₦airaland Forum

Why do I keep getting inspirational stand up comedy materials on this forum.Thanks NL for threads like these that boast my ghost writing business for elite comedians !

NL with its fair share of weirdos and their phobias
Poster,its strange you don't have a phobia for wearing clothes,because I do feel sort of trapped when I wear clothes atimes.
Never heard such rubbish in entire 30 something years.

Why all this time wasting and dedicated stories to Aondoaaka ?

I wish you good luck on your quest to be like jesus and I hope you don't get crucified on the cross too !

This is what you get and sit for jamb over 7 times and your highest score ever is 190,what else do you expect that to develop an intimate attachment with those figures the way 190 is doing.
When you try jamb 7 times with no hope the next thing is to go get a job as a cyber cafe boy and have free internet access !

Na wa oh !Na our own big oyinbo grammar speaker una dey yab like this ?
Bankole is certified & DNA tested Thief !

OP@
Thank you for giving me such an early morning laughter.But on a very serious note guys pls secure all your cars against theft.

@ chidichris
Stop behaving like a naïve small child and stop all this cynical thoughts that God is not responsible for the emergence of GEJ!Personally I've not been a fan of his but I get really pissed when I here crap such as Yaradua/GEJ didn't win the election but were rigged in.If they didn't win pls tell us who won?Was it Atiku,Buhari or Chri Okoti ?

I am a regular basher on Jona d Goodluck Charm's facebook page and I speak the point blank obvious truth,a change must occour whether we like it or not and I agree it starts with our thoughts then our actions.

Sorry Dear but pls to take it easy.

Come to think of it,I sort of agree with your points raised.FIFA has become a Nuisance to even itself not to talk of member countries.

Get to know the Ex NFF (Glass House) Members who milked Nigeria dry

Get to know the those who milked the NFF Glass House Dry.

Abeg free Etteh jare ! But seriously why do we Nigerians even bother our selves to take such news seriously.Who cares if they award themselves MON or Messiah of the Niger.
Simply the best way to recognize crooks and rogues.After all when Abacha was alive he was GCFR,but today tell me the bloody significance of those dumb titles ?
Their equally dumb croonies are usually the first to pay millions to congratulate them in the Newspapers.

The tale of the 2 orji's will never be forgotten atleast in Nigeria's History Books.
The two bossom buddies who renewed or revoked their friendship at shrine that was caught on tape.
I wonder why people are suprised at how things are generating to this level after following how they both got this far in the first place. Please take heart my fellow Abia people the ride may be bumpy but we shall get to our destination in one piece.

^^^ Abeg don't kill me with laughter this early morning oh !
I always suspected Joe's Phd from the word go,

They say intoxicates absolutely.
Kinda reminds me of the later filipino leader Fedinard Marcos in the early 80's.
Fact remains that both Sanni Lulu and Goodluck Jonathan are obviously clueless about football and have no business calling the shots.

No comments for now.

My friend go and sleep.

I love the title : Declaring Oct 1 as a day mourning it kinds of sends a strong message to looters in power.

Bros do not decieve yourself!You can't get that job if they are posting you that you have to be a PDP member.
My friend read the clear signs that they don't want to give you the job.it's quite simple.

Becomrich of Africa,may decline the offer of becoming the Obama of Benin Republic.

I have come to the conclusion that Becomrich may not be a nut case after all and his murderous use of english be intentional.
His love for satellite maps and imagery may even date back for the creation of Google maps.

I think he needs to be given a chance at a leadership position in his current place of residence which appears to be Canada.I believe he will make a good MP or Congress man in the Canadian House of Assembly or ever they call legislative arm.
Let us help any way we can so that we can have some peace of mind on NL.

Any suggestions on how we can help Becomrich become the next Obama of Canada ?

Bros you vex oh !which one be all this arewa coded message ?

Frosbel has gone back to planet mars.

By Ikenna Emewu [ikenna@sunnewsonline.com]
Saturday, June 26, 2010

This week has made clearer the reputable traits of a band of armed warriors and gladiators who had mastered some arts of combat before qualifying to be lawmakers.

At their battlefield, all manner of funny things take place and some of them are that the members get allocations of every unimaginable item from the leadership headed by Dimeji Bankole.

According to Dino Melaye, one of the latest punchers in the House on a radio discussion a day after the war, the House members once in a while get funny items from Bankole as bonuses and they include hangers, torchlight, toothpick, handsets and he said “what has not been given us is just condom.” And what do you need all these things for?, the radio host asked. Melaye answered that they come in bid to cover up an unjustifiable N9b budget they are insisting must be accounted for. Does that list look like a madman’s collection? Well, if it does, I leave it to you to assess the mental state of the punchers you watched on TV last Tuesday. After your assessment, then frankly tell me if their ways surprised you, or they just acted in line with their calling and qualities.

They call them honourable members of the House of Representatives of Nigeria. Their counterparts at the other arm of armed men of lawmaking are called distinguished senators. Honourable my feet distinguished your boots. Those of you who had doubts about the abilities of these men for mischief would have got the lesson clearer now.

In a nation where political party membership is cultism and party policies are enshrined on do-or-die, where killers band into clans of political touts and thugs qualify for public positions, what do you expect your lawmaker to do?
His party selected him to fight in Abuja after he had been certified a credible party thug in the past. Ask Ibadan, Anambra, Ogun, Edo and many others including my state where godfatherism prevails and they will confirm to you that most of the people you call ‘honourable’ are either serving chief thugs or referees and technical advisers in the art.

This week, they could no longer bottle up their nuclear trademark. They exploded, unleashed the animal in them that made and earned them the credible things they have always been as they punched each other silly. Some had bloodied faces like football thugs in stadium brawl. Meanwhile, what is the difference between a street pub where brawls rule the day and a House so full of a calibre of citizens someone in the Senate once said he investigated so many and found them culpable as 419ers when he was a cop?

What would a House stinking with crime and fraud and die-hard questionable persons as the EFCC boss said this week do than trade blows?
In our party arrangements, you could well remember in your locality that people qualify as candidates in elections after their tutelage to the cult as thugs. After serving successfully as a party ‘faithful’, the cabal, the godfather, the kingmakers, the head of the secret society points you out as a ‘loyal’ party man and you get the nod to be selected and foisted on us as lawmaker. That is why the mainstay of the assignment is money sharing and committee voodoo games and a paltry percentage of lawmaking. The time for lawmaking is shared between some hours of bickering, tantrums, name- calling and eventual outright exchange of blows.
It is in Nigeria I heard that all human beings are political animals. You can see they are dead right. You must have seen the animalistic side of politics manifesting in the House of Reps. My senior colleague, Mr. Steve Nwosu once said it is actually the House of despoils.

They are old in odd theatrics like the kid speaker forging certificates to up his age, the Ghana-must-go money display in the days of Ghali Umar Na’Abba. After that were the days of Bello Masari where the issue was on the man’s certificate and qualification. In Etteh’s days, it was about house renovation contract sum and the inflation or deflation. At last the argument deflated Etteh. She crashed from her high horse, but no probe because she is an honourable member. In Etteh’s days, as we had it this week in the same House, after some good punch-up a member slumped, palpitated and died. The following day, they took his body to Katsina for burial. The day after that, the war and brouhaha kept rolling. In the same House a female member landing the male counterpart a dirty slap is an acceptable tradition.
When Bankole came, they shouted eureka that a younger one will do it better. Who knows if he does it bitter or batter today?

Not long after that, there was a cry that billions of naira has been misplaced and contract inflated on car purchase. Someone from outside pushed the argument so much until they summoned him to trump up a discharge and acquittal of their boss. They grilled the accuser and at last threw away his documents as baseless and forged. The same men who sat, as judges over Keyamo that day are the same very honourable members shouting that Bankole misplaced some money in car purchase contract. Which money again are these people talking about? Which car contract? Is it is a new one or the same old joke? I thought you people had already exonerated your boss?

Some people ran to the EFCC to lay charges against others, the thugs then split in platoons and the whistle was blown. They all got into the ring and punched it bloody. One of them had blood all over him. A woman, well dressed, very honourable, had part of her dress shredded and security men bundled her away. Tomorrow the honourable members will return to make laws for us so that the nation would move forward. The following day, they sign off their millions of naira allowance for their weekend to have enough cash to plot their war strategies.

They increase their salary and just tell you it has been upped by 20 percent. Ask again 20 percent of what, and they won’t answer you because they are not accountable to you.

But I justify the salary increase and heavy allowances because punchers need enough money to feed well and groom their muscle for the day of battle, which of course comes often. Thugs need money to sustain their gang of fighters and voodoo politicians need enough resources to foot their marabout bills and also satisfy their godfathers. So there is no good reason why these men won’t need more money.

What are they fighting over? It is money and nothing but money. If any of them tells you he belongs to the integrity group, don’t listen to such jester. Their integrity starts and ends with money sharing, and whoever gets less than expected dusts his/files and heads to the public domain to scream. Call him back tomorrow and give him his due, the allegation becomes one of the beautiful sharp points of democracy and in fact a family affair.
In the den of blackmailers and thugs, everybody keeps a file on everybody for a day like this. You have mine and I have yours. I use it on you and you do likewise. What do these files do? They secure us what we want which we had lost in the hands of sharers. By the time you pull the file, the other lies low and calls you for settlement.

But how many laws have they made all these years of punch-ups, only the heavens would tell.
Whenever they become political humans, things will improve. But for now, how many of them in that House have a clean background or won election without shedding blood. Blood men must remain bloody. It is just a few that are clean.
I heard their chief apologized, but I think there was no need for that. We know this kind of drama is their area of core competence. The apology would have been necessary if the opposite was the case.

Greatest Unilorintes !!!!!!!!
My little brother also graduated from Unilorin.
The best Uni in west africa

Bros you dey follow yourself talk ? Abi na wetin !

Who revived this World War Thread again !

@ only time will tell whether or not Jega will be bought over or not, meanwhile whats ups with all these pictures posted by the previous poster ?

I knew Ohakim has something up his sleeves,bloody rogue !

Group of totally blind leading a partially blind nation !