₦airaland Forum

debrief08: Please Gracious, learn to quote people correctly, where did I ever state that my Dad cheated on my mum or that she should move on without sorting through her feelings? To the best of my knowledge in over 40 years my Dad hasn't cheated on my Mum. So abeg no talk wetin I no talk

debrief08: I agree, going away with kids will defeat the aim of reflection, you will be involved with them and distracted. This should be alone time for reflection.
I wish your husband can see this so he can talk with you, I know it is hard for him to face you with guilt of what he has done but he has to realise for healing to be complete you both have to face the issue. I agree with time off followed by a heart to heart talk.
When you talk to him do you ask him "what were you looking for that I didnt give you"? He cant answer that because his cheating had nothing to do with you, realise that first, as you said you have been dealing with esteem issues, take yourself out of the equation, stop looking for blame on yourself, and stop thinking you failed in some way, he made a mistake, he has owned up, those are the facts, put them in perspective when you talk to him

cogitoErgo: kai, shege country, shege people! if he goes he is in trouble, infact, they had already started insinuating that he may go. Now he has not gone and hear them o!

Mowire: @OP! He only had an affair (& repented), & confessed to you, & you're reacting like this. I even read someone advise you inform your parent: So that what will happen? He has not told you he already has child from the affair o.
Look sis, pull yourself together & build your home. You didn't need to have done anything wrong to make him "go outside". Some other women out there will tell you you're making a mountain of a mole hill.
You're lucky he's not a serial womaniser; really.

Ganys: Hmmmm, IF YOU WANT PEOPLE TO "LIKE" YOUR COMMENT ON NAIRALAND, INSULT ISLAM OR MUSLIMS...Mchewww, Yeye People..

Kobojunkie: @Poster,

a) You need to tell your parents at least -- as you can see, hiding the information(probably out of shame) is not helping you. You need the input of others, and family is the best place to start. If they choose to no longer respect him, it is not your fault but his. But you need to open up -- that bursting feeling you have their is because you are trying to carry his guilt for him. It is not yours to bear. Speak to your family please. Let them know what is going on with you so they can continue to provide you the support they have been doing all your life(even before this man showed up in the picture).
Another reason you need to tell them is should an issue like this arise again in the future, it is likely your family that will keep you from falling deeper down the hole than you need to.

b) You are doing the right thing by going to counseling and all. And I urge that you continue. At least for your own sake.

c) He confessed to you DOES NOT then imply that he realized he was wrong. There are so many reasons why he would do that so do not simply assume your man has suddenly had a change of heart or seen his wrong ways. It could be that he was dumped, and he needed someone to talk to about it, and you were it. Or that he felt it right to announce this just in case the other woman has something up her sleeves, like blackmail. Whatever the reason is, please do not take that as a sign that your man is done with this behaviour. Not saying you become paranoid either. But bear this in mind as you continue with therapy and counselling.

d) As to your main question, yes it is possible but it will depend on you. You will need to work on forgiving him(best done at your own pace though), and accepting him back into your life.

k2039: GBAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



You should forgive him because the fact that he told you is important and you would never have found out if he didnt tell you.Sounds to me like he told you because he was sick of the guilt; not because he felt you deserved to know.He obviously cares enough to be honest with you.


Your husband has confessed because he love's you.I understand how you feel but trust me this man loves you give him a chance again,be better than him and forgive.

you guys should probably go on vacation just to bring back the spark like the old times,create more time for him,keep focusing on his good qualities,and also make yourself more seducing to him.

Shalom

Alaafia l‘oro:
^^^sorry oooo,did u write this in english language or swahili? #just curious#
@op....they should allow ppl to protest once they are not causing any harm.

twilliamx: And the painful thing is that they do them selves more harm than good cos in the course of the protest they destroy their own amenities, when it has cleared from there eyes they will now start pleading for aid from this same westerner. I guess hunger just don start for them.

sleek29: Muslims are insecure, that's all I can say, the video insults the Prophet, fine, killing an innocent man because of this even makes islam look worse, sam bacile is egyptian, a copt, islam has a certain fear, what it is, they themselves would expose. Every single sermon in a mosque is 80-90% anti- western, a complete mockery of christians, and yet no christian is bothered, a movie that 90% of these bozos haven't seen has caused absolute madness. Now the question is IS ISLAM A RELIGION OF PEACE?, how can a peaceful individual lack self control, stupidly and overly emotional, for me islam condones violence, my opinion won't change. I used to be a muslim, now I hate religion and believe the notion that its the opium of the masses.

Audukaya: If they have the right to blasphemed,muslims have the right to protest. Allah is a watch over every wrong doer.

fluid26: @Gracious10

From what you've written, I don't see how he has being *super-nice* to you.

Are you dating him out of pity or gratitude of some sort? Is he a divorcee or a widower?

Please clarify.

jerseyboy: Let me guess. Ahh THE SEX IS TOO GREAT. No limit to what women will endure when the sex is great.

This man is seasoned. He knows what he wants. And it isn't you and maybe not any other girl for that matter. He is not worried about you because he knows he has conquered you with his di**ck. The thought of what he does to you will always make you go back.

It is left for you to free yourself. You will be doing him a great favor when you leave.

pendo89: late twenties.am assuming hes 43 and above.
I felt tired reading through your post cz it's exhausting what you are doing,please try and find yourself.
How long have u two dated and what were you hoping for because it's easy to tell when somebody has given up on you.
Sad that you are clinging on to a man who left in the mind and is trying to get meassage across through actions.
Quest: What do u think could happen to you if you let go? will your life end? will ur dreams fall apart? yeah start believing that he's gone and pick yourself up cz he could be dating another.


Although it hurts, you have told me the truth i have refused to tell myself! Thanks.