₦airaland Forum

Chinum:
I guess I was ryt abt dis moniker

@ur last paragraph, snatching is not allowed.



Abeg na joke o

lol.. edit your post mbok

Evina:
Wow iwatch
Thank you so much. I really appreciate your prayers and receive your declarations for me.

I should print this out.
Thanks a lot and may you experience the same measure of goodness, you have dispensed.
Cheers.

No ma'am, since I was born, I have never seen or heard of your kind of woman, I mean woman who practically mould a man into a desired product. Many, many many many would have left that guy just because he is not what they want, because he is "not their type" because "he is not measuring up as man"; because "he is weak"; because "he is lazy" because " he does not plan ahead" ; because "he is not ambitious" (like one I saw in a few post in page 40ty something) , because "it will take time before he would get there". You saw a possibilit, you didn't give up on him, you had faith in him, you believed, you saw potentials...YOU are a GEM to behold, you are precious, you are unique.

Like I said, one once told me I don't plan ahead. But against all odd, I saw myself through school after my mum passed on. This was with God's help and His grace of cause. In last one year after NYSC, many of my friend's whom we finished service together have had to complain of finances but I don't, neither do blame the government for my financial needs. I pick myself up and use whatever is around me to get what I want.

I want ladies to understand that waiting on a guy's plan isn't the best you can get out of him or giving up on him when you hadn't tried anything at all.

Many would have left your husband-to-be in his old state. I doubt he possibility in a girls of 10. Not many a privileged to be born or raised with leadership qualities and you understood that fact, you took the lead half way, brought out the best in him, transformed him...

Nothing is as precious as a woman who contributes her quota into her man's life. I know a guy whom his girlfriend used to send him 2k, 3k, 5k in school. On his wedding day, someone said if he had know, my friend shouldn't have married the lady. I stood up in defense for her and told him that if he didn't marry her, I would be mad at him because she deserved every ounce of it.

ALL I CAN IS MAY GOD BLESS YOU FOR EVERYTHING YOU DID FOR HIM...

kheart:
Hi relationship expert, I just come across this wonderful thread and d testimonies here are quite encouraging.

There is dis gal I met in my friend's hauz and I kinda like her bt d issue here is she s cousin to my friend (and she s writing her waec while I m a final student) how do I go abt dis relationship in a piece meal level so I don't bleep up?

Leave the girl alone. You don't love her but want to take advantage of her innocence and stop deceiving yourself that she has good character. If that babe enter school she go tear eyes.,,

Evina:
@geekybabe: I know most of the responses you got to your predicament are from mature and married posters.

I just want to give my suggestion based on my personal experience.

I will be getting married in May. It ought to have being on the 28th of March, but elections in Nigeria made us move the date.

My fiance and I started dating in 2006. I already had my first degree then and preparing for NYSC, while he was studying to be an engineer. By the time he had his B.Sc, I already had a few years work experience.

Like you, I am very driven. I started a business at 20. I am one of those people that can start 5 projects, run a business at the side while holding down a job and still think of fresh new opportunities to explore. He was laid back, I had to push him to always go for more.

In fact, I did not have a problem with being the bread winner until the Holy Spirit convicted me and told me I was subtly placing a curse on my intended. I mean it is NOT the place of a woman to be the SOLE provider. She is the helpmeet, the support system. The bible says a man who cannot provide for his family is worse than an infidel!

When I got that understanding, I revamped my mindset. I showed him the scripture, and told him. You know me. You know how driven I am and you know I will not let myself be limited by a man. I will not soft pedal on achieving my dreams because I don't want you to feel inadequate, so you need to sit up.

Then, I began to find ways to push him towards accomplishing his goals. While he was awaiting NYSC, I was the PR manager in a school. I organized the annual Christmas party, which was unlike any the school ever had. We had sponsors and media coverage. He is a great dancer and had a group in school, so I suggested he should consider training the students in dance;salsa, ballet etc. He was excited. I proposed the idea to the board and he was hired as the choreographer. He did an EXCELLENT job!

Next, I had an idea for weddings, talked to him about it and we made business cards. He was the MD and I Business development manager. Our biggest client was from him. (An aunt of his).

Shortly, he went for NYSC and I secured another job in another city. I developed his resume and would check for jobs online, write cover letter and apply on his behalf.

Now, several years after. I am AMAZED at the man he has become! I am soo proud of him. He is a sales Engineer, confident, driven and dedicated. He once told me he used to think he couldn't get a job without connections. But now, he doesn't think there's any interview he'll go for that he wouldn't scale through. I remember, I used to prep him for interviews back then.

I asked him recently, where that unmotivated, timid guy was, and he gave me one kind look. LOL. Now, I don't have to do any of those work I used to do because he is on top of his game.

I really thank God because even his mum, turned around and loved me when she saw the direction her son's life was headed and realized he was at his best with me in his life.

In summary, I just want to say, we should endeavor to make an impact in the lives of people we encounter. 9months is too short to give up on him. Give it your best, if it means finding time to search for jobs with him and even applying on his behalf, do it. His seeming controlling nature may just be because he feels insecure. Help him get past the insecurities. I believe the role of a woman is to build up her man, to help him reach his full potentials. That is why there is no end to how high a man can rise if he's got a good woman by his side.

That laid back dude today can become a driven, goal oriented man tomorrow. Mine is a living proof. he is not just an Engineer, he got certified in HSE and picked up great designing skills. I once got a contract to supply table top calendars. He designed it and managed the printing process. I would have spent 100k, paying a designer for the designs. He stays dedicated to tasks and wouldn't give up until he has seen it through. I didn't see these qualities in him before and wouldn't have known it was in there if I gave up on him.

All the best gurl.

May God bless you.... I was searching for this very post and now I found it. I saw your prewedding pictures and I pray that God bless you for the future and more grace. May your home never know sorrows. You and Your husband will live into old age together, you shall see you children's children in Jesus name.Whoever plan evil against your marriage shall carry their curse with their own head. Every time, energy and finances you spent on this man shall bring forth more blessings for your family In Jesus name. Any girl, either present or future that will plan to steal your sweat in your marriage shall never know peace in Jesus Name, You inherit the fruit of your labor.

I really wish I could give you hug... I will post this on the romance section so that other girls can learn from you, You are a role model and when I come across women of your kind, I give them the maximum respect they deserve. You are an epitome of womanhood! let me stop here so I can leave some spaces for other cos if I continue, the space will not be enough.

Hunwa:
@Sashafm
Just had to say something to you after reading your post. Please don't make the mistake of ever under-estimating anyone. I was in your shoes some years back and I also thought the guy in question wasn't focused enough and had no concrete ambition, I actually left him because of that, as I felt we were not moving at the same pace. But today, he is miles ahead of me in terms of academic qualifications and is now a professional in his chosen field and even got a job outside the country. My point is, a man not been vocal about his long and short term goals doesn't mean he doesn't want to amount to someone great in life, he might just still be processing the plans in his mind. Don't give up on him based on that alone as you might end up regretting it.

Please, can someone help me with the name of that woman here who transformed her man into extraordinary personality? Please do it for me. Please. I read about her sometime ago but I have forgotten the handle. I think it's Evina or something. Her kind is very rare, extremely rare. NO MAN, except curse, will toy with her kind. Please someone should give me her handle. I talking about the one whose boyfriend was timid but she pushed him to become a better person and I think they are getting married soon. I really need to know her name. Thank you.

jerrygome:
Your item is @ Lagos Post Office @ the moment. Give it time and track it again. It will soon take off from Lag to US

do you or anyone here know how long takes NIPOST to send an item to US. I was told 9 working days at the NIPOST office where but up till now, no changes to track details. It's still showing Lagos post office.

The package is going to Amazon.

MRBrownJ:
bro, that Atari 2600 on the top right is late 70s to mdi/late 80s, and definitely not 90s

I sent you a PM.

Hibiscuss:
I doubt if they are of the same age bro. Hardly will you find any mature lady who doesn't own a phone.

lol... u never enter ghetto make u see things ni? Bro, I know a girl in my old ghetto. The mother is a petty trader. This babe fine finish, yellow paw paw but she does not leave the house. I swear. She should be in her mid 20s now. The babe no soji at all and if she does not have a phone, I won't be surprise either. In all my years in that area, I have never seen her mix with other girls, no friends, always in the house. It was just early this year that I saw her at out old junction for the first time. There are girls like that bro. I don't even think this particular girl has phone cos never saw her use one, except the one used by her sister for business calls.

I normally like girls like that but omo, fear no let me near this one to say I wan woo her o. Her own is just too extreme for my liking.

Hibiscuss:
Bros pls leave all these minors and underage alone. Let them face their study. Biko.

OBVIOUSLY, they are likely agemates. Check his DP.. dude is still in his early 20s

fashrules:
i would be glad if you could drop some genuine gulf recruitment websites so many unserious sites out there and i have tried quite a few.
can i have maybe your email, please?

sometimes, you don't need to wait for anyone to get information. I am very sure if I keyin the emboldened into google, I will get a handful of what I want.

jessiecah:
Guys, she's nothing near ugly even minus the makeup. Clean your eyes and look at the picture again, this time very well. Too quick to attribute every fine face to makeup these days. Makeup adds to your beauty, it does not perform magic

no mind Dem.

Floodgater:
You dont let people change who you are or you will miss your identity and blessings. One person's offence shouldnt cause you not to give the next person a chance. Imagine you are not given a chance because the person before you abused one for surely you have/will knowingly or unknowingly offend someone. Friends are men's greatest influence, allow only good ones or better still do the influencing by remaining good. I tell you with confidence, if you continue being your nice self even when some wont appreciate it, you will always drink from the cup of niceness when most needed. Take your time, express whatever emotional burden there be, evaluate and learn from your experiences. When you are ready to date again, aside the beauty look for the presence of those characters you cherish most before you take it beyound friendship or invest yourself and emotions, it will spare you alot of stupidity and heartache....You are welcome.

Thanks so much. God bless you. You made me

Floodgater:
When you know what you want in a woman and are ready to settle down, you will know where to look for a woman whose beauty will not blind you from seeing what you are looking for. Work on yourself first.

okay

Chinum:
U might as well say, all ugly girls are well groomed.

who bad don bad... It has nothing to do with looks. I have experienced both

Floodgater:
Are you sure you have settled it in your heart that you are proud and impatient? Because it is the first step to your to your help. It is a common thing with young boys & girls to be impatient because the remindal buzz for aging is not yet active. I cant authoritatively conclude the two girls in your stances are bad though the first one seems it. Girls naturally usually play hard to get so as not to appear cheap, furthermore society encourages it and afterall you guys dont treasure the ones you didnt sweated for. It is possible the second girl was pulling your legs or was revenging for coming late on a first date (childish but the two of you would have learnt something since then). Also, the first gal could have had the qualities you need in a wife but is lacking in manners due to age or whatever as no body is perfect and you could have managed it or help her become better but you didnt wait to be sure they where not it. You see, it all makes two of you one. Is it not possible they thought you also miss out on something good like you thought about them? You say you are a nice guy but the aura you left with them was ego and impatience like the mannerlessness you took without what ever good they may have. Are you still thinking they will regret impatience and ego or learn a lesson? You know along the line you could have sounded proud without knowing and irritated them too. When you meet an offending one, give benefit of doubts for 3 or 4 more chances for certainty before conclusion. As have been advice before, when you know what you want then you will know the type of girls to approach. Finally give girls matter break before you rebound, you have not recovered yet and it is obvious.

I need to work on it. But does it mean if a girl slap me, I should smile and say slap me again?

This problem intolerance started as a result of the nasty experience I had. cos I took so much shiiit from it such that when my friends heard it, they called me a mumu, maga etc. It even got to a point that even in the ones that I date, if they make any silly mistake, I tell them to get out of my life.

But after my encounter with this other girl, I swear, a lot has changed and I am even more worried now.

Solange3:
How bad have u been embarassed by the opposite sex. A date, or any other form. This may be lenghty! But as usual here, Its not for lazy readers.

I remember my 1st year in the university. Me n my bestie as at then, not bad girls and not like we too holy. We were just there. Alwaiz there for each other. We were more like sisters. Let's call her "Hibiscus".

Hibiscus stayed off campus at one of the "biggest" female hostels. I was always in her room, though I stayed on campus. We got back from school after lectures and she told me of one guy at our faculty that wanted to take her out
on a date. She said she knew the guy but they've never really talked, just "hi hi"and not sure if she wanted to go with him. I just said if she dint want to, she shouldn't.

The next day, she told me the guy came to meet her again. He showed her his white bold 5 (bold 5 was the in thing then) and disturbed her all through that day. He kept saying "he has money and anywhere in Lagos that she would like to go he would take her and blah blah". She said she was shocked and dint know what to do because he followed her round the faculty. So she gave him her number after much persuasion to call her and she'd let him know if her mind was made up. When she was with me, he cald again. So I was like ok na "ask him if you can come with your friend". He agreed and kept saying " no problem, I'd take you anywhere, spend money". Hian! She sef fear. Told her not to worry since we were two, make we just see where dis guy mouth go end. So we agreed to go with him the next day. We planned taking our Atm cards and extra cash incase of any "f*ck up"

The D-day came, me wey no like make up, my friend dressed me up, made me up, I wore an outfit I wouldn't wear normally. When I was done, me sef knw say I fine n hot. Two of our freinds were in the room that day. So they all "dressed us up" (ladies you knw na). Hibiscus loves to delay guys and make them wait even for an hour. She just loved it. She stil dey make up, the guy stil dey hostel compound dey wait. Finally, hibiscus finished her wahala. We went to where Cars were packed, located the guy and we sat in the car. I recognised the guy as a known face in the faculty, but we've never talked before, he came with a friend. Hibiscus did proper introductions. But the guy was just complaning about how we wasted much time and how he's been waiting. I had to apologise to him. Let's call him "Mr X"

He asked if we wanted to take "chicken n chips" cos he had ordered for a pack for himself while he was waiting for us,(they used to sell junks and all in the compund) i noticed my friend wanted to say yes. But somehow, I tapped her and told the guy "no" that we should go out first. So he went to get the pack but told us to decide where to go. So we waited and we were confused on were to go. Our tinking be say, if the guy money no reach nko, make we no go wash plate. So I later suggested shoprite, pick a few things like ice cream, food, buy other things maybe and come back.

The guy came back and my friend got down from the car to tell him where we chose to go. It wasn't up to 2 mins, I started hearing loud voices and arguments. But I couldn't hear the guys voice. All I could hear was hibiscus voice. She made statements like "its not fair", "why would I do that" "pls don't say it". I got uncomfortable. Meanwhile he's friend was just shouting "let's go, I want to withdraw money from the bank before they close". So hibiscus came to where his friend sat, and told him to com down from the car while Mr X got back to the car and sat down eating the chicken like person wey neva chop. I asked him wat was wrong, he said "don't worry, your friend will explain. His friend got back to the car and Mr X got down again to meet Hibiscus outside again. I asked the friend about the issue. He said, "don't worry, your friend will handle it". Hian! The matter kon tyre me. After about 10minutes,before I knew what was happning. Mr X came to were I sat, looked at me and said (I can never forget this words)

YOU, YOU CANNOT COME WITH Us, GET DOWN FROM THE CAR....

What!!!!

Na so I jus dey look the guy, I wan talk, I no fit. I just got down quietly and started walking towards the main building, it was quite a long walk from the garage to the main building. So I heard hibiscus' footsteps behind me, the car driving towards us. He stopped @ where Hibiscus was, and told her ... "ARE YOU GOING WITH HER OR ME. Choose". She dint reply, so he drove out of the gate.

She was so pissed, when we got to the room, our friends were surprised and were laffing asking what happend. Hibiscus dint speak, till much later she told me the guy said ...

"Dis your friend, I don't like her, is she not in our faculty, tell her to go back, that she can't come with us".

She asked if we've met before. Told her I see him at the faculty but we've never talked. I was even surprised that he had seen me before.
I was so sad throughout that day. Was so embarassed. Imagine all the girls in the hostel who must have been watching from their windows. Chai! I thought Hibiscus dint want to tell me the truth. Anyway, she made him apologise the next day. He said it casually. I was too angry to listen. I just walked out. fast forward to 300L, we were just gisting and we remembered that incident. I asked her what the guy said, and told her to say the truth. But she repeated the same thing.

But Omo! The last time I saw this guy ehn! Chai! He looked terrible. I no let am see me sef. But e be me like say make I give am food chop! Hibiscus also saw him. She said the same thing, that she couldn't greet him.

Now share yours

That's life. Never despise anyone or look down on them... nobody knows tomorrow. Please if you can help him with money or anything, please do it. It will go greater length to teach him a good lesson.

dearestsewa:
Yes, he did. We discussed it. But, we were both in new relationships. He wanted us to leave our relationship but I thought it is wickedness to snatch another person's partner to gratify our own lust. I believe I'm right but he despised me for rejecting him again.
Yet, I still considered him a great friend.

The emboldened shows you turned him down twice right and the one described here was the second time? are you currently with that same person whom you refused to leave him for?

I ask because i can understand why he will behave that way, especially when his intentions towards you are genuine and you make it seem like he is not your type or not good enough for you or may be he felt he could have treated you better than the guy you were with at that time but you didnt give him a chance. I noticed that ladies in this situations rarely give the guys chance because they were already friends, but do you realize that in the course of being your friend, he seem to have discovered likable characteristics in you such that he believe you guys would be happy together?

It has happened to me before that's why I ask that question. I am sure you are no longer with the guy you were dating when he told you about his feelings for you. Truth is, that guy really loved you!

Chinum:
Apart from following big bro's advice maybe u shd try not to limit ur search to the bolded.

sorry.... Do u mean all beautiful ladies are mannerless?

jerrygome:
Your item is @ Lagos Post Office @ the moment. Give it time and track it again. It will soon take off from Lag to US

okay thanks.

dearestsewa:
I see. Don't feel so bad. You didn't feel anything at that time and, if not that she's now with someone else you'll probably still not see her worth.

I had a similar experience. I liked him, I considered him as the best of my best friends but I never felt the 'me and you' part even though I knew how he felt. Later, he found someone else but I realized that he now despised me in a way and cut me off completely. But, I don't regret it anymore. I still found someone who dots over me.

Answer this question: Did he ever open up to you? He did and you turned him down right?

ivyT:
That was for a friend,

lol I thought you were serious. I will pass then.

MRBrownJ:
spending on a lady is just a sign that this guy is trying to impress this lady. some men have nothing else to offer a woman than gifts..... sadly, if thats "only" what he does then that union is not on a good course, unless you are looking for a GD (GoldDigger) or someone who only values you for what you can do for them financially.

Sup bro. How are you doing? It's been a while and I dont see you around here anymore, many old monikers are gone and the whole place is infested with kids. can I send you a PM? one coming and please do respond. done, do let me know when you reply the PM

dearestsewa:
If u are referring to the 'wish each other the best' I said, let's get it clear that the lady u r pursuing is not available anymore. there's no case of 'QUIT' in that.
But, if it had been that u were both in a relationship and are having usual issues that are not life threatening I would have advised that you give it time.
Pls let's avoid the usual sickening nairaland banters and apply wisdom.

I was just kidding o. I didn't take it serious please.

please can anyone explain what this is?

Chinum:


Al join.

winsh

dearestsewa:
Don't take it personal. I get what chisco82 may be trying to say but advice carries an "at owner's risk" tag. This risk is because it's only the foot in the shoe that knows where it pinches. No one online can fully understand all the sides to the relationship problem.

More so, let's not be too quick to offer a 'QUIT' advice. Where physical and emotional abuse is not present,most relationships may just need time for growth and understanding.

quite succinct but I was told to quit a while ago which I have done.

Chinum:
I am a HESHE

hermaphrodite

MarvellousGod:
You disagree, then why not give your own opinion or criticise constructively? ?
what do you even call bad advice?? Those words you call bad may be what will help the person wearing the shoe... It's not up to you to decide which is good or bad, the person asking for advice knows just which to choose, one which suits him/her...

Again, you can always drop your opinion on each case sir...

I tire o.

Chinum:
Sowi o

Dat particular monikar overwhelmingly annoying.

But who knows, maybe it's a diff persona.

are you HE or SHE?

dearestsewa:
I'm not so sure about that "she can always check on u". What if it makes her unable to settle with the current guy because she thinks she has an option? And you, what if you happily moved on? I believe it's just safe to wish each other the best.

Well, there is always a second chance and sincerely, she used to preach that to me when we discuss certain things that affects us. We had gone far into being friends before all this shiiit started.

Chinum:
My naughtie curious mind is thinking of a certain moniker.