https://www.nairaland.com/7047022/sons-behavior-getting-out-hand

LordReed:


Yeah Kobojunkie can be condescending at times but generally he means well within the limits of his humanity. He is right though on the hell part but not in the way you took it. I had a relatively average upbringing, my parents did not mistreat me and did a good job of providing even though they struggled but when I grew up I began to realise I did suffer hell but it was completely internal. I think this is what Kobojunkie is referring to, your kid might be having really tough internal struggles that he has no words to use to express. This is not your fault at all but it does give you more impetus to get him to a child therapist ASAP so you can get a handle on things. Wish you all a good life.

Nagasaki7:

1.Does your son display separation anxiety. I.e wants to always stay around you or his mom? Does he follow you or his mom around?
2.Has he restrictive feeding habit like specific food or nothing? Not wanting to eat.
3.Is he aggressive and throwing tantrums, self injurious when he didn't get what he wanted
4.Does he cry or laugh without obvious reasons.
5.Has his writing deteriorated from what it use to be?
6.Does he display obsessive like behaviours e.g specific clothes or colours?
7.Does panic whenever there is loud sound, bright light.
8.Does he understand facial expressions?
9.Does he play with other kids, share things with others, has friends?...

moviemaker:



I understand that you feel bad about his reply. I feel your pain and you honestly want the solution to your kid's problem. I also understand where @kobojunkie is coming from. Yes, his reply sounds harsh but there’s so much truth in what he’s saying. You’re fortunate to be in a society that takes mental health serious. Please, make use of this opportunity. Use the resources around you.


@kobojunkie is telling you to prioritize your son’s mental health. You need to sit your wife down and make her understand why the test is important. Bringing your son to Nigeria is not a wise decision in my opinion. There’s nothing wrong in seeking professional help for your child, please. Many of us had such issues growing up with no one to help us figure out what our issues were. Please, help this child grow up to be the star he is.

Yes, you have to get your wife’s consent. Do your best to convince her to allow your son go for the test. This is a right step in the right direction. Bringing the child back to Nigeria is not a good option at all. It’s a no no.


I don’t see your child as one trying to be mischievous. He just needs help. Don’t forget to seek the face of God. Try to join the nssp prayer 7am Nigerian time Monday to Friday https://youtube.com/c/PastorJerryEze

ottiz:
Your wife is probably scared of the possible label that may be attached to her baby, and the likely prescription drug that the child may be subjected to, hence her reluctance to have you engage a therapist. The record will follow the kid around, especially with the ubiquity of the EHR/EMR in the US. You may allay her fears by opting to see a therapist without going through your health insurance.

The important thing here is that the child need to be taken to a specialist to help you figure out how to better take care of him. It will be a lot worse if you are forced to take him to a psychiatrist by his school if he continues to disrupt the class. Then, you'll either put him on a medication or move him to another school. Unfortunately, in the U.S., teachers are there just to teach, not as caregiver or a parent away from home, like in Nigeria.

I feel your situation. Just disregard the individual making it seem like your parenting skill is the cause. Every child, even from the same family, is different and have to be handled differently. You just need help from a specialist on how to bring out the best from your brilliant child. Good luck to your family, and God's blessings!

pocohantas:


Does he respond when his elder sister or any older kid tries to teach him?

DontBullshitMe:
See pikin dey waste lifetime opportunity of being raised in the US sha.

Don't worry. He will regret everything once he becomes older and learn that he has several of his kinsmen in Africa who are risking their life crossing the Mediterranean, sitting for GRE/SAT/IELTS, sleeping overnight in foreign embassies for the same opportunity he's getting free of charge.

Just let him grow up.

Beremx:
Unfortunately, you’re not in a country where you can enforce discipline on your child by flogging him. I feel he’s going to outgrow the character.
Why don’t you have man to man discussions with him and take him out once in a while? My husband does that to my son a lot. My son is 6 years old too but kinda strong headed .

It is well with our sons

Ulunne777:
Yes the sport will help.I bought puzzles,bord games and building blocks and also allowed outdoor play.I noticed massive progress all around.
Goodluck to both of you.

Ulunne777:
Sir,cut down screen time,I mean every bit of it.Anything screen phone,tab,laptop,TV anything flickering with light from 1hr per day at most to maybe 3x a week.Soon they will diagnose your child of one autism or the other.

My first is like that and when I followed a parenting page on fb:Intentional parent by Wendy Ologe,I noticed what was wrong with mine.
Pls start out and be firm by it.Always have discussions with him .You can replace screens with books and outdoor sport.
Too much screentime makes children restless when brain tasking works comes up.

Kobojunkie:


At his age, I was already struggling to make sense of the world around me. By age seven, I had already started pondering the worth of my existence, and that remained by daily life for over 3 decades after that. My parents didn't have information back during their day so I don't really blame them for not being able to help me but no day goes by that I don't remind myself that I need to do better as far a the kids in my own care.

Take your child to a child therapist and least learn what could be potential his case so you can know where to begin looking for help.

If you think your child is struggling with ADHD,you can download an online test to try at home with your wife to help you both maybe understand what [b]hell your child is having to live with while you two continue to caress your egos in this. [/b]

---

I have no sympathies for parents because parents choose,of their own,to take one the responsibility that is their children. Your duty which you claimed for yourself is to care for those souls which you brought into this world abeg. Please strive to do a great job no matter what.

Brogrammer:


Hey OP, why is your wife against going for the test... The earlier you do the test the better.

Kobojunkie:
1. You and your wife need to decide whether to help your child or your egos instead.

2. I live in the very same US, and also dealing with 3 boys here - a 9-year old, 6-year old and a 3-year old so , I know of the rudiments of raising a child in the US,and there is absolutely nothing difficult about it. In Nigeria, the adults place themselves and their convenience before the needs of the child whereas here in the US, the focus is rightly to place the needs of the child ahead of that of the adults.

I too was flogged as a child but it was not the beatings that made me a better person, instead it was the attention I gave myself and got from my folks that helped me turn out better than most who even got flogged way more than I was.

3. You as a parent are expected to raise your own kids. Teachers aren't meant to raise them for you. So you need to do a better job as a father to your own child instead of expecting others to do the work for you.

There are ways to discipline your child without what you call an arse whooping. Get him therapy so as to help you better understand him and his personality now that he is still young. Take away his toy if you have to. Play soccer with him if joining the soccer club is not working out for him. Work with him to understand him and how best to train him. That is your job and responsibility since you chose to have him.

Kobojunkie:
So you don't want to get your child to a child therapist to figure out early the reason why you as a parent have not been able to get a handle on your child, but you want to take him to Nigeria where the child's particular emotional situation is all but ignored and the child instead forced into survival mode instead?

Zonefree:
You bought PS5 for a six year old and you're wondering why he's misbehaving

oyinda.:

dis una love na wan tin tin o i dey jealous
i'll leave u to go ease her fever u hear.

oyinda.:

klassyguy,

you have created a topic on your relationship situation before. i think earlier this year or late last year.
to tell you the truth, your relationship is failing and it's BOTH OF YOU. You need to re-check if you are both compatible for each other.
think about it you are far apart and fight constantly. what makes u think that when u get back together everything will go smoothly?
try to recollect the times when you were still together and ask yourself what part of her attitude has changed? did she used to be patient with you? etc
i don't want to tell you to move on with your life but

this text she sent you for example:

that's very selfish in my opinion. tell her that your weekend is also terrible from the guilt she always make u feel. it seems she only thinks about herself in this relationship and not about you and how YOU feel. that's selfishness IMO.

like you said, it has happened before and she laughed about it. why did she get mad this time around?
i only know your side of the story and don't know hers.

funkybaby:

LOL.

So just because you didn't say 'I love you' at the end of the phone call? Lol

It's just a petty argument and your babe is acting immature.

Have been in long dist relationship and I can't remember making a fuss over 'I love you'

Next time you are busy with your coursework, put your phone on silent and text her you are busy with school work and you will call her later. Simple!

You should be firm(yet loving() with your girlfriend and not her holding you by the balls.

omega25red:

yup it is you and it's your fault because long distance relationship make the mind imagine all types of things. By you not repeating the "i love you
" would make anyone think you were chilling with other girls and you should have gotten up and went to another room or area to chat with your girl. truth be told i have almost had something like that happen to me too but my girl knew that i was at work and i didn't want to be all mushy exchanging i love you in front of my co workers. I think you should seriously apologize though you don't feel you are at fault but you created a situation which created doubt in her mind. i mean never mind being away from her and all the potential girls you can be hooking up with then not saying the one thing that gives her comfort. it's your fault own it quickly before it gets out of hand and go to another room when you chat with her so you don't have to compromise your macho attitude