use the services of a lawyer for the divorce case.

🚨The divorce case can last 2-5 years before it is concluded in the High Court.

🚨You MUST have money for the divorce case. For start to finish, budget between ₦700,000 - ₦1.5million for lawyer's fee, appearance fee, filing and service of court papers.

Stop forcing your partner to go for statutory marriage if the benefits you seek are different from these.

Funny enough, Most people dt did statutory marriage are ignorant of this.

it is those dt are well to do dat pass tru divorce.
shey Na person wen dey live for one room face me I face you wan pass tru divorce process?
a very large percentage of marriage brk up happen and end casually.

one partner beating the other person out of the home which ends the marriage.

Sophier:
Hello everyone. I hope you’re all having a good day.

I’m in a bit of a dilemma right now and I genuinely need advice from people with experience. I’ll try to keep this as brief as possible.

I’ve been with this lady for almost a year. It has mostly been good, with some bad moments as well, you know how relationships can be. One issue I’ve noticed for a while now (and yes, you can blame me for tolerating it) is that she lacks a supportive spirit. By support, I don’t mean financial support, though that wouldn’t be a bad thing either, but that’s not what I’m expecting at all.

Let me give an example. She expects me to handle almost everything: making enquiries, figuring things out, taking initiative on all matters. In most situations,she hardly contributes ideas or offers suggestions. On top of that, she struggles with accountability. Whenever there’s an issue, she prefers to dismiss it rather than address it properly.

These issues have caused a lot of arguments in the past. At one point, we even broke up for a while. When we got back together, she promised to work on herself and make changes, and for some time, it seemed like she was trying. But now it’s starting to feel like this is just who she is, and that real change may not be possible.

Things have progressed quite far between us. I've met with her parents and vice versa, and her family has started asking that my family should come over. We had already agreed that this would happen early next year. However, in the past few days, she has started displaying those same behaviours again, and it has given me serious cold feet.

I’m honestly considering calling everything off. I know it would disappoint a lot of people, but at this point, I don’t even seem to care. I’m worried about committing to something I may regret later.

I really need sincere, brotherly or fatherly advice right now. If I were your brother or your son, what would you advise me to do?

P.S. Please, if you don’t have anything meaningful to contribute and only intend to insult or mock, kindly don’t comment. That’s the last thing I need at this moment.

my brother,

Most women are not too ambitious the way the average man out there is.
Most of them dnt care to pursue or put effort to win or get to the top either.

They are satisfied by attaching themselves to the person(the man) dt controls the cash flow. That is what matters to them. That is their bragging right.
".......Na my guy be that. Him be graduate",
"........Na my husband be that.he lives in uk"
".......my guy works in a bank"
"........my husband is the one dt owns that shopping plaza"

If you are expecting them to give you AI generated kind of response to your enquiries, you won't get it. You ask them hoping to hear their thoughts on an issue, they push it back at you to proffer answer or solution.

Even those ones dt claim to be graduate are the same. my ex saw me one time reading. I wanted to hand her a very good book she will gain knowledge from. she said the ones she read in sch is enough.

What I will advice you is dt you shud focus on developing ur own self wateva way and every way. Dnt stop.

If her condition is dt bad and you cnt tolerate it anymore, brk off .

Kalatium:
There’s a man in my neighborhood whose story has stayed with me.

Years ago, his home was a hub of life. Teenagers everywhere. Music blasting. Laughter spilling into the street. Young boys full of promise, respect, and energy. A mother holding the center. A family in motion.

Fast forward to today and the house is silent.

One son is gone. Another has relocated. The wife and daughters have moved on. What remains is a man sitting alone behind a gate, cooking for himself, washing his own clothes, watching the days pass without the noise that once defined his life.

This is a reality we rarely discuss.

We talk about career growth. We talk about wealth. We talk about legacy.

But we almost never talk about male loneliness in old age.

For many men, life slowly narrows: Children grow up. Homes empty out. Visits reduce. Attention fades.

Mothers are remembered, celebrated, visited with gifts and affection. Fathers, too often, are left behind quietly enduring, saying little, asking for nothing, but feeling everything.

This isn’t about blame. It’s about awareness.

Sons: Your father may not say much. He may act distant or grumpy. But he wants connection too. He wants to feel seen.

Daughters: Celebrate your fathers, not just on special days, but in ordinary moments. Presence matters more than presents.

Fathers: Be kind to your wives. Be warm with your children. Emotional deposits made today compound in old age.

Because here’s the uncomfortable truth: No promotion, no achievement, no title prepares a man for an empty house.

Old age doesn’t arrive suddenly, it creeps in quietly.

And how we love, show up, and stay connected today determines whether later years feel full… or painfully hollow.

This is not just a family issue. It’s a societal one.

Let’s do better while there’s still time.

Cc nlfpmod Dominique seun

it all starts from how well we bond well with our children and loved ones.

Most father's that are hard hit are those that are always too serious and too strict with their kids up even till when they are mature.

Too much of shouting ,insults and derogatory remarks at them creates a cold relationship btw father and child. Even before that child bcoms an adult, he has already left the huz.

When these children leave the house through marriage, they rarely get in touch as they should . To them leaving the house is like a big relief for them.

It is good parents esp father's should relax their grip a bit on their children when they come up of age. Relate with them more like a friend . Be there for them.

Caseless:
Haba... Go and read about it, Amosun denied them the land in "Mokola" or something. The news was everywhere.

Olokola fee trade zone. Not mokola

the side of the story that says beat amazes me. How can a 32yrs old lady beat a 50yrs old young agile man?

But tuface looks stronger than her. the woman in question looks kinda slim to beat tuface.

Mrkc:
I'm in my 40s, single, and jobless. Tired of life

you are tired of life because that #2million naira Frm your the land you sold has finished.

you hastily grab #2m because you tink it s a huge money. Now money don fnish.eye don clear.

Donsilase:
Early November my car(corolla 2004) started giving sign of gear failure, it doesn't get to gear 4. I told a friend, he said he has someone that repairs automatic transmission and the person is very good, I then asked him to take me to his workshop. When we got there we met the so called gearmaster, he drove the car and said he will fix it and give us 3 months guarantee. He charged me 140k which I gave him 100k as deposit then he asked us to come back in the next one week. after one week I called him and asked how far, he said he haven't gotten some of the parts, we should exercise patience. After 2 weeks I called him again, he said there is progress that he's about to mount it. Meanwhile I couldn't be going to his workshop from time to time because it's far from my place, so last week I decided to go there. When I got there first I discovered my windshield has cracked, I asked him what happened, he said probably it was a mistake, I then asked him what of the gear, he said he's fixing it that I should wait and carry it. I said no problem. I waited till evening when he finished doing what he was doing the started the car to test it, behold my car doesn't enter reverse again, even when he put it in drive one of the tires doesn't move, meanwhile when I brought the car it was entering reverse, the only issue was gear 4. That was how we started quarreling, I told him to return the gear to the condition it was before and refund my money, he said its not possible that he's even tired of the work.

Please how do I handle this particular man, I didn't want to touch him because he's an elderly man

if it happened as you just narrated, then dt elderly man is a scammer.
A car is not handy dt you can carry wit your hand. If it was , I would have said carry your car and carry some valuables in his shop alongside. He wil be the one coming to beg you.

At same time, thread wit caution. because if you threaten him and coincidentally, somtin bad happens to him, finger will be pointed at you as the culprit.

Also bring ur frnd dt Introduce you to him to talk to the man if that wil bring some respite.

As it is, push the mata to the police. Let them apply small pressure on him.

Sonnobax15:

Jamb has over stayed it's welcome in Nigeria . Imagine sitting and writing jamb for countless times until your name becomes known to them and you were gifted a Tshirt for being their esteemed customer

so quick.......How do you do it?

you always reply every post. or you get beep dt new msg has dropped on nairaland?

He cannot pay masters and PhD holders.

this gal? so she video herself crying over a phone dt was stolen.

Is the video directed to the Nigerian police to move into action or meant to spur a random helper to get her anoda fone?

Kobojunkie:
So, a woman asking her man for money to take care of her hair needs is a street girl?

Why bother dating women when you are not willing to give even the bare minimum where dating is concerned? Why even engage women if you know you have nothing to offer them?

This man dt will just bend the narrative because he wants to talk.

what do you mean by bare minimum? Is there a written constitution forced on him dt he shud do barest minimum? Is that his responsibility?

Freshtruth:
I just got a Job offshore this year may me and this my colleague is in the same department. We both started this job for the first time through the connection of my uncle who also brought him to the work . Our job is to take care of the customers uniforms and keep the place gift in the vessel doing my time at the vessel from may to late June I fell very sick the medic was attending to me but the sickness was persisting this my colleague went to tell our cam boss I might be having a deadly disease that y I was not getting ok they should send me to the hospital to run several test . ( It was made known to be by person who was there when this my colleague was telling the cam boss. Once u are booked out it take the grace of God to come back to the Job. The camp boss was able to convince the medic to send me to the hospital for check up . When I arrive the hospital I was attended to and check up was carried out luckily I was not having any terminal illness or HIV or any deadly decease. I was attended to I became strong and I went home for my off . When I came back to work after my off everyone came to greet me except this my colleague which I notice the list day of my resumption to work again when I started work the costomers and everyone in the ship was happy with me due to my dedication to work people from this my colleague side started begging me to wash their clothes for them they said this my colleague is a disaster in washing I never for one day mock this my colleague or tell anyone one what the costumers are saying this guy became very jealous of me that he is now monitoring me every thing I do. I tried my best to talk to him let them be peace but this guy is just planning how to get me sack by all means gossiping me almost every day. I woke one night to ease myself around 2am at night I was shock to hear my name at this guy mouth talking with someone I pretended I didn't hear anything I went to ease myself. Tomorrow he is going to is 28, days off y am yet to complete my 28days which means I will be staying y he is leaving this night this guy came to me and said if u urinating move closer to the pool y urinating I was looking at my phone he said I am talking to u . I was like guy what ur problem with me bro this guy was now saying I have mental problem what does that implies he is just looking for a way to get me out by all means. Right now am confused the country is very difficult things are very expressive my salary is close to 300k the job is helpful to me pls what should I do. I have avoided him no solution, I have tried to be close to him is even worse should I quit my job for this guy and go and start doing menial job or what. Am sad

You are giving him Attention dt is why he is still doing wat he is doing to you.
Ignore him.
Reduce any form of closeness to him.
Let your communication with him strictly be official.
Whenever he raises voice at you , make your own louder.
He is a bully. That is their strategy. To make the oda person cower.
Funny enough don't be surprised that you can beat him.
Don't fight at work place. You may be sacked.
Don't keep your food or drink in the office.
Don't keep any of your personal belongings in the office.
Let your uncle be in the know about this issue Incase anything happens to you.
Don't chicken out and resign because of him.

MistyDense:
Why are you this mean and insensitive?
You could have just ignored the post since it's nonsense. Sensible people like you shouldn't be reacting to nonsense na

hard love now is mean and insensitive? Okay keep spoon-feeding grown ups.

Don't worry. plenty people after me will tell you something soft dt will fuel your complain to linger. .

when I read this kind of gist, I ask myself what exactly is your intention going public with it?

To get response like Frm mysterious people online saying

".......eeeh sorry"
"......dnt worry. you wil eat the fruit of your labor"
"......that is why you are the senior"
".......God will provide"
.......and blaa... blaa.....naaaa

what a logical person shud do if at all this gist is genuine is to meet with these people you claim to sponsor or support and let them know and start finding means too to fend for themselves.

Rejig and wake them up from their sleep and let them help themselves. That is a beta and rational way to address this .

so what shud people reading this shud do for you?

KillerOfCrackas:
I met this fine fair girl in Woji, Port Harcourt early last year. I went to visit one of my guys, and she was sitting outside her compound pressing her phone. At first glance, I just saw one quiet, decent-looking babe. You know those girls that look innocent and respectful? That was her.
We started talking that day, and she was surprisingly easy to relate with. Within a week, we were already close. Everything about her was calm no drama, no unnecessary talk, always composed. I even told my guy say I don finally jam wife material.
Even my parents liked her. The first time she came to visit, my mum couldn’t stop praising her. She helped in the kitchen, greeted everyone politely, and behaved like someone raised with good morals. My dad even joked that I shouldn’t waste time before she escapes.
At first, everything was smooth. She always knew what to say, how to behave, and how to make me feel comfortable. But over time, I began to notice some strange things.
This girl no get emotion. I’m serious. If I tell her something deep or painful, like when I lost my uncle, she’ll just say “Sorry dear,” with straight face and continue what she’s doing. No hug, no concern, nothing.
But if I do something small that hurts her ego maybe I forget to call her or delay reply she’ll suddenly act emotional, start crying small, saying things like “You don’t love me anymore.” I later realized it was all performance.
She also had this scary way of reading people. She’d meet someone once and already know what to say to get what she wanted. I saw her manipulate her friend one time without raising her voice just calm words and fake sympathy.
When we argued, she’d use things I told her when I was vulnerable against me. She remembered every little thing I said and turned it around perfectly to make me feel guilty. I go end up apologizing for something I didn’t even do wrong.
Outside, everybody thought she was perfect. My friends used to say, “Guy, no let that babe go o, she get sense.” Meanwhile, I was the one dying silently inside.
When I finally decided to leave, she didn’t beg, didn’t even look surprised. She just smiled and said, “You’ll come back. People like you always do.” That line shook me to my core.
This girl taught me something: not everyone who looks calm is peaceful. Some people are emotionally cold but know exactly how to pretend otherwise. They don’t feel emotions they study them and use them.
Since then, I’ve learned that love without empathy will drain you. Some people are not violent, but the way they play with your mind go humble you.
So when people talk about toxic relationships, I just laugh. Because not all toxicity comes from shouting and fighting. Some come quietly, in the form of peace that slowly destroys you.

you see that line "you will come.back" any lady that utters dt statement is saying so because she knows you like her too much and also assume she is too fine or too good for you to have her.

you know this mindest of "I have dated guys that are way good looking and beta off than you and I drop them so your own case wont move me at all."

I was in a relationship with one like that. she finds it difficult to apologize when she is wrong. Likes to rationalize why she is right and I am wrong in almost every discussion.

The day she told me "you will come back" Na that day i make a detour Frm her.

Even if you try to continue the relationship with her, she will keep treating you as if she is doing you favour by accepting to date you.

Let her go. there are other girls that are much more beta dan her.

By the title ,i opened this thread hoping to see something deep to read and learn . Na "I want to Bleep" my eyes showed me. The gal and the guy needs Jesus.

can just one person among other million of ladies in a tribe , state or locality give you a reasonable comparative conclusion of how the whole female in that tribe behaves?

You and I know that such analysis can't give you a clear cut answer.

Marry her if you want to or you leave her for another person to marry her.

You are suppose to be the judge. Na you dey see the gal all the time.

natedroid:
I have been with this Ijaw girl (Edo Ijaw) for sometime now and I must say that my relationship with her has been a roller coaster. I have my doubts about her though . I'm considering settling down .

My main concern is infidelity in any woman.

How do Ijaw women fair when it comes to been faithful/unfaithful?

Which one be Edo ijaw?
Do you mean the father is Edo and the mother is ijaw? Or we have an Edo tribe in that state?

Kobojunkie:
1. Which God are you accusing of this now? Amadioha? Obatala?? Orunmila? Sango? Olodumare? Which one? 🥱🥱🥱

2. Control that typically ends up making your marriages no more useless than a tug-of-war/battleground that even your own children no longer wish to have a part in? 🥱🥱🥱

even this one you are mentioning. they reign supreme with a form of control. Enter ayelala or sango shrine go thief what belongs to it weda you no go collect. That is control.

As for your point2, that one Na you understand weda Na control be that or outright brutality.

I said healthy form of control not oppression.

Kobojunkie:
Women love men who control them, yet one of the major complaints by women who later divorced their husbands in the UK is that the men attempted to assert control over them even in the UK. Why many of una no dey always make sense?

2. OP, do not let these folks blackmail you into believing you are the problem simply because your description does not portray you are a man interested in manipulating and dehumanizing his wife in marriage.

your own Na to twist narratives because you want to talk.

God knows why he made man the head of the home.

Headship means leadership and leadership is a responsibility dat goes with a healthy form of control , direction and giving guidance to someone.

If there is no control either in an office or home, things won't go smoothly.

Control over your wife doesn't mean bully or beat or assault physically or mentally.

A husband been in control over his wife means the man shud be assertive, be firm, be manly, coming up with the final decision or action that shud be taken in the home.