₦airaland Forum

A professor at the University was giving a lecture on the supernatural.

To get a feel for his audience, he asks “How many people here believe in ghosts?”
About 90 students raised their hands.

“Well, that’s a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you’ve seen a ghost?”
About 40 students raised their hands.

“That’s really good. I’m really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?”
About 15 students raise their hands.
“Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?”
3 students raise their hands. “That’s fantastic.

Now let me ask you one question further. Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?”
Way in the back, Akpos raised his hand.
The professor takes off his glasses, and says, “All the years I’ve been giving this lecture; no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You’ve got to come up here and tell us about your experience.”

The big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, “So, tell us what it’s like to have s*ex with a ghost?”
He replied, “Ghossst?
Shiiiiit! From way back there I thought you said,”Goats!”

9days 2 val, and guys are already changing their ringtones from U MUST CHOP MY MONEY to WHETHER NA ONE NAIRA, ABI NA ONE MILLION, BABY U GOT ME, BABY U GOT ME. guyz wit wayoooooooo.

In an alcohol factory the regular taster died
and the director started looking for a new
one to hire. A drunkard with ragged,dirty look came to apply for the position. The director of the factory wondered how to send him away. They tested him,gave him a glass with a drink. He tried it and said, "It's
red wine, a muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers." "That's correct", said the boss. Another glass. "It's red wine, cabernet, eight years old, a south western slope, oak barrels." "Correct."
The director was astonished. He winked at his secretary to suggest something. She brought in a glass of urine. The alcoholic tried it. "It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant, made inside the work office. And if you don't give me the job, I'll also tell who's the father!" The boss replied you ve got the job.

A mother had these words for her 3 daughters after their weddings, "My beauties, don't forget to text me your experience of the first night, " After 1 week, the 1st. daughter sent an sms "NESCAFE" to the Mum while the 2nd txt "BENSON & HEDGES". The Mum, bemused by the messages, picked her tin of Nescafe and read from the label "Fantastic till the last drop". She also went to her hubby's packet of cigarette, written on it was "Extra Long, King size", She blushed! For their age she wasn't much worried but decided to wait for her 3rd daughter's experience. After a few days, she received a PostCard which was written "Arik: Lagos-Kano". She quickly called ARIK Air Information Desk and was told "It's 3 times daily, 7 days a week & 75 minutes flight both ways". She just slumped & fainted! this man go kill my daughter! =)).

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY SON, my regards to ur mum but dont tell her u saw me online. 

Fart Chart
1. A vain person: One who loves the smell of his own fart.
2. An amiable person: One who loves the smell of other people's
farts.
3. A proud person: One who thinks his own farts are exceptionally
fine.
4. A shy person: One who releases silent farts, then blushes.
5. An impudent person: One who boldly farts out, then laughs.
6. A scientific person: One who farts regularly, but is truly
concerned about air pollution.
7. An unfortunate person: One who tries fully hard to fart, but craps
instead.
8. A nervous person: One who stops in the middle of a fart.
9. An honest person: One who admits he farted, but offers a good
medical reason.
10. A dishonest person: One who farts, but blames it on the dog.
11. A foolish person: One who will hold a fart for hours.
12. A thrifty person: One who always has several farts in reserve.
13. An anti-social person: One who excuses himself and farts in
privacy.
14. A strategic person: One who conceals his farts with loud
coughing.
15. A sadistic person: One who farts in bed, then fluffs the covers
over his head.
16. An intellectual person: One who can determine the smell of his
friends farts by the food they ate.
17. An athletic person: One who farts at the slightest exertion.
18. A miserable person: One who would truly love to fart, but can't
fart at all.
19. A sensitive person: One who farts and then starts crying.,, wich number do u belong?im proudly no14,

A young girl about to go on a 1st date with her boyfriend was been tutored by her grandma.
"He will try to kiss you, allow him. He will try to cuddle you, allow him. He will try to lay u down and get on top of you, don't allow him".

The girl asked, "grandma, why?". Grandma said, "because if you do that, you have allowed him to disgrace you and all your family".
Girl said "okay" and left on her date.

Several hours later she returned and grandma asked "how did it go?".
Girl said "exactly as you said except when he laid me down and tried to disgrace our family, I turned him over, got on top of him and disgraced his family".
Grandma fainted!!

booqee:
Comment.

1st joke- copied and pasted from studio cfr's joke. so. . .1%

2nd joke- just a lil bit funny. 18%

3rd joke- stale joke. Also copy and paste! (what is wrong with u?! )

copy & paste is my area of calling.

An old IGBO farmer wrote to
his son in prison. This year I
won't be able to plant
potatoes because I can't dig
the field, I know if you were
here you would help me." The son wrote back, Dad,
don't even think of digging
the field because that's
where I buried the money I
stole"
The Police read the letter and the very next day the whole
field was dug by police
looking for the money but
nothing was found.
The next day the son wrote
again, "Now plant your potatoes,dad;it's d best I can
do from here

A se*x Robot was designed to satisfy women,it was
tested With 3 women, the first woman was an Hausa
woman, after one hour, she came out, smiled, saying,
"gaskiya, e sweet me die".
The next woman was a yoruba woman, after 3hrs
with the robot, she also came out smiling. said, ooooshey!!!
The last woman was a Calabar woman, after 11
hours, the woman was not still out, so the security
had to go check thinking the robot had killed her
only for them to open the door to see d Calabar
woman chasing the robot up and down saying,"come here you liar, if your battery is down,
how come you can still run?

A man was giving his wife d beating of her life n so d
woman began shouting, calling 4 help.
When a family friend came in, d woman was so
happy thinking she has got a helper.
D man said 2 d husband "u don't beat woman these days, u marry a 2nd wife join them.
The woman quickly responded: "honey, don't listen
to him o. CONTINUE BEATING JOOR. I won't shout
again.

Being se*x
under a tree,not knowing,a smoker was up
on the tree hiding & smoking. After the act,
the sister asked the pastor, did u use
condom?
Pastor: no!!!! why? Girl: supposing i get
pregnant who will take
care of the baby?
The pastor replied,``let's leave it to the one
above. Suddenly the smoker jumped down
and shouted,U DEY CRAZE? LEAVE WETIN 4
WHO?
NA ME bleep AM? =))•´¨)

mikuz:
@ Kelly
keep it up bro!

thanks man.

CONVERSATION BTWEEN 2 THIEVES
THIEF 1; Guy dis operation was very
succesful, Come letz count the money.
Thief 2 : Abeg i don tire we go hear d amount 4
news tomorrow.

Couple silent in bed, Wife thinks : Why is he not
talking to me? Is he thinking of another woman? Is
he seeing someone? Are wrinkles showing on my
face? Is he trying to dump me? Is he now finding me
ugly? Have I put on weight at the wrong places? Is
he upset with my nagging? WHY IS HE UPSET? Husband thinks : Why the Bleep did Wenger take
Oxlade-Chamberlain off and bring Arshavin,
Innocent Husband,

A se*x robot was designed to satisfy
women,it was tested With 3 women,
the first woman was an hausa
woman, after one hour, she came out,
smiled, saying, "gaskiya, e sweet me
die". The next woman was a yoruba
woman, after 3hrs with the robot, she
also came out smiling. said, ooshey!!!
The igbo woman came out after 5hr
saying nna chinedu shud know abut
this business, The last woman was a
calabar woman, after 11 hours, the
woman was not still out, so the
security had to go check thinking the
robot had killed her only for them to
open the door to see d calabar
woman chasing the robot up and
down saying,"come here you liar, if ur
battery is down, how come you can
still run?

Great Truths About Life That Little
Children Have Learned
* No matter how hard you try,
you can't baptize cats.
* When your Mom is mad at your
dad, don't let her brush your hair.
* If your sister hits you, don't hit
her back. They always catch the
second person.
* Never ask your 3-year-old
brother to hold a tomato. * You can't trust dogs to watch
your food.
* Reading what people write on
desks can teach you a lot.
* Don't sneeze when someone is
cutting your hair. * Puppies still have bad breath
even after eating a tic tac.
* Never hold a dustbuster and a
cat at the same time.
* School lunches stick to the wall.
* You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
* Don't wear polka-dot
underwear under white shorts.
No matter how cute the
underwear is.

A group of whitemen visited a very typical Nigeria
village called Ashama in Delta State, and saw the
villagers packing blocks.
What fascinated the whitemen was the long distance
the villagers covered from where they carried the
blocks to the packing site and the fact that, each man carried a block on his head. The whitemen
sympathised with the villagers and introduced a
wheelbarrow to the villagers and left the village. . .
One month later the whitemen came back to the
village and realised that the work rate of packing the
blocks had slowed!"even with a wheelbarrow?" Eventually the whitemen understood why the work
had slowed when they saw an on - coming
wheelbarrow with one man pushing it and another
man sitting on the wheelbarrow with a block on his
head!

In few years 2 come, kids will start
learning ABCD in a new dimension: A
for Apple B for BlackBerry C for
Chatting D for Downloading E for
E.mail F for Facebook G for Google H
for Hype I for i- phone J for Java K for
kapersky L for Laptop M for Microsoft
N for Nokia O for Outlook P for Poking
Q for Qwerty R for Rapidshare S for
Skype T for Twitter U for Usb V for
Vista W for Windows X for Xp Y for
Youtube Z for Zukerberg.

*FROM DE LADIES*

Dear Guys,
Valentine Day is fast approaching and we know you
guyz will try and pick fights with us but you will never
succeed because we will be of our best behaviour.
Sincerely, Girlfriends Association.

1.F***ing once a week is good for your health but its harmless if done every day. 2. F***ing gives proper relaxation for your mind & body.3. F***ing refreshes you.4. After F***ing dont eat too much go for more liquids and fruits.5. Try to f*** indoors cause it can save your valuable energy.6. F***ing can even reduce your cholesterol level. Corrupt Mind,What were u thinking? 

screw down.


























I mean FASTING .

otooro:


grade: A-

gud to know.

WHO CONTROLS THIS CHAIN Boss: Secretary, for a week, we will go abroad, so
make arrangements. Secretary makes a call 2 her Husband: For a week, my
boss and I will be going abroad, so look after
yourself. Husband makes call to secret lover: My wife is going
abroad for a week, so let's spend the week together. Secret lover makes a call to a little boy whom she is
gives private lessons: I have to work for a week, so
you need not come for classes. Little boy makes call to his grandfather: Grandpa, for
a week, I don't have classes 'coz my teacher is busy.
Let's spend the week together. Grandpa (d boss) makes a call to his Secretary: This
week I am spending time with my grandson. We
won't be travelling any longer. Secretary makes a call to her husband: My boss has
some personal matters to attend to, so our trip is
cancelled. Husband makes a call to secret lover: We cannot
spend this week together; my wife has cancelled her
trip. Secret lover makes a call to little boy whom she gives
private lessons: This week we will have classes as
usual. Little boy makes a call to his grandfather: Grandpa,
my teacher said this week I have to attend class.
Sorry I can't keep you company. Grandpa(boss) makes a call to his secretary: Don't
worry, this week we will attend that meeting, so
make arrangements. Question-
WHO CONTROLS THIS CHAIN

clerk,sales rep and the manager are
walking to lunch when they find
an antique oil lamp. They rub it
and a Genie comes out. The
Genie says, “I’ll give each of you
just one wish” “Me first! Me first!” says the administration
clerk. “I want to be in the
Bahamas, driving a speedboat,
without a care in the world.”
Poof! She’s gone. “Me next! Me
next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii,relaxing on the
beach with my personal
masseuse, an endless supply of
Pina Coladas and the love of my
life.” Poof! He’s gone. “OK, you’re
up,” the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I
want those two back in the
office after lunch!.”

Frenz, I nid Advice. I agri the Bible says we shud be of help to others or so, but this one is difficult. One of my mother's friend, the daughter is pregnant and the story from the mother is that she did it only once n the young man ran away, that the maternity home said she need to do more to open the way for the baby ahead of delivery. she came to my house last nite with the daughter n requested that I should be of help to open, How can i render this kind of help!!!

A Boy was playing in the park
with his father sitting on a bench
with his friend.

Father: Ben ! What is 9 multiplied
by 8 ?

Ben: 76
Father : Good!
Father's friend got terrified.

Friend: Arre Yaar! 9 multiplied by
8 is 72. your boy said 76 and
you
congratulated him.
Father: He has improved a lot. He
used to say 80.

A group of students went on excursion to Ikogosi
waterfalls. They so had a wonderful time they did not
realize when night came so they had to stay
overnight to travel the next day. Unfortunately for
them there were no enough rooms to accommodate
them so they had to be paired. Emekus was unfortunately paired with Sister Bola a Deeper life
christian. At bed time Sister Bola was fully clothed,
tied her scarf and used the pillows to divide the bed
into two and slept on one side facing the wall. On
seeing this Emekus knew their was nothing for him
and resigned himself to his fate. On the journey back to school following morning, rain was threatening
and a windstorm was blowing. Sister Bola's scarf was
blown away to rest on a tree top. The team leader
ordered the driver to stop so Sister Bola's scarf can be
rescued. He nominated Emekus to go climb the tree
and fetch the scarf being her roommate. Sister Bola seriously objected to this saying how can someone
that couldn't climb ordinary pillow, climb a tree!

always @ ur service

DONkollione:
Super joke. Filled with drama, comedy n action

thanks man.

Read this "HATE
letter" (somewhat Love letter) U
won't get it until u finish!
It is so funny and creative.
This is a loveletter from a boy to
a girl, However, the girl's father does not like him and wants
them to stop their
relationship, and so, the boy
wrote this letter to the girl,  He
knows that the girl's father will
definitely read it,  The father picks the letter reading it out
loud, and it read:
1 "The great love that I have for
you
2 is gone, and I find my dislike
for you 3 grows every day. When I see
you,
4 I do not even like your face;
5 the one thing that I want to do
is to
6 look at other girls. I never wanted to
7 marry you. Our last
conversation
8 was very boring and has not
9 made me look forward to
seeing you again. 10 You think only of yourself.
11 If we were married, I know
that I would find
12 life very difficult, and I would
have no
13 pleasure in living with you. I have a heart
14 to give, but it is not
something that
15 I want to give to you. No one
is more
16 foolish and selfish than you, and you are not
17 able to care for me and help
me.
18 I sincerely want you to
understand that
19 I speak the truth. You will do me a favor
20 if you think this is the end. Do
not try
21 to answer this. Your letters
are full of
22 things that do not interest me. You have no
23 true love for me. Good-bye!
Believe me,
24 I do not care for you. Please
do not think that
25 I am still your boyfriend." So bad!! However, before
handing over the letter to the
girl, the boy told the girl to
"READ BETWEEN THE LINES",
meaning - only to read
1.3.5.7.9.11.13.15.17.19.21.23.25 (Odd Nos.) WAT DO U THINK ABOUT THIS?