Jistibiri: There’s a running joke many Nigerian women can relate to: Naija men will proudly beat their chest and declare themselves “real men,” but when it comes to doing something genuinely romantic, suddenly it’s like you’re asking them to climb Mount Kilimanjaro without water 😩.
Now, let’s be honest being a “real man” is often associated with responsibility, provision, and strength. And yes, those things matter. But somewhere along the line, a lot of men started acting like romance is optional… or worse, unnecessary. As if love should be understood without ever being expressed.
How did we get here?
For many Naija men, romance wasn’t something they grew up seeing. Our fathers weren’t exactly writing love notes or planning candlelit dinners. Love, in their time, was more about duty than expression. So a lot of men today genuinely don’t know how to be romantic, they just know how to “be there” and expect that to be enough.
But here’s the thing: times have changed.
Women today don’t just want presence; they want effort. And not even anything extreme. Nobody is asking for private jets and Dubai trips every weekend. Sometimes, it’s the little things, a thoughtful message, a surprise visit, remembering the small details, or planning something sweet without being reminded 10 times.
Yet somehow, it becomes a struggle.
You’ll hear things like, “You know I love you, why do I have to prove it?” Or “I’m not that kind of guy.” And that’s where the frustration comes in. Because love isn’t just something you feel, it’s something you show. Consistently.
The irony is, many of these same men can go all out at the beginning. When they’re trying to impress you, they suddenly know how to text good morning paragraphs, send random gifts, and say all the right things. But once they’re comfortable, everything drops. The effort fades, and romance becomes something you have to beg for.
And honestly? That’s exhausting.
No one wants to feel like they’re forcing someone to love them properly. Romance shouldn’t feel like a chore or a favour—it should come naturally when you truly care about someone. It’s not about grand gestures every day; it’s about intention. It’s about making your partner feel seen, valued, and special without being prompted.
To be fair, not all Naija men are like this. Some understand that romance is part of emotional connection, not weakness. They know that being soft, attentive, and expressive doesn’t make them any less of a man—it actually makes them better partners.
At the end of the day, being a “real man” isn’t just about providing or protecting. It’s also about emotional intelligence. It’s about knowing that love needs to be nurtured, not assumed.
Because truthfully, if someone has to beg you for the bare minimum, then maybe the issue isn’t romance… it’s effort.
And love without effort? That one no dey last.
And what does it mean to be a real woman Why does no one ever start a topic like that?
Double0h7: How do you feel about the women from your country?
What do I feel… indifference without mercy. If you happen to read my journal, then you can probably guess what phase I’m in. It’s not my fault. I used to be a very, very good and honest man. Whether I could be like that again—I don’t know, I’m not sure. A woman who would bring me back to that kind of behavior and relationship would have to put in a lot of effort. And women don’t like to struggle.Broken and ruined by feminism. Feminism is an incurable disease. https://www.instagram.com/reel/DWGwH9th0dG/?igsh=MWdhZTF5bm4yY2ptcg==
cr7lomo: Nigerian girls no follow for the big leagues ...dem be 3rd division.... na y naija boys no de send dem once them go abroad.... Caucasian, especially the blondes, Latino, Koreans, Japanese, Indians, ...how u go see Mercedes, BMW, range , Ferrari, lamboghini, maserati,dodge, cadillac ,Tesla , jaguar ...u come talk say na Isuzu or suzuki u wan drive ..... or u see house for ikoyi, lekki, vi. Maitama, asokoro , ikeja ...u talk say na Mushin olosa , ikorodu, iyana ipaja, okoko , makoko u wan stay... make it make sense.... u see rice and chicken...u talk say na garri and salt u wan drink
Diamond098454: He's 50 and should marry a 40 to 35 years old lady
The difference in age and appearance between 30 and 35 is very small. But inside the body, the difference is very large. A woman up to 30 years old, and at 30, can have children. A woman at 35 already faces a very serious problem when it comes to having offspring.
Prophit: I recently started talking to a fine young lady. She should be 28 yrs tops.
I didn't know her dating history cos I moved into the area like last year.
We just started talking this year, she manages a bet 9ja shop. I normally withdraw using the pos near her bet shop, and that was how we met and started talking.
There is a laundry guy in that area, I seldom patronize him, but the guy is chill. We greet and have discussions here and there whenever we cross paths. He doesn't mind that I rarely patronize him.
This guy's sister is about 21, in the university. She likes me a whole lot, but I have a policy not to date students (it's a long story. Don't ask me why)
He knows that his sister likes me and he knows I'm not giving her a chance. In fact one day he joked about it. And probably that's why he respects me a great deal.
So B4 we dive into the gist for today, let's call d guy Oba, let's call the bet naija manager Ego. Let's call Oba's Sister Anita.
I was standing with Ego today just gisting.
(I honestly like her, she is pretty, but I can't date her. I can't date a lady who is not on a trajectory to the top. No offence, but being a worker in all these bet shops affects the mindset. I think people that work there need to be rehabilitated. Both male and female. Again no offence)
So Oba passed by, as usual we shook hands and talked a bit, then he passed.
I noticed the weird energy between Oba and Ego.
It was visible to the blind that these guys shared a past.
"Seems like there is a story you'd like to share" I said "What story?" She retorted.
"Is he your ex?" I went straight for the jugular.
She stood silent for a bit. She tried to force a smile. "There isn't any story please." She said finally.
I didn't press further.
Just then someone called her into the bet shop to settle and issue or whatever that was.
So I turned to the pos lady who is her friend. It's like the lady was waiting for the opportunity to spill the tea.
She didn't even wait for me to ask.
"Men are wicked o. God forbid. To see better man na by connection." Said the pos lady.
(I forgot to give the pos lady her alte. So let's call her Agatha. I chose the name because she has a wide mouth, and which name do you have to say with your mouth open wide?)
So Agatha started talking.
"They used to date o. For like 2 years. Before they started dating, the guy was jobless. Ego used her money to open that laundry shop for him, spent so much money on him for 2 years, then one day he beat her up and broke up with her."
Now anyone with even a brain functioning below 2 percent will know that the story isn't complete. Agatha obviously skipped a lot of details to just present Oba as the devil.
And don't get it twisted I'm not saying he isn't the devil either. I'm just saying I don't have enough information from that gist to know who the villain was or is.
First, nobody beats up a woman for nothing. Second, nobody beats up a woman who is his girlfriend for nothing. Third, nobody beats up a woman who is his girlfriend, who opened a laundry shop for him, for nothing.
Agatha kept talking.
How Ego is still traumatised and hurt and broken, and devastated, and dejected, and...
She kept going.
I told Agatha to stop.
"I really sympathize with Ego, but I don't want to have this discussion with you or with her. Relationships fail all the time."
"Guys send ladies to school and the ladies end up marrying other people. Life goes on."
"Guys open businesses for ladies and the ladies still leave them. Even marriages break up. It just the way of life."
"I have been engaged to a lady. 2 weeks before our indoor marriage rites, after I had bought everything, she called it quits. I never laid my hands on her, never cheated on her. But that doesn't make her the bad guy."
Relationships are a bit more nuanced than many people believe.
That is why the best thing you can do for yourself as an individual is to invest in yourself.
Maybe you can invest in your spouse, but you see boyfriend and girlfriend, invest at your own risk.
As for Anita, I just got a couple more reasons to distance myself from her. Imagine having an elder brother who beats people up. For her, violence will just be a normal thing. I pity her boyfriend.
As for Ego, if I had even the faintest of feelings for her, such feelings died when I heard that story.
I can't be with another man's garbage. I too, deserve someone who hasn't been victimized and vandalized.
Imagine the distrust she will have for her next boyfriend or husband. No body deserves such level of damage done to them.
She would be okay for me. She’s capable and selfless. Even though I don’t need anything in life, it’s good to have someone like that by your side. People don’t change. She has value. She’s not stupid. She’s not weak.
ManknowThyself: Why coming here to disgrace a girl that took you months to chase to be your girlfriend? Are you now proud to tell us your girlfriend pussy is smelling?
From your comment you never discussed it with her direct or indirectly when she left your place. She might not even know about it herself, a real heart talk can save both of you the embarrassment forever.
Treat people with respect, when they take it for granted is when you ghost them for good.
Anyway am perplexed with your patience to chase a girl for months, as a man you can only attract the quality of your standard in women.
It is always better to know the quality of what you are buying before payment.
Testing is always allowed with the right quality!!!!!!!!
Do you think he should have told her to her face that she smells between her legs? Wonderful idea. How do you think she would have reacted? The guy avoided that situation politely. I’m not inclined to believe she isn’t aware of her own smell. He didn’t disgrace her—he didn’t post her photo or personal details. And he didn’t disgrace himself either.
ublight: One girl I have been toasting for a few months now finally agreed.
She just called me on Saturday that she was coming to the house to see me.
Normally I don't do pre marital copulation and that is the reason my relationships don't last. Girls nowadays want to taste the cucumber before committing long term.
Like I said, I don't do pre marital copulation, but I was willing to compromise just to make this one stay.
Ladies and gentlemen, I went and bought some protection. Guys I was really ashamed to ask the lady selling to give me condoms. But that is a story for another day.
The lady finally came, very pretty, smelling very nice.
I gave her food and after eating she came straight for some action. Maybe she was Hot.
I felt terrible as I kissed her and touched her, but I let it continue.
Then she pulled her trousers and her pants.
Ladies and gentlemen, you won't believe what my nose perceived.
It was like something had died down there.
My erection quickly flattened. I had to just tell her that I don't engage in pre maritals. I apologized and she wore her cloth.
We just sat there watching a movie on my laptop until she finally decided to go.
She has been calling since then, but I haven't answered.
Ladies stop being unhygienic.
Why would you allow your domain to smell like it's rotten.
I have been reading such things online but I felt it wasn't true.
Goodness. I wonder how guys go ahead with such smelly domains.
May God help us all
Hell. Horrible. I can imagine how it must have been for you. I’ve never experienced that, but I can imagine how I would feel. I really don’t know what to say. I’m disgusted. Oh God. During the summer, showering every morning and evening is a must. Changing underwear every day. That’s a basic standard of civilization.
Who knows what kind of sexually transmitted disease she probably has.
Just get personal "olosho" and live your life. I’ve been living like that for five years now—since my divorce. Find a woman who would bear you a child for money and then give up her rights in your favor. When she does that, pay her. Then you’ll have a child.
Continue living your life. Take care of your child. Work and live your life.
Try to find just one prostitute you really like. Make sure you use protection.
As a man, you’ll have to pay for something anyway. This way you have the most peace. You have your own child. You don’t need a woman.
Man, this feels like I wrote it myself. I don’t know what to tell you. I really don’t know. I’ve said it somewhere already— maybe the move is to go to the countryside, to the middle of nowhere, and find yourself a woman there. I don’t know.
Excellent. Nicely said. Very smart. As if the devil himself is advising them. 😃😆😆😆 Well, look… one thing—don’t mess around with men. Me—when I snap, I’m gone and I’ll bring myself a woman from the countryside. 😏 Like this one. This one. https://www.facebook.com/share/r/1Bc5fMwWSu/
And you… keep posting on social media. 🥰
She doesn’t even know what TikTok or Facebook are, and she never will. And she’ll be happy—much happier than if she knew all that. Children. Home. Family. Husband. Lunch. And it’s on me to make sure no one is hungry or thirsty, or without clothes or shoes. And when I come home, to have my peace and be surrounded by love and understanding.
aswani: Another clever bait and switch, well poor not clever.
The topic is "Why can Nigerian women not hold a intellectual conversation? ". Anti has immediately changed it to "Why do Nigerian men gravitate towards partners who do not serve their purpose" and would not let goran3310 be unless he gives an answer.
Meanwhile, she herself has not once proffered an opinion as to the original question which is a valid one. She has immediately turned it totally on its head instead of starting her own thread.
Hopefully goran3310 doesn't rise to her bait and instead presses her for an answer to the thread topic.
Who would even argue with women? She doesn’t understand men. And she’s not the only one—there are a lot like that. I don’t need a highly educated woman who is automatically full of herself and arrogant. I need an ordinary woman who may even be uneducated but has natural intelligence, curiosity, and a willingness to cooperate rather than compete with me. I drink my coffee in my own peace. 😊
Romance › Re: “naija Men And The Struggle With Simple Romance” - African Never Die by goran3310(m): 3:06am On Mar 27
