₦airaland Forum

fibonacciseries:
Thank you for this question. I've been asking myself this same question and many more. I didn't notice the traits in him. He looks gentle and he can be so loving at times to get what he wants. Nobody gave me an hint until when we got married and I noticed the traits almost a year after, that was when one of his childhood friends who I respected so much told me that he had been like that.

I keep on praying and hoping he would change someday, instead its getting worse as God started to bless him (note: we started from nothing) he has already stopped going to church since three(3) years ago. Thank God he changed recently to drop something for feeding, I only contribute to feeding now and he now pays the children school fees after much persuation from friends and a few relatives.

I'm even tired of fasting and prayers, I'm been trying my best to play it cool but its like I'm getting wrong, I'm getting frustrated. IT ISN'T EASY AT ALL.

What is it that he wants?

fibonacciseries:
My husband is worse than the men described by the op. He's a very stubborn typical Ekiti man, though he looks cool and gentle but he womanizes a lot and he's also a wife beater and a great liar and manipulator who doesn't believe in other people's opinion. He's a nairalander too. I pray he reads all these. He even womanizes on Naira land too (confirmed), he deceives ladies that he's a single man. He brags a lot about his achievements in life which make some innocent ladies to fall for him.

There are still some good men in Nigeria, but they are not much. For the fact that mine is devilish doesn't make other men to be the same. Some may even be worse than my husband. As I'm typing now, he's in his room mastubating. Coming out from his room occasionally to see whether no one( I and kids) is watching him through the door openings.

We just need to pray for our female children. It is well. Shalom.

Apologies to Ekiti men who are loyal and have good integrity relationwise.

Why have you married him?

My daughter don't open your legs, my daughter open your legs, my daughter don't you ever close your legs again.

Fablady:
Yes I work. I come home and do house chores. In my free time, I try to talk to him but when he is not willing, I watch tv or read books.

Don't try to talk to him anymore. He is not ready to talk or even listen. The more you try, the more he will pull away.
Take care of yourself. Go to work, do what you have to do in the house, watch TV, read books but do more FOR YOURSELF, also outside of the house.

Stay calm and friendly but take some distance to take care of yourself. Be less predictable and more interesting.

Let him be. If he starts to miss you, good but if he doesn't, then you will have to continue living your life without him, which you already kind of do.

Fablady:
I have no idea. When I try to ask him, it ends up in a quarrel. I have cried and begged. Does not work at all. You will be surprised he mentions divorce in some instances. I never thought of it. He said there is no point me forcing it if it is not working.

Maybe he is cheating, I do not know. But he claims he is not that kind of person and Everytime I bring that topic up, he is always edgy and defensive, and of course makes me feel bad about bring it up.

But really..... How long can a woman cope without good romance in her marriage?

Fablady, what is your everyday life like? Do you work? What do you do in your free time?

@Steeze

Be a man, grab your girl and your son and free them of the girl's mother.

Fablady:
Absolutely!

You have endured a lot. I am truly sorry for you. I know it is not easy.

I have no idea why your husband behaves the way he does but maybe you have an idea already?

rudebouy:
Our soceity puts pressure on d lady to get married. And so she gets married, and day still put pressure on her to carry belle and make d marriage work. If she no carry belle, its her fault. If d marriage is not working, its her fault.

So u see, its not only d fault of d men. Besides, she was bought with a price, so literally he thinks he "owns" her. D issues are many my dear.

Dis tin called marriage no be beans oh! Its either na d woman day cos wahala or na d man day mumu.

One shd just pray for a nice partner dats all.

Fablady:
4 years

And he has been behaving like this for four years now?

Fablady:
In a nutshell, he does not care about how I feel. He can't be bothered about what is going on with me or in the home. Intimate things that husbands should know about their wives....nada. Sex life.....total disaster. Every time I try to talk to him about working things out, it ends up in a quarrel with him blaming me for everything. Every single thing has to be my fault. I feel emotionally and psychologically abused. Not sure how long I can cope with the abuse. I don't think he loves me, and I mean the type of love a man should have for his wife. If he ever did, I believe it ended the day after marriage.

How old is your marriage?

Many rich people look extremely artificial, like aliens.

Basildvalour:
Oh! And if all that are not necessarily true, why then is the need for this thread

Because the OP is going about it the wrong way obviously.

Basildvalour:
You shouldn't be asking because one point is already clear....Conflict, Disunity, WAR

Divided Home

Divided Attention

Not necessarily.

Working Extra to make Ends meet

Money is not an issue in some people's lives.

Wayward Children are imminent

Not true.

Inadequate parental care and control

Not necessarily.

I doubt the story is true but let us assume it is for the sake of a discussion.

Mmb, did you not swear to your wife to be and remain faithful? Did you ever tell her, before you married her, that you may want to take in a second wife?

What do you expect, your wife to be happy about it?
How would you feel if she wanted a second husband?

I am not against polygamy but I have the feeling that you are not ready to handle it.

Nobody can force you to forgive him.

EVERYONE should be taught such things.

How is this racist?

dBard:
like I said before....

Comprehension IS a major issue here on NL.



I don't bother anymore.

Exactly!

Distasteful.

The answer lies within yourself. Listen carefully.

rokiatu:
Lol at number ten. The kids will and should always be more important. Am not saying the husband shouldn't be important, but both the wife and hubby should put their head on a chopping board for the kids. The kids should always be number one till they are 18 and ready to go.

My kids are not more important than my wife. They are equally important. My kids have needs and my wife has needs, so do I, and we take care of everyone's needs. It's simple.

Moana:
quick question have u ever babysitted any toddlers all day alone? And did you even have time for yourself while you were at it?

I thought a matured man would realise that his kids need more attention and care and as a result of it he would help his wife around more so she will be able to make time for them together as a couple...

If you keep treating your marriage as if you are the most important figure in the equation instead of a union of 2 people becoming one and making each other's lives easier and happier, you will also as a man be responsible for the breakdown of the marriage.

Once you are over 18 you have to act like an adult, take responsibility. Marriage takes the efforts of 2 people and not the wife alone.

Has anyone here said that the man, the father of the kids, will NOT take care of the kids?

Nice one.

Your way to forgiveness is to realize how you judge others.
Let us take your sister as an example. You feel cheated because she doesn't do the things you do. The question is, why should she? Y If you decide to do anything, do it out of your free will but don't expect others to be like you and do what you choose to do. Allow others to make their decisions, just like you have the right to freely choose. Everyone has his or her own role to play.You play yours, they play theirs. If you don't like your role and the things you do, choose something else[b] for yourself[/b] but don't expect others to do the same. You can only make decisions for yourself. If you are not happy with them, that's your business. And you can only change yourself, never others. Stop judging your sister based on the things you do, they are your choice. That does not mean that she has to do the same or that you are better.

Last but not least, if you feel cheated then know that it is you who cheats herself in some way. I am sure your sister does not walk around thinking of how to cheat you. So ask yourself, how you yourself contribute to feeling cheated.

Sounds like you married the wrong person.

MRBrownJ:
care to share with us why it's difficult for you to find love?!

I am hard to please and get bored easily. I thought I would never get married. Dated plenty of girls and never fell in love until I met my wife.

hamilton62:
What do you mean by black sheep?
Some children can be stubborn or weird when you step on their fundamental right unlike their siblings who are cool but before you flaw their right they are respectful...
What does this mean?
The parents are to be blamed because every farmer knows which crop is doing well and add more fertilizer to the one lagging... You channel the energy of a child rightly... This is the children people tell you; e no dey fine trouble but if you find him trouble na double wahala you go get...
Dear, how old are you?
I ask because you talk like an 18, how many people think I am right click LIKE and SHARE if you think otherwise.
Please, I mean no disrespect but saying what I deem fact.

How many kids have you raised?

MRBrownJ:
many people dont easily fall in love because they are too careful with their heart and dont open up that easily to people. they guard themselves too much, so we have people dating for years and yet dont put themselves on the line (not for that person nor that r/ship). i have never been afraid to be hurt by women, and therefore i open my heart, i give the chance for people to get in... thats part of the game if you really want to discover someone, and let them discover you fully. the catch is that people can use that against you (big deal) but the advantages of that is: when you meet the right person, its ON!

This is quite funny. Fear is definitely not the reason why I don't fall in love easily.

teeowl:
The number is not really alarming, the only thing is that women are now marrying in their 30s and no more in their 20s...

Also true.

MRBrownJ:
if i am single, hell yeah!

Then we are very different bro.

Gorgeous.

MRBrownJ:
i disagree with you on the issue that love is hard to find as i believe it is VERY easy to find love, so long as you are an open minded, social, friendly, outgoing, down to earth person without an unrealistic view of what/how love should be. you meet someone with some of the qualities that you desire/require and if you guys are compatible and spend enough quality time together, love would naturally flow.

Do you easily fall in love?