₦airaland Forum

[quote author=Find Out!]Haaaa....Ikenna, another auto guru.. Abeg, discuss with him again this week & let him know WE NEED HIM HERE. & U TOO, make una spice up this section for us na. I've seen a number of threads here where u guys' inputs are needed.[/quote]Totally in support.

kayemjay: And the finest so far is . . .

You be cleaner, No be MOP stick dey your background so? You fime sha.

Thought i should share this, got it from a friend:

Akpos went 2 Tega's house 2 play Card with some Friends.
Akpos sat directly across Tega's wife.
A card dropped on d Floor & as Akpos bent 2 pick it up.
He looked across d table & he saw Tega's wife's Leg Opened wt
... no Panties.
He stood up & went into d Kitchen 2 get Water.
To his suprise Tega's wife followed him 2 d Kitchen & said,
"U LIKE WETIN U SEE?"
Akpos said, "I LIKE AHM DIE"
she smiled & said "Well u fit get pass dat level but na only 10k u
go drop".
So Akpos tot abt it 4 a while & said "OK! No Shaking"
She Said "Come here 2mao by 2:30pm; dat tym Tega go don go
work"
Akpos said "Oya na, 2mao I go fall-in"
Next day Akpos came Over & dey both had SEX,
He paid her & Left.
Later.
Tega came home & asked his wife "Akpos don reach here 2day?"
She said,thinking she had been caught
"YES E Came"
Tega said "Good! because dat Fool came to my office dis morning
come borrow 10k & E say E go come give u the Money B4 I come
back.
E give U?

Trouble everywhere. Sorry for these guys, massive deportation back to Nigeria where BH and an inept retardeen awaits.

Patsey: https://farm9.staticflickr.com/8146/7410545434_ed1360ab50_b.jpg

This is the picture of my uncle, Abdullahi, and his wife, Aminat, on their wedding day. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder! Walai ta lai, they're gorgeous. Praise the Lord!

Picture thief!

All of una wey vote the retardeen because he was in redemption camp and knelt in frontof Daddy, #God is watching u#

NAJALYN: Can she be normal?

The question should be, is the post and the poster normal?

Willzkid: I dont hate him, but I'm suing him 4 removing the 2 Ls in my username (regd on NL, Jan 2009)..

Report him to the copyrights commission

Pardon me, did he make an invention or is he a genius, SO Why is he called WIZKID?

I hope this is not TRUE oooooo

Where is prophet Jonathan that said the BH insurgency will end in June? Our Emperor Nero Jonathan is in Brazil while Nigeria is burning!

donigspain: Dude, did you not see these words 'seems like'?

Can't you see the joke? Anyways clap for yourself for the early reply.

ayobase: Looks young in those pics!
RIP!

Abi na another case of cosmetic surgery gone awry?

mrkels: This morning Hon Patrick Obayaigbon drove into a petrol station in his sleek, state of the art range rover sports:

Patrick: guy, abeg give me full tank (in benin language)

Attendant: I only speak english,sir

Patrick: Ok brother, good morning. I currently feel a profound desire to replenish the propellant of my motorised automobile. Therefore I cordially request you to transfer from your subterranean reservoir a sufficient quantity of the combustible fluid of the highest octane rating to fill the appropriate receptacle of the said means of perambulation to the brim

Attendant: bros na play I dey play o, my name na Omoh, you fit talk am for Benin!

This^^^^^ should gravitate with concurrent alacrity to the jocular section of the currency terafirma (Nairaland). hope itried sha...

masterpiecer: Saw this pretty looking chick, nice hair, pretty face, great outfit, am loving her already, in moments of admiring her beauty, my eyes trails down to her legs and finally to her feet, and a shocker; terrible looking feet, ugly looking, immediately i lost my interest in her.

A lady's feet is ugly when-
*her pedicure looks horrible
*her nails are incomplete (broken nail)
*her nails over grown roughly
*dirts are obviously seen in d cuticles

and worst of them all is *when the heel of a girl's feet is designed with broken skin cracks, damn, its so disgusting and a big turn off for me. i think a girl should take care of her feet properly, cos to me, it tells alot on your personality. guys do u agree with me on this?

For the boldened, give her some cash to do pedicure QED and maintain her at the level you want.

onatisi: i agree with u totally but looking at our political situation and our politicians a sovereign national is a tall dream becos we have a president who is always getting sad and always crying and who loves cassava bread and law makers who are busy stuffing dollars inside their caps

LMAO

sultaan: Its like trading a Lexus for a Toyota and willing pay to get rid of it.

Fyi, your Pathfinder is worth a lot more than the Accord

Question is how bad did the mechanics screw you up?

@Sultaan, Nice to hear your voice on the car talk, we are still waiting for Sienna, Kuntash etc. Most of you guys jumped ship after Seun upgraded the platform, abeg appeal to @Ikeenna not to make his threat real because a feloow annoyed him on the forum. Welcome back.

As violence continued in some parts of Kaduna State on Monday and fresh attacks were reported in Damaturu, Yobe State, President Goodluck Jonathan, will depart for Brazil today.

Jonathan is going to the Brazilian commercial capital city, Rio de Janeiro, to take part in this year’s United Nations’ Earth Summit.

While in Rio de Janeiro, Jonathan is expected to participate in the summit’s four plenary sessions at Rio Centro Convention Centre on Wednesday and Thursday. He will also attend a reception hosted by the Brazilian President for Heads of Government at the summit.

The President is expected to travel with his wife, Patience; Governors Ibrahim Shema and Seriake Dickson of Katsina and Bayelsa states respectively.

Other people on the President’s entourage are the Ministers of Environment, Mrs Hadiza Ibrahim Mailafiya; Water Resources, Mrs Sarah Ohekpe; Trade and Investment, Mr. Olusegun Aganga; and Senator Benedict Ayade.

However, while the President will be in the South American country, security forces will be working to contain the crisis in Kaduna State where the death toll in Sunday’s multiple bombing and consequent reprisal is said to have risen to 74.

Speaking to the News Agency of Nigeria on Monday, officials of the Red Cross said that 140 victims of the attacks had been taken to hospitals for treatment. Some of the hospitals where the victims are being treated are the Ahmadu Bello Teaching Hospital, Shika; Barau Dikko Hospital, Kaduna; St. Luke’s Hospital, Wusasa; and St. Gerard’s Catholic Hospital, Kakuri.

Three churches were attacked by suicide bombers on Sunday, triggering reprisals by Christian youths.

Unconfirmed reports on Monday say there were skirmishes at the Barnawa market area of the state, occupied mainly by Muslims. Soldiers and policemen patrolled the streets to maintain peace. Also in Damaturu, the Yobe State capital, there was pandemonium on Monday as explosions and gunshots rocked the city.

Reports indicate that the attacks believed to have been launched by members of the Boko Haram sect started at the Sabon Pegi area of the city in the evening.

An unconfirmed report says that the gunmen attempted to take over the government house, and the Potiskum Prison.

Channels TV reports that the Joint Task Force Commander in the state, Col. Dahiru Abdulsalam, said his men had moved into the town and the situation had been brought under control.

Our correspondent on Monday reported that hundreds of Kaduna residents besieged various hospitals in the state in search of their relatives caught in the attacks.

Medical personnel and workers at the St. Gerard Catholic Hospital and the Barau Dikko Specialist Hospital, reports say had hectic time treating scores of people that sustained various degrees of injuries even as they coped with worried relatives in search of their loved ones.

Spokesman for the St.Gerard Catholic Hospital, Mr. John Ali, said that the number of victims who died in the hospital had risen to 39 while those who sustained injuries and were being treated in the hospital were 72.

Ali said the corpses had been evacuated by the state government.

A source who did not want his name mentioned told our correspondent at the Barau Dikko Specialist Hospital that 12 deaths were recorded while two others were receiving treatment in the hospital.

At ABUTH, a worker who did not want his name in print said the number of dead victims at the hospital was 32.

Suleiman Mani, a 20-year-old wood cutter, said he was cutting firewood when a resident of the area told him to leave the work and go away because the town was not safe.

Narrating how he was attacked, Mani said, “They hit me again and I fell down. The wanted to cut my head but the machete landed on my hand as I tried to protect myself. They carried a big stone and wanted to drop it on my head, but one woman who is also my customer came to intervene as I lay on the ground.

“They wanted to beat her but one man came and intervened and they took me on a bike to this hospital.”

Another victim, Aliyu Musa, 27, who is a commercial motorcyclist, said he was attacked at the Sabon Tasha area of the state.

“I just dropped a passenger and I was going back when I saw some people stopping motorbikes. They stopped many of us and asked us to lie down and started beating us and smashing blocks on us.

“They said that they will kill us because Boko Haram is killing Christians. They beat me so much that I became unconscious. I don’t even know how I got here,” he said

A photo journalist with Daily Independent Newspaper, Mr. Nathaniel Jibrin, said, “My colleague from Thisday newspaper called me that there was bomb blast in Trikania, and that he was going there to take pictures. It was not long I closed from the Church, so immediately I picked a commercial motorcycle and headed for the place, but somewhere within the area, some people stopped us.

“I cannot remember what they were saying, all of a sudden I found myself on the ground, with blood flowing all over my body. It was two good Samaritans that brought me to this hospital. Thank God I am getting better.”

Meanwhile, tension rose in the Kaduna metropolis on Monday as the state government relaxed the 24 hours curfew imposed on the state following the outbreak of violence on Sunday.

“I am rushing home right now. The Hausa people seem to have mobilised for a fight. Please I have to rush home before they start burning and killing,” a resident said.
http://www.punchng.com/news/jonathan-off-to-brazil-as-kaduna-yobe-burn/

dayokanu: [img]http://www.newstimeafrica.com/wp-content/themes/city-desk/timthumb.php?src=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.newstimeafrica.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2011%2F01%2FTimi-Alaibe.jpg&q=90&w=640&zc=1[/img]

www.nairaland.com/attachments/386830_TIMI_ALAIBE_1_jpgb40fcd2958e26f15bfb3e5839ad97c1a


That is Timi Alaibe's picture

Women and Money sha.


Timi Alaibe is officially clocking 50 this year

http://odili.net/news/source/2012/jun/3/502.html

Naija women and money

Lust for money and glamour is not only peculiar to Nigeria, Its all over the world. BTW, Are you all thinking what I'm thinking? I guess not, but me think she's on the path to emulate her sister, Diezieni Allison Madueke and for all I can hazard at this point, a ministerial position or ambassadorial position will be given to her soon. Bianca Ojukwu is another living example!

I appeal that the entire Nigerian Federal and States' Account be frozen to save us from these looters. Our sovereignty (which makes these thieves untouchable to an extent) does more damage to the Nigerian state with the unbridled access these looters have to the coffers of state.

[quote author=Idi-Amin]Seriously, this story is all allegory. There was no literal tree or fruit, there is spiritual symbolism in this story, but no need going into it as christians can't handle it[/quote]Why can't Christians handle it?

Ok now, check out this one.

[quote author=ndu_chucks]Another version:

Embattled Representative Farouk Lawan returned home from police custody on Saturday but under one condition:he must produce the alleged $620000 bribe not later than this week.
The Commissioner of Police in charge of the Special Task Force (STF), Mr. Ali Amodu granted Lawan bail at about 4pm yesterday in the presence of one of the counsel, Rickey Tarfa (SAN).[/quote]Hmm mm, the boldened.

BetaQuick: Does anyone use the different MTN traffic plans and features (i.e. sending credits to another user via sms)?
Also do you take advantage Friends and Family option for discounted options??

I see all these plans advertised on MTN and I want to know if anyone actually uses it

Appreciate your response...


**** UPDATE ********
Everyone relax. The question here is valid.
I am conducting research to see how many people even bother to take advantage of MTN traffics and plans as well as its many features.
p.s. This question applies to other networks. If you take your time to select the a different plan other than the network default please vote.


PLEASE VOTE YOUR ANSWER (no government corruption on your vote)

Are you looking for a job with MTN?

violent: @OP:

If you think this is remotely funny, you may need to consider going for a check up on your mental health. You intend to gain hysterical laughing fits by posting pictures of private people on their wedding day taking completely out of context? That's just sad. Why not engage yourself in some activity that is more worth your while like watching po[i]r[/i]n or something?

In the very least, if you feel you must upload wedding day pictures of people who would rather keep their lives private, why not entertain us with collections from your family album?

Are you the man?

Another Okija: [img]http:///gallery/d/198743-1/Ghetto-metal-pipe-fight.gif?[/img]

This is hilarious!

hortongate: Sorry people for the long break. If i may proceed, "she" replies me srill not sure if i wasmale or femal and of course evading my question. "Her" mail":

Hello dear , yeah long time , hope you are good , i knew i could count on you to help out here. you should use western union to send it, i sure would pay you as soon as i get home. i should be able to recieve it immediately here at the western union office.

here are the details that you would need to help send the money through western union to me .

NAME: ,

CITY: SURULERE

STATE: LAGOS

COUNTRY: NIGERIA

ZIP  CODE: 23401

Hope to read from you asap, with the info that i would need to have the money picked up here and the amount sent, also include the amount it cost you to wire the money , ok
i sure will make it up to you in due time.

Thanks

I'm biding time, strecthing the silly guy. So i replied with a new mail that would have set him grining from ear to ear:

Hey what's up,
Good to know you're still there and your hotel manager
hasn't bungled you out.
O.k I'll let you know as soon as i do it later on
today. meanwhile which hotel are you in Surulere. I
could ask a friend to check up on you at least you'll
have company.
What's your address over there, have your folks
relocated, where are they now and i'm eager to
remember your friend's name.

Just relax o.k. It's no longer an emergency. I'll sort
you.
Take care.

I send another mail before he replies to re-assure him that i was working on itand he had caught a fool:

Hi,
Na wao, sending money to Nigeria is harder than making
the money itself. These guys want to know the exact
form of identification you'll use. Prefereably your
passport but my fear is that you've lost it too. I
hope you have it. Please include the number.
SA is 2 hours ahead and the banks are closing now so
send it quickly for tomorrow.
Cheers

And "she" replies:

Hi sweety ,
well, we thank God that i still have my passport with me , ok thats what i will use to get the money picked up , let them know that its an international passport , ok , you just keep me updated , and let me have the MTCN Number and other info that i would need to get the money picked up at the western union here ,

Thanks.

Was i surprised that "she" still had a passport? NO WAY! Imagine the guy calling me sweety, apparently just discovering he's dealing with a man.

DAY 2
This morning, i was hoping the guy would be paying a coutesy call on Ribadu. I was making calls to the EFFC office in Lgos but typical of civil servants in Naija on Fridays', the phone rang endlessly. While i was assumed the job of a phone operator, i sent this mail:

Luck you girl i've sent it-$3,000.
CONTOL NUMBER: 1122347484
Test Question: who's the man
Answer: you

I'm sure this would do. Let me know if you require
anything else.
Cheers.

At this point though, i was sure the guy knew he had been busted because the true owner of the box had sent this mail around which he had been sent and knew i must have received. This is the mail from the original account owner:

Subject: FW: I AM NOT IN NIGERIA, I DON'T HAVE ANY EMERGENCY. PLS DON"T SEND MONEY TO ANYONE.

Dear All,
If you receive this email below, please note IT IS NOT FROM ME. IT'S 419. Someone has hacked into my account and changed my password and locked me out of my yahoo account. Please note again. I DID NOT SEND THE EMAIL BELOW. Please pass this on to anyone I might have missed.

 thank you
,

HELLO
HOW ARE YOU DOING? I WANT YOU TO KEEP THIS
CONFIDENTIAL BETWEEN BOTH OF US, I KNOW THAT I CAN PUT
MY TRUST IN YOU ON THIS. PLEASE DO NOT LET ME DOWN.
RIGHT NOW I AM IN AFRICA, NIGERIA. I CAME HERE ON A
TRIP TO SEE A FRIEND AND WHEN I GOT HERE I LOST MY
WALLET CONTAINING THE ADRESS OF MY FRIEND AND HIS
CONTACT PHONE NUMBER, ALONG WITH MY ATM CARD AND OTHER
VALUABLES.
SO RIGHT NOW I DO NOT EVEN HAVE ANY MONEY ON ME . I AM
STAYING IN A HOTEL NOW , AND THE MANAGER IS ALREADY
RANTING OVER HIS MONEY AND AS TIME GOES BY THE BILLS
ARE INCREASING.
I WOULD WANT YOU TO LOAN ME $2000. I PROMISE TO PAY
YOU BACK AS SOON AS I GET BACK , I
WOULD WANT YOU TO HELP SEND THE MONEY VIA WESTERN
UNION . GET BACK AT ME ASAP.
HOPE TO READ FROM YOU,

And so the stroy ends. The guy would hate me more for the security question- (who's the man?) I am the man after all.

A word of advice please: Alter or better yet change your password and pin no. immediately you suspect someone knows it. I think it's safe to do that regularly. I've changed my password.

Please remain vigilant.
Cheers.

Yeah! Vigilance is key.

bigx: Yay!!!!!! Lol... New favourite forum https://www.nairaland.com/cartalk

See you dre!

No 2 for me.

@bigx, the mods/seun finally gave us a car-talk board-Hurray!