₦airaland Forum

ironkurtain:
Thanks man. Most of the paragraphs were hurriedly written and stored. In some cases, I just copy and paste it on Nairaland. I don't usually have time to go through them cos i am either working when doing so, or into another activity at home. Please do help me with other corrections bro, and thanks for the advice.

Remain blessed bro. You've got good writing skills. Kudos

Editing alone is a job almost tougher than writing. I have edited my book about four times. The last one I just concluded and I still found some errors both grammatical and typos.

Together weld grow bro.
Shalom

Bro. You write nicely and your use of words is okay but you are making the same mistakes I made when I first started out writing. You are writing both in the present and in the past. These are two different styles. It's either you choose one and leave the other.
Take for example the first sentence of your Chapter One.

It is supposed to be:
It was already past 11 o'clock in the morning.of the first Thursday of the month. And not It is already past 11 o'clock ..

Again, look at this below: @ the bolded. It is supposed to be seemed

But despite the positivity in the air and driving through Chamberlain main street at the hour when the traffic was bearable, Nina seems to be having a bad day. The frown that darkened her face with the hard stare in her eyes that glared right back at her when she glanced at the car rearview mirror, said it all.


Reading your story, I can see you are more comfortable with past tense so, I would advise you stick to it all through. Let every of your narration expression be in the past even if it doesn't sound nice in the ear ( that was the way I felt when I was corrected )
You only have excess freedom during dialogue. Your characters can talk anyhow.

I recommend you join some Facebook book writers groups. It was there I was sharpened although mostly with jokes by the whites who see your English not sound enough. But they will correct and guide you. You don't paste the whole of your book on the pages but excerpts. The areas you doubt if you made sense or wrote good grammar.

In a nutshell, stick to one style while writing. Past or present.

Sorry, I am not an expert myself. I just felt like sharing what I've learned.

Stay blessed and keep writing.

ironkurtain:
CHAPTER ONE.


It's already past 11 o clock in the morning of the first thursday of the month of march. The day had started with a bright sunshine and clear skies in city of Easthill. The weather was forecast to be in good condition throughout the day as the cold hamattan that had swept through the country for months, was now in its final stage.

The day looked promising, and the vibe in the city was positive and full of energy with the school vacation in full swing. The school-age population were in their merry mood and the working-age population, for the time being, were equally satisfied because the vacation meant a crowd less of commuters to contend with for the public transportations during the city's wild rush-hour. And it was a day left for everyone and in their various ways, to go unwind from the week's ever-growing epidemic of big city hustle-n-bustle and get recharged for the next.

But despite the positivity in the air and driving through Chamberlain main street at the hour when the traffic was bearable, Nina seems to be having a bad day. The frown that darkened her face with the hard stare in her eyes that glared right back at her when she glanced at the car rearview mirror, said it all.

She turned on the car right blinker light after checking the distance between her and the car following behind, and slowly decelerated the vehicle. The cream coloured 2012 Porsche Cayenne pulled away from the main street with her hands diligently working the Oak-wood steering wheel, and diverted into the spacious compound of a large modern ten-floor administrative building. She brought the SUV to a stop in an empty spot in the parking lot and killed the engine.

Releasing the hold on the steering wheel, Nina then made a casual scan around the place and sighed at the slight cramps in her wrists as she rotated them. She had been driving with a constrained grip on the steering wheel due to some thoughts that she had been having throughout the journey. Thoughts that were giving her alot of concern.

"We are here", Nina began coldly to the young man seated beside her. The leather covered cushion of the car seat gave a faint squeak as she reclined with eyes staring at the tall building infront of her.

The tall crescent-like shaped architectural structure looked impressive with the way its glass exterior gleamed to the bright mid-day sunlight. But its beauty was a far cry from the purpose that the place served. The building housed the offices of the state's procecutors, a place where the fates of individuals on the wrong side of the law are being decided and the decisions being put in motion.

It wasn't Nina's first time being there. But it was her first time coming to the place with alot of concern. And she was having alot of reservations for the safety of the secrets that she had been keeping from alot people, her father most especially. And she feared the meeting that she was about to have in one of the offices might air out those secrets, and possibly bringing her other scandalous activity to light.

"We are here", Nina said again, moving a hand to her seatbelt buckle. "Remember everything that i've told you, stick to it, and only answer the questions that you have the answers to", she continued. "The rest, i will handle myself".

The young man didn't respond. This made her to take her eyes off from the building and fix a gaze at him.

The young man looked to be in his early twenties, immaculately dressed in a black suit with a matching necktie to fit. He was also quite built for his age both in height and weight. He's quite the handsome young man and one of Nina's twin sons.

He was busy browsing the internet with his cellphone and nodding to music that was playing in the ear plug connected to it. Too immensed in what he was doing with the device to even hear his mother.

Alex!", Nina called his name, and still didn't get a response from the young man. "Aww for heaven sake", she muttered and then irritatedly got hold of the earphone wire, snatching it.

Alex's head made a sharp jerk, as if warding off an irritating Fly that had buzzed into his ear, as his mother forcefully yanked the earphone out of his ear-hole. The sudden movement made his cellphone to almost fall out of his hand, and left him making a clumsy struggle to get a hold of the device that he had recently bought.

"Sh!t!", Alex cursed, made a quick check on his new model Iphone and then flashed an irritated stare at Nina. "Really?!.. Do you have to do that?", he protested.

"Do you want to see what i had really intended to do?", Nina narrowed her eyes at Alex, and containing her anger with alot of effort. "What did i tell you about staying focused and being alert?", she asked him.

Alex made a cursory glance around the parking lot and gave Nina a sheepish look when he noticed for the first time where they were at.

"Who said that i wasn't focused?", he then murmured, lazily folding the wire of his earphone. "I have been doing so...and i'm also alert", he continued, but sounding not really sure of what he was saying.

"I see", Nina scoffed. "Okay, now tell me the address of this place that we are right now....and the floor that we will be going to", she demanded intently.

"Address?", Alex furrowed his brows at the demand that sounds ridiculous to him.

"You heard me right. Gone on, tell me", Nina insisted.

"Why?....are we lost or something?", Alex asked, trying to deflect from providing the answer.