₦airaland Forum

iice:
[color=#9900ff]If am mistaken by your views and experiences, i'l take that.
Life is unexpected (though can be controlled) but 'what if' scenarios prepare us to some extent.
I never claimed to not understand that. I said i tire for the thing. You do know the OP's situation right?
All her threads have something to do her ex and whilst i understand her need to put find some closure with her ex, i think he is not wanting to give her the closure she wants. Like i said, you cannot force someone to give you what you want or need. I did say that think it was not a good thing. But unless it happens (closure from the other person) it will color your life in more ways than what one would expect and not necessarily for good. [/color]

Hi IIce,
We most definitely agree to some degree.
I haven't bothered so much with the OP's question because the thread took a different turn as the discussion progressed.
Even if 'what if' scenarios prepare us to some extent, they shouldn't stop us from asking questions or taking risks, and that's the point I want to establish.

[color=#9900ff]True, not everyone can move on, but to survive, its a battle within and i think more than needing another person to give you a reason to keep going. Not disputing your thoughts, am just providing another alternative, and people are free to choose what path they want to thread on.

Yes ooo, i don't like long post that much

@Sisi, happy to be of service

Ola, thank you ooo.[/color]

I absolutely agree.

I am not sure I understand your analogy.

But in trying to answer your question, I prefer to think it can go both ways.

1) You are upset
2) You are concerned about the break up

bluespice:
i know IIce has summed up this topic beauuutifully
but ive just gotta ask
why are people so obsessed with the Thoughts of closure than the actual closure if its even possible
i mean okay he broke up with u
after cheating
isnt it so damn obvious?
why kill urslef asking him why he did and then kill yourself all over again when he tells u he was done with the relationship?
okay extreme case scenario but seriously why?

Hi I think you have exaggerated the situation here.
It is not always "so damn obvious".
It's more like "okay he broke up with you" . If it's not so damn obvious, is it wrong to attempt to figure out why he/she did?

_{sure some people get psycho crazy after break ups}

Not everyone can put their thoughts into order therefore it maybe hard to pin down the reason why he/she did what he/she did.

Comparably, not everyone can move on from relationships "just-like-that" after being dumped.

If they could we wouldn't have/need all these aunt agonies providing counsel to people battling heartbreaks and bad breakups.

errr did u jst call queen iice lice?, OFF WITH HIS HEAD!

LOL
You know Aunty iice would usually only type 3/4 of a line per response, so getting her into the 12-13 line range is a laudable accomplishment.

That's where you are mistaken. I'm not so concerned about the "what if" scenarios you have duly laid out. You sort of claimed not to understand why folks would want to find out why someone they devoted a significant chunk of their life to loving would just walk away and leave, as if it is puzzling. You may not always like the answer you receive, but that is no reason not to ask. Whether or not the answer quenches your hunger is an entirely different matter.
Like I said before, "I partially agree with you that closure is more likely to come from within" .

Like you said, tell her.

l mao

stillwater:
The right word shouldn't be discouraged when I say enlightenment but to be free from prejudice. According to this issue, men who have beliefs of puritanical ladies living only in Nigeria are not enlightened i.e. they are not free from prejudice. I wonder why you're bringing the US constitution into this as if it's a universal guideline that everyone has to adhere to. That was not necessary.

So you do agree with me that it depends on their reasons for wanting to get married to ladies living in Nigeria.
Your argument is that a preference to be prejudiced is invalid, and I somewhat agree with that. However, is anyone completely enlightened or free of prejudice/bias? I don't think so.



I introduced the U.S. constitution into this as it pertains to me. I wouldn't want to base my decision on a principle if it violates my fundamental right to choose.

but like i said men should not flirt but women r free to,can't stand it if he flirts wt one woman on d net

arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggg

Why are men not allowed to flirt?

[quote author=Busy_body link=topic=212459.msg3279710#msg3279710 date=1230514742]Body dey inside cloth my sister  


You know what i would love, to see H202 get married, and then come on Nairaland to publicly disown Chika98, J-girl and Ebony_Silk I bet he is going to say "Stop talking/flirting with me, i am now married" lol [/quote]I would be far too busy to be 'that active' on an online community, my dear.

It becomes even more delicate in a marriage.
It's like putting yourself in harm's way.  Not safe online either.  He could be a hacker who somehow tracks down your home address and unexpectedly shows up at your driveway.

A married man/woman in a committed relationship knowingly sending a signal of interest (even playfully) to an outsider.

[quote author=Busy_body link=topic=212459.msg3279696#msg3279696 date=1230514484]Don't mind me jare, was only pulling Toyin's legs when i said this, and thankfully, she got the gist

Like i said earlier, a non-foolish woman would have to dislove her man and fall in love with the flirtee before she falls for the trash UNLESS she is not having her needs, ^{whatever they might be,} being met at home.




_{Sorry for my yinglish in italics o} [/quote]You would be surprised to find out the kind of trash that women fall for on a daily basis.

chika98:
How cool of you to refer to her as a jump off.

oops  
I goofed.

tope2000:
So u wont mind if ur wife is flirting with a guy on YIM?

He probably would.

My ex-jumpoff got mad at me for something as routine as complimenting celebrities.

Married women deliberately initiating and doing the flirting is another issue.

[quote author=Busy_body link=topic=212459.msg3279666#msg3279666 date=1230514008]As far as i am concerned, harmless flirting is the tongue-in-cheek one you do with random multiple guys, whilst serious flirting is the smutty type, tantamount to obsession with a particular person or group of persons [/quote]keyword there is "as far as I am concerened," which means you agree that "harmless flirting" is not a concept that is  universally agreed upon.  It's a to-may-to or to-mah-to kind of thing.

[quote author=Busy_body link=topic=212459.msg3279660#msg3279660 date=1230513811]You know men are more promiscuous than women na and thats the solid truth [/quote]No I don't know, and I don't remember having previously had that discussion with you.

If it makes my boyfriend feel uncomfortable, i might have to reconsider the relationship, because don't need me some clingy, possessive , but if he was already my spouse, i'd desist straightaway, i don marry am na and its my cross to bear

I don't see how a questionable action that arouses a natural feeling of jealousy and curiosity should be considered possessive?
that's the reason I mentioned earlier that it's up to the couple to decide what flies in their relationship.

chika98:
Let me say this: A married man or woman SHOULDN'T have his/her ID on the forum. It should be hidden. All the stupid flirting should have it's limits.

Why hide it if you are not ashamed of it and don't' think it's bad?

At least you agree it's stupid.

[quote author=Busy_body link=topic=212459.msg3279620#msg3279620 date=1230513117]Gbam

And they would have to fall out of love with their man and fall in love with the new man before anything can happen, unless the man at home is not satisfying whatever needs she has.[/quote]Not exactly! Remember you said earlier that "a woman can never have too much love" .
And how are we so sure it's only a foolish woman that will fall for that trash. Since we as humans are imperfect beings, what makes you think you are above or immune from deceit

busybein:
as long as its done online,no exchage of numbers or contacts,not even YIM chat then its harmless

as long as u don't harbour unnecessary feeling s for that person its cool

just that some girls easily fall for dudes,even if its a rat that is chatting wt them they will fall,but i blive most of this girls r those that lack attention from dudes,because if u don't,no man behind d mask on a Pc will trip u,unless its destiny

here's a hypothetical situation:
How would you confirm that the hidden identity on the other end of the computer is not jacking off to your "small" affectionate words?  If you find out he's doing it would you still continue it?  Better to be safe than sorry.

[quote author=Busy_body link=topic=212459.msg3279610#msg3279610 date=1230512923]Men and women are wired differently. Whilst it can be harmless fun for us women, because we have to fall in love or have a need before we succumb, men are weak by nature in comparison and would not be able to resist the temptation with a willing and eager accomplice who is ready to knock boots with them [/quote]That is a very clever red herring you are attempting to clinch.  But if you want to go in that direction please present some solid truths.
If you know it makes your spouse uncomfortable would you continue?

How do you draw the line between harmless flirting and seriously flirting?

If my wife has a tendency of seeking attention from other men, I would prefer to walk away.
I expect my commited partner to make a conscientious effort to prevent all possibilities of our marriage being destroyed. That includes recognizing and safeguarding all potential avenues that an intruder might use to exploit her.

[quote author=Busy_body link=topic=212459.msg3279549#msg3279549 date=1230511689]Hmmn, why is it the men saying it is not good Maybe its because they know they can't control their libido and hence the reason I have to agree with Busybein that only women should be permitted to flirt online, because we can control ourselves [/quote]Not really.  I realize that everyone differs in what's considered proper and acceptable in their relationship.

tope,
are you married ni    
I understand that something as simple as being conversational can be misinterpreted as being flirtatious.  But, how can you be sure the "flirtee" is not taking it seriously?

If you would be uncomfortable doing in front of your partner and you wouldn't want your partner doing the same, you  should avoid it at all costs.
Flirting is the at the forefront of 99% of all affairs.  It usually begins with some playful flirting until it backfires.

Depends on what is tolerated by the couple.  I personally think it's disrespectful and a dishonor to your marriage, spouse, and children.

shut up.

The final decision is yours, but I don't see why you can't marry in Europe especially if it is more convenient.