₦airaland Forum

dayokanu: In most household before a professional is called you first call on the man to come look it up.

If your car fails to start the first person you call even before a mechanic is your husband to look at it.

if you hear sound downstairs before you call the cops the husband is the first person you call to go check it

...not in all houses, no. If our car fails to start, I am the one who knows how to fix it, not him. He grew up in the bush with cows and dust, you think he knows cars?
If I hear sounds downstairs, I am not afraid to go look myself. I grew up in the bush, I know how to handle a knife.

dayokanu: Just the same way your husband was cooking and cleaning for himself when he was single and living alone. Or before he met you was he starving?

When you get married you wont be doing heavy lifting again but would expect the man to do it. If you are out and you are lifting heavy stuff how would it look?

The same way it would be if your man is cooking

Uhm..I do not have any problem with lifting heavy things. If I am strong enough to lift it, why should I ask my husband to do it for me? Where is the logic?
Before he met me, he cooked and cleaned himself. So there is no reason for him to stop absolutely just because he got a ring on his finger, no. And he do not wish to stop completely either.

Michky: hahahahahahahahah. I laugh in swahili. So, these are your interpretations of my posts abi? Mature goat. It is clear that you grew in the midst of women. Most of your teachers till later secondary were women. You think opening that dirty hole in your face and spitting poo is equal to expression abi.
Look poo, that pencil between your legs doesn't make you a man o. Being a man is in the mind and clearly you're not one.

A real man have respect for other human beings.
A real man helps his wife when she need it, without her even having to ask.
A real man treats his wife like a queen, not like a slave or a servant.
A real man knows how to take care of himself and his house, and does not need to pay someone to do so.

And from what I have seen in here, you are none of these.

sleekman: The problem here is that u must think ure talking to a fool who doesn't understand the agreement that exists between u and ur man. U didn't force ur man? Yeah right. You apportion chores and you dare open that lousy mouth of yours to say he wasn't forced? Hahahaha I laff in svenska. Let me see if your husband wins a lottery and he decides to get a relation of his to come do his share of the work what happens? You'll scream blue-murder he has reneged on his agreement? Infact you're a disgrace to womanhood. Your husband cooks while u cross ur legs in the living room expecting to be served? Now I get your idea of equality.
Tell u what, you should have proposed to him too. Let me see as its customary in Sweden I guess your children are going to bear both your surnames. U know what I speak from experience. All what uve said was exactly what I opposed when I was dating one of ur likes. The thing I liked about her was she mellowed and agreed the way of the African Lion. Agreement my foot.

Of course our daughter have both of our names, why not? That was actually not even my idea My surname is not very much used in my country, so we put them together. Why is that an issue?
We call her by her african names, but she can later on choose for her self. She should be euqally proud of both families, names, and history.

Why do you continue to think I force him? Why is it so hard for you to see that not all people think like you?
And if my husband won the lottery, we would move back to Africa. I would open a small shop, and not worry if I did not make enough money that day or not. We even lived there with his sister and his brothers, and the brothers still cleaned their own clothes, my husband still cooked, and he and his brother all still cleaned the compound. Imagine that..you think I forced them all? Really?

And I dont know why you talk about Sweden so much. I am not swedish.

sleekman: I'm very sorry for the domesticated cat u have. More like a servant husband. Mtchewwwwwwwwwwwww

I am sorry for you being so ignorant.

Michky: Any kind of help? Please clarify.
You speak like women should really be respected. You ediots steal like men do, kill like men do, lie like men etc. What is the guarantee that while am doing the dishes, another man is not doing your dish some where else. Abeg joor, i marry you to support me. If you have any other motive, then i'll find someone else. Chikenah!

..and you feel they should not be respected, or am I misunderstanding you?

dayokanu: Its a division of roles in any family.

When growing up if you need to cut the grass, fix the car, do heavy lifting its the boys that get called up, When its cleaning and cooking its the women

Why do most women leave heavy work for the men to do, When theres electrical, mechanical work to be done at home mostly its the man, when you are asleep at night and hear sounds downstairs its the man that wakes up to go check wassup

Is it that the women look down on men as the beast of burden for doing such heavy lifting and energy sapping duties

That is not how it is everywhere. My husband learned the "man-things" growing up as well as how to clean and cook with his mother.
I know how to cut grass, fix a car ( oil, change of tires, changing small spareparts, lights, checking oil, gas, air, etc etc ), change the floor in a house, build up furniture, etc.
I also know how to cook and clean, and fix a clogged up toilet, change a diaper, put down a fire, change a window for that matter.

I love the fact that my parents taught me all, so I could survive on my own. But then again, in my country it is normal to move out on your own before meeting a spouse, some go to live alone because of school at the age of 16. Who was supposed to go and check noises in the apartment when I was living alone? Who was supposed to cook and clean for my hubby when he was living alone?
Why should all of that be forgotten, just because we got married..?

lindiwey: Its almost impossible not to shout o.there ws a day I ws cooking beans n y'al knw beans takes time to cook.I added enuf water so dt I wont hv to get up til afta like 40mins.wen I decided to chek d beans it wasn't boiling.my 20mths old son had turned off d burner.I ddnt evn knw wen he entad d kitchen because he ws wit me in d sittn room though playn n running arnd.I had to shout o.my son looks at facial xpressions,if u r advicn him calmly he wil start laughn as if u r teln him a story but if u kip a straight face n warn him authoritativly,he will adjust sharply!

I would not have shouted, I have would have talked with a firmer voice than normally, and louder, but not screamed.

Sagamite: No 1, I never said smacking your kids will unfailingly give you weeell-behaved kids. I said odds.

No 2, I can't for the life of me see any link between beating women and corporal discipline of kids. This is as ridiculous as the link I put in my last post when someone was linking violent societies to corporal punishment. Lets apply better root-cause analysis. It is more likely cultural (perception of women), not the corporal punishment.

No 3, there are many non-Africans that engage in domestic violence despite not smacking their kids.

No 4, as I said in the link I provided in my last post. They apply corporal punishment in Singapore, South Korea, Botswana and Japan, and the kids don't go about beating others. But the kids in London do; they beat both other kids and adults impunitely. So that is another silly, unproven and conjectural deduction.

https://www.nairaland.com/1118061/buharis-first-daughter-zulai-dead/9#14263278

MY linking between domestic violence and africance came because of the "this is white peoples way".
The most violent people I know, the most aggressive ones, have all been beaten by one or both of their parents. That is how they know to handle disputes and confrontations.

And science show the same: if you were beaten much as a kid, there is a much bigger chance that you will beat when issues come up later in life, be it your friends, spouse, kids..and how would you do if your kid got in big problems at school for beating other kids? "You do not beat, only I beat!" ?

lojik: Ur hussy doesn't have to help manually, he could as well get you:
a. washing machine
c. Vacuum cleaner
d. Deep freezer
e. Microwave oven

The unfortunate thing is that after getting all these gadgets, she'll still complain that u don't help her.
I don't know how to cook and i once tried to help with the stew and the whole thing got burnt. I got the nagging of my life. I don't plan to attempt any chore again anytime soon. Let the gadgets do their work.

I hope they invent a beans cooker with remote control soon.
I wonder why vacuum cleaners don't come with pre-programmable touch screen interfaces.

The left-outs are the only things we have.. And he helps. I do not like rice being cooked in these machines, neither does he. All the machines that cook for you are..blah.

I did not know how to cook african food when I met my husband, and for the first 3-4 months I burned it half the time. And if I did not burn it, there was too much spice, not enough spice, not cooked enough, cooked too much, etc, etc. But I learned..

And there are small vacuum-cleaners that are like robots; they run around the house themself. Very strange to look at, and I never tried it myself, so I have no idea how good they work. Damn expensive as well.

jidegirl12: Don't let that bother you dear, ALL blacks don't hit our kids, if dem like, throw them in the well for all I care, like chaircover said in one thread; They are MY kids and I deem fit do what I want with them

I've seen product of abuse all in the name if discipline that never have a good relationship with their parents , everybody should do what please them, but I sure wont allow my kids mix up with such kids from homes like that.

For me, it is like saying "only immigrants in my country r*pe", when the fact is that the ones who jump women in the streets are all immigrants, but the r*pe there are most of, where someone you know does it, are NOT immigrants.

I do agree that many white people are TOO KIND on their kids, and want to be their best friends instead of their parents. I can see a big difference even just from up north where I am from, compared to the capital. They give in to their kids crying in the shop instead of carrying the kid out. They say "if you do that again, I will take your toys", and then they don`t follow up..
People up north are more..up-front, I guess. We are raised to respect elders, people around, and our parents, but also to speak our minds if we do not agree, even with our parents, but still; WITH RESPECT.

Sagamite: The social pioneers, promoters and norm practiioners of not smacking kids are Westerners.

By and large, the philosophy is an alternate way of raising kids but it has a higher odd of having rude and disrepectful kids who have limited regards for the parents and other adults.

Secondly, it is a more expensive philosophy it terms of time and money which does not necessarily bring any superior returns.

You can raise a well-rounded, respectful and disciplined child with that philosophy but the the odds are inferior. To me, it is generally inferior.

Even though there is room for improvement in the way Africans and third world people raise their kids and actually smack them, it still gets a far better parent-child relationship and dynamics.

https://www.nairaland.com/1118061/buharis-first-daughter-zulai-dead/9#13207371

Unlike funky people that have an insatiable appetite to copy anything done by whites to show they are "modern and progressive". I will take the best of the Western philosophy and mix it with the best of my traditional philosophy (which will be dominant based on observe existential outcomes) in raising kids. That means I WILL NEVER rule out smacking. I am not funky!

Smacking your kids does not mean you will have good behaving kids. Nigerian boys in Oslo are known for beating their women, beating women who say no to go home with them from a pub, trash-talking women who turn them down, and selling heroine in the streets. ( No, not all, you get the point here. )
What did their parents do wrong...? A child who grow up with being beaten, will think it is ok to beat others when they do as they want them to do.
I do NOT want a daughter, or son, who walk around beating other kids because they did not get their way.

...why are many people writing "the white people"?
What, you mean we can`t raise our kids, just because we don`t beat them?
What about the african parents who do not beat their kids?

Originalsly: Hmmm....if OP and some of these women are married...I guess at least one is at home typing away while they wait for the loving husband to come home and help with work that can be done right now. Give some women an inch and they would want to take a yard.

..or maybe the work is already done, and it is time to relax.
..or maybe you check your computer in between doing chores.
..or maybe the food is cooking, and just need to sit before it is ready.
..or maybe the husband decided to cook, and told the wifey to sit her pretty a*s down and relax.

Can be anything.

Nairaland have more handsomeness than I thought.
And the men beat the women by far with pages

Sagamite: So brilliantly said.

Funky-wannabees never get this.

The problem for me here is that what one person consider whipping, I might consider beating.

A smack on the backside, just ONE, is for me ok, if the kid got some warnings already.
To lay the child over your knee and spank, on the other hand, not ok.

feyiona: The best way is to talk to warn the child and if he continues smack him. By the time you have done this like twice or three times only the threat of a smacking will set him on the straight and narrow. We are beginning to take on take on the cultures of the White guys of not spanking. Look at what their children are turning to.
The major thing is don't smack any child in anger then you will overdo it

And what are white people, like me, turning into, you say..?

You want me to send you statistics on what color the people who do crime and r*pe in my country is? Guess the beating did not teach them to not jump women, and to not thief people with a blade or knife in their hands, then.

all4naija: Hello, JallowBah. How are you? That is what I call child education and it often works.

Im good, and you?

Like someone said: kids are small human being, and deserve to be treated as such. They need to learn, and if they learn that you can beat them, they will beat others, and then what are you gonna do, beat them for beating..?

africanrapper: When I become a Husband and Father, I will use the 'stick' approach ONLY when it becomes absolutely necessary. My whole body is full of scars of strokes my father gave me (using a stretched Iron cloth hanger) several years ago.

Even till today, I can never wear only singlets - even when I'm with my male friends. If I do, you'll start hearing questions like: "Uche, what's reason for these scars?" , "Uche, were you a cultist in School"?.

I can't stand the sight of seeing such scars on my beloved children - let alone remembering that I gave them those marks. God forbid.

When I must discipline my children, I will use the Isolation method or the Carrot method (as described by someone here).

#africanrapper

Wow..I am sorry. That is terrible.

A good friend of me told me her uncle used to beat her bad ( her father travelled much with his work ), and that the only thing that led to, was for her to act even more rude. She knew she would be beaten no matter if she listened or not, so she could might as well not listen..

I have a 2 year old in the house, and most of the time; she listens. When I tell her to leave something, and she do not listen after the second time, I always tell her "I`m gonna count to three now." Before I reach three, she normally listen, and if I do reach three, I put her on a chair, and go down to her and tell her why I put her there. When she stops her "crying", I ask if she is finished, and repeat why she was put there.
She then tells me she understands, she say she is sorry and give me a hug, and goes to play.

I rarely have to do it more than 2-4 times regarding the same things before she learns.

Michky: Yeah. Then i won't pay her bills anymore, then she'll rent her seperate place, then marriage is gonna suffer. All because one ediot of a wife is refusing to accept her duty as wife and either get a house help or do it herself.

Where are these jezebels springing up from BTW?

Or; you both pay for the house and electricity and food, and have a saving account together, and then the rest, you spend on hair, clothes, nails, shoes, cars, beers, whatever floats your boat.
( If both are working fulltime... )