₦airaland Forum

Kalulu44:
➜Yes she's insecure, if someone who she call a friend can't tell her the truth then no one will.

She is insecure for choosing to distance herself from someone who does not value her right to do whatever she pleases with her own body? Oh boy!

Staywithbina:
➜My name is obinna from anambra state and am 35 years of age ,am a metallurgical and fabrications expert ,I am here looking for a woman who would be interested in either going into contract with me to have a child or I pay for your bride price but you are not going to live with me,it’s sort of an open marriage,you are free to do whatever you want the only thing I need from you is child , you must be a good looking and thick lady ,intelligent and from a decent background,am not saying you must come from an angel background but you must not come from family of thieves ,and for every child born ,dna must be conducted ,feel
Free to reach me on email sisyley@yahoo.com Thanks

. Why not get a surrogate to carry the baby and a woman to donate her egg to get you the child?

gassbee:
➜why r u dodging my question, is dat d kind of woman you like to have as your wife

I didn't dodge the question but simply posed it a different way to get you to see how unreasonable your original question really was.

Belurved1:
So if she’s womb-less, will you continue?

How can a woman be womb-less unless she was born that way or had to have her womb removed due to cancer? What has any of that to do with the subject of discussion?

koxi:
My thoughts exactly!! Of what business of his is it, to make him feel entitled?
She was smart enough not to dignify him with a response and yet, the clown came here to fuss about someone else’s personal issues. Smdh

Exactly! 😂😂😂😂😂😂

SkengRay:
1. I never Said there was a separate or Different emotions machine for both gender. What I meant is Men faces Different consequences for expressing emotions compared to you ladies. Our Societal conditioning and expectations are different each gender or you want me to Explain this too?
2. If men commit more emotional crimes, That doesn't mean Men benefit from emotions. You just proved my point . Over lives gets worse when emotions takes over not better.
3. Do you even think this question through . Women are Expected by Society to Express their emotions as free as they want. Those that aren't learned to fake it. This is seen As Feminity. For Men it's Different for Example Both Genders crying in Public at different scenarios Who do you think is going to get help and Sympathy the Female of course and the Men will be Judged for being a Weakling. Another Example My Girl called me Today Saying she's doesn't know how she feels I tried to pacify and tell her to Process it or Write it Down. Imagine if it was the Other Way around she'd feel overwhelmed like why is this guy acting like a lady.
4. Like I Said A woman is Programmed by society to show Vulnerability and she's seen as soft, nurturing and feminine for men to show Vulnerability, he's seen as weak and unstable. Men don’t benefit from emotions long-term because unmanaged emotions often lead to destructive outcomes. The fact that many men explode emotionally only proves that emotional mishandling harms than it helps them. Please Read carefully and Try to Comprehend and understand from both angles. And Also note that males and Females will never be seen as equal by the society. Both Genders have been assigned roles to follow and there are consequences that vary for both.

1. So, men are meant to live under this herd mentality that is Societal expectations, is what you are telling me?

2. Wrong! Emotions are merely signals like traffic lights. (Emotions are not actions—emotions is energy that can be channelled into action.) What is wrong is the way many men respond to those traffic lights. A vast majority lack emotional intelligence, and that is the particular reason why, when eventually overwhelmed by emotions, rather than react intelligently by channeling that energy into more productive endeavors like cleaning the house, gardening, or even learning to swim or write books, many men instead channel the energy into committing criminal offenses or killing women. The problem isn't the emotions themselves but the weakness that causes many men to react negatively when confronted by their own emotions — these are emotions from within we are talking about here.

3. Here's a question. Do you believe all men are somehow stuck living their lives according to societal dictates — herd mentality in flesh —or do you believe individual men are quite capable of harnessing even emotional energy to their own individual benefit?

I live in a society different from the one you describe, and honestly, I don't care what society has to say on most things since I am more of a deal with the facts than merely supposition. A man can choose to cry in private if he, as this slave to society you describe, is not allowed to do so in public. Again, crying is a channeling of the energy that is an emotion. That same energy, as you rightly told your girlfriend to do, can be channeled into journaling.

This isn't a discussion about what one society thinks and what another society does not think, since society is a fluid monster that changes with location and time, and even events. This discourse is about your claim that men do not benefit from emotions in the long run, and clearly, your every submission admits to the fact that men are not emotionless and can therefore learn to gain emotional intelligence of their own by channeling that emotional energy into more productive avenues like women.

4. So, it ain't emotions that are of no benefit to men but the mishandling of emotional energy that messes men up? Phew! We are finally getting somewhere sensible. 🥱🥱🥱

gassbee:
➜is dat d kind of wife you would like

Many women out there would probably not consider you and OP husband material, does that mean that those women are better than you and OP? Nonsense!

gassbee:
Just look at the class of freinds you are rolling with

And you think OP is better than her because she seems more comfortable with her own body, abi? Nonsense! 🥱🥱🥱

erniok:
✓ One of the rare moments I agree with you.
OP sounds funny. The type his soup gets sour and everyone must know.

Too quick there since I also see nothing wrong in what the world woman chose to do with what is her own body. The Universal Human Rights of all allows individuals do what they please with their own bodies...OP is also wrong in thinking his opinion of her getting piercings should matter more in some way.

We all have opinions like arse holes. No one should pretend theirs is better than the others. Only facts carry more weight than opinions, and most out there are devoid of those... facts, that is.

OvertheTop:
chai...
junkie, You must be a Very Troublesome lady o...Do you have a man? you go worry that man o.... i really pity him

Many of you are really no different from the OP, incapable of minding your own business and life. The concept of live and let be is lost of you, ehn? 🥱🥱🥱

reddingtonblack:
➜That you feel its a lie does change the core nature of both male n female ... the way we react to things defines "Emotion" ..
➜ why must our Emotion be the same because we are boyfriend n gurlfriend, when you are cryin i am cryin when you are blowin hot i am also blowin hot .. is that kind of r/ship even healthy, blind can't lead the blind
➜ Emotional connection is just a " fantasy" ... what is sacrosanct is "sexual attraction" mind you "sexual " is not only limited to sex, infact it covers sapiosexual and likeness
➜ when it comes to Male and females, " emotions" can never match .. we react differently if you like speak oxford n harvard grammar . men and women are not the same .. stop creatin unnecessary arguement
➜ Go nd watch " Herd" on netflix then you will see what you wrote no. 4 is just you being unreasonable i wont even expect that low from .... a girl

Wrong again! Emotions are not actions. Rather, they are the signals in your head that tell you the state of your emotional/bodily/hormonal state at any given time. Your reactions to those signals are instead an indicator of your particular emotional and social intelligence and is based on a lot of things, including how much you are in touch with who you really are and your self-worth.

2. Wrong again! No two humans are emotionally synced at any given point for them to express the same emotions. Also, dating someone does not mean that you will be happy whenever the other person is happy, too. No one can sufficiently read another's emotions unless that person displays(action is required) their emotions for others to see.

Also, when two people are crying— crying is not an emotion, by the way, but a response to an emotion — one of them can still reach out to try to console the other. If you watch children closely, you will have observed this phenomenon at some point. Crying does not make one weak; it just means one is more expressive of one's emotions.

3. What you regard as a fantasy is the connection that exists between friends, mothers and their children, and even fathers and their children. brothers, sisters, etc. (No sexual connections exist in any of the relationships defined.) For you to say that kind of connection is an illusion to you is kind of you, an admission that all those sorts of connections are missing in your life, which is sort of traumatic if you consider that it is essential for helping us build our foundation as far as connecting to others as social creatures that we are.

4. The more I read your submissions, the more I am convinced that you would be better off hanging with Pr0stitutes than dating anyone's precious child—male or female. If all you desire is sex, then engaging only Pr0stitutes will serve you best.

5. If you, as a human being, think that Herd explains away the emotional connection that sits at the foundation of people in every society, then I am absolutely right in recommending that you stick to pr0Stitutes for all of the sexual connection you desire. Leave dating to those who undertand the importance of emotional connections to other human being.

SkengRay:
➜ You're a Lady . I don't expect you to get it. When I say it doesn't benefit men in the long run what I meant is that As Men emotions are not unpredictable and they destroy stability.
➜ We as Men are Judged on Discipline, consistency, Reliability and the most important of all Logic Under Pressure .
➜ The Society and History has never favoured nor Reward the Emotional men .
➜ Emotions makes a Man Weak, Unstable and unrespected.
➜ For Men Emotions exposes vulnerability which are exploited. These are Valid points ma cherié

There is no separate or different emotion machine for men. It is the same emotional system in men that is in women. And they run exactly the same — studies have shown that men are capable of the same range of emotions that women experience. So, again, what do you mean when you claim that men benefit nothing in the long run from having emotions because, according to you, they are not predictable and they destroy stability? How does the same unpredictable emotion machine in both genders lead to chaos only in men, according to you?

2. Yet when it comes to the same society, w[b]omen are considered more disciplined, consistent, and reliable than men — over 90% of crimes of emotion are committed by men in most societies—, leading to the conclusion that many studies have reached which is that under pressure, men are less logical —more emotional — than women[/b]?

Again, please take time to process your ideas before posting because you are still coming off as less rational in your claims so far.

3. Why should society reward and favor emotional men when emotional women have also never been rewarded and favored by the same society? What is this... some seek for validation before you think men must apply common sense?

4. Emotions make a man weak and unrespected? But emotions can do the exact same for women. Emotions can also expose possible vulnerabilities in women, too. So, this isn't a point that you are making but pretending a fact about emotions is some sort of weakness for one gender when it instead applies to both genders. Women are still respected and strong despite them having emotions. So, why exactly can't men be respected and strong despite having emotions?

90% of crimes of emotion are carried out by men yearly. And this is because most men lack the emotional intelligence to help them better navigate, manage, and regulate their emotions. Emotions themselves are not the problem, but the idea that men think they can thrive by ignoring them completely is absurd. Unfortunately, most of that bottled-up emotional energy is eventually converted into an [i]emotional outburst, resulting in many of the unreasonable(severely illogical) crimes that men are notorious for committing. So, if you pretend men should suppress their emotions, aren't you arguing for men to continue down the same path of destruction—men, on the most part, wreak destruction on the same society that you claim respects and adores them for their discipline — that has been the fate of many men for the longest? [/i]

FyI: You still have yet to answer my question regarding emotions.

AgentNnamdi:
➜I will agree that less than 20% are breadwinners. Forget this story. They can cater for their children and relatives [I agree too]. This is not the question the OP asked.

I didn't say less than 20% but rather 50%. I already answered the OP's question. Read my other comment.

plaetton:
➜ Lol. How do you know that she's going to be fine ? How did you come to the conclusion that this step is a right step?
If she is suffering from clinical depression, then she obviously needs medical and counseling help. I don't see how encouraging her to end her marriage is going to make her life any better going forward. Even well adjusted women suffer mentally after a marriage breakup, talkless of someone who is already on tje edge.
➜ Your kneejerk reaction is a classic. People like you , and there are legions of your type, destroy the lives of fellow women because you tend to project your own life or relationship traumas into the lives of other women by always encouraging them to blame men for every negative circumstance in their lives.
➜ An honest response would have been to advise her to seek counseling and medical help to sort out her own personal demons first.
Until she does that, I don't see anything getting better for her.

1. Experience tells me she will be fine.

2. This ain't knee jerk! I have read of women who went through worse and came out way better on the other side of it all. She'll be fine if she continues moving in the right direction.

3. Of course counselling would be ideal but given that she seems to be in Nigeria, and coming out of a 10-year relationship— likely she came out with nothing after it all —, she may not be able to afford counselling in her situation but she can also work on herself without access to preferred professional help.

kingviny:
➜If you are not yet married, you won't understand.

I recall hearing a 5-year-old child once speak of how much better life had become after his parents' divorce. He said they no longer fight or argue with each other since they no longer live together. You think that boy doesn't have any wisdom and understands nothing of married life because he is not married, abi? Nonsense!

Goodmarlian:
✓ Women are really insecure beings and don't like the truth, there is this female friend of mine who developed a sudden likeness towards piercing her body and fitting rings everywhere, she pierced her nose,pierced her ear with 3 holes, I didn't criticise her because it was still common among girls, but the last one she did was awkward I had to tell her it doesn't fit her
.This girl has a protruding Tommy and went ahead to pierce he navel and fitted a belly ring and it doesn't look good on her because it fits only women with very flat tummy, she went started making Dance videos on her WhatsApp which I know is to entice me to men,she wore and tight and a short top that was where I noticed she did a navel piercing u told her straightup that it doesn't fit her ever sincw she stopped talking to me.

All she did was stop talking to you, yet you felt you should come here and whine to us about it as though to suggest that you are entitled to her energy and attention in one way or form?

SkengRay:
From Experience and Observation

Naturo equipped all animals, humans included with a system of emotions. And here you are attempting to convince me that an entire gender do not benefit in the long run from a complex meta data system built into their minds to aid them in navigating their mental and physical state in addition to helping them better respond both to internal a d external environment? You are literally not making sense to me right now, I hope you understand that.

SkengRay:
I'm not disputing that Fact we are all Emotional being but for We Males Emotions Won't Help us in the Long Run. Yes I agree Feelings can be Killed, Suppressing it in the long run might be harmful. It needs to be transformed and redirected. The Step you laid is What will help him instead of Waiting for someone to Reach out to pacify him.

Where do you get this idea that emotions won't help males in the long run though? :-

reddingtonblack:
➜You and goodlady are very wrong, Men are women are not meant to share the same "emotional" radiation ... it is women that are emotional not men in most cases
➜However the connection we must share is "sexual Attraction'" i think thats what goodlady is confuse about ... not emotional sync
➜emotional is just how you react to things, in and outside love,
➜its not a must we react to things the same way, as a lady you luv to scream n cry while as a man i luv to sigh n proffer solution ... lets respect that

1. This is a lie! 🥱🥱

2. Wrong! When your relationship is comprised only of sexual attraction and none of emotional connection, you might as well go hook up with Pr0stitutes only. You will save yourself and the other person you are in a relationship with a whole lot of time that way. If you cannot connect with other human beings — your friends, your girl friend or even wife—on an emotional level, you are bound to cause them heartache, and literally waste their time and your time.

3. Channeling all ranges of emotions into anger, frustration and agression does not make you less emotional as a human being. It instead indicates that you are emotionally weak when it comes to identifying, understanding and regulating your emotions, a clear sign of low emotional and hence social intelligence.

4. You mean punching walls, kicking and beating people up, throwing an anger tantrum when things don't go your way, raging in anger, beating or even killing women for even mere things as cheating or dissing you, etc., are ways in which men proffer solutions? You must be seriously high on bullsheet to think those are ways of offering solutions! 🥱🥱🥱

BigYash:
Even op knows I was just catching cruise with that line from that song by shally. You will just be emotional on top everything.. smhfu

If you think your responses do not come from a place of emotion, think again!

SkengRay:
Na Man You be . You need to Man up and kill those feelings of insecurities. Better Days Ahead .

Just an FYI, Men are just as emotional ( if not more than women are). Feelings can't be killed; they can be managed and regulated. What OP needs is to accept his feelings and engage in some self-reflection so he can pinpoint which experiences/traumas/fears from his past gave rise to those anxieties, and learn regulation instead, so he can get back to his studies and do well in his upcoming exams. 🥱

BigYash:
➜ Na that bashing go make am wake up as a man. Na woman them dey pet.. Man na man o
➜ Op dust ur bum bum.. go find one hotel lodge,carry one baby nack.. give am belle run las las you go dey alright No be me talk am o.. na that boy shallypopi talk am

Bashing a human being when he is down DOES NOT help him up. When a person is down, what they need is advice on how to process what they are dealing with and work through it, and learn better coping mechanisms to help them in the now and the future.

2. OP is anxious and wants to pass his exam. But your advice is that he go nack a woman.... feed himself a temporary dopamine high from the sex, and then what? Spend the rest of his life miserable that he has kids out there he cannot feed or care for because he never got around to doing the exam after it all?

Why do you Nigerian boys hate each other so? It is really pathetic to watch how you all set each other up for the worst outcomes possible in life, and then pretend that women are to blame for it all.

---

Anyways, on another note...men are emotional, and that is not a bad thing since humans are made of moods and moods are powered by our emotions.

DelilahMakinde:
As long as the father didn't make an evil covenant over the daughter's head. He's blameless

Who are you to blame the girl for anything?

Uptheante:
Where did he mention her age for you to know if she's underage or not?

if you don't know what the discussion is about, why butt in? 🥱🥱🥱

Uptheante:
➜Did he force her?

Anyone below the age of consent is FORCED, by default.
Please, make Google your friend in these things.

AndroBlaze:
➜My brother, Ned Nwoko shamelessly did the same thing to, when no one asked him. He claimed he married Regina Daniel as a virgin on national TV, only for him and her to both confirm during this their fight that they had been sleeping together since before marriage and that she had already had an abortion for him.
It is those who believe everything they hear, especially the ones ready to die for politicians that I pity.
Like someone said earlier on this thread, to enjoy your peace in Nigeria, you must wear your mask and follow them with their hypocrisy.

What that means is that Ned is a child rapist — a pedo. That should more than explain why he felt the need to tell that lie.

DyshApp:
‎A Nigerian lady is devastated after ending her 10‑year relationship, opening up about her battle with depression.
‎She shared the heartbreaking incident in video posted to her TikTok account, @mamayochicher.
In the now‑viral TikTok video, the lady revealed that she has contemplated suicide, but hasn’t acted on it because of her son.
‎”I don’t know what to do. I’ve been so depressed. I don’t know who to talk to. I’ve known this person for 10 years“, She stated,
However, the identity of her ex‑fiancé was not disclosed in the video, and she sought the services of a therapist. Stay updated — read other interesting gists here(Link in signature)

You are going to be fine. You have already taken the first step, and now you just need to keep taking more steps in the same direction, and you will be fine. 🥱🥱

Adebisi444:
If she does it for 6 months without disrespecting him or change her behavior.. she will receive a certificate from Guinness world record.

No woman who did not initially agree to such an arrangement should have to do that without being allowed to express her angst at being forced to do what she never signed up for.

If respect worship is really that important to you, then make sure you never ever fall short of your contract in marriage. That is the only thing that guarantees you the worship you— you can only claim it if you continuously keep your end of the bargain — desire from the woman.

MaziObinnaokija:
Ask the elderly ones in yo household

If the ones from your side of the divide all reason as you do, I would rather not waste my time.

spiceadole:
✓ Men cannot take care of children. They are not programmed like that. My husband used to think taking care of children was a joke until I had to travel for a course for 2 months and left 3 children under 7 years for him to care for.
Within a week, he had started complaining.. and before the end of the second week, he had sought the services of child minders. He paid heavily for it.
✓ This is service I render naturally,freely and happily.
Since then, his brain calmed down.
He now appreciates my efforts.

It has absolutely nothing to do with programming but learning. Even all women have to learn to take care of children; most women are forced to learn while other women refuse to no matter the situation. In the same way, a man can choose to learn how to care for kids or not. There are many children out there who were raised by their fathers, their brothers or even uncles. Stop lying to men that they have to be programmed to do so when no one is, in fact, programmed to do it.

2. You are wrong to claim that it is natural because you had to apply yourself in doing it and you ended up learning as you went along with it. That is what learning is about.
Also, there are many women out there who are terrible at doing the same thing and those who would never be cause blind doing it... raising children. Nurture is learned, not natural or gender specific.

P.S. Did you know that in some animal species, it is mostly the males that raise the children and not the mothers?

MaziObinnaokija:
Anxiety/panic attack on top of say I kpai person? U nowadays students.

What in the world is this gobbledegook?

AgentNnamdi:
No. They are not trained that way.

Despite a lack of training, many (almost 50% of married women) women in Nigeria are breadwinners in their non-polygamous marriages. Given that they there training has them believing their life isn't worth much without a man in their lives, many hold fast that Mrs. badge like their lives depend on it, resorting to carrying on the additional burden of being the breadwinner in the marriage for this reason. (If we check polygamous marriages, we may find that many of the wives in such cases also find they have to carry significant weight on their own, too.)