₦airaland Forum

NosoChic:
What shall a long speech profit Nigeria?

We want less speeches and more action abeg......All these years and speeches made , what significant difference has it made?

The speech was apt and brief that to me is all that mattered. ...even a young child aged 12 can easily understand the speech.

jeron1:
mumu, GOD elevate u, u dey run... accept am mumu... its time for change. change ur papa, ur mama, ur sister... ur country... clueless mofo

Krestkross:
Said baba

NgeneUkwenu:
What a world!
Few aides!
Few Security attache!
No smiles!
Chai!! There is good ooo!!

digitite:
This is for newbies and aspiring web designers starting from the basics...

If you need it, indicate and it can be sent via email...

God bless my social entrepreneurship endeavor

khenykhey:
https://www.36ng.com.ng/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/wizkids-babymama-2.png

Wow! So fast!! Wizkid ’s son, Boluwatife is
4years already and to celebrate his
birthday, his mother took to instagram to
share his picture and also wish him a
happy birthday.

She posted;

[b] “Happy Birthday to the Man that
Matters the Most in my Life… My Son..
My First Seed.. My Offspring (Lol) I
remember vividly how excited I was
when you turned ‘3’ And Here I am
today, Wishing you a Happy 4th
Birthday Already(Just like yesterday )
And by God’s grace i shall wish you
many more fruitful, Great, fulfilled life
ahead… I pray that the Joy and
Happiness you bring to my Life and
everyone around you shall know no
bounds… And I also want to use this
medium to ask God to always be my
Guide and also Strengthen me the
more to bring you up Right as always
and also instill the fear of God in you
most importantly,So you grow up to be
a Responsible, Humane, Selfless
,Loving and of course the Man of every
girls dream (Lol) Amen. Words are not
enough to explain my excitement but
i’m thankful to God for always being
there for You&Me ‘BabyBoy’ (Lol) …
it’s not been easy but you’ve made it
all worth it Kiddo… I LOVE You
Forever and a day more my Young
King! Turn up in School later today…
Lol…
MUMMYLOVESYOUBIGGGGGGGGGGG” [/b]

https://www.36ng.com.ng/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/Wizkid-s-son.png

www.gistsdaily.com/young-king-check-out-dope-pictures-of-wizkids-son-as-he-clocks-4/

UrennaNkoli:
Saw that Dubai was trending in Nigeria and checked to see why, and saw these tweets from Nigerian journalist Fidelis Mbah! So I went to dig and found more details.

The UAE Central bank this week enacted a new policy prohibiting Nigerians who do not work in their country from operating accounts in any of their local or foreign banks. They say this is to prevent money laundering by Nigerian politicians which they claim has become rampant.

Now, they have reportedly closed accounts of all Nigerians not working in the UAE and issued them cheques equivalent to the amount they have in their accounts. All account holders reportedly have 5-working days to cash their money.
[img]http://1.bp..com/-8Fb8vldClfo/VUtnS0AvvkI/AAAAAAAFKZI/68CWdRznB4c/s1600/1.png[/img]

[img]http://2.bp..com/-bmANzHJg5SU/VUtnTqxx8KI/AAAAAAAFKZQ/1i2JXzD6uVw/s1600/2.png[/img]

[img]http://2.bp..com/-_poPC0DzAHc/VUtnVFDO6YI/AAAAAAAFKZg/bq-jcZPY35c/s1600/000.png[/img]

Source

onojaduru:
Nigerian celebrities no dey carry last.

Ace comedian I Go Die alongside his pretty wife and son attended comedian I Go Save's daughter's birthday party.

What a lovely family!I never knew he has such a pretty damsel at home.

Source: http://.com/2015/05/comedian-go-dye-flaunts-pretty-wife-and.html

rhajaan:
Chief Imaam of National Mosque Abuja is dead.
The Chief Imam Of Abuja National Mosque, Ustaz Muhammad Musa, is dead. He died this evening at the National Hospital in ABUJA. Details later
May Allaah forgive his shortcomings, aameen.
Janazah is at 10am tommorrow at the National
Mosque if you can attend.rest in peace father

Source:http://www.abujafacts.ng/breaking-the-chief-imam-of-abuja-national-mosque-is-dead/

CC lalasticlala

xreal:
Let us celebrate this feat, a record worth celebrating. Nairaland recorded 2,000,000 ( two million) topics today, the 18th April, 2015 at 8:49pm.

See screen shot below.


Hurraaaaay!

Johnnyessence:
http://www.vanguardngr.com/2015/04/why-my-cabinet-will-be-small-president-elect-buhari/

Tallesty1:
You didn't include the Giraffe Guy.

He is tall like a tower.

Comes when the hall is almost full.

Finds his way to your front.

Sits and blocks you completely.

And you end up watching his head instead of the game.

ggrin: What's ATM

macof: I just felt I should compile this for my beloved Ekiti people.

The Ekiti people are aboriginal, culturally homogeneous and highly intellectual agriculturalist Yoruboid-speaking people that forms a sub-group of the larger Yoruba ethnic group of West Africa, particularly in Nigeria and some part of Benin. Ekiti people who are well-known for their diverse and quality of traditional arts, music, poetry and witty sayings are reside predominantly in the Ekiti State in Western Nigeria. The Ekiti constitutes one of the largest Yoruba sub-group in Nigeria with the 2006 population census by the National Population Commission putting the population of Ekiti State at 2,384,212 people.
Ekiti State lies south of Kwara and Kogi State, East of Osun State and bounded by Ondo State in the East and in the south. It was declared a state on October 1, 1996 alongside five others by the military under the dictatorship of General Sani Abacha. The state, carved out of the territory of old Ondo State, covers the former twelve local government areas that made up the Ekiti Zone of old Ondo State. On creation, it took off with sixteen (16) Local Government Areas (LGAs), having had an additional four carved out of the old ones. Ekiti State is one of the thirty-six states that constitute Nigeria. The capital of Ekiti State is Ado-Ekiti.
There are not less than 120 towns in Ekiti state. One important aspect of the Ekiti towns is the common suffix "Ekiti" attached to their names eg. Ido-Ekiti, Ado-Ekiti, Oye-Ekiti.

Historically Ekiti people like the larger Yoruba are aborigine to the region, until absorbed by the invaders from the East. The term Ekiti denotes a "Mound", and is derived from the rugged mountainous feature of the country. It is an extensive province and well watered, having several tribes and clans right on to the border of the Niger, eastward. They hold themselves quite distinct from the Ijesas, especially in political affairs but have always had a strong brotherhood consciousness.

Ekiti themselves never saw each other as one nation until the Ekiti parapo(Ekiti confederacy) agreement of 1877 in order to raise a strong army against Ibadan.
The 16 foremost Ekiti Obas also went into agreements with Ijesa as Ogedengbe of Ilesa led the Ekiti parapo army

It is believed that the ancestors of Ekiti people who came to combine with the aboriginal people on the land migrated from Ile Ife, the spiritual home of the Yoruba people. According to oral and contemporary written sources of Yoruba history, Oduduwa, the ancestor of the Yoruba traveled to Ife [Ife Ooyelagbo] where he met people who were already settled there. Among the elders he met in the town were Agbonniregun,Obatala, Orelure, Obameri, Elesije, Obamirin, Obalejugbe just to mention a few. It is known that descendants of Agbonniregun [Baba Ifa] settled in Ekiti, examples being the Alara and Ajero who are sons of Ifa from the same mother. Orunmila himself spent a greater part of his life at Ado before going back to Ife to become Oba of Oketase, Ife. Due to this, we have the saying ‘Ado ni ile Ifa’ [Ado is the home of Ifa].

The early Ekiti country is divided into 16 districts (and it has been maintained to this day), each with its own Owa or King (Owa being a generic term amongst them) some of which are Owore of Otun,The Ajero of Ijero, Alara of Aramoko, Alaye of Efon-Alaye, Ewi of Ado, Elekole of Ikole, Olojudo of Ido, Oloye of Oye, Arinjale of Ise(and 7 others i dont know). these 16 Owas controlled other small towns that paid homage to them, Ewi and Owore are said to have had the largest territories.

The Ekiti are very intelligent and have a deep love of home- there has been no large scale migration of Ekiti peoples to neighbouring countries, but Ekitis are in other parts of Yorubaland mostly in Ondo, Oshun and Kwara states. Respect for age and superiors, ingrained politeness is part and parcel of their nature. Ekiti land is reputed to have produced the highest number of professors in Nigeria.It is rather by heritage than by accident that the motto of the present Ekiti state is “Fountain of Knowledge,” since Agbonniregun whose descendants are all over Ekitiland is praised as Akeke-f'inu s'ogbon [the small man with a mind full of wisdom, which could be the source of the popular "Ekiti kete" slogan
Several pioneers academics are from the state. Pioneers like Profs Adegoke Olubummo (One of the 1st Nigerian Professors in the field of Mathematics), Adeyinka Adeyemi (1st Professor of Architecture in West Africa). Others include renowned academics like Profs J.F. Ade-Ajayi, Niyi Osundare, Sam Aluko and others too many to mention


The main staple food of the people of Ekiti is pounded yam with Isapa soup or vegetable soup. NATURAL RESOURCES Ekiti land is naturally endowed with numerous natural resources. The state is potentially rich in mineral deposits. These include granite, kaolin, columbite, channockete, iron ore, baryte, aquamine, gemstone, phosphate, limestone,GOLD among others. They are largely deposited in different towns and villages of Ijero, Ekiti West, Ado - Ekiti, Ikole, Ikere, Ise-Ekiti and other Local Government Areas.The Land is also blessed with water resources, some of its major rivers are Ero, Osun, Ose, and Ogbese. More so a variety of tourist attractions abound in the state namely, Ikogosi Warm Spring, Ipole - Iloro Water Falls, Olosunta hills, Ikere, Fajuyi Memorial Park Ado - Ekiti and so on. The Ikogosi tourist centre is the most popular and the most developed. The warm spring is a unique natural feature, and supporting facilities are developed in the centre. The spring is at present being processed and packaged into bottled water for commercial purpose by a private company - UAC Nigeria
Moreover, the land is buoyant in agricultural resources with cocoa as its leading cash crop. It was largely known that Ekiti land constituted well over 40% of the cocoa products of the famous old Western Region. The land is also known for its forest resources, notably timber. Because of the favorable climatic conditions, the land enjoys luxuriant vegetation, thus, it has abundant resources of different species of timber. Food crops like yam, cassava, and also grains like rice and maize are grown in large qualities. Other notable crops like kola nut and varieties of fruits are also cultivated in commercial quantities


Ekiti Anthem
" Oun abajoro kiipe kun
Oun asepo nileye
Ehin ola wa tidara o
Awa Ekiti ati parapo
Kaparapo katun panupo
Awa Ekiti ati gbominira
Okan lawansee
Chorus: Ekiti, Ekiti ati gbominira (2ce)
Awa Ekiti iwaju laomalo lagbara Olorun
Awa Ekiti okan soso ma ni’wa o lailai."

Oriki Ekiti
omo Owa omo ekun
omo oro ninu waya agbele sebi eko, aidamo ro o yangba
omo otiriki ju Ida, ki keri ogun hun won l'ule Owa
Elila oke isa, okan din nibe eyin ra kan si, okan le nibe inse leyin pa kan je
Omo agesin re popo ukoro,
Omo ogbogan gbogan leti
Omo aroyin royin kan se po e yo run lule aran
Omo ekun peran dagba aya si,
Omo jiwajiwa ileke
Eyin lomo olulu oro kii ro loru.
Omo olupepe ka sokasoka ka mebibo sere, ka
soloko segbe ogiri lule eyigbo
Eyin lomo irafi eemi, omo agbona bi ado
Omo elewure funfun ilasa ki fun bi okin
Omo obanla ba odo, omo arabaribi akuta
Omo Aalaere gbendeke, Omo aji be gbaa ji
Udile Ekiti Omo aji mogun sano omo
opababa lesi lodo ose oko.


ADEYEMI Ekundayo Adeyinka, Prof. Distinguished Professor, 1st Professor of Architecture in West Africa
Adegoke Olubummo, Ekit man and one of the 1st Nigerian Professors in the field of Mathematics
Saraibi Ogedengbe Agbogungboro

Olutola88: This piece is for those undergraduates that will like to seek for jobs after school but do not have solid connection. A 1st class or 2.1 will help you AVOID or ALLEVIATE the labour market frustration. Nevertheless, the ones that have influential parents, uncles and aunts can also take a cue from it because it is easier to help someone with a good result.

I am a recent graduate from a Nigerian Federal University. I finished with a strong 2.1 but I wish I made a 1st class. I would have made that First class if I were very hard working. I know many people are like me, they would have had better grades if they were more serious. What I'm saying in essence is that most of us are powerful beyond measures but we do not realize how powerful we could be.

Finishing with a 2.1 is just about having 3.5 out of total 5.0 CGPA. One can achieve this by mixing Bs with Cs in your courses. I had many friends that didn't have solid academic background, weren't very quick at learning but struggled to finish with 3.5, 3.6 after a lot of hard work. Not to talk of many of you that are sharp, it's just that you are too lazy. I was also a lazy brat but that's bygone because I've learnt my lessons.

As a result of the very high rate of unemployment in Nigeria, employers use all possible strategies to pre screen as many as possible applicants and the most popular is the class of degree.

9 out of every 10 Graduate Trainee adverts ask for a minimum of 2.1. The other thing they use in pre screening is age and many also require to have a minimum of 5 credits including maths and english @ one sitting for O'level.


Now let's analyze it: By the time KPMG, Ernst & Young, PWC, Akintola Deloitte, Shell, Chevron, Exxon Mobil, Total, Schlumberger, Diamond Bank, GTB, Zenith, First Bank, Nigerian Stock Exchange, P&G, Unilever, Honey well, Nestle, Cadbury, Guiness, Nigerian Breweries, Consolidated Breweries, PZ Cussons, etc all advertise graduate trainee positions and they all ask for a minimum of 2.1. How do you think someone that finished with a 2.2 will feel?

I'm currently observing NYSC and I've been applying for jobs. Many of my fellow corps members always ask me to share latest job openings with them but many of them have not been able to apply for any because they finished with below 2.1. I hope we all have an idea how frustrating this could be, for you not to have the privilege to prove yourself even when you might be better and more employable than some of us that finished with 2.1 and 1st class.

As I'm writing this piece, I have two friends that just got job offers from a reputable multinational company in Nigeria. Guess what? They are both still serving and will resume immediately after NYSC in October. You know what? One of them finished with a 1st class and the other with a strong 2.1.

I know some of you will ask about me, I'm also at the last stage of interview and I have reached some recruitment stages in other good companies. All I need is Almighty God's favour and your prayers can also help land a job offer in some days time *lol*.

Many of us have been misled. We've been made to believe that even if you finish with good grades, you still won't get a good job in Nigeria if you don't have connection. For those that will listen, I can confidently tell you that we still have Firms that act with INTEGRITY in Nigeria, Organizations that will hire you based on your abilities, Companies that will not compromise standards, Employers that will give you an offer without knowing even a gate man. Many Multinationals in Nigeria fall in that category. At least, I know of Klynveld Peat Marwick Goerdeler (KPMG) and Procter & Gamble(P&G). We have many others but those are the two I've had comprehensive experience with.

Finishing with a 2.1 is very easy only if one can put in the required effort and above all pray to God. For the atheists, just keep working hard, working smart and always have a destination. I know you will believe in God someday*lmao*

In Conclusion, one of the commonest things in life is seeing talented people that are unsuccessful. Many of us are gifted but we are just too lazy to make the best use of our potential. If Talent sleeps, Hard work will outshine Talent.

nikkypearl: I personally have never believed people who claim they choose to be single.

I mean, you may come to enjoy being single and make the most out of it, but if your idea of Prince Charming shows up one day, you’re not gonna be like,

Sorry, Krall Jonathan, I’m busy treading a sea of not-so-eligible candidates right now. Please come back after I’ve had a few more meaningless one-night stands and assh*le encounters.


While being single may not necessarily be a choice, spending your time wisely as an uncommitted 20-something is.

Instead of plotting how to land a man or being envious of your friends who already have, take this time to explore some valuable lessons that every girl in her 20s should know so you’ll be ready for Mr. Krall when he finally arrives.

1. Being Happy in Your Own Company
Being alone can be hard, but it’s important to not be dependent on the company of others to be happy.

No one likes a clinger, and your future boyfriend will respect the fact that you have other interests besides him and are capable of having a good time all on your own. Read a good book, watch a new movie, pick up a hobby or go jogging.

There are plenty of things you can do all by yourself to stay entertained.

2. Mastering the Art of Self-Soothing
It’s great to have someone around to take care of you when you’re sick, hug you when you’re sad, or just listen to your problems.

For the times you don’t have that, however, you should learn to master the art of self-soothing. This is when a nice bottle of wine and a hot bubble bath comes in. It’s always good to be able to brush yourself off and keep going.

3. Being Happy for the Romantic Successes of Others
Green is not a pretty color on anyone, and the older you get, the harder it can be to be happy for the romantic successes of others when you’re still single. However, being bitter or resentful is not going to attract the kind of energy and attention you want.

Make a conscious effort to be happy for your friends who are getting married or pregnant, even if your romantic life is in the dumps. Your time will come soon enough, and you will want your friends to be happy and celebrate with you when it does.

4. Not Living in the Past
You can’t spend your single years thinking about the boyfriends you used to have or flowers you used to get on random Tuesday mornings.

That part of your life is over; the sooner you put it behind you and accept that, the sooner you’ll be ready to move on to the next stage in your life.

5. Not Idealizing Your Ex
We all have that one person who got away, and you probably think of him or her from time to time. Don’t — it’s useless. The chances of you two being legitimate soul mates are slim to none.

The chances of you perfecting an image of someone in your mind because you’re lonely and crave familiarity? Much more probable.

6. Altering Your List Might Surprise You
Being single is the perfect time to reassess what it is you really want out of a relationship. Are you looking for someone to challenge you, make you laugh or live a healthy lifestyle with you?

Be clear on what it is you’re looking for, and you might be surprised to find you’re more open to things that were previously deal breakers.

You might realize the rich doctor type you’ve been chasing after hasn’t actually worked out for you, and you want to give the struggling writer a shot, instead. Be open to trying something new and it might surprise you.

7. Recognizing the Value of Your Individualism
There’s no better time than when you’re single to develop and appreciate your own train of thought. No one likes a yes man, and you want to be the kind of girl who can think meaningfully about issues and problems without having to resort to her boyfriend for his opinion first.

8. Settling Sucks
Yes, it’s tough to be single, but even worse than being single is being in bad company. If you’re doing everything else right, you should actually be having a pretty decent time finding out more about yourself as a person, spending time with friends and family and excelling in your career.

Why would you want to ruin that by adding someone to your life who only half interests you? Don’t bother. At no point is settling ever a good idea.

9. Make your own money!I repeat make your own money!please stop letting men bash you up and down becauses they think you can't live without them (most especially nairaland guys! )
Make them realise nobody is indispensable!
I hate it when a young lady think she can only survive collecting from men!damn!!!I be like "is she dump
I graduated 7years ago,I waisted 2years looking for jobs,but low nd behold!most of the men wanted THAT THING in exchange 4jobs,then I discovered I have passion for design,I went into fashion designing,before I knw it,I was already making my own money before I eventually got my present Job on the island here in lagos!

To all my nairand ladies!please Say NO to liabilty today!I love yah all!

bunmioguns: what do you call it in your native language?

Yoruba (Egba) call it Aamu (inside) or Ikoko (outside)



hope am correct?

carefreewannabe: What exactly is your point?

Are you saying that GEJ should go to foreign hospitals because others did so too?

Or are you saying that it is not the government's job to set up a decent healthcare system?

Spuggie: sack doctors and fly abroad for treatment.......what about the poor nigerians??

ceo4eva: Contrary to official claims that President Goodluck Jonathan travelled to Germany on a private visit, LEADERSHIP authoritatively gathered yesterday that the president actually took ill and left for Germany to seek medical care.

Efforts to get a confirmation from the Presidency failed up until the time of going to press, as several calls to his spokesman, Dr Reuben Abati, did not go through and he didn’t respond to an email enquiry either.

Similarly, the senior special assistant to the president on public affairs, Dr Doyin Okupe, did not pick or return several calls to his mobile number last night.

President Jonathan left for Germany yesterday after performing the closing ceremony of the National Conference on Thursday.

Prior to his departure, presidential spokesman Abati had issued a terse statement saying the president would be making a private visit to Germany as from Friday (yesterday)and would be accompanied by some of his principal aides.

It was gathered that the president, on arrival in Germany, headed for a private hospital for medical check-up.

It could not however be confirmed if he went to the same hospital he had visited with his wife last year when the first lady faced some health challenges.

Before his sudden departure for Germany on Thursday, President Jonathan was billed to host members of the just-concluded National Conference to a dinner at the Presidential Villa, but the programme was cancelled at the dying minute.

Although no official reason was given for the cancellation, it was gathered that the development was connected with the president’s state of health which required urgent attention.

An authoritative source in the Presidency told LEADERSHIP that despite assurances that the president would return soon from his trip, it was not likely as his health situation was not too good. He said there was uneasy calm and anxiety in the Presidential Villa yesterday over the state of health of the president.

Meanwhile, the situation has also elicited concern from prominent Ijaw (President Jonathan’s ethnic group) political leaders, some of whom converged on the home of a prominent elder statesman from the ethnic group in Abuja to deliberate on the matter. A source privy to the meeting hinted that the Ijaw sons were considering sending a delegation to visit the president.

The source said before the meeting ended, it was agreed that clearance would be obtained from the Presidential Villa on whether the president is in a state to receive visitors before it would be decided on who would visit him.

Some people had speculated about Mr Jonathan’s health just before his trip to Washington, DC, United States, where he attended the 2014 US-Africa Summit early this month.

http://leadership.ng/news/381803/jonathan-ill-flown-germany

ceo4eva: Contrary to official claims that President Goodluck Jonathan travelled to Germany on a private visit, LEADERSHIP authoritatively gathered yesterday that the president actually took ill and left for Germany to seek medical care.

Efforts to get a confirmation from the Presidency failed up until the time of going to press, as several calls to his spokesman, Dr Reuben Abati, did not go through and he didn’t respond to an email enquiry either.

Similarly, the senior special assistant to the president on public affairs, Dr Doyin Okupe, did not pick or return several calls to his mobile number last night.

President Jonathan left for Germany yesterday after performing the closing ceremony of the National Conference on Thursday.

Prior to his departure, presidential spokesman Abati had issued a terse statement saying the president would be making a private visit to Germany as from Friday (yesterday)and would be accompanied by some of his principal aides.

It was gathered that the president, on arrival in Germany, headed for a private hospital for medical check-up.

It could not however be confirmed if he went to the same hospital he had visited with his wife last year when the first lady faced some health challenges.

Before his sudden departure for Germany on Thursday, President Jonathan was billed to host members of the just-concluded National Conference to a dinner at the Presidential Villa, but the programme was cancelled at the dying minute.

Although no official reason was given for the cancellation, it was gathered that the development was connected with the president’s state of health which required urgent attention.

An authoritative source in the Presidency told LEADERSHIP that despite assurances that the president would return soon from his trip, it was not likely as his health situation was not too good. He said there was uneasy calm and anxiety in the Presidential Villa yesterday over the state of health of the president.

Meanwhile, the situation has also elicited concern from prominent Ijaw (President Jonathan’s ethnic group) political leaders, some of whom converged on the home of a prominent elder statesman from the ethnic group in Abuja to deliberate on the matter. A source privy to the meeting hinted that the Ijaw sons were considering sending a delegation to visit the president.

The source said before the meeting ended, it was agreed that clearance would be obtained from the Presidential Villa on whether the president is in a state to receive visitors before it would be decided on who would visit him.

Some people had speculated about Mr Jonathan’s health just before his trip to Washington, DC, United States, where he attended the 2014 US-Africa Summit early this month.

http://leadership.ng/news/381803/jonathan-ill-flown-germany

gistmelove: I need to do so oooo becos of commentator dem fit say say na dis tym ur mate dy upload pics... Omo araye elenu razor...

Yemisi63: A friend once swore she was going to help me get a job.
Few days after, I received a call from one lady while I was having my hair washed at a saloon. She told me my friend spoke to her about me and she requested we meet at a named 3 star hotel immediately or lose the 'big opportunity' for a job. With my hair still dripping wet, I dashed home and changed into something decent. As soon as I got there, someone directed me to the hotel's garden. Seated there were 3 guys and a lady. All of them wore a yellow t-shirt and they were fiddling with a laptop.
Oh, so I'm going to be registering SIM cards for MTN, I thought.
The first question she asked was if I am a computer literate.
"Yes" I quickly responded.
"Great! I'm actually a HR officer. My client will conduct the interview herself but I had to meet you first to be sure I'm recommending the right person.."

"I am the right person ma" I affirmed.

"Are you born again??" She asked.

That question knocked me off my feet.
Judging from that, It was obvious I was going to be an accountant for Deeper Life Church.
"Yes..I'm born again ma.'' I replied trying not to mince words.

"Beautiful!!" She exclaimed.
"Your interview is going to be at No bla bla bla by 9am on Saturday...its a new plaza in town. I don't need to go into the details of the job but I'm positive you're going to love it. Send your CV to bla bla bla mail. Also make copies of all your credentials and take it along. And pleases do something about that hair before Saturday. First impression matters you know." she added.

End of first interview. I heaved a sigh of relief and left the hotel.

Friday morning, sickness struck. Headache, fever remixed with cold and catarrh.
I contemplated between using the little money I had to make my hair or using the money to buy drugs and LIVE.
"Make your hair, get the job and use your salary to buy a pharmacy." The devil commanded.

If I pass the interview, the sickness might disappear out of excitement, I thought.
The next morning, I was on my way to the interview with the most painful Ghana braids on my hair. My bad health was not helping matters.
To be honest, the malaria had me looking like a fairly used chicken.
I also went with a Ghana must go bag of all my certificates (except my death certificate) only to realise it was a small ugly, stuffy bookshop without a standing/ceiling fan to cool down my temper.
My temper at that point was capable of boiling yam for a family of 3.
If I had my way, I would have tattooed the meaning of plaza on the HR forehead. Smh
My potential employer had not arrived yet so I used the opportunity to peruse the books on a dusty shelf.
A couple of Joyce Meyer books, books on wildlife, one Daily Manna devotional, Igbo men success stories books, history books, a couple of encyclopedia, and some other random boring looking books.
By 9:30, Madam CEO arrived and the interview process commenced.
She fired me a number of JAMB questions like she was sent to hire me as an accountant for Aso Rock.

As God would have it, I impressed her.

Then she began her speech...
"This plastic chair you are sitting on is going to be your office. You are to report from Monday to Saturday and your job runs from 8am to 6pm."

Before I could utter, what time will I use to search for a husband then?
She cut me and continued her cool story.
"You are the customer care representative, office assistant, and marketer of this place."
Upon hearing that, I had to peep at the wall mirror to check whether I have three heads. Does this woman think my head is 3 in one or what?
She went on...

"You would also assist Lilian, the sales girl in drawing accounts. Every Wednesday is marketing days. You are to take some of the books to churches, banks and offices to sell them. These are nice books so its going to be easy for you. That should enable you network."

Wonderful! With this sort of job, my salary should be such that I would be able to ride a Buggati to my village in 6 months time.

She was not done with me...

As a customer care rep, you have to try to read all the books in this shop. People will call to request information about one book or the other that's why."
My head harddrive had crashed upon hearing that.
Are you kidding me? Woman, I don't even read sign board these days!
I didn't want to hear more.
"How much is my salary?" I deadpanned

She paced around for a few seconds before dropping the bombshell.
"Salary is N10000!"

The last time I checked, Nigeria abolished slavery.
I broke into laughter. A laughter of misery and frustration.
To add insult to the injury, she began to yak on how there are no jobs in Nigeria. In her words "I better accept the offer. People will kill to have this job."

Even if I were stupid enough to take the shitty job, my transportation to and fro the bookshop was roughly N8000 a month. Tithe is 1k. Basically, I'll go home with 1K every month at my age, stage and relationship status?

Waste of Ghana braids!
I just wanted to loosen my braids there in her office and force her to swallow the attachment.
"Thank you madam for your offer!" I muttered.
If I had spent an extra minute in there, I would have probably be tumbling down the book shelves.

I packed what was left of my dignity and sicknesses and hurried out of her book kiosk.
As for my friend, we've not spoken to ourselves since then.

Naijasinglegirl

Onwe101: LAGOS—The Central Bank of Nigeria, CBN, yesterday said it has not
reintroduced charges on the use of Automated Teller Machines, ATMs as
being speculated.
The Director, Banking & Payments System Department of CBN, Mr. Dipo
Fatokun, who explained this to Vanguard after his remarks at the
meeting held by Nigeria Electronic Fraud Forum in Lagos, said: “It is
not a reintroduction per se . You have to agree with me that when the
amendment was made in November 2012, it used to be a N100 for any
remote-on-us withdrawal that you did. And you know that the remote-
on-us is when you as a card holder goes to the ATM of a bank other
than your bank to withdraw cash. It was removed then so that people
would be encouraged to go to other ATMs without paying for it.
But the truth is that as we said in the circular on the Introduction of
Fees on Remote-On-Us ATM Withdrawal Transactions recently, that
N100 included the N35 that goes to the issuing bank, which has now
been completely waived. The issuing bank does not make any thing, but
in going to other ATMs to make withdrawal , your bank, that is, the
acquirer bank incurs cost of N65 which they pay to the switches and the
owner of the ATM that you are using.
Continuing, he said: ”Between 2012 and recently when the review was
done, it was discovered that people have actually turned ATMs into their
personal purses because nothing is charged. Somebody needs N500, or
N1000, he will go to ATM and withdraw, he needs N2000, he will go to
ATM and withdraw, so that in a day some people can patronise ATM
for up to four or ten times. That has created a huge cost burden for the
banks that issue the cards. It was becoming discouraging to them.
“So that is why we said, you can go to an ATM other than your bank
ATM to withdraw up to three times and no charges would be imposed
on you, but it is when you make the fourth withdrawal that you will
pay the N65 that ordinarily your bank would have paid on your behalf.
But of course if you go to your bank’s ATM, the issuer, for withdrawal
you can withdraw as many times as you like without being charged. So,
it does not discourage financial inclusion. You should bear in mind that
when you talk of cashless regime, you are encouraging people to do
their transactions electronically other than the use of cash. So it is a
motivation for people to patromise the ATM. “ source http:// http://www.vanguardngr.com/2014/08/weve-reintroduced-atm-charges-cbn/#sthash.vMZRrOVF.dpuf

cirmuell: Give us Ur serum, you refused. We came up with a 'likely' cure you're whining again...for petes sake what really do the US govt want?

Phamoxy: Nawa oo, ebola dis ebola dat everywia, una no dey tire.