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A MUST READ FOR ALL SINGLE LADIES
This is to all single ladies out there looking for a man to settle with, or preparing to settle down in the nearest future. Even if you're not ready yet right now, I believe someday, you'd still be ready. I don't know where the inspiration for this write up cane from, but one thing I know is it's going to be very helpful to one or two single ladies out there. Sit back, read and learn.
You've been looking for a husband for so long, maybe jumping from one prayer house to another church, allowing all sorts of ministers (both genuine and fake) lay hands on you in the name of praying for your husband to come. While I don't exempt the spiritual (yes,why you're not yet married could be due to a spiritual problem), yet we should also face reality and focus on the physical. How prepared are you for marriage? Are you sure you're ready to settle down?
If you're sure you're ready and willing to settle down and get married, then you should read these very helpful tips:

1. Read books: Just as a pregnant woman expecting delivery prepares for the delivery by purchasing baby items, so should an eligible spinster prepare for marriage too. You want to get married, but how many books on marriage have you read? Read books about keeping your marriage, staying in a marriage, building a family and keeping the family together (remember what the Bible says about a virtuous woman?). Read books on child care and upbringing. These are signs that even God will see and know that you're ready for marriage and will definitely blessed you with 'Mr. Right'.

2. Packaging: A nice packaging is what attracts buyer to purchase a product. It's a marketing strategy. How do you dress? Do you dress like a young lady that a man will be willing to approach? Or do you dress like an old woman that is tired of life? How do you walk? How do you talk? Do you smile often? Or are you always wearing a sad long face? No man will go for a sad long sorrowful face over a smiling vibrant bubbly looking face. Smile, dress attractive (doesn't mean you should expose your body! No, dress decently, but attractive), talk maturely and with reasoning (every man wants a smart woman that has the right words at the right time). Your walking posture too is very important. Do you walk shoulders high like you rule and rock your world, and there's nothing stopping you? Or do you walk shoulders down like the world is against you? Everything you do as a lady is very important as you never can tell when a prospective suitor may be watching, so always be conscious of your packaging, especially in public.

3. Content: While a good container attracts buyers, a good content will keep the buyers. Beauty is not all that matters. You may be as beautiful as a goddess, but if you have just beauty with no content, trust me, no man will look your way, and even if they do, they won't stay. No man wants to be stuck with a dullard for a wife. Improve the quality of your brain by reading books. Read a lot of books. Gain vast knowledge. Be versatile. At least, know a little of everything, so that when you speak, you speak with wisdom, with understanding, with insight.

4. Attitude: I do not need to dwell too much on this as it is very self explanatory. Your attitude is everything. No man is attracted to a woman with a bad attitude. And like they say 'a bad attitude I like a flat tire. You can't go anywhere until you change it'…

5. Be open: Some ladies are just too u necessarily uptight. You want to get married before the end of this year, but you're not ready to even say a 'hi' back to that guy always having at you every morning when you pass. You think God will mold a man and drop him at your doorstep and knock and say 'hey daughter, this is your husband'… No! It all starts with a simple 'hi', then get to know, then dates, and finally married. That's how it works! So if you know you're one of those girls that sees every guy that say hi as a threat to your life and destiny, I advice you stop and open up s little (doesn't mean you should become cheap, but at the same time don't over do the 'hard to get girl')

#lishakeyz

hahahaha

Tag someone to see this cc kelvingraphics souloho19 yungzubi

:Dhehehe

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lmfao

lol

I'm Elisha by name, aka, lishakeyz and I'm a comedian, MC, actor, and lots more. This thread is to share my loads of funny pictures with y'all and memes too to keep you laughing all day long. Make sure you don't check this thread in the office to avoid stories that touch, cos you'd be laughing out so loud � �

Like my page on facebook @ 'Elisha Writes' for great stories and jokes
follow me on instagram also @lishakeyz for daily dose of funny pics/memes and videos.
Jah bless! Let's do this

adewumiopeyemi:
So make we no kiss again abi. Op

*choke* *glck!* guy, free my neck na :/ I did not say you should not kiss again na :/ ah! *kchk!* be kissing upandan if you want to kiss ... I'm only warning you as a concerned *glhck!* e-brother on the dangers of kissing anyhow and chooking mouth from one mouth to another abeg free my neck

phew! ah! guy your hand strong o... I bin think say na for I go die for here sha ha

Ahmedhussain3463:
will u kiss me?

oga leave my kissing partner for me o... she's already booked, she won't kiss you

You sight her from afar, go closer and do the wooing.
She says no initially, but you keep pressing.
She finally yields and you make all manner of promises
Promises like never to leave her, to be there for her always
She believes all you promises and falls flat in love with you
You begin to pester her to 'do it's with you, but she's not ready for that yet
She wants to take it slow, but you want it fast
You keep pressuring and keep making empty promises
She comes to your house one day, and you finally get to do it
She cries that you did it to hard, and too fast
But you don't care as you've done it, and that's all that matters to you
You begin to wonder why she was doing all that shakara, when she's not even a virgin
You wake her half way into her deep sleep and chase her home with lies
Then begin to ignore her calls and texts, as well as avoid seeing her
She comes to your house to try and see you, but you've moved out
She's devastated and almost died of heartbreak
You're the third guy breaking her heart and hurting her this badly

As if the hurt isn't enough, she lands from frying pan to fire
She missed her period, and runs s series of tests only realize she's pregnant for you
She takes in all manner of concussion to terminate the unwanted gift
It works, but the end result is tragic
Now, she's married and can't have a child
Doctors say her womb got damaged in the abortion
Her husband leaves her for another woman
She remarries and he leaves her again
Now no one wants to marry a barren and unfruitful woman
But you're happily married with Junior, and Ada
And you have the guts to speak of God and heaven
Don't do it!

To all the Guys out there: if you know you're in the habit of 'chop and clean mouth' and move to the next target, please stop it before it destroys you and your future.
To all the Girls out there: Please, sex is worth waiting for. Once you give it to a guy you're not married to, you might as well forget about marriage, cos nobody still campaigns after winning an election. What is he marrying you for? What has he not had already? He has had your time, your love, your body, what else does he need from you that'll make him marry you? Please, don't do it!!! Wait till he 'puts a ring on it'.
Umoren Elisha U.
(umorenelisha@gmail.com)

©ElishaWrites2017

Biglittlelois:
Yes i do

me too, I also do
and all these diseases can be avoided if u have just one kissing partner... that is, just one person you really 'kiss'... I dunno if you're thinking what I'm thinking �

Biglittlelois:
Haaaa, and i love kissing ooo

really? you do?

Kissing has many benefits, be it a plain French kiss or a deep wet kiss. Although a plain French kiss is not very liable to cause any disease transmission, a wet kiss that involves contact of mouth to mouth, saliva exchange may cause tramission of many diseases due to the contact with sores in the mouth.
Bacteria borne diseases that are spread via kissing include:

1. Streptococcal Infection- This infection is caused by Group A streptococcus bacteria that are transmitted through direct contact with the discharge from nose or throat from an infected person. Kissing may expose you to these discharges and cause strep throat in you. If it is left untreated, it can complicate into pneumonia.

2. Meningococcal Disease- It is the infectious condition of membranes of the brain and spinal cord. It is a serious life-threatening disease caused by bacteria that can spread through direct contact or by droplets. Only deep kissing may trigger the meningococcal disease.

3. Gingivitis- Bacteria present in mouth or saliva can transmit gingivitis and periodontitis when exposed to infected person through kissing. Gingivitis is a disease of gum, which can turn into severe form (periodontitis) if not managed properly. Tooth decay can also induce infection to the gum and mouth through kissing.

Virus borne diseases that are transmitted via kissing include:

1. Common Cold- Infections of nose, mouth, and throat are called
common cold . It is mediated by different viruses. Anyone can be infected by common cold by exposure to droplets in the air or by direct contact with secretions of the infected persons. Kissing can be one of the easiest ways for the viruses to get into your body through saliva.

2. Kissing Disease- Kissing disease or mononucleosis is a virus-borne disease caused by Epstein-Barr virus. This disease represents symptoms similar to flu such as fever, sore throat, muscle weakness, and swelling of lymph glands, thereby also known as glandular disease. The mode of transmission of this disease is also one to one mouth contact through kissing.

3. German Measles and Mumps- Flu, German measles and mumps are caused by any respiratory virus. Kissing will definitely transmit these infections, sometimes before locking the lips via respiration. These diseases are contact diseases and extremely contagious.

4. Herpes - Herpes infection depends on the causative virus, it can be varicella-zoster and herpes simplex. Herpes simplex is marked by cold sore or fever blisters. Even a small smooch can infect your partner or children through direct contact with the virus. Herpes is communicable mainly during the shedding of the virus. This virus can infect you even after healing of the blisters.

5. Hepatitis B- Hepatitis B is transmitted by infected blood and saliva. Kissing can trigger the disease by transmission of the virus through saliva when the partner comes in contact with mucous membranes or open sores around the mouth of an infected person.

6. Cytomegalovirus Infection- This infection happens in immune deprived persons. Its common mode of transmission is saliva, blood, urine, semen and breast milk of infected person. So, kissing will definitely spread the infection.

7. HIV- The chances of getting infected with HIV virus through kissing are very low. The only chance of HIV infection is when one gets in contact with a cut sore in the mouth during open mouth kissing.

Five(5) Types Of Virgins We Have - Compiled by; Umoren Elisha


Virginity to some people is pride, dignity, and to some, it doesn't mean any dignity or pride or stuff, but it's just lack of opportunity. That is, [i]virginity is not dignity, but lack of opportunity[/I](I belong to this school of thought).
There are different types of virgins as we have it now, based on the level of sexual activities they've been involved in, how far they've gone with sex and it's activities, how close to sex they've been. This article is not about male virgins, in fact, there's nothing like a male virgin. As a guy, you can't say you lost your virginity bro. What did you loose? Your hymen got torn? No man! [i]only ladies loose virginities.[/I]
Below are the five (5) different types of virgins we have:

1. THE HOLY VIRGIN MARY: These ones have not even seen a penis before, even on T.V. They usually shy away from the topic of sex, or any sex activities. They've never watched porn, never jacked off, never thought of a being with a man...
Getting down with these kind of virgins is usually as difficult as digging a six feet pit on a rocky ground. Their well is always so tight that penetration seems almost impossible, they keep moving all over the bed in fear of the unexpected, making it difficult to place them one place and get down to business. I personally cannot have sex with these kind of virgins cause I can't stand their level of inexperience.

2. THE EXPERIENCED VIRGINS: These ones know everything about sex already, but they've just not done it. Either due to fear or lack of opportunity. These kinds of virgins will have sex with you and will do it so professionally to the point that you'd question if she's actually a virgin as she claims or not.

3. THE OVER-EXPERIENCED VIRGINS: Just as the name implies, these ones are way way over-experienced. They've done almost every activity involved in sex, except for the main penetration.
They've given and received heads, they've been manipulated, etc., all that's left is for them is that a penis has not been in their main entrance yet.

4. THE BACKDOOR VIRGIN: Girls in this class, just like the class above, have done everything related to sex but have not been penetrated. According to the name; *"backdoor virgin"* what this means is that this class of girls have been penetrated from behind, but the main entrance still remains untouched. I personally don't classify these kind of girls as virgins!

5. Add yours in the comment box.

Don't forget to *like, drop your comment and share with friends.* Thanks you.

(c)ElishaWrites2017

Source: http://elishawrites..com.ng/2018/05/five5-types-of-virgins-we-have-compiles.html?m=1