₦airaland Forum

Michky: As for me, this is how i want my things done. Husband pays rent, fees, and bills generally. Wifey provides everything the kitchen needs, feeds the family, sees to children welfare and ensures general cleanliness of the home. Ofcourse, every other man have edited versions of how they want their home to be run, but none of them would sign up for being share a chore or being asked to wash undies.

I believe this is simple enough. This is what i think a man's duty in the home should be.

Thank you.

...says YOU.

There have been a few cases of women going over 12months pregnant, but in most cases, the baby is dead by the time it comes. The placenta detaches after a certain time, and the baby will not get anything from the mother, and die.

Two years is complete bull, and I agree with thorpido here.

cocospice: i spank my toddler n also talk to her. Its not easy talking to her mostyms cos she doesnt really understand dat much. But when i scream n shout at her, she wil adjust hersef.

Of course she does, because she get SCARED.

What someone called the carrot-method is actually very good. If you act good; you get good things. If you act bad, the good things get taken away.

A smack on the hand when a kid is thiefing things from the table after being told many times not to, I can support.
But beating, spanking, screaming and shouting? Nah.

Brand_new: Other tasks I mentioned is menial too but I just feel house cleaning is too petty and monotonous hence me no liking it.
Hey! I'm not yet married but will soon be.

It`s not like all of the women LIKE cleaning either, you know.

I actually hate it. It is boring and I wish I did not have to do it, but I still do it, because it is needed.

Michky: Honestly, i dont believe this argument would have dragged this long if you had brought this post earlier. NOW, YOU HAVE MADE IT CLEAR THAT IT IS DISRESPECTFUL TO ASK YOUR MAN TO WASH YOUR UNDIES. *sighs deeply* Now you're talking! Now, we can agree to disagree on other issues. Good one girl. Good one.

I have stated all along that I have not DEMANDED anything from my husband. I have simply said how it works for us, and how I wish it to be in my marriage.

Demanding anything from your spouse is bull. You can always say what you want or do not want, and then work from there, but you can never demand things.

Ivynwa: Hey! Hey!
Take it easy.
It's going to be alright, you know.

You have to get a "yes", its your country and you are entitled to having him with you there. It's gonna be alright.

50/50 chance. If we get no, we will probably move to a country that is a member of EU-union, where we know it is a 99% chance to get a yes.
I am tired of moving, and stressing, and all that sh*t. I just want my husband to be able to stay in my country, with us, and have..."a normal life".

Michky: Lol. As she pointed out, the guy had been deprived of female companionship (in an alien land) for a whooping 9years! Its no suprise that he's eagerly jumping at her undies just to keep her in the relationship. Obviously, the guy is also very dependent on her. HE'S A SLAVE, DOING THE BIDDING OF HIS SLAVE MASTER, JUST FOR SURVIVAL. Just imagine, she even brags that he willingly does everything as if she didnt give him the conditions before helping him out. Am not suprised atall. Most men would do women's bidding under such circumstances. But when they eventually find their footing, they re-marry a respecting girl at home that would do as wives ought to. PLEASE NOTE THAT I DIDNT MENTION ANYONE'S NAME HERE IN PARTICULAR O.

Deprived...? Lol. So a man should marry a woman just to have someone there, and not for love..? Nah.
You are still talking as if I make the rules in my marriage. And I am not alone in my marriage, which means I am not alone on deciding how the marriage works.
I did not give him any "conditions" other than expecting him to pay house with me. What do you mean I should have done, in the honor of african men? Told him to pay everything?

Michky: It is you that have a respect problem here. Let me explain better. Niki minaj (a popular American musician) was almost jailed for hugging a man publicly in Saudi Arabia. Why? She didnt respect the norms of the land. Same goes for you. Blabbing respect and bla bla bla; and yet YOU ARE NOT RESPECTING OUR DIGNITY AS AFRICAN MEN in a majorly Africa-populated forum. Its very similar to hugging a man in an airport in today's Saudi Arabia, if you ask me. You're unrelentingly stubborn and self-centred. Please stop this rubbish asking men to wash your undies here pls!

I have not asked any men to wash my undies I highly respect my husband, thank you very much.

Venting:

I miss Gambia. Way too much. I miss his mother, and her rambling on in fulani to me, and me understand just small of it, and then us laughing.
I miss walking to the cornershop in the morning to buy tappalappa.
I miss arguing in the marked about price on almost everything.
I miss having his family around, but still being able to have privacy when needed.
I miss the climate.
I miss the calmness I feel when i am down there, how more relaxed and happy with myself and the surroundings I feel..
I really wish there was work down there..there is no chance for us there, not now.

Instead, we have to go through the hell of applying with immigration in my country, and maybe, maybe not, get a yes or a no. It f*cks up my head.

Sybellah: really? and in most of these stats, who usually dominate the most? cuz 40% vs. 16% is a huge gap, i dont expect the other # to be far different from these

I actually had to go back and look at some of the pages I was reading on a few years back.
It is me remembering wrong, I mixed it..In Banjul, around 50% of the people are Wolof, thats where I got the percentage mixed up. Sorry

It still fascinate me though, how "everone" speak Wolof all over, since they seem to be number 3 in percentage.

sleekman: So you see why you shouldn't bring fairness into this equation but rather carrying out your responsibilities. Since ur hussy works parttime is it then fair to say that ur hussy is a roaring domesticated cat and not yet a lion? Just wondering if ur husband has a good full time job and he'll want to be bossed around? I noticed u brought out the softer side of you in ur last post. Would it then be fair to say ure appreciating ur husband now because I can surely tell you that if some ladies reading your post set eyes on your man then na wahala O! I guess uve come around to our point that you allow a man be a man. No taming going on? I wonder what the agreement is all about? Are u misfiring or firing 180degrees with 2guns madam?

I have not changed anything, it is you and the other dude who just assumed I -made- my husband to the chores.
I could never marry a man that wanted me to do everything in the house, even when both of us are working. He has clearly said he could never marry a woman who expected him to pay everything.

My husband is a lion. Him not working fulltime does not make him any less of a man.
I have been appreciating him all along, it is not my fault you boys make up stories and think to yourself that because he do chores, "SHE MUST HAVE MADE HIM DO IT!".

The agreement for us is that when we work full-time, we take apx half/Half each. He has responsibility for some parts of the house, I have for others.
If one of us cook, the other take the dishes.
Most of the time, it is me taking the clothes, floor all around, cleaning the fridge when needed, windows etc.
Most of the time, he takes the bathroom-cleaning.
For us, this agreement works. For others, probably not.

sleekman: Interesting what I've missed. @JallowBAh Just wait till that hussy of yours sees a meaty babe in the right areas that is willing to be his beck and call then I suppose you'll come here preaching something else. There are Lions in Africa and from Africa but if you've succeeded in taming one then I'll see how long he'll stay a domesticated cat. For others that pretend to be 'domesticated cats' lets wait till some good forex enters their account. They'll be worse than rulers in Africa. All this boils down to money. A man melows when there isn't enough to act out. @Jallowbah and @bukatyne just remember I told u so.

He has never pretended to be anything he is not. Look at my response over here; I never made him do anything. He took it himself, I never have had to ask him to do anything, except teaching him to cut the crass with a machine outside. Everything else in the house, all the sharing of chores, have come naturally.

sleekman: I know the likes of Jallowbah. Seen a lot of ur type in Sweden and across Europe. They want that raw African that they can forcefully mould to what they want. If you'll take my advice madam. Enjoy ur man. Let him be himself. You restrict in the name of you wanting to be happy, then madam unhappiness beckons at ur door. To be forewarned is to be forearmed

Trust me; If I did not let my husband be himself, he would have left a long, long time ago. I have not molded him into anything in my life. The only thing I have put my foot down on, is his temper, and he did the same with me. Chores? Nope, no need to mold him there, he did everything by choice.

Lucky me, I guess

sleekman: fair? Is anything in life fair? Is it fair ure born in comfort and I'm not?
Is it fair that your government gives you a stipend if ure out of work and we have to hustle, and do all manner offs just to survive?
Is it fair that you get to impose what you want on your man because you couldn't get the Swedish men to do same?
Is it fair that your husband works and comes home to do chores while u a full house wife or a parttime wife sits home to tutor us on fairness?
Is it fair that you'll not allow ur hubby to hustle enough and send to his family dependent on him back home just because one you wants equity in house chores?
U absolutely know nothing of your husband and his people. If you did you wouldn't chat this way. Do you know how abject poverty looks like? How much have you sent to your mother-in-law? Have u ever sent her something? Wake up lady and let ur man be a lion.

Lol. Did I choose to be born in my country...? Nah, didn`t think so. Do you really mean that because something is not fair, you should not try to MAKE IT FAIR..?

People in my country pay TAXES sp the goverment can pay out not stipend, but social-help, so you can survive. Most of the time, it is barely enough for rent an food, and all other bills get pushed away. There is a reason not many people stay long on that one.

I have never had a swedish man in my life, and I have never imposed anything on my husband. I have talked about what I like to him, and so has he, and then we have come to an agreement together, like grown ups do. Exactly WHAT we have talked about, is impossible for you to know.

I work full time, he work part-time. So..guess that one falls out for you.
I have been paying more rent than him when we were both working full-time, so some the money could go for his mother, and for kids to go to school. He has been in Eu for 10 years without me, and has an arrangement on that already. Almost all the people in his family makes money on farming, or with real jobs, so they do not depend on him, it is mainly for school.

I have given money for my mother in law, yes. How much is none of your business, is it?

My husband is a lion, and I am his lioness. He shows me great respect, and I show him the same. He was living alone for more than 10 years with no wife, no mother, so he knows how to cook and clean, and I did not have to make him do anything in the house, he took the responsibility himself. That makes him less of a man in YOUR eyes.

bukatyne: If a man can decide that he doesn't want to do any house chores in his own home, why can't a woman decide not to contribute any money in her own home?

If the husband think it is ok, good for them!

But for ME...I don`t know. It`s just not fair in my eyes. I would not feel proud spending all my money on my self, and expecting him to take full responsibility for finances. Again, that is ME.

jidegirl12: Is washing underwear the big issue here now? Cos I can't go back all the way to page 1 to find out , @jallowbah , our men don't wash underwear, it translates a bad omen to our society, I sure will throway that laundry basket if I see my brothers doing that.
you see why I said your arguing with these guys is baseless, we have different culture which you don't seem to agree, I'm not saying you shouldn't be part of it but thinking it works here is a no no.
And@ Michky, lol at 'stop polluting your girls' .. your 'girls' with no proper or no home training, your girls that shouts equality yet wants men to feed them,clothe them and still give them pocket money even tho they make minimum wages, girls that wants to sit and deligate chores to their men... need I say more?
Abegi, stop blaming @jallow for your problems, a lady that went all her way to Africa to support her man with a toddler, your 'girls' will probably complain of Mosquitos and rather wait till he comes back even tho they were born with flying Mosquitos in their mouth in their village.
I pray everyday for God to cast away some of them here from my families dwellings cos what they say sometimes shock me!

I have known about many african men, even nigerians, who wash underwear..but, in EU, I have not been in Naija, so can`t say what goes on behind closed doors

The point in all, as I have said before, is that as long as the wife AND the hubby is happy in their marriage, they decide for them self. Michky, on the other hand, strongly believes that my husband is a "woman" because he do chores around our house, and that is bull.

And yes, I did went all the way down there. No electricity, no laundry-machine ( which, I pointed earlier, we neither have had all the time in my country during our marriage.. ), no kitchen..I was just happy we had a working toilet, even though we had to shower with a bucket most of the time And still...I like it more down there than here.

And I do agree, I see many women who are working, getting payed, and does not pay ANYTHING at home, food, phone-bills etc, cause "thats the husbands duty". I find that...disturbing.