₦airaland Forum

It's going to be Madrid or Bayern.

enambobo:
listen to yourself again.

Have you got some issues?

This is odd. As long as my father finds her hot, what is my business with how attractive she is?

Nollywood ...

enambobo:
you can't be serious.

Because?

GodMode:
In summary..

You are a woman using a male moniker...

I am a happily married man.

MRBrownJ:
bro, although you are on point with the reasons you gave above, i was mostly focussing on the +30 women who have been seeking for a man and didnt find any, like the 7 examples the OP gave.

One of the reasons why they haven't found any even though they were seeking, is that love is hard to find. This reason must be mentioned. Some people are lucky and find it easy to find the person they love and who loves them back but for most people it is not easy. That's why many people find themselves in unhappy marriages. They marry someone just for the sake of being married, especially in the Nigerian setting where marriage is a do or die affair. Therefore, people marry someone who they do not truly love or someone they love but who does not love them back. This is the reality. Therefore, I admire everyone who is brave enough to say no to marriage until s/he finds the right person even if it takes a lot of time. Too many people mare out of fear and not for love.

MRBrownJ:
sadly, yes to me these are the reasons why such lady would be unmarried at 35, but if you know any other reason, pls do share them with us all.

There are enough modern day women who do not believe in marriage.
There are enough women who lost someone for one reason or another and didn't consider anyone else a suitable replacement or love the one they lost and who are unable to love anyone else.
There are enough women who have different priorities in life.
There are enough women who are not willing to settle for less just for the sake of marriage.
There are enough women who believe in serial monogamy.
There are women who are not able to have kids and who find it hard to find a man who will marry them.
There are enough women who are hidden lesbians.
There are enough women who, for one reason or another, do not like sex and therefore do not want a man by their side.

Life is only simple on Nairaland.

coogar:
i said these parents have sons who are irresponsible. sons wouldn't qualify as one black sheep. pay attention to the details...



so a midget can demand to marry a tall man? do you know the meaning of a midget or are you just trolling?




according to the standards set by nigerian parents. eligibility wouldn't be such an issue of the standard applied by nigerian parents is the same as in other climes.

in my neck of the woods, teenagers get married. it's not about what the dude has or doesn't have. as long as they love each other, both families are ready to proceed with the marriage rites.




is profession not tied to bank account in nigeria or what are you trying to say?

You have said it all. Millions of men are not husband material so the problem is with them and not with Nigerian parents who want the best for their daughters. Thanks.

MRBrownJ:
bwaaaaah, bro let me help.... slowly.
so the topic today is for us to look as to why so many +35 women are still single. i then suggested that it could be because of the following reasonS (focus on the S which means plural). it could be because:
A) these women have been preconditioned to believe that they need a man in order to be valued (and that their parents have the last say on who he should be).
or B) if you follow the stand i just mentioned above then you have to accept your fate if you end up a +35 single woman (or blame your parents)
or C) if you got to +35 and NO MEN has been interested in marrying you then possibly the problem is within YOU
or D) last i pointed out that at +35 there is too much competition, and INDEED these ladies can be referred as old cargo

so again, this is 4 different plausible reasons as to why a Nigerian woman could still be single at +35

There are hundreds of reasons why a lady could be unmarried at 35+ but you chose to mention those. Interesting.

coogar:
i strongly disagree....
if the sons are irresponsible, there's nothing to say the daughters wouldn't be far worse than the sons? how did the parents manage to train their daughters but then neglected the sons? highly unlikely.

As a matter of fact, there are plenty of families in which some kids are very responsible and others not. I am yet to see a family without at least one black sheep. If, however, you believe that their daughters are irresponsible too, then mention their shortcomings and leave out their brothers.

this is like a female midget demanding a tall suitor. it is no longer her rights to demand such. she should just accept whatever life throws at her......she should never set any standard, that would be tantamount to hypocrisy.

A woman does not need to be tall. I know plenty of tall men who have short girlfriends. Height is a male issue, not a female.

how's the problem with men?
it's the women that should lower their standards to a reasonable range. where do you expect a 25-30 year old nigerian guy to find money to buy a car, get a house, and then fund a multi-million naira wedding?

Haven't you just said eligible men are only to be found one in a million? You have answered your question yourself. I didn't know eligible equals very rich.

the boy just probably graduated from a uni. he's just starting his life & some greedy parents are demanding things their own older sons have not achieved. hypergamy is fairly universal but nigerians take theirs to an astronomical level.

First it was about his profession and now it's about his bank account. What are we talking about now?

coogar:
how can the parents of irresponsible sons desire responsible sons-in-law? shouldn't they just accept the fate their hands deal to them? if it's that easy to find responsible men, why didn't they raise one?

Having irresponsible sons is the more reason to desire a responsible son-in-law. And even if that is their mistake that their sons are irresponsible, why should their daughters pay for their mistakes?

truth is - eligible men are 1 in a million.
every woman wants him. he's a hot commodity. so the chances of him settling with a girl is 1/number of the women who desire him. good luck to you & your daughter.

If that is true, then the problem is with men and nobody else. You have just painted a bleak picture of the male gender and perfectly justified why a woman may not choose to get married at all.

coogar:
read the article very well.....
they all took their suitors to their parents & they were all rejected. this is not uncommon in nigeria, abeg. parents setting high standards. is he a doctor, engineer or a lawyer is the most common question....

meanwhile, these parents have sons who are grossly irresponsible sitting at home doing nothing o.........but they want the daughters to pick a top man who works for an oil company, owns a flat in lekki & drives a bugatti.

So because their sons are irresponsible their daughters have to marry irresponsible men?
I will tell my daughter to marry a high-quality man or not marry at all. Simples.

Kingjooo,you need to be a man now and marry the person of YOUR choice. I have a friend who married a girl (a very nice one) who his family chose for him. He left his ex for this girl as he wanted to make his family happy. Now he is back to his ex rarely spending time with his wife. Three people are unhappy now. You may regret not going for what you desire.

Absolutely none as I married the right woman.

MRBrownJ:
@OP
there are few issues here:
FIRST: NIGERIANS BELIEVE WOMEN MUST BE MARRIED TO BE VALUED
the solution to this problem lies in changing the prehistoric mentality of Nigerians who believe that the life's aim of any woman is to be married and have children (and that parents should have the last say on the matter). from their early age, parents beat that notion into young girls brain so these ladies will grow up believing that they aint shiit unless a man take them as wives.... and their parents approval is the do or die on the matter. the roots of that tree is rotten and we have to change it if we want to make better apples.

SECOND: ACCEPTING YOUR FATE
if you are +35, then you have lived about 17yrs seeking for that "Mrs" status without success, and since you know the social environment you live in, i suggest you let it go and accept that maybe it aint for you (and/or go insult your parents who refused all suitors that came your way). but hopefully by then, you have a great job that you can fully focus on. i am sure you are comfortable with who/what you are and i sincerely hope you dont settle for the 1st donkey that come your way, out of desperation.

sadly you have to accept the possibilities that you may be a gf (at best), for the rest of your life. there is no point still seeking for marriage when you see what you are up against out there. any +35 woman who still desperately seek for Mr right has to seriously answer the simply question: "why?".

THIRD: MEN AINT CRAZY
if you are a successful/beautiful/sexy +35yrs old woman, and yet still single, you have to look within yourself to know what drive men away from you. too high expectations? thinking to high of yourself? wrong character? NO morals? NO class? NO integrity? a good responsible woman does NOT stay single for long on the market, and a stubborn conceited woman need to fully accept that she may be single for a while. unfortunately, you best have a diamond cootie cat if you are ugly broke +35, and expect to compete with all them young 18+ women out there who are (as well) desperately looking for a husband to save them out of their misery.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST: LETS BE REAL HERE
what man in his right mind would settle for someone that passed her early 30s, when there are gazillions of young beautiful energetic 18-20yrs old out there desperately seeking for "any" well to do man to marry them? the younger men (18-30) out there would desire someone their own age, the mid range men (30-40) would look at these women and question why they havent been married all this time, and instead they would settle for someone "fresher" ranging from 25 to 30..... and the older men (40 and up) would mostly seek for an arm candy at this stage of their lives, and therefore also settle for the younger desperate women out there that are freely available in 9ja. so the reality is, pass 30 these women are indeed "old cargo".

You are contradicting yourself. First you say that too many Nigerians believe that a woman can only be valued if she gets married and then you imply that something is wrong with a woman who is 30+ or 35+ and is not yet married. Then you continue saying that all or most men prefer young girls, which further implies that a woman loses her value if she does not marry in time. You have exactly the same mentality you were condoning in your first paragraph.

People have told you over and over again that you have also played your part in the breakdown of the marriage. Ask yourself what you did wrong. It takes to to tango. Your wife also asked you if you see no fault with yourself. You obviously don't. You lack wisdom. You have a lot to learn. I have the feeling that you are the bigger problem in this marriage.
The fact that you put up a video of your wife and child is embarrassing. Like someone said, it says a lot about you.

wwwkaycom:
She cant stop her mum from loving but for the mum to decend so low as to date her daughters teacher is shameful, cant she find another man elsewhere? Well, let that girl have a sincere daughter-mother talk with her mum where she will bare her mind and plead with her mum to desist from seeing that man, she could involve her mother's relations if the woman prove adamant

What is shameful about it?

Stillfire:
There are brunettes who bleach their hair to become blond. Also White men prefer skinny women, hence why anorexia is prevalent in the white community. Do you see a pattern? The weak of the society will fall prey to societies standards.

You are right. There are white women though who love their brown/black/red hair and there are white women who are not denying themselves the pleasure of food and love their bodies even though they do not measure up to the standards of the fashion world. It all boils down to a healthy self-esteem because there will always be preferences.

Anyway skin color discrimination cannot be compared to petty issue as being a brunette. Nobody killed and rap.ed brunettes for being brunettes.

It can be compared but I admit that race issues have more severe consequences and that black people in general are more affected by race issues than any other people on this planet. Hence it is shocking that black people discriminate against each other and also against white people. They should be allergic to racism, no matter which way it goes. White people have laws against racism. That does not mean that there are no racist white people but at least they have developed and outlawed racism in many of their countries. They didn't have to.

Please my intention is not for genuine relationships not to exist. I encourage people to fall in love with whomever. I wasn't brought up to see ethnic group, race or what else is out there. I have never dated anyone from my ethnic group sef, but I do acknowledge the fact that we do have a skin color problem in the black community and black men should not pretend they are oblivious to this.

I am with you on this. What could be the solution to the problem?

Stillfire:
Nooo o, I just want you to admit there is a preference for light skinned in our society. Black women like Strober need to know this fact. Stop pretending.

There is a preference for blonds in the white community, do brunettes feel discriminated against? I don't think so.
There will always be preferences and sometimes they change over time as fashion changes. That's the way it just is.
I am married to a white lady even though I have always wanted to marry a woman from my tribe. It just happened that I fell in love with a European. It was not a question of preference. My preference was originally for black women, preferably from the same tribe because I thought that it would make my life easier.
However, if you meet someone who you think is your soulmate, color is not an issue whether the person is black or white.

I would lie if I said that it would not make me feel somehow disappointed but knowing the kind of discrimination homose-xuals face, I would decide to love and support my child even more. There is nothing else that would be reasonable to do, rejecting one's child is not an option.

The way to the peace of mind is to silence one's thoughts.

What makes you hate her?
*Don't pay much attention to people who judge you too soon.

bellong:
OP,

Your friend should do a serious background check of his sister. I want to believe it isn't Kegite that she joined because violence is not a message preached by the said group.

It is either she has been initiated into a secret cult or she is a girlfriend of a Capone.

Meanwhile, the father was wrong to slap an adult but by tradition and morals, the girl committed a grave offense.

Since this is the period of CHANGE, she needs to CHANGE her ways, seek forgiveness from her father and ask him to pray/bless her.

Whoso curseth his father or his mother, his lamp shall be put out in obscure darkness. Proverbs 20:20


The father too should apologise to his daughter for the slap. It was a wrong approach to resolving the issue. He should find another effective way of correcting her erring daughter. Violence will only strengthen her already hardened heart....

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. Colossians 3:21

This is a very sensible approach.

God bless you and may those who need advice take yours.

Racism among black people. This is what this thread is about.

Suspect33:
am 19

I don't know the nature of your relationship but talking to her may be a solution. Tell her how you feel without blaming her. Seek a quiet moment, in which she is relaxed.

It isn't your job to change, teach or correct your mother. It isn't possible in your position unless she asks for help.
You better take some healthy distance so that her moods don't take a toll on you. How old are you by the way?

She is lucky he didn't attack her straight away. How dare she slap someone in his sleep? Very stoopid thing to do. If she wasn't able to forgive him before she married him, why the hell did she marry him at all? Wicked woman.

culcid:
I try as much as possible to be.

Explain how. What defines a positive person?

culcid:
My life would have been smoother and more meaningful than what I am experiencing now. I’ve always taught that I’ve everything figured out, right from infancy till now, yet happiness is yet to be my companion. I feel unaccomplished, the zeal and motivation that pushes me is nowhere to be found, regret and loneliness has become my best buddies.
When I think of how I started and where I am now, frustration is not enough to describe what I feel. I’ve always blamed everybody apart from myself for my woes and misfortunes, to what end, more afflictions and sorrows.
Looking inward, it dawned on me that all along I’ve always been the architect and builder of my failures, all because I allowed the wrong people to stamp their poison into me.
Being naturally smart, physically appealing and outgoing, endearing myself to people’s heart was very easy, even before I took cognizance of my environment and my role as a human being. And to a large extent these qualities brought the good, the bad and the ugly, how I absorbed the bad and the ugly leaving out the good is still a mystery and one of my greatest regrets.
The weird thing is that everywhere I go now, no matter how hard I try to behave positively or pretend to be positive, I end up attracting the wrong people.
Few occurrences to buttress my point.
• Like so many other people I started selling SME data last year, tried to be honest and steadfast, always delivering as at when due, somehow by reference I started meeting a lot of married and single working class ladies. The twist is this, my married ladies customers are no longer interested in my data but my body, they want to bleep me at all cost, they won’t buy data except I’m physically present, this is not what I bargained for.

• I attended an all-boys seminary school, of all the people in the school and in my quest to end up in good hands, I chose our chapel prefect now a Rev, to be my school father, guess what? He ended up teaching and inculcating in me habits that are too vile to be mentioned here, with this disease called addiction, which I’m yet to find how do break away from.

• And so many more

I just don’t know what to do, how do I avoid these destiny killers, I really need to know??

The world is overfilled with negative people. There is no way to avoid them altogether. The only thing you can do is be positive yourself and keep negative people at a safe distance. Are you positive?

timbros:
Below is your earlier comment.



Is it the cars or the stars you want humble? As you can see, both of your comments are confusing.

Confusing to you.

virtousB:
If i had an issue with how to give,i wld av asked that questn.But dats not my problem now.

You don't understand and this is why your "problem" won't be solved.