₦airaland Forum

I was about entering the fancy restaurant when the signpost caught my eyes "Have you eat?
We sell food and solft drinks hear.
Come and eat for butter gruowth", & im standing here wondering if their food tastes as 'nice' as their English?

On a lighter note: In a mental hospital yesterday at Enugu State, a mad man was chasing a senior doctor!, Eye witnesses confirmed that the doctor was running for his dear life until he got to a dead end then the mad man handed over the knife to him saying " Oya Oga na your turn to pursue me".

A friend updated his status on facebook saying *Thk God my salary and all allowances plus Xmas bonus has been paid* immediately he got a notification showing that his Landlord likes his status. 

mikuz:
what is going onhappen here?

my oga all is well, some boisterous bolshie being where here but my God pass them.

PRESENTER: What's your contribution?
CALLER:There is this lady i wanted in my life,shortly after
my National Youth Service Corps, but all my efforts proved abortive,
she wouldn't pick my calls, she would laugh at me
while passing by, for reasons best known to her!
Five months later, i was able2 get my apartment,
get a new car, courtesy of a contract job secured
with a major oil company. Now, most of the missed
calls i нave, are hers, barrage of SMS and all that. I
am confused on what to do. Please help me out.

PRESENTER: Listen up! You pick up your phone now; give her a call, letting her know you'll be at her house in 2 hours. You take a cool shower; wear α̲̅ nice outfit and an attention- catching perfume.
When it ’s exactly 2hours, you call her & tell her that you'll be there in another 2 hours. When the 2 hours are now over, you now drive down to her house, get down from d car, walk to her house, knock on her door.
Once she opens d door, with the sexiest smile you have got, stylishly
look into her eyes, draw her slowly to yourself, take your mouth close to her ear& whisper
"Thunder fire your head!!!

Huh! Tell me now-Before 2011
finishes W̶̲̥̅̊ђA̶̲̥̅t do U̶̲̥̅̊ want from
me-
1 = a baby
2 = another chance </3
3 = love ♥
4 = a kiss :*
5 = friendship
6 = nothing({})
7 = long relationship:*
8 = good laugh =)) =D
9 = an apology
10 = good chat(y)
11 = phone number =-c
12= Business Partner, !
13 = Recharge card
14= JƱڪτ̲̅ Wάηηά meet Ɣ☺u (y)

One night, 4 university students were flexing till late in night and didn't study 4 a test which was 2 hold the next day. In the morning, they made themselves look as dirty and weird as possible and went to the dean and said that they had gone 4 a wedding the previous night and while coming back, their tyre busted and they had to push the car all the way back and were in no position to take the test. The Dean being a nice guy said he'll give them a fresh test after 3days. On that day, the Dean made the four of them seat in different classrooms for the test. They all agreed cos they spent the last 3days studying. The test had 5 questions total of 100 marks. All questions were compulsory, and any difference in their answers will earn them zero.
Q1)who were Tђέ couple that wedded?
2) which church did Tђέ weddng take place
3) what was the make of the car?
4) which of the tyre busted?
5) who was the driver?

t0mee:
Ooooh well then I apologize lol, schizophrenia is a touchy topic for me, oh well I'm new here (jokes forum) and I'll just do better next time =)

oooh newbie now u have gotten baptized, your highly welcome  to our world, its more like a home.

Swit up:
Ha ha. Funny. Thnks poster 4 makin me 2 go 2 bed with a smile. Nitee nite, infact i wish u a moskito-free nite

ONE LOVE

t0mee:
@kellynoah
It is obvious that you're desperately grasping at straws to show us that you have some primary knowledge of English however I can tell you that we are majorly unimpressed. If you were actually knowledgeable on such matters and not just mouthing off, you would know that one does not recover from schizophrenia as there is no cure just yet. And FYI, your use of puzzle is incorrect even if your definition of it is. I would sit to explain further but only to someone who can spell ''simply'' right. =3

dis ur acrimonious act is uncalled for, dis is a joke forum. merry xmas & happy new year in advance.

An elderly man in Mumbai calls his son in New York
and says, 'I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that
your mother and I are getting a divorce; 35 years of
marriage,  and that much misery is enough!' 'Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams. 'We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,'
the old man says. 'We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking
about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and
tell her!' Frantic, the son calls her sister, who explodes on the
phone. 'Like heck they're getting divorced,' she shouts, 'I'll
take care of this.' She calls Mumbai immediately, and screams at the old
man, 'You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single
thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back,
and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then , don't
do a thing, DO YOU HEAR??' and she hangs up. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his
wife. 'Okay', he says, it worked,It's all set. They're both coming
for our anniversary and paying their own airfare!!

t0mee:
@kellynoah
Could you at least check up the meaning of Schizophrenia before using it as an insult, I believe you are old enough to own a dictionary and I dont think what saryonjne said warrants an insult, please be civil.
P.S: Da_b¤§§ is sort of right too =)

u are nothing but a nincompoop, schizophrenia means someone with a mental disorder, in which  dat is what saryonjne is suffering 4rm. i wish him quick recovery 

Da_b¤§§.:
lol, your parents too waste sha. ya english teacher no tell you the meaning of puzzle?

puzzle means a difficult question or problem, its something dat is hard to comprehend, pls. check ur dictionary, b4 u start telling me hw scurrilous u are.

saryonjne:
sorry , wrong answer
my shoe size is 7
and answer comes in (-)

I pity ur parent, with all de money there spent on u in primary school, u are nothing but a schizophrenia being.

TRY DiS PUZZLE
(1) Take your shoe size.
(2) Now multiply by 5.
(3) Add 50.
(4) Multiply by 20.
(5) Now add 1011.
(6) Subtract the year you were
born and
the number you get will be your
shoe
size & your age . . . . . 

wat do u knw abt me as Dis year is ending
(1) very Crazy
(2) trust worthy
(3) stubborn
(4) Very naughty
(5) lovable
(6) moody
(7) best friend ever
( 8 ) arrogant
(9) Pretty
(10) Too proud
(11) liar
(12) quiet
(13) Intelligent
(14) wise
(15) Gentle guy
(16) Should be on TV
(17) handsome
WAT NUMBER(S) AM I? 

WEALTH is when you buy a 1st class return ticket to the UK just to pick up a dress.
TROUBLE is slapping a soldier in front of the barracks.
FAITH is using the last money on you to buy a wallet.
IRONY is the chairman of an okada association driving a Range Rover Sports.
WISDOM is marrying your landlord's daughter (NO MORE RENT),
STUPIDITY is having 6 cars whilst living in a rented apartment.
FOOLISHNESS is taking a N3,000 cab to watch a film of N1,000 (GWAGWALADA TO SILVERBIRD).
LOVE is buying suya for your wife or girlfriend and eating only the onions. . . . .
Hapi Boxing day peeps.

bin gbagbo:
JOKE GRADING: F


REMARKS:Quit copying!!!

pls. 4give me I promise not to copy again. happy christmas

CAN I HAVE THESE QUESTION
ANSWERED?
1: If vegetarians eat
vegetables,what do humanitarians
eat?
2: If all d nations in d world r in debt,where did all d money go?
3: How important does a person
have 2 b b4 he is considered
assassinated instead of just
murdered?
4: If money doesn't grow in trees,why do banks have
branches?
, 5: Why is d gate of d National
Open University always closed?
6: When will charlie boy become
charlie-man? 7: If d bride is so lucky,why didn't
she marry d best man?
8: Why is it called a building even
after it has been completed?
9: Life is hard compared to what?
10: Is there another word 4 synonym?
11: Why is d word abbreviation
too long?
12: if a word in d dictionary were
misspelled, how would we know?
13: Why is it called zebra crossing while its people who cross
there??
14: If horrific means horrible why
doesn't terrific-mean-t errible?

UNCLE : Ah,ah! Junior long time! how re U
doing?
BOY: am ok thank u. I came looking 4
admission 2 realise my dream of becoming
a
doctor! & wit ur help sir, I believe I won't
have any difficulty .
UNCLE: Ok ,how was ur O'level?
BOY: Fine oo! Two credits Sir, Yoruba &
Agric.
UNCLE : laughing!! ! U can still be a doctor
but
a native doctor. Use ur credit in Agric 2 look
4
herbs and ur credit in yoruba for
incantation.

am cool, wishing u a fun-faring wkend

mikuz:
*seperating the both of 'em*
@kelly and araregem
no fighting please,
. . . Kelly see wetin ya big big grammer dey cause?

hehehehe wazup?

Little Tommy was having
trouble in math, so his mother
enrolled him in a Catholic school,
thinking the discipline would
help him. When Tommy came
home with an A on his first
report card, his mother was
thrilled "Tommy, how did you do
it!" "Well," he replied, "when I
got to school and I saw the guy
nailed to the plus sign, I knew
they were serious about math."

ARareGem:
If I have to explain my statement to you, then you are a nincompoop.

patiently waiting for ur unhinged explanation.

ARareGem:
I totally disagree.

u totally disagree what? hope ur not a nincompoop?

Agybabe:
Nice one

ooooh my soul-mate, ur comment are always pre-eminent, one love

@poster, is dis a joke?

BREAKING NEWS!!! National Association of Nigerian Girlfriends (NANG) plan to embark on a 2 day warning strike over boyfriends reluctance to implement their christmas budget.

Agybabe:
Kelly is a good joke poster I must commend. Keep it up!

hehehehe see my baby, immediately u talk am see as my head come swell, abek no talk am again except u wan make my head burst, well thanks 4 de compliment ur de best.

ARareGem:
There's the joke.

A ramshackle sentence.

mikuz:
you can say that again,
hows' ya xmas and new year gon' be like?
Ya travelling right?

am offshore doing my thing, will be onshore 4rm 6th jan. 2012. my work no give me chance ooooo, enjoy urself to de fullest but stay out of trouble, happi xmas

Son: Dad i don't know wat to give my girlfriend for dis xmas. Dad:how does she look? Son: she is very beautiful, , decent, caring, romantic en sexy, infact wen u see her u will like her. Dad: den give her my number!