₦airaland Forum

Hey , my dear womenfolk, please, do not get carried away by what you shall be seeing on TV in a month from now. It is not permanent but just a celebration of what ought to be in an idyllic situation given that we all never had to work or earn a living outside our perfect physicality.

Those chiseled bodies you will be seeing in the Olympics are aberrations of the true body. They are a fiction of myths created by the Greeks long before you were born. Never, ever compare your man to them. It is just a game!!! The game will end and you will know what I,m saying.

We men were made to age gracefulllly with little pouches here and there. We were made to even suck in those pouches for good picture poses. Some of us have those pouches even underneath our chins, yet, they take nothing us.

In your mind and head, don’t compare us with those guys on TV. They are athletes, no more, no less. We are HUSBANDS, LOVERS, FATHERS, BROTHERS, NEIGHBORS, COWORKERS, and BRETHREN no more no less.

Haba, it is not as if I am jealous or something, it just that we need to be careful; especially with those swimmers…..Did you see Michel Phelps and Chen? They look like gods.

What manner of Secretaryship will a full time housewife, with no interest in further education and far from any useful office, provide; permanent or not
Litanies of errors unending!!!11
jedi jedi of the brain is encircling Nigeria with its roots in OSA CORK.
Seriously, Bayelsa is a theatre of the absurd. They keep churning out ephemeral moments of madness that assume national proportions with reckless abandon. ALAMS was as alarming as Goodie Goodie was...Silvia was as `cracking` in the head as this SON of a Dick is. USELESS people!!!!!!

Hey, Pally, just kuku proceed to get yourself a cozy Pagani Zonda and never have to bother yourself or US with little comparisons.

ur phones are dead....
buzz up pls

Fresh Blast Hits Kaduna Church
Posted: June 17, 2012 - 10:28

A second round of church bombings has occurred in Kaduna city in the Tirkaniya area. Citizen reporters said a Shalom church was bombed a few hours after two churches were bombed in Zaria.
http://saharareporters.com/news-page/fresh-blast-hits-kaduna-church

Narrow escape Kaduna was hit again with bomb plast 20 mins ago. we are some mins away before the blast.
A nation under siege

vc online: Op, its better you become machanic so that you can secure your petrol. If you don't have anything to post here stay off and let nairlanders be. ANUFIA!

Wow, such cerebral thinking.

What actually informed this thread is a friend,s experience. He gave his car to apainter in Apapa for spray and body works.
Three days later, the car was seized in Sango Ota by Customs on suspicion that it was used for smuggling. Of course, he had test-driven the quality of the yet to be painted car to SAngo Ota.

When you give your car out to the mechanic, you are at their mercy....

Nairaland is no longer the flagship, methinks.
It is follow follow all the way.
moderators, please, define your taste.
Seems Mods are now BB, Twitter, Fb, Naijapals and LI copycats

now, we know this to be so untrue.
can we move on please?
Saharareporters should take time to verify their stories before pressing the SEND BUTTON next time

N. Djokovic 4
R. Nadal 6
ONE UP
2 MORE TO GO

This story is old, very old.
Please, don,t corrupt nice fiction with current events. That sucks

The most outstanding committee has to be:
FACEBOOK FACESAVING COMMITTEE
National policies are formed there

SUNMONU

Plane crash in lagos today, car crash in Lagos yesterday, tanker crash in Lagos 2days ago.
I guess i gotta stay in bed tomorrow, Monday.

and more....
those names scare me though

some collections

I needed to stock up new stuffs and i stumbled on this lovely jeans.

Trouble is, it named AFFLICTION.

I couldnt bring myself to buy, much less wear AFFLICTION.

Is it me or are there some of you out there wearing AFFLICTION?

ashson: Whr is d puzzle? let me giv it a try...

Here you go:
If you have 1000, how many bottles of Gulder and how many plates of pepper soup can you scoop out of it?
350 year old equation.

Each time I give my car to the mechanics for major or routine maintenance jobs, my PETROL never, ever remain the same.

I once had an `engine-knock` on a full tank. By the time I bought the engine and replaced the bad one, I was told I needed to buy petrol to test run the `new` engine. Imagine my angst. Was some spirit test driving the `knocked engine` all this while?

Yesterday, I gave my car for wheel balancing and alignment and the full tank I had came to quarter tank within hours. This time I refused to pay the mechanic in full citing my missing fuel as deposit on account. But the man pleaded and I paid up.

But, am I alone in this? How do you handle this incidence when it happens to you?

Each time I give my car to the mechanics for major or routine maintenance jobs, my PETROL never, ever remain the same.

I once had an `engine-knock` on a full tank. By the time I bought the engine and replaced the bad one, I was told I needed to buy petrol to test run the `new` engine. Imagine my angst. Was some spirit test driving the `knocked engine` all this while?

Yesterday, I gave my car for wheel balancing and alignment and the full tank I had came to quarter tank within hours. This time I refused to pay the mechanic in full citing my missing fuel as deposit on account. But the man pleaded and I paid up.

But, am I alone in this? How do you handle this incidence when it happens to you?

Bon Appetite for those in Naija.
Those in the diaspora can tarry a litle longer.
Worldwide no be joke

Temistatics 007: Your statement is contradictory,the victims family were able to raise 800000 out of the 1.3m,but the hospital asked for full payment,they were still hustling for the remaining 500000 when the victim died,(MEANING:THE 800000 WAS STILL WITH THEM SINCE THE HOSPITAL WANTS A COMPLETE FEE OF 1.3M)SO HOW IS THE HOSPITAL GOING TO RETURN A MONEY THEY DID NOT COLLECT)I STAND TO BE CORRECTED,TO THE DISEASED,RIP.

Well, they scurried hither thither and raised 800,000 which was paid to the Hospital. That money did not touch the right cord, it did not melt their hardened heart. All or nothing was their stance.

If the story had ended there, sad as it would have been, not much lessons would have been learnt.

LAGOON HOSPITAL

The other person that died was someone I knew passingly.
He was hit on the back and did not die on the spot. He held on to life, as though his life depended on it, of course, it did.

His friends around were able to spirit him to LAGOON HOSPITAL, a distance of 500meters away. Seeing his condition, the hospital hurriedly admitted and put him on oxygen. His friends at this point were relieved and in high spirit that JAGABAN was going to pull through, once again. They never knew LAGOON HOSPITAL takes care of the bare necessities and not a penny more, not a penny less.

The hope of survival dimmed when in no time LAGOON HOSPTITAL flashed a deposit bill of 1.3m on the friends, on a Sunday morning. The terse message was pay this deposit before further treatment can be administered. In a cashless Lagos, and on a Sunday how were they, in Jove,s name, going to raise that kind of money.
Well, they scurried hither thither and raised 800,000 which was paid to the Hospital. That money did not touch the right cord, it did not melt their hardened heart. All or nothing was their stance.

The friends were still running from pillar to post to raise the balance 500,000 when the man died at 6pm right in the hospital without receiving Panadol Extra.
When the family members requested that the deposited 800,000 should be returned since they did not provide any treatment, LAGOON HOSPITAL reminded them that on the receipt issued to them is a clause: ANY MONEY PAID TO THIS HOSPITAL IS NON-REFUNDABLE.

Deaths In Apapa Night Club Caused By Drunk Mopols

Time was 4am thereabout. Venue was MONALIDO night club. CHAIRMAN had gone night clubbing with some gun wielding MOPOL officers in tow. Having had enough for the night, he decided to leave the club but not without making a huge statement. He then proceeded to dole out wads of crisp Naira notes to the hordes that thronged about him.

The officers, already high on ALOMO mixed with whatever, suddenly remembered that they were duty bound to shield CHAIRMAN from the crowd that pressed on him. Guns drawn and cocked, they fired a few salvoes of shots to scare the crowd. But alcohol is a poor coordinator; and it did just that.

Awkwardly, one MOPOL allowed the gun to drop, a semi-automatic gun at that. Hell was let loose as the gun went on rampauge discharging its lethal contents on those around.

CHAIRMAN,s lady take home for the night was the first casualty. Bullet pierces her throat, exits behind her head. A friend was next hit in the back. Two others had bullet wounds to their limbs but survived.

Everybody else made rapid dialogues with their feet, including also the CHAIRMAN.

[quote author=don7]Hi nairalanders, I need a 4-5 bedroom detached or semi detached duplex for rent in Ibadan. Most of the rooms should be en suite and should have at least 2 sitting rooms and a guest cloak room. The house should have a boys quarters attached to it. My preferred areas are AKOBO, BASHOSRUN, OLD BODIJA. Water and tarred road a must.
I do not want to repair a landlord's house so responders should pls make sure their properties are habitable as I have viewed a lot of houses that are inhabitable. I want a house I can pay the rent and move into immediately.

any update on this?
i need one too

Samsung Electronics has overtaken Nokia to become the world's largest maker of mobile phones, according to research firm Strategy Analytics.

Nokia took the top spot in 1998 from Motorola, but in the first quarter of 2012 Samsung shipped 93m phones compared to almost 83m by Nokia.

Samsung also reported its highest quarterly profit since 2008.

Net profit was 5.05tn won ($4.5bn; £2.8bn) in the quarter ending 31 March, up 81% from 2.78tn won last year.

Samsung is also the world's biggest TV and flat screen maker.

"We cautiously expect our earnings momentum to continue going forward, as competitiveness in our major businesses is enhanced," said Robert Yi, head of investor relations at Samsung.
Bright future

The firm said its IT and mobile communications division, which manufactures the smartphones, made an operating profit of 4.27tn won during the period, as revenues in the division surged 86% from a year earlier.

Samsung will unveil the latest version of its Galaxy range of phones on 3 May.

The Galaxy range has been very popular and helped Samsung overtake Apple to become the world's biggest seller of smartphones.

"The smartphone market has almost only two players, Samsung and Apple," said Lee Sei-Cheol of Meritz Securities.

"Since its Galaxy3 phone is being unveiled in May, Samsung will keep enjoying sales growth in its mobile phone division."

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-17865117

We saw it coming

Ball boys have been relieved of the duty of finding the ball Sergio Ramos kicked in the semi final against Bayern last night. Spanish authorites have taken over that responsibility.
information tickling in have largely been confusing....
NASA claim to have spotted it in space
MOSSAD said they saw it in Iran
CIA issued a statement that boko Haram has taken possession of it and intend using it to cause havoc in Abuja
Nigeri Police have since denied that. sayin in its official report that the ball was spotted in Lekki and that a tussle had broken out over its ownership between Dbanj and Don Jazy.
Watch this space, we will keep you updated

Now that Ibori has been sentneced to 13years imprisonment, let us occupy him with suggested activites for the nest 13years, or so if we remove the 645days deduction.

1. LEARN KICKBOXING IN PRISON
2. LEARN BRAILLE
3. PAY ATTENTION AND CURE HIS SUPPOSED HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE
4. BECOME A BORN AGAIN XTIAN OR EVEN A GURU MAHARAJI CONVERT
5. GO ON HUNGER STRIKE FOR THE WHOLE 13 YEARS
6. BECOME A gay, if he is not one already.

what kind suggestions do you have for him please?

thanks for the update.
please, let us know once you get any word on this.

teddies: Lagos to maiduguri,

that is some distance
How about Yola to MAiduguri. That is think is the longest route in nigeria.

Kano to Lagos and Lagos back to Kano
2400kms+ journey.

speechless, i am