₦airaland Forum

@poster, woooow what a nice joke, keep it up.

baby frog and baby snake were playing, when they got tired and went back to their home. baby snake said to his mother am hungry and the mother ask him where were u and he answered i was playing wit baby frog then she said 2 him, son next time you dont play wit him rather u eat him because that is wat we eat. wen the baby frog came back home the mother ask him where were u and he said i was playig wit baby snake, the mother shouted and said 2 him dnt ever play with him again because they use us 4 breakfast, lunch and dinner. so the next morning baby snake came out 2 play wit baby frog but babyfrog was no were 2 be found he now went 2 the river was calling. baby frog baby frog come out lets play, then the baby frog shouted NOOO DAT WEY UR MOTHER TELL U MA OWN MOTHER TELL ME 2. hahahahahahahahahahahahaha. ON THE LONGRUN WAT I WANT 2 MAKE U UNDERSTAND IS DAT THAT THING WAY U KNOW I KNOW AM 2.

mikuz:
yeah,
how are you today?

fine, hope u had a productive day?

mikuz:
nice one kellynoah,

thanks man.

adiue, adieu, adieu!!!!! The family of carbohydrate balance diet LGA regret 2 announce the death of our father, broda, & granpa, MR RICE who died in fire accident along POT express road. He is survived by MRS STEW (wife) TURKEY &CHIKEN ( daughters), GOAT,FISH&COW,(son-in-laws). Burial arrangement Dec25, body leaves store freezer mourtuary to his home town KITCHEN and later lay in state at DINING TABLE. music to supplied by SPOON, PLATE, CUP &WATER LIVE BAND.you ar highly invited. Papa, the farm loves yoy bt our STOMACH loves you most. May your soul rest in the bossom of Toilet. Merry christmas 2 you all.

mikuz:
i see . . .
Babylove!!!

na today u see am?

Agybabe:
Nice ones kellynoah

thanks babylove

mikuz:
Blond ke,
no kind of english i no go hear this night!!

no mind am, make him dey form.

FTJokes:
I'm too blond for this one

If am to give you a Christmas gift and the
options are, a BIBLE and a Blackberry Phone
which will you take, pls. send your answers to 07064848s9e 

DONkollione:
kellyknower,   , nor vex but i nor dey read jokes again,  

me too, I only post but hate reading them.

A man was going on a trip and the wife packed him clothes in a bag. When he was about2 leave, the wife gave him a box of condoms and said Honey, take this with you, in case of temptations. With a broad smile the husband said,Thanks honey.When he got into his car, his wife came running,Honey leave me some maybe I might also be tempted"And immediately The trip was cancelled.

A guy in a hurry used d ladies toilet in a posh hotel.He sat down & noticed 4 buttons- WW,WA,PP & APR. Curious, he pressed WW & his butt was gently sprayed wit WARM WATER, he loved it so much!He den pressed WA & a blast of WARM AIR dried him up. Still loving it, he pressed PP & a POWDER PUFF 2make him smell fresh.Feeling pampered, he decided to press the last button APR, He later woke up in d hospital, a nurse smiled & said;Sir, APR means AUTOMATIC PAD REMOVER. When the machine couldn't find a pad on u, so it went for ur balls. Ur balls are in dis jar,

A lady walked into a pharmacy and told the pharmacist that she needed some cyanide pills.

The pharmacist said, "Why in the world wud u need cyanide?"
The lady then explained she
needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacists eyes got big and he said, "Lord, have mercy -- I can't give you cyanide to kill ur husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license, they'll throw both of us in jail a, nd all kinds of bad things
will happen. Absolutely not, U can NOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the
pharmacists wife.

The pharmacist looked at the
picture and replied, "Well, now.
You didn't tell me u had a
prescription",

Defense Attorney: What is your age?

Little Old Woman: I am 86 years old.

Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened to you?
,
Little Old Woman: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defense Attorney: Did you know him?

Little Old Woman: No, but he sure was friendly.

Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down beside you?

Little Old Woman: He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?

Little Old Woman: No, I didn't stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Little Old Woman: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abner passed away 30 years ago.

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Little Old Woman: He began to rub my bosoms.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?
Little Old Woman: No, I did not stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Little Old Woman: Why, Your Honor, his rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years.

Defense! Attorney: What happened next?

Little Old Woman: Well, I was feeling so spicy that I just spread my old legs and said to him, "Take me, young man, Take me!"

Defense Attorney: Did he take you?

Little Old Woman: Hell, no. That's when he yelled, "April Fool!"….And that's when I shot the son of BI*TCH ,  

Last niGht at dinner, little Akpos
was asked to lead in prayEr.
Akpos: But I don't know how to
, praY?
DAD: Just pray for your familY
members.
Akpos: "Dear Lord," he started,
"thank u for giving me sUch
lovelY parents.
Thanks for our visitors and their
childrEn, who finished all my
cookies and ice cream. Bless Dem
so dat they won't come Again.
Forgive our neighbor's son, wHo
removed my sister's clothes And
wrestled with her on her bed.
This coming Xmas, pls senD
clothes to all those poor naked
ladies on my daddy's blackberry
and provide shelter for the
homEless men who use mom's
rOOm when daddy is at
work,AMEN!"

onlyme247:
DRY JOKE! sorry, can't help it

see as evil spirit dey talk,

mikuz:
kelly,
are you male or female or both?

*crying* , I will report u to my mummy

Someone asked an old man: Even after 90 years, u still call ur wife Darling, Honey, Sweetheart etc. What's ur secret? Old man: I forgot her name 10 yrs ago n I'm afraid to ask her.

3 men took their wives to hospital for delivery, shortly a nurse came out and ask who is JOSEPH that works with three crown, d man stood up, congratulations, your wife has delivered 3 bouncing babies.
Shortly again the nurse came out and asked, who is JOHN that works with 7up, congratulations your wife has delivered 7 bouncing babies,
immediately the 3rd guy took off, he ran away cuz he was working with 33 lager beer !

Studio CFR:
so tis true kellynoah na woman?

Now tas been confirmed, i go keep fighting till she finally get my time

wonders shall never end, now I know am truly in de jokes forum

Studio CFR:
kelly noah luv. . . I want to be friends with u. .

What do i need to do to be close to you sweerie?

ur account is too low pls. try again later.

Warri no dey carry last! Lol! A Nigerian Soldier was re-deployed to Borno from Warri.
While the soldier was in Borno, he received a letter from his girlfriend, Rukewe. She explained that while he was away, she had slept with 2 guys and she wanted to break up with him and she wanted her pictures in his possession back. So the soldier did what any Warri boy cld do, He went around and collected unwanted photos of women he could find. He sent them through ABC transport, about 25 pictures of women to Rukewe with the following note: I no remember which one you be, Remove your picture and send the rest back.

mikuz:
so why the phuck did you post it?
You really need help!

Hon. mu*mu has spoken.

Sophizzy:
Lol.

dont tell me ur laughing, dis is an old joke

Woman to Doctor , "My Husband is not interested in sex".
Doc : Give these pills 2 him every day, put 1 pill in his tea. She did and they Were Intimate which they enjoyed.
Next day she puts 2 pills in his tea & they enjoyed much more.
The 3rd day, she emptied d whole bottle in d tea.
Two days later Doc called to know d progress, son replied " Mom is in coma, Aunty is in hospital, Maid is suing 4 rap*ing, My Bottom is paining mi & Dad is running nak*d in the garden shouting Bingo! Bingo!! Bingo!!

A husband working abroad wrote
to his
wife,
Dear Sweetheart,
I can't send my salary this month
the global
market crises has affected
, , me, so I am sending 100
kisses. You are mysweetheart.
Your loving husband.
His wife replied, Sweetheart
Dearest,Thanks for the 100
kisses, below is the list of
expenses I paid with the Kisses,
1. The Milk man agreed on 2
kisses for one month's milk.
2. The electricity man agreed not
to disconnect us only after 7
kisses.
3. Your landlord comes every day
to take 2 or3 kisses instead of
the rent
4. Supermarket owner did not
accept kisses only, so I gave him
other items hope you
understand.
5. Other expenses 40 kisses.
Please don't worry about me, I
have a remaining balance of 35
kisses and I'm hoping it sustains
us for the-rest-of- month,

mikuz:
@kelly know am,
what is your problem? Must you always do copy and paste?
Where's your originality?
If you post a self-composed joke, would the world come to an end?
Na wa o, male or female ,which one you be sef?
Shey id no go see rugrats like this o.

Hon. mu*mu has spoken, pls. lets clap for him.

mikuz:
then what is it?
Report or documentary.
Which one exactly?

ur generation get luck having u as honourable mu*mu, keep showing ur talent we love u

Studio CFR:
is kellynoah a male or female abi na both?

nice question 4rm an imbe*cile  

bunmioguns:
Guy, u just copy d joke and pasted it on nairaland instead of u to modify it, do guys put on BRA?

hmmm nice joke

Imagine U are outside playing with a baby with just a towel covering ur body.
As you throw d baby up,ur towel looses meanwhile there are so many people outside.
Which 1 will u catch 1st,
d BABY or ur TOWEL? pls. dis is not a joke oooooooo, I know some good belle people go talk