₦airaland Forum

Ladycewhy:
my bf/husband is aware of dunderheads like you on nairaland,so he will not have a problem with it. Now shooo,off you go. --------->

You're not even sure...lol state of confusion indeed.

Now I know where the problem lies...sorry ehn!

theoilguy:
Exactly!! They just do not want to loose out the potential windfall from the death of their father and they are here preaching about forgiveness.. the fact that someone is your parent or your sibling doesn’t give them permission to be toxic..

Become successful and see if your father will not reconsider!

When you have kids and one turns out to be the black sheep, just get a knife and delete him/her ok.

It's natural for people to do right or wrong and it's not out of the ordinary but our intelligence can help to leverage.

MrFuckallday:
This op is delirious. Bleep his dad and every other deadbeat dad in the world

Is today the outing day @y_._._left?

Ladycewhy:
another gibberish ,you can always tell the sane from the stupid typical male nairalanders what next call me an olosho? Lol get lost boy.

Why the insult na? Imagine if your bf/husband sees how you behave on NL, do you think he would be glad to continue or have a rethink.

Put your feet up and swipe on lollipop ok.

Ladycewhy:
what is this one saying? Shut up if you have nothing to say, you see how i have had a good conversation with the moniker i replied.

Just calm down ok.

I can see that you are opinionated but know that the Sweet Boys Association mean well.

Ladycewhy:
I can actually find peace without enabling the abuser. You see i keep hearing of this "forgive for yourself" . This is for people who hold on to it. If you wrong me, i delete you,i will barely even remember your existence so i won't even need to apologize to you for wronging me just because i want to have some form of closure. Maybe i am just different sha.

Of course you are different, just like a closed-cup mushroom but it's a good step in the right direction that you're beginning to identify who you are.

Healing and redemption loading...

Nashoji:
people like you are the problem we have in this country. You justify one bad character when it suits you and you make case for another bad character when it doesn't go your way. You want him now to ask his mom the reason why she behaves badly towards the dad in other to justify what ever thing she was putting up to the day but you are at the same time saying the OPs dad doesn't have any reason to justify what he did. Who knows if the mom shuts the father out completely just to prove a point, who knows if the father tried several times to reach out to the children but the mom swore never to see that happen. See eh, you are a child today, you will also become a parent tomorrow, then you will understand how all these things works. Hope your husband don't manipulate your children in believing everything he says thereby abandoning you sha.

Your comment decoded Sterope thoroughly and found her out. This is to show how crafty she is - good job bro.

CAPSLOCKED:
MARTINEZ39
AFTER ALL THE LASHES WE TOOK, IT'S GLADDENING THAT YOUR "HATEFUL" THREAD (ACCORDING TO THESE BITTER SOULS) HAS FIXED ONE FAMILY, AND CAN EVEN FIX MORE IF MORE MALES THROW AWAY THE FEMININE TRAITS THEY'VE PICKED FROM THEIR MOTHERS, AND ACTUALLY READ THESE INFORMATION WE PROVIDE ON THIS FORUM FOR FREE. A LOT WILL BE BETTER FOR THE MEN FOLK IF THEY CAN JUST FREE THEMSELVES FROM THE SHACKLES OF MATERNAL SLAVERY. AND PAY ATTENTION TO YOU, AND THE GREAT UBUNJA.

Lol

BRATISLAVA:
you?

One thing that bothers me is that expression 'Deadbeat', why coin such a word if people mean well.

I think if they had the chance they prolly prefer the runaway dad dead.

Wicked people everywhere.

BRATISLAVA:
you are truly the peacemaker.

what about me?

Graxie:
super story

You need a remarkable date... seriously!

Zukky123:
I really commend your efforts to reconcile with your dad, it takes great courage and serious ego-breaking to that. Don't listen to anything anyone would say on this platform, cos I'm sure you are an adult and have taken time to put many things into consideration having thought this through. This is a bold step, I just hope that your mum would also benefit from this reconciliation and hope your dad does not relapse again, cos it would become another cycle or even worse when you interfere in their matters again. Just know this means you cannot meddle in the affairs of ur family hence forth as you've sold the rights to do so, unless you want to keep sucking up to him.

Me myself I'm a victim of this paternal negligence.
Since 2018 marchl haven't been able to talk to my dad simply because I tried to make peace between him and my mum when they had their usual rift. I tried so hard no to pick sides, I tried so hard not to be rude, I tried so hard not to challenge my dad,, but yet we have become strangers only because I said ""daddy please it hasn't gotten to the level of using curse words".
Because I want peace I've tried severally to apologise and reconcile with him but to no avail. I call, he doesn't take my calls, I text but still no positive response. Even when I got paid my first salary during my housemanship I went with his favourite wine, and again before my service, I went with another wine and he kicked me out, the second time leaving me in front of his officce and driving off at night. Few days back I turned 26 and messaged him, but still no response. I know some people would say certain nasty things, I just need sensible advice regarding this matter because I don't know what to do again. And I want peace and also don't want to sell my rights to resolving family conflicts as I'm the first child and son.

Stop buying him wine coz he could easily get himself a carton if he wants. I believe he would be fascinated if you can show the man in you with regards to conflict resolution. What I mean by 'the man in you' is finding an amicable way of warming up to him i.e tell it to his face that you miss him a lot & you need him - a child's words are powerful!

He may kick you out once again but do not be deterred coz he would have heard those words and in his solitary time those strong words would reverberate in his ears until he looks in your direction.

Secondly, write down those moments you needed him most in your life, those instances you felt only he could fit in. This is necessary so that you won't forget to let him know when he finally grants you an audience.

Do not bring up your mum's issue coz you wanna fix you&him first - don't throw a spanner in the works. Try not to create a tensed atmosphere for this kind of conversation, be relaxed and ask if he would like to talk over a drink.

You're his blood remember, that's your DAD.

IceColdVeins:
Baba you are already sounding frustrated untop matter wey no concern you.
Sorry oo.

PataAlhaja won't like this...lol

BRATISLAVA:
the talk of a treat was banter. The other was bordering on something else

What other thing if I may ask?

Angelfrost:
What the young man did was good, even noble... I have even walked down that path myself.

My issue here remains: poor orientation and belief system that fosters this trend among fathers and would-be fathers.

Please, read responses properly and comprehensively before going on the "attack

Attack kwa

BRATISLAVA:
You ruined that by lying that I'm a bad loser. You can give yourself your treat.

I'm not aggrieved.

Calm down madam, no be fight na...so you can't even handle banter.

BRATISLAVA:
you need your advice more.

You're yet to point out where I demonstrated support for bad behaviour in men.

I bet you're still looking it...

BRATISLAVA:
what kind of treat?

Please mention what would sooth your grievance.

BRATISLAVA:
How can you tell this, if not through assumptions? You are the worst loser. You support bad behaviors in men. And for that, I don't value your input.

Please point out where I demonstrated support for bad behaviour in men?

You see, you need to calm down & learn to love... regardless.

Ryan03:
lol, something to learn? I was a child but suffered because of it. They had their quarrels and the next thing he won't drop feeding money for us, there was never a time we go to dad for anything when he won't direct us back to our mum, what was out crime? Were we there when they for married? Are we the cause of the problem? Why take it out on us? And you say something to learn? I am not saying both parties dont have their flaws but taking it out on us was a very stupid thing. He even blocked us from using the hospital we were registered on after my mum left with us, really? Abeg eh, everyone have their issues, nobody should force forgiveness down my throat

Like I always say, when you grow older you will process these things better coz you would be wiser. You will clearly see things from different perspectives with a better sense of judgement coz LIFE has a way of confounding us in our craftiness.

BrutusOj:
Walahi..that lady sounds so pained like she is a single mom suffering all alone. This forum is a place to learn alot from other people, like the Op became a changed man due to a nice quote here. So many bitter souls here trying so hard to harden the minds of other ladies who naturally soft at heart. Bad influence is written all over her posts since.

People like BRATISLAVA are bad losers...

Easy to spot.

Angelfrost:
Please, I did not endorse either societal approach.

My point here is that at least certain societies make a case for it, and make efforts to discipline the erring parent. Unlike some societies that accept and endorse it as normal.

You can't compel fatherly love and companionship. You can only counsel and re-orient (Which is part of what this thread is all about).

My argument is that this young man is trying to salvage what's left of his family (fatherly love) the missed moments etc - hope you gerrit?

JONNYSPUTE:
..Let's not allow emotions becloud our senses of reasoning.Will you still say the same thing if the story was turned around? That's him going to reconcile with the mum assuming she was the one that abandoned them?.Life is full of mysteries and we should all try as much as possible to erase bitterness from our souls.

BRATISLAVA go hear am today...lol

Angelfrost:
...And the men are clearly wrong!!! Societally and Religiously!!!

It's one of our many failings as a society. In saner climes, you pay in cash for your absenteeism as a father.

As if the cash makes up for the fatherly love & companionship. Y'all continue to forget that when the payments stop as a result of the child coming of an adult age, we're then back to the main subject - emptiness and missed innocent childhood.

Please gain wisdom.

JONNYSPUTE:
..So what you expect him to do?. Forget about him totally for life?

Lol , don't mind BRATISLAVA he/she needs a good treat.

Ryan03:
nobody is bitter that he is reconciling with his dad (I can only speak for my self tho) but him forgiving his dad doesn't mean everyone should, I can forgive tho but can't do such reconciliation. Everybody papa different, some people are just sounding like you must forgive him because even him didn't have it easy. Like what da heck? What if my mum abandoned us the way he did? Where would I have been today?

If you can at least try and put emotions aside for once & learn about the events that led to the said abandonment, maybe there's something to learn - just maybe.

[s]

kallmemrB:
no point...bark

[/s]

Go and buy sense before it's too late

Neddstark:
Dad once hurt me. Im happy I forgave him. We are in wonderful terms now

It can only get better.

kallmemrB:
I am a big foool...it would have favored me to learn from sensible posts but due to the fact that I am destined for a curse I will look for it

Sense is far from you and the earlier you knew this the better.

kallmemrB:
is it ur parents??!! .. Must u have a relationship with the deadbeat father...forgiving him and having a relationship are 2 different things.. I believe u are educated na

I'm sorry, sense is far from you.

Have a good day

prizlezzlalasky:
Every one is entitled to their opinion,

That being said, we can't judge the father cause we ve not heard his side of the story......... Marriage is a misterious institution hence we should just concern ourselves with how the offsprings from the union will experience the love of a father and also unite their parents again.

We can agree that some broken relationships are irreconcilable.

prizlezzlalasky:
@ op I can only say kudos to you for taking this bold step, try being a source of reconciliation to both parties.

Other ladies here think otherwise though.