₦airaland Forum

A semi-literate girl writes to
her boyfriend:
Dear my dearest
This is your girlfriend calling.
Before i go
on,how is your air condition? You do something i dont like
at all. You take
another girlfriend & it pains
me. The first time you see me
you say i beautiful
than all the girls in your town but i hear
people say you say i no
beautiful.
If I no beautiful, I wont say
anything. I will
give all to God. Even when it is raining you
pass through the rain and
come & stand by my window
place & call me, and you think
what you have done if i throw
you medicine it wont hit you? It will hit you,
only that i am
christianity so i wont throw
you. Now i get
new boyfriend and he do
work in an aeroplane. You say i no
beautiful, I and you who are
beautiful>??.Your face like a
goat.
Because of what you have
done God will beat you with a stick. When you
come to our yard
i will show u wise.
Your faithfool,
Hapiness.

One day an ibo man and one
hausa man wan rob 1 hauz,
As dem enter d compound , d
owner of d hauz dy 4 parlor
dy watch movie ,
D ibo bring sense make dem go through d roof,
d ibo man first enter nd was
going suddenly the man
heard d noise and shout
Who is dat!!!!! who is
dea!!!! , d ibo man knw no wetin im go do so im start to
act like cat
~miaw, miaaw , miaaw , D
man sighied and said just cat
nd sit down back ,
D hausa man enter too nd was also going suddenly the man
heard another noise and
shout again
Who is dat!!!!! who is
dea!!!! , Who is dat!!!!!
who is dea!!!! , d hausa man no knw waitin im go talk
so im come shout
~~oka na d second cat nw.

A man went to a
resturant
and bought a wine. A lorry
driver in d same
resturant
suddenly took d wine and
drank all. The man began to
cry and d lorry
driver told him dat
he was joking & he
would buy anoda 4 him. The man replied 'im nt crying
cuz of dat". Today, i
was sacked and on
getting out, my car
has been stolen. I
took a taxi home but left my wallet in it.
When i got home, i
met my wife having
s*ex with my gate
man. On getting out, i saw my daughter
kissing a mad man. Now i came to dis
restaurant
and now u still drink
my poison.

A woman buys a new sim card,
puts it in her phone to surprise
her husband who is seated on the
couch in the living room. She goes
to the kitchen, makes her voice
sexy & calls her husband with the
new number "hi darling", the
husband responds in a low tone
"let me call you back later honey,
that pig is in the kitchen.

mikuz:
hahahaha,
the last joke got me!
Kelly, you are one hell of a funny guy!!

pls. use heaven not hell

A farmer Samson buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for ham, bacon, etc. After several weeks, he notices that none of the pigs are getting pregnant. He decides to call a local vet Abiola for advice. The vet tells the farmer that he should try artificial insemination. Samson doesn't have the slightest idea what the Abiola means.

Not wanting to display his ignorance, Samson only asks Abiola how he will know when the pigs are pregnant. Abiola tells him that they will stop standing around, and will instead, lay down and wallow in the mud when they are pregnant. Samson hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the pigs himself.

So he loads the pigs into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has *sex* with them all, brings them back home and goes to bed. Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the pigs. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn't take, and loads them into his truck again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each pig twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed.

Next morning, he wakes to find the pigs still standing around. One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the pigs, and upon returning home, falls into bed.

Next morning, he can't even raise himself from the bed to look at the pigs. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the pigs are laying in the mud. "No" she says, "they're all in the truck and one of them's honking the horn!"

Ozegbe:
dont smoke and open a thread, if you must smoke dont open a thread, if you must open a thread dont smoke

I appreciate ur kind responds, one love

7 Reasons Why Boys Are Always
Happy
Creatures ? 1: Their Last Name Stays
With
Them Forever,2: Phone Conversations
Last
Just For 30 Secs Flat,3: A Five Day
Vacation
Requires Only One Jeans,4: If
Someone
Forgets To Invite Them,He Can Still Be
Their
Friend,5: The Same Hair Style Lasts
For Years
Or Even Decades,6: They Can Do
Shopping For
25 Relatives In 25 Minutes,7: They
Don't Freak
Out When They Go To A Party N See
Another
Man Wearing The Same Shirt, Instead
They
Become Buddies.

A guy on a date in his new x6 BMW car with his babe. Guy:I have been hiding a secret from u & i think u'll break dis affair if I tell u. Girl:wat is that mylove? Guy:am married. Girl(hitting him on his laps & hissed),u scared me. I thought you wanted to say the car is not YOURS. ehn! Nija Babes na wa o o o

mikuz:
hahahahaha,
lwtmg (laugh wan tear my gstring)
kelly you've really upped ya game!!
Nice one!

I for quit since 4rm dis boring forum but ur de reason am still here, enjoy ur self.

A
primary one pupil was going home from
school one day and boarded a
commercial bus and started reciting
what he was taught at school that day 'if
my dad is a king and mum a queen i'll
be a prince' the driver ordered him to
stop but he refused and continued,  if
my dad's a *** my mom a hen then i'll
be a chick, the driver got annoyed
shouted and said if yourpapa na armed
robber and your mama na ashewo wetin
you go be? The boy innocently answered
'i'll be a danfo driver'

some soldiers arestd tolu 4 an offence and asked him 2carry 1000blocks dat was there2d other side of d road as his punishmnt,tolu had moved ova 900blocks wen he saw d soldiers boss(general emeka) n quickly recognise him as an old classmate,he called d general and explained evrytin 2him,general emeka was mad and shoutd@ d soldiers "this man is my friend,u shudnt hv punishd him like dat" General emeka apologise 2mr Tolu and said "oya return d blocks n go"!!!

My gud friends BOKO HARAM is giving out free BLACKBERRY TORCH & lots of IPODS 4 their 2 years ANNIVERSARY, send "BOMB ME"space & ur house address to 33377 try ur luck,

A woman lost her wallet in the hustle and bustle of trying 2get fuel at d filling station. A little boy found it and returned it to her. Looking into d wallet, she said, “Hmmmm” ….this is strange o, i had a single note of N1,000 here b4 it got lost,now am seeing 10 notes of N100….what happened?, ”The boy quickly replied with a mischievous smile, “madam no vex, the last time I found somebody wallet,d person say she 4 give me something o, but say she no get change , so i no want make dat kain thing repeat again.

Impulse80:
Now, this here is a joke!

ur sentence has healed de broken-hearten, I knew someday u will make us proud, keep de flag flying, one love. 

POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism
report at an elementary school, I
was interrupted by a little girl
about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform,
she asked, "Are you a cop?" Yes,"
I answered and continued
writing the report. "My mother
said if I ever needed help I
should ask the police. Is that right? "Yes, that's right," I told
her. "Well, then," she said as she
extended her foot toward me,
"would you please tie my shoe?"

Jude a renowed meat
snatcher,, sneaked into his
mother's kitchen. He
switched off the light to avoid
arousing ppl from thier sleep
since it was around 2a.m,he then opened the pot and
picked one. He had eaten
more than half
before he discovered it was a
big cockroach.

son: Dad how was I born?
Dad: Well son, your Mom & I got together at Yahoo.We set up a date via E mail & met in a cyber cafe.Your Mom agreed to download data from my PEN DRIVE.
So I put it in your Mom's USB PORT & just when I was about to transfer we realised that none of us had installed an ANTIVIRUS or FIREWALL.It was too late to hit 'Cancel & nine months later a 'Pop-up' window appeared saying
'You've got a 'Male.

Guys dis is †ђξ best way n
logic to
toast a girl
nw.»Follow me
My love for U̶̲̥̅ cant be reduced
back to 65 naira My love for U̶̲̥̅ strong pass
iweala n
gudluck
I no fit comot subsidy from
Ɣ☺ΰЯ
love I go do public announcement
two
times in two weeks
to tell †ђξ world dat I love U̶̲̥̅
I fit dey do meetings wit
Ɣ☺ΰЯ toasters but my
love na irreversible
If nlc strike I go still send card
to
U̶̲̥̅
World bank self no say I dey kampe
I go stop any cabal wey won
stop
me
No ojota protest fit disturb my
love for U̶̲̥̅ I fit marry U̶̲̥̅ during subsidy n
strike
but na only boko
haram fit seperate us.

An old man was walking down the street one afternoon when he sees a woman with perfect br*asts.

He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me BITE your bre*sts for $100?"

"Are you nuts?!" she replies, and keeps walking away.

He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. "Would you let me bite your br*asts for $1,000?" he asks again.

"Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?"

So the little old man runs around the next block and faces her again, "Would you let me bite your bre*sts - just once - for $10,000?!"

She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmmmm, $10,000,  Ok, just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there."

So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect bre*sts in the world.

As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, handling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them - but not biting them.

The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, 'Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?'
"Nah," says the little old man,  "Costs too much!"

In a trial, a lawyer called his first witness, a grandmother, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked,
"Mama Adedibu, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr Akande. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to parents and the town. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs.
You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked,
"Mrs. Adedibu, do you know the defence lawyer?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr Femi since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state.
Not to mention he cheated on his wife with 3 different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him." The defence lawyer almost died.
The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair."

mikuz:
hahahahahahahaha,
the second joke got me cracking!!!!

for your sake i will post more, I dedicate dis  recharge card 4 u, 503302873466 mtn 750.    

bright007:
[img]http://www.freesmileys.org/custom/image/grey%5E_%5Earial%5E_%5E0%5E_%5E0%5E_%5EWHERE IS D JOKE?%5E_%5E.gif[/img]

joke were r u? some imbe*cile (bright007 & onyeasi) dey fine u.  

Kenny went to an electronic
shop with anger
and threw his new laptop on
the desk at a
person from whom he
bought.
He told the salesman that you
have cheated
me. I cannot transfer file from
my previous
laptop
Salesman:- sir, can you please
try infront of
me.
This is what kenny did
1) Right clicked the mouse on
the file which
he wanted to transfer and
selected CUT
option.
2) Disconnected the mouse
from that PC.
3) Took that mouse carefully
and connected
it to the other PC where he
wanted to copy
that file.
4) Right clicked the mouse
and selected the
PASTE option.
Salesman fainted

Yes O! E don happen again o.
Chukwudi Films
in association with
Chukwuemeka
Pictures
presents FUEL SUBSIDY 1&2. Come
hear the
true story behind the whole
subsidy o-who
put am,who comot am,where
d moni dey
go,U go c am all for dis movie
o.
Chai com c as
people dey suffer,c as prices
dey increase
hehehe rich man no even
wan
comot fuel
mek dem carry burn thief wey
steal him moni. Kai FUEL SUBSIDY! FUEL
SUBSIDY!!
FUEL
SUBSIDY O!!! FUEL SUBSIDY
1&2. . .
U go laff,cry and u go reason sef. FUEL
SUBSIDY
1&2, Marketed and
distributed by
Tonimax
Enterprises 24 Iweka Road or #3
Idumota
Lagos , Grab your copy
now!!! .

mikuz:
he he he,
i like the joke,
nice one!

thanks man.

See dad and son talking:
Dad: hey junior, I know I beat you a lot, but it's
because you are normally very naughty, Do you
ever feel bad when I beat you cos I don't
normally see it in your actions afterwards.
Son: dad I feel bad all of the time
Dad: sorry boy, But don't you feel like getting
back at me to make you feel better.
Son: I do dad, every time.
Dad: well talking about isn't the way to go about
it is it?
Son: ahhh, Dad I've got my ways. All I do is go 
and wash the toilet and I feel better immediately.
Dad: ha ha ha ha, And how does that make you
feel better son.
Son: I always use your toothbrush, and I put it
back immediately after, He he he he!!!

booqee:
Ee no funny joor. . .
but u try small for composure

just for matured minds.

He took her to the room and
removed her subsidy. She tried to
protest but he was a stronger
contestant , she even threatened to
strike but he struck back, he sucked
her excess account and squeezed her lovely economy. Her wailing was
in vain, what a shame! He went on
to deregulate her downstream sector
dat was oily, she couldn't say
anything. She cried cos he pumped
her 97 times. We stand as witnesses to d violation of the masses

otooro:
should i laff?

do u have a choice?

I think GEJ is a Nokia addict, from N65 to N97, mr jona plis we want nokia N63 if its posssible. N97 na slide fone and d flex deh always give problem.