₦airaland Forum

A client of a hospital where they made brain transplantations asked about the prices.

The doctor said, "Well, this Ph.D. brain costs $10,000. This brain belonged to a NASA top scientist and costs $15,000. Here we have a policeman's brain as well. It costs $50,000."

The client asked, "What? How's that possible?"

The doctor replied, "You see, it's totally unused."

A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbor of his. The neighbor happened to be a lawyer.

Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbor and said, "Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of the meat?" The lawyer replied, "Of course, how much was the roast?" "$7.98."

A few days later the butcher received a check in the mail for $7.98. Attached to it was an invoice that read: Legal Consultation Service: $150 .

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." He turned to the third mom. "Your obsession is alcohol and your child's name is Brandy." At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go home."

Lets try our hand on this easy one:

White to play and win in 3 moves

If I am the hunsband, ohhh God,

Zahymaka:
Prithee -- hast thou tasted it?

I recommend it for you

jagunlabi:
A car of absolute decadence and vulgarity.How would you drive a 1 million dollar plus car on the street without getting high BP?Ludicrous!The car is just a showpiece car,and that's it!

Never worry, I will handle that.

tolutope:
pissin in coke, must be vanilla flavour

Capital No, its a malaria flavour

babymine:
BTW, all of you who keep saying Jesus turned water into wine, how do you know it had any alcohol in it? Afterall, there are wines with no alcohol in them.

Thats right

Rhea:
I sincerely think that a man that landed more Top 40 hits in the '90s than any other male solo artist in the world is indeed a force to be reckoned with.

You can see his finger prints on stars like Aaliyah, MJ, Sparkle & Celine Dion.
Think of soundtracks to movies like Batman & Robin, Space Jam, Ali etc.

, and he writes and produces all his songs.

Ohhh. am feeling you, most people didnt know this guy

A man has to leave the country on business and he entrusts with
his best friend the job of keeping an eye on his wife. If
anything out of the ordinary should occur, he was to be
notified immediately.

After about a week of no news the business man received a
telegram: "The man who comes to visit your wife every night
didn't show up yesterday, "

A bus filled with politicians was driving through the
countryside one day, on the campaign trail. The bus driver,
caught up in the beautiful scenery,loses control and crashes
into the ditch. A farmer living nearby hears the horrible crash
and rushes out to discover the wreckage. Finding the
politicians, he buries them.

The next day, the police come to the farm to question the man.
"So you buried all the politicians?" asked the police officer.
"Were they all dead?"

The farmer answered, "Some said they weren't, but you know how
politicians lie."

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a
good meal, they lay down and went to sleep. Some hours later,
Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up
at the sky and tell me what you see!"

"I see millions of stars," Watson said. "What does that tell
you?" Holmes asked.

Watson replied. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are
millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically,
I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically, I can see that God is all-powerful.
Meteorologically, I suspect we will have a beautiful day
tomorrow. What does it tell you, Holmes?"

"Watson, you idiot," he said. "Someone has stolen our tent!"

eveseh:
i take the both.


they are both great

What if you have to choose one?

Busta:
Yep He is the GREATEST, and let me warn y'all , AM CARRYING HIS BABY!!!!

Oh thats cool, i pray its boy, so he'll be singing like him

love proverb too, but love Job the most

Well, as for, I didn't back the idea of people taking alcohol, talkless of christians.

What book of the bible you love most? as for me, I just love the book of Job because of the conversation between Job his freinds and God Himself. Its also the book of hope.
Let us know about yours too.

A proper man met a beautiful girl and agreed to
spend the night with her for $500. So they did,
and before he left, he told her that he did not
have any cash with him, but that he would have
his secretary write a check and mail it to her,
calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT." On the
way to the office he regretted what he had done,
realizing that the whole event was not worth the
price. So he had his secretary send a check for
$250 and enclosed the following note:

Dear Madam,
Enclosed find a check in the amount of $250 for
rent of your apartment. I am not sending the
amount agreed upon, because when I rented the
apartment, I was under the impression that:
1) it had never been occupied;
2) that there was plenty of heat;
3) that it was small enough to make me cozy and
at home. Last night, however, I found out that it
had been previously occupied, that there wasn't
any heat, and that it was entirely too large.

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately
returned the check for $250.00 with the following
note:

Dear Sir:
First of all, I cannot understand how you expect
a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied
indefinitely. As for the heat, there is plenty of
it, if you know how to turn it on. Regarding the
space, the apartment is indeed of regular size,
but if you don't have enough furniture to fill
it, please do not blame the landlady.

There was a farmer who raised watermelons. He was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat watermelons. After some careful thought he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. So he made up the sign and posted it in the field. The next day the kids show up and they see this sign, it says "Warning!! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide." So the kids run off, make up their own sign and post it next to the sign that the farmer made. The farmer shows up the next week and when he looks over the field he notices that no watermelons are missing but he notices a new sign next to his. He drives up to the sign which read: "Now there are two".

Two attorneys boarded a flight out of Seattle. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before take-off, a physician got on and took the aisle seat next to the two attorneys. The physician kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the attorney in the window seat said, "I think I'll get up and get a coke." "No problem," said the physician, "I'll get it for you." While he was gone, one of the attorneys picked up the physician's shoe and spat in it. When he returned with the coke, the other attorney said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too." Again, the physician obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the other attorney picked up the other shoe and spat in it. The Physician returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the flight. As the plane was landing, the Physician slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. "How long must this go on?" he asked. "This fighting between our professions? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?"

HERO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@xdos,
thats cool

xdos:
Letz try mating it this way,
Play Queen Qf2-qf8 (sacrificial move)
the black has no choice than to play Bishop Be7-Bf8
White play knight Ke4-Kf6 to check black king which moves from Kg8-Kh8
White checkmates the game with rook by playing Rb7-Rh7
,
Does that solve it?

My thumb is up,you get it my brother.
Many people will not want to sacrifice the queen. Thats a nice move.

Rhodalyn:
whats goin on in this forum!!!!! i dnt get this game

If you will, maybe we can put you through, but to non chess players what is happening here is a code that can't be broken

@ Ralex and nuggard, we got another game waiting, lets try our hand on it.

Prodgalson, Grizzly and Samm, where art thou?

A game is waiting for us here.

Tikko:
Well that was good but i rather wish we were playing this game together. You see there is no way white will win this game in just three moves, only if red will fold its hands and be watching without playing. From little analysis, white has the game but can just win in three moves as you thought it may be, because a good player like me can make more that three moves before the mate comes. If you have any contrary view, then i am waiting.

Freind, look closely into the game and think a little bit more, i am telling you that WHITE WILL MATE IN 3 MOVES no matter what you play as red or maybe lets give some people to tacke it first before I show you the way to crush the red.

Bakassi:
Is it true?

You wanna know?

The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the prisoner in the prison. And then they made love for the first time. Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction. Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped." Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him." After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!" The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently born foal. Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted. She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again." Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence, OKAY!

Dear Freinds,
here another one:

White to mate in 3 moves