₦airaland Forum

All our females thanks a lot for your contributions. I've been seeing some men wearing sunshades inside buildings, thats not cool, sunshades are meant for use outside. Although i do not sag but whats wrong with sagging, some ladies do like it! lets talk about wristwatches. Do you prefer leather strap or chain strap watches? i'm in love with chain straps, although they weigh more than the leather ones. They give you that debonair look, I'm presently using an Orlando watch and by the way, why would i be commiting a fashion crime if i wear my wrist watch on my right wrist?

ha ha ha, there is no new gsm service! i just wanted to heat up things a bit in the house

PERSONALITY TRAITS THAT ATTRACT WOMEN
1. Funny. If you can keep her laughing you will go far.
2. Intelligence & creativity. Use ur creativity and intelligence to suprise her with ideas, fantasies & unexpected things that charm her.
3. Educated. Education is attractive to women as long as its used in an interesting way.
4. Classy and Cultured. Women pick on men with class.Do ur shoes and belt match?
do ur understand interior design & colour contrast? do u watch foreign movies? do u open all doors for her? do u understand fashion, do u enjoy exotic foods, women notice these stuffs bigtime.
5. Dominant. Women have an unconsious attraction to dominant men.
6. Thoughtful. Women dont just like gifts, they like knowing you were thinking of them.
7. Notices significant details.
8. Unpredictable/predictable. Heres a paradox. Women are drawn to men that they can't control or predict. They obsess over guys who flirt and give them attention, don't then call the next day.
9. Enthusiastic, fun, happy. Some naija men get upset and pout when a woman is happy, and try to put down the things that she enjoys to sound superior. This is a HUGE mistake
10. Adventurous. Women are instantly attracted to men who like to do extreme, unusual even dangerous things. Its exciting.
11. Aggressive. Women love men that know what they want and go after it.
12. Confident/cocky. Naija girls are magnetically attracted to men who are just a little too cocky. Just a little bit.
13. Expertise in an area that is attractive to your kind of woman.
14. Attention. Women like attention.
15. Disinterest, indifference, a challenge. Most women are used to be being pursued by men in one way or the other. that is why they keep "forming". If u are indifferent to a woman, make her think that you're only calling because you're bored, and act almost disinterested, they'll often do their best to get your attention.
16. Charm. This is attention with a polished smooth approach, this is difficult to explain. Watch any James Bond movie to get the idea.
17. Romantic imagination and perspective. Hey! need i explain this!
19. Expert in body language. This is important as women are constantly sending signals.
20. Sexual mastery. You know what i mean!

Lets get down to business.
THE SIX THINGS THAT ATTRACT WOMEN
1. Means (wealth, possessions, gifts to them or providing for them)
2. Power (influence, leadership)
3. Fame
4. Looks ( including height)
5. Exclusivity (royalty, already married, hard to get, affiliation)
6. Personality.
Now no1 - 5 are largely out of your immidiate control. Thats leave us with no 6, PERSONALITY. Your personality is your greatest asset in the success game with women, fortunately its the one thing that can overcome all the rest. You have to develop a personality that is absolutely magnetic.

This portion of the thread has been hijacked by y me & co for dis reason It is hereby locked XXXXXXXXXXXXX
Welcome!

@peejee, thanks. U can also post ur jokes here.

A REALLY BAD DAY
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour.
Then this big trouble making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy and just drink it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says "come on man, i was just joking. Here, i'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry.

No, it's not that. This day is the worst day of my life. First, i fall asleep, and i go late to my office. My boss outrageous, fires me. When i leave the building to my car, i found it was stolen, the police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home and i leave it, i remember, i left my wallet and credit card there. The cab driver just drives away.
I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home and come to this bar. And just when i was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.

POOR GUY
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

The bride tells her husband
The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know
anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"

"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.

And then they made love for the first time.

Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.

Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."

Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."

After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"

The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.

Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.

She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."

Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
OKAY!

Hats off to all the romantic guys in Nland. Come inside lets share our dating tips, tricks and secrets. Your contributions in form of questions, comments, ideas etc are welcomed.
This is strictly for guys, no females pls!

Hats off to all the romantic guys in Nland. Come inside lets share our dating tips, tricks and secrets. Your contributions in form of questions, comments, ideas etc are welcomed.
This is strictly for guys, no females pls!

Edited

Hi everyone i'm calm, cool and collected, im single, i'm not always available, im fun. I like intelligent girls. If ure more than just a pretty face, then call Edited

@luckiest this looks like a nice idea, let the ladies call.

Obama bowed tothe Saudi king as a sign of respect for his age period. I donot understand why all this fuss about his bow

I knew she was going to be released by the Iranian authorities in the long run., thats the benefit of having american citizenship.Kudos to the world press for highllighting her situation. A big blow to The Iranians

I will steal N20 from a police man

Make a request in three words. You have to be specific, the Nairaland member that replies will grant your request. I start first:

Make a bow

What is wrong with Arsenal? four seasons now without a trophy. Is it not time for Arsene wenger to quit?

@ mohawkchic, thanks for the tips and the pics, i think i'll go for waistcoats from now on. they relly look cool
II like casual wears jeans and stuff,

Nollywood may be larger than Hollywood but it is definitely not better. We still have a long way to go, we need private investments by private investors if we are attain the height of Hollywood. But one thing is certin , We will definitely get there!

I have observed something about Timaya, all his songs are about himself, i don't think this should be the case today, if he wants to be recognized internationally, Presently his songs will not create any impact outside Nigeria because we in Nigeria know his grass to grace story, outsiders may not be so interested. I think its high time he moves his songs to the next level. What do you think?

[Banned Musicals
The following Nigerian musicals have been banned by the Nigerian Broadcast Commission (NBC) for exhibiting vulgarity and indecency.

Enter the place - 2face Idibia

Dance for me - Duncan Mighty

Suddenly - D’banj

I wanna be close to you - D’banj

Nwa Baby - Flavours

Rigirigi - Flavours

Maga Don Pay - Kelly Handsome

Additionally, Africa Independent Television (AIT) has banned Bigiano’s Shayo from being played on its airwaves.

All these songs and more deserve to be banned. I sometimes wonder what is wrong with our music makers. The display of indecency and vulgarity is nauseating, can't a music album sell in nigeria without having seminude or totally nude girls in display? what puzzles me is that the men are always well dressed.
The censor board have a great task ahead of them. These so called superstars must be made to realize thta they are in Africa where decency and moral values are held in high esteem.

Let us make our requests on this thread, who knows some one may just grant your request.

let me make mine

Romade, i need N1500 mtn rechard card, studio 43: find me 5 litres of petrol for my generator, dani1luv, free me some change, lolabey, u go cook for me this weekend

blissieng, sexyleamon ure next better be prepared

BEER SMUGGLERS
A Yoruba Man was sitting with an Ibo man and a Hausa man in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled barrel of
beer,
when all of a sudden the police entered and arrested them. They were
initially given a death sentence but, as it was a national holiday, the
sheikh decided they should be released after each receiving 20 lashes
of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the sheikh
said, "It's my first wife's birthday today and she asked me to allow
each of you one wish before your whipping, but you cannot wish not to
be whipped!"

The yoruba man thought for a second then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back before whipping." This was
done but the pillow lasted 10 lashes.

TheI Ibo man saw this and said: "Please tie two pillows to my back before
whipping." This was done and lasted for the whole 20 lashes.

The Hausa Man saw this, but before he could make his wish, the sheikh said: "As you share the same
ethnicity with the president of your country, you are permitted to have two wishes!"

The Hausa Man thought for a second, then said: "Thank you, most royal and
merciful highness. My first wish is to receive 100 lashes with the
strongest, toughest whip available." "If you so desire," the sheikh
replied with a questioning look on his face, "and your second wish?" "Tie the Ibo man to my back."


JOB REQUIREMENTS
Employer: In this job we need some one who is responsible.
Applicant: I'm the one you want. On my last job everytime anything went wrong, they said i was responsible!


Thats enough for today,

THERE IS AN ANGEL IN THE SKY
There was this little boy who had this parrot, he was walking down the street when he came to a church, he heard a pastor yell out while preaching his sermon "there's angel's in the sky"! And a man in back of the church hollared back "you a mutherfuckin lie"! so the boy took his parrot & continued walking down the street, and when he passed he saw 2 women fighting, and one swung @ the other and the other ducked. The one lady told the other " If i wouldn't have ducked, you would have bleeped me up"! so the little boy and his parrot continues with their walk, they came up to the intersection where there was a cow in the middle of the road, backing up traffic, someone yelled out their car window " if you kick her in the ass she'll mooooove". so the boy decided he had a long day so he headed back home. the next morining the boy got dressed and took his parrot to church with him. he made it to church where he sat down to hear the pastor preach. the paster told the congergation, " i just want all you people to know, there's angel's in the sky"!

and the parrot yelled out " you a mutherfuckin lie!" so the pastor threw a bible
@ the parrot and missed but the bible hit a old lady and knocked her out.

the parrot said " if i wouldn't have duck you would have Bleep me up"! so then the ushers tried shaking the old woman to wake her, and then the parrot said "if you kick her in the ass she'll MOOOOOVE"!


VOW OF SILENCE
A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence. He is allowed to say two words every seven years.
After the first seven years, the elders bring him him in and ask for his two word. " Cold floor" he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throat and says, " Bad food". They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. " I quit" he says "Thats not suprising, the elders say "You've done nothimg but complain since you got here"

MISTAKE
An employee walks intothe office of his boss and says "What is the meaning of this. i have been paid N2000 less than what we decided upon'
The boss replies " I know about it, but you did not complain when we paid N2000 extra by mistake last month.

BAD BUSINESS
A man walked into a dress shop and asked the proprietor how business was.
"Terrible" he complained. "It's so bad, why i only sold one dress yesterday. Today It's even worse. How could it be worse asked his friend " Today that lady returned the dress she bought".

dominique:
so whats so new about the GPRS services they're introducing   how is it different from the ones they've been using to exploit us before.

I dont understand you. Have you been using gprs service before

THE COURT WITNESS
A small town persecuting attorney called his first witness to stand in a trial, a grand motherly elder woman. He approached her an asked, "Mrs Jones do you know me?

She responded ",why, yes i do know you, mr Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy and frankly you have been a big disappointment to me, you lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talkabout them behind teir backs, you think you are a rising big shot when you haven't the brain to realize you will neveramount to anything more than a two - bit paper pusher.
Yes i kniow you.

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he he pointed across the room and asked "Mrs Williams do you know the defense attorney?
She repied 'Why yes i do.' I've known Mr Bradley since he was a youngstar too. I used to babysit him for his parents and he too have been a big disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a functional relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes i know him.

At this point the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counsellors to the bench.
In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, " if any of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt"!

Read it again