₦airaland Forum

Iolite:
Am not good at critiquing novels, but I will start by saying, you have done a very good job. The only part that bothered me is the epilogue. U seemed to have rush it, no tangible details on their lives after that intesive battle. Waiting for your next story, but please don't put us through irregular updates again o.

alright ma'am
they won't happen again ma'am
thanks for reading and commenting
and for staying right from the start

Iolite:
Oh, am not happy with the ending sha, because other pple died for real, like Balogun and the doctor.

alright ma'am, I probably got that part wrong
any other thing u think I should work on?

Iolite:
Thank you for the dedication. Am confused, are u saying all the shootings at schemer is planned? That he didn't die?

Yes
when he said 'I love the kevlar' he was talking about a bullet proof vest
it was planned

laykorn:
jigsawkillah, it's been a long way getting here. Congrats Man.

thanks sir

there are a couple of new storylines struggling to get out of my head

please dear readers, help me to please you

lay down your complaints and criticisms please, before I start a new story


cisse7575 I sight u

vcume:
Your story line is okay there is room for improvement. Make sure you also read stories of those ahead of you in the genre that you prefer to write about. One cannot be expert in all fields. Be able to ascertain what field that is. Keep it up

awwww
thanks ma'am
I hope I'll meet your expectations when I drop my next story

Schemer falls back.

John gets up from his sitting position and moves towards Schemer, who is creeping towards the exit. "I told you to stop!" He fires another shot that narrowly misses Schemer. John keeps walking, slowly, towards Schemer, oblivious of Schemer's plans.

Schemer dives at full stretch and picks a gun a couple of inches away from him. He spurns around and fires a couple of shots towards John, one catches him on the arm as he flees backward, to seek for a hiding place. I should have killed him, he thought to himself.

Schemer laughs wildly, glad with his new advantage but it's cut short and two shots hits it from the back. One around his neck bone and another ended up piercing through him and hitting the wall. He stands still, he let the gun drop, not because he wanted to but his hands became dead as a third bullet had the bone in his arm dislodged from the shoulder downward. A Professional! he thought excitedly. He turns and sees Mr Samuel and Angela both pointing guns at him, but the bullets came from Mr Samuel's gun. He rushes towards Mr Samuel and two more bullets hit him on the chest and he falls back, breathing heavily.

"Where's my son?" Mr Samuel asks, limping towards Schemer.

"John!" Angela shouts.

"Angela!" John yells back, and rushes towards the exit. He stops short when he sees Schemer down and his Dad standing over him as the proud conqueror.

Schemer tries to locate the gun with his hand, Mr Samuel sends two quick shots into his chest and he stops moving. He throws away the gun as the police floods the scene.

Mr Samuel, his son and Angela hugged themselves tightly.


.....Minutes Later.......


Edogho has been revived and he's been been carried off in a stretcher. "Wait!" He says to the girls Manning the stretcher. "Some privacy please"

Mr Samuel walks to his side and bends down "It's over" he whispers.

"Yea"

"I'm sorry, Balogun is gone"

"Yea. It's OK." He smiles weakly.

"Am i safe?"

"Surely. No proofs"

"Get well soon Inspector"

"Let's move!" Edogho says finally and he's rolled away.




EPILOGUE


Schemer is being driven along the Airport road in a Cab. Seated in the passengers seat, He looks out through the window and smiles. The events of the Past month keeps playing in his head, he's lost a lot in this course. He opens the suitcase and he smiles. In it contains his travelling documents, a cheque of a million dollars to be cashed in america, a certificate of ownership of a certain house. "Mr Samuel! Best Boss ever! I Love the Kevlar" He laughs out loudly.

"Sir?" The Taxi driver asks innocently. He's been looking at his passenger from his mirror.

"Oh Nothing" Schemer replies, then checks himself and gives out a smile.


####################



Edogho, now retired, sits on a chair, outside his house, but within his large compound, reading the day's vanguard. He hears a small tap on the gate and gets up. "who's there?" He asks.

"A letter o Oga" the person at the other side replies.

Edogho opens the gate, thereby revealing a young man, in his late twenties, carrying a large bag on his shoulders. "I'm looking for a certain Mr Edogho" he says.

"I am him. Come inside" Edogho says, feigning a smile.

"No wahala sir. Just sign here" the postman says, handing out a big note book and a pen to the former inspector. Edogho scribbles something quickly and handed it back, before receiving the letter from the postman. He dips his hand into his pocket and gave the man N500. "Thank you sir! God bless you sir!" The man replies and jets off.

Edogho closes the gate and goes back to his seat. The envelope is rather small. He reads the name of the sender aloud. "Sent from Mr Samuel! Hahahaha This man is still in the 60s!" He quickly tears open the letter and brought out it's content, a paper. He smiles, reads the piece of paper, uses it to touch his forehead and raises it towards the sky.

A CHECK OF N20M!!!!!


####################



John became a better Dad, Son and wife after that, and for the first time in a long while, Mr Samuel is happy with his son. They became one big happy family.




THE END

From the poem posted above, one will notice that


The lines are of different lengths. They don't rhyme with each other. Nor are they arranged in a fixed pattern of stressed (emphasised) and unstressed syllables. Nevertheless, this is a highly organised piece of writing.




Network making jest of me

final post comes up later today

Dedicated to Iolite





The gun falls to John's left and Schemer's right, but with John still standing, it is easier for Schemer to pick up. Schemer sits up and makes a move to, John quickly kicks it farther from Schemer's reach. He turns to kick Schemer in the face but Schemer holds his leg in mid air and sends him crashing to the floor, by throwing the leg upward. GBIM!!!! John falls down like a sack of beans thrown off a moving truck.

Schemer gets up, to get to the gun, he has to get through past John, who is writhing in pains on the floor. He falls down on John, and sends punches to his face. On a normal day, John doesn't stand a chance against the mean-bouncer looking guy. He keeps raining punches on John, he by now is mum, like he's passed out.

Schemer gets up, and slowly walks to pick the gun up. In a flash, John gets up and jumps on Schemer's back, tying his necks with his hands. The unexpected jump makes Schemer stagger forward, then backward, before going sideways, and falls backward, after an unsuccessful attempt to balance himself. The hands tied around his neck keeps getting tighter, he uses his elbows to hit John, but surprisingly, John's hands only twisted more and got more tighter. He's lost some blood already and his sight is becoming blur. He tries unlocking John's hands but it only gets tighter anytime he fails. He gets up slowly, and uses John to hit the wall, 3 times, but to no avail. He trudges forward, toward the gun, with John's hands still locked around his neck, his eyes are getting watery, and he's choking, slowly reaching his end. He bends down, then with his hands, he holds John's head and with one upheaves his back, thereby swinging John to the front, but falls along with John, whose hands won't just leave his neck. Schemer falls with his face to the ground, but happily, John's hands miraculously unlocked themselves.

Both men remains unmoved for the larger part of a minute before Schemer gets up. John looks practically dead, and the blood on his face prevents anyone from seeing if his eyes are still open. His chest's movement is almost unnoticeable. Schemer picks the gun, he's really tired.

"Fool!" He yells. He cócks the gun, and notices it's empty. He removes the magazine and replaces it with one from his pocket. "Has someone been feeding you with lies that you actually have chance against me!?" He laughs aloud. He kicks John face twice, yet no sound came out. Schemer looks closely at John's face, his facial expression depicting confusion.

John had been praying for that moment. How he managed to bear the kicks without giving any indication of them even touching him or any sign of life in him was a surprise to him himself. Indeed, it was a strategy he'd planned to execute if Schemer loosens the tie he gave him, but he wasn't sure how he'd managed that feat, perhaps it was the fear of death or so he thought. John makes one final move, he punches Schemer's throat with all the strength he can muster. Schemer falls back, holding his throat, gasping for life, as blood flows slowly from his nose and mouth.

Schemer gets up and falls back still holding his throat, he rolls from side to side. John gets up slowly, picks the gun and walks away from Schemer, he relaxes on the floor, his back on the wall, his eyes glued to Schemer. If that punch doesn't kill him, the gun would or so he thought.

"You didn't see John outsmarting you right?" It is John's time to taunt Schemer, who's trying to get up, still clutching his throat. Schemer sits on the floor, and rests on the wall opposite John. "John is stûpid! John is a woman beater! Well, Thanks to you, I've grown up from being a pûssy to a giant dîck!"

John eyes Schemer before continuing "Give me a reason to kill you now"

"Do it!" John manages to utter.

"Keep suffering then. You'll bleed to death there!"

Schemer looks around him "Don't dare move an inch!" John shouts.

"I will" Schemer dares. "And you won't shoot" with that said, Schemer gets up and moves towards the corridor that leads to the door.

"Stop!" John shouts, and shoots. The bullet hits Schemer on the shoulder, and he falls down. He has his eyes set on a gun ahead of him, if only he can get there. He gets up again.


*******************************


"Let me go in there Angela" Mr Samuel says "Check out the bodies here, the police will be here soon"

"You're not going in alone" Angela replies and grabs a pistol from one of the dead guards "Don't try to stop me" she smiles to her father in-law.

"Do you know if there are bullets in it?"

"No" she gives him the gun and he checks it, then gives it back to her. He grabs one for himself.

"We better hurry up, Schemer is my product, and I know what he can do" He looks at his watch briefly before limping towards the cubicle. "Might be too late already"

Oga flow
Flow on braa

Iolite:
When are u going to continue nau?

for the sake of you lady
I'll complete this story

Marijuana (White's)


What do I do without you other than get depressed?
Other than loose my cool? Other than act a fool?
Other than smash the objects on which my face reflects?
Should I drown in the pool? Or unleash my tool?

In cold and hot, you make relaxed my soul
Your kisses burn through my five senses
They stay alert, wise I become, like the old
I see farther, clearer than lenses

But I will let you go, and forever be insane
Teach the kids how to abuse your gifts
Go to any length, to get you replaced
So whenever I ball, we won't see you in our midst

Oh there Mary, I promise to leave you heartbroken
Soon in my life, you would be out spoken

Best Upcoming Writer

Jezuzboi



Best writer

Onihaxy
Larrysun
flow1759

jezuzboi I done come
where the updates na?
GMB done appoint special sss for me sha
their face ehn, na die
TERROR MUDA dey fear them
come update for the celebration bros
abeg

jezuzboi
if I come back no see update

u go no say NL get their own special sss and them no dey smile
stay blessed fam

cisse7575:
The assignment for this week has been posted https://www.nairaland.com/2151923/nairaland-poetry-club-weekly-assignments#32117638

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