₦airaland Forum

Myrrhis:
➜I am very much okay, but I strongly doubt you are.

Suggesting the setting of boundaries — a personal act on the part of the one making the boundary—as a means of controlling the personal freedoms of others makes you not OK

Myrrhis:
➜The question you need to answer is, why did you bring up the matter again? Also, why is your girlfriend's mum able to view your status? Can't you set boundaries? By the way; what is the age gap between you and your girlfriend?

You want him to set boundaries on his girlfriend's phone? Are you sure you are OK at all?

Goodadvice01:
➜Good evening everyone one. I'm 25 and the only son of my mum. I have tried every ways of making money online but nothing come out. I'm currently a YouTuber but my videos are not getting the number of views to get me monitized. I'm very depressed. My mates are making money online and getting married early, but I'm still living with my mum.
➜ I want to become financially stable and get married by 27 but things are not working in my favor.. and time is barely on my side. Firstly, some days ago, my uncle swnt me some money and I bought form for evening program in federal poly. He promised to see me through there because he's a lecturer in the school. Secondly, Earlier this year, my mum's friend, her daughter in America told me to write jamb next year so if I pass she'll sponsor me in nursing school. (I'm not intelligent or even average.. I hate science courses because they give me tough time) Thirdly, on my own, I also plan to write jamb next year and pursue an easier course like Agriculture in our state university.. I'll be sponsoring myself because my aunt in America said she won't sponsor me if I don't study a health related course.
➜ To cut it short, all I need is advice from successful men and women who have made in life.. on this site... From the 3 options above, which should I choose, and what advice to have for me concerning making money online? 🙏🏼🙏🏼 😢

1. The worst thing you can ever do to yourself is try to judge your progress by what you imagine to be others' progress. (Most Nigerians you see out there will not tell you the truth of how depressed they are in their own lives because misery loves company, and yes, all that glitters is not gold.) Stop wondering or thinking about what others are doing or not doing, and focus on your here and now. Make whatever changes you need to make to your present self to get you to where you believe would be were you would like to be tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, etc. Plan your own life according to your own strengths and interests, not those of others.

2. What I am getting from this is that at 25, you have yet to get yourself a college-level education. You already seem to have people interested in helping you get just that. So I suggest I focus your energy from this point forward on ensuring you enter into college next year and also graduate with top grades, so you set yourself high on eventually getting that dream of financial independence.

You can begin the evening Polytechnic program now. (Aim to have that in addition to whatever else may come down the road.) At the same time, study for the Jamb exam next year. And when you finally pass your Jamb(and maybe also finish much of your polytechnic work too), you can do the nursing program or whatever you choose at that point. What is certain is that you would be better informed to make those decisions at that point than you seem able to now. So get to work.

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As for your plans to marry, there are so many married people today who are living in regret, wishing they had not rushed to marry or even that they had never married at all. Some of them even wish they had spent time building their lives better while they were single instead of rushing into marriage with no wealth of knowledge and experience to help them.

Marriage is not an achievement, and it is more of a burden for those who are in it than not. So, yes, it is OK to get married someday, but not before you make sure you are financially independent and know for a fact how to navigate life and living for yourself.

DMCA:
come UnCloth for me

Go tell your mama that one. 🥱🥱

Rynny:
➜ So I n my gf have been dating for over 2 n half years now, but there’s this constant issue I complain bout but she doesn’t seem to do nothing bout it. So she uses the excuses of she’s quick to anger to always insult and render insults on me. If she wants to talk I should listen, but if I try to talk or compelling bout what m not comfy with she takes it that it’s not a convo that m spilling trash. Despite all I’ve endured, she cheated trice I forgave her cos “why not” I felt people learn. But seems all I’ve done to make the relationship not base on age or anything has made her belittle me, she literally talks down on me always she has never appraised nothing I do, she nags and complains I don’t do the bare minimum, this is same person I don’t let do nothing in the house, I’ll wash, clean, do the basic things, while she lay on the bed n scroll TikTok.
➜ I’ve changed in certain ways to make the relationship work but seems all I do is to no avail. Lately she goes on TikTok to all this ladies that talk down on men on how a girl should have two bfs, and I asked her a question “ what have you learnt so far from this TikTok stuff yeah” she said am pained cos the person spills facts that she’s learnt not to let a man control you or if you don’t use your head a man will use it for you, that she wouldn’t blame anybody that cheats, she’s not gonna judge anybody that cheats there are the ones that know why there cheated, that if she’s told I cheated, she wouldn’t be surprised. And then boom old memories kicks in of when she cheated and I’ve sat for 3hrs thinking. And whenever she acts this way my heart tends to raise rapidly like something bad is bout to happen. Please your honest advice would help.😔

You need to break up with her immediately. She cheated one time and didn't learn. Did it a second and then a third time. If you had applied your own logic, you would have noted that you should have left her by now. Stop holding yourself back and leave her. Go find your peace elsewhere.

2. I can't say for a fact whether there is a female version of the redpill movement, which tells women that cheating like men is the way to go, but I know one thing for sure is you and that girl should not be together. Nothing wrong with her spending time on TikTok. My guess is she is a grown-up and can do as she pleases. The problem here is that she has cheated on you three times and has yet to learn from any of that. If you are really not into someone cheating on you, then I suggest you leave her immediately.

Whois:
➜The way you dress is the way you'll be addressed. Indecent dressing will always be a red flag to someone that doesn't want complicated relationship. Know this and know peace

Wrong! That mentality is stewpid reasoning!🥱 🥱🥱

Go ask the many Nigerians who japa-ed and are now in jail for thinking that a person's dressing should dictate their actions towards the individual. 🥱

Ekele22:
✓ I think so. I hardly see babes that give me erections

Ah! I see .. this one sees women as objects for his erection. Have you tried seeing the men to give you erections? Given your OP, I am certain you will be better off looking for men to give you the erection you seek.

JAOS:
😁 you are body shaming women

That's one of the only things tinybrained men so a lot of. That and porn.

Odebayo4010:
Women don't understand sacrifice.
Their father sacrificed for them, therefore they think a man should sacrifice to make them comfortable. If that man doesn't make them comfortable, their hypergamy will make them abandon him and look for a man who will.
They will watch a man bleed financially and they will not lift a finger to help him. They think it is a man's responsibility to suffer, sacrifice and even die for them. Don't sacrifice for a woman who brings you no value.

Your one responsibility, I assume, is to ensure you provide for her financially. (I am assuming this woman handles all of the emotional, physical, and mental labor required to keep the home— and maybe even the children— without demanding that you compensate her for the market value of her labor.) She is literally doing work that, in many sane climes, should earn her at least $120,000 a year for next to nothing. Yet, you wish to see her sacrifice more than that for what? Because you are failing to fulfill your own part of the contract you have with her? 🥱🥱🥱

And you dare to bring her father up as though to suggest that she owed her anything to begin with? Na women wey dey settle for your kind I dey always wonder about. The mentality that would cause a woman to put aside her own life and dreams to settle for such unworthy creatures is beyond me.

You can always date and marry a man instead, since what you want is a sacrifice that women don't know of. Marry a man who does. 🥱🥱🥱Na women wey dey engage these boys I dey always pity. The children caught with such samples for a father deserve the bulk of my sympathy, though. 🥱🥱🥱

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Poor men are ever whining about their measly contribution. Women literally uproot their lives, abandon dreams, put their very lives at stake -- every pregnancy is a literal battle with death for women --- and also offer themselves as free laborers to men in relationships. Yet the one thing the men are reluctant to do without much complaint, the poor man spends his days literally looking for ways to shame the woman for asking him. Nonsense! 🥱🥱

NotOfThisWorld:
Porsha? That's a surprise. I guess that messy divorce with Simon played a role, but Simon has been deported back to Nigeria.

Played a role in magically turning her bisexual, or played a role in convincing her it might be time to try that other side she has previously been keeping under wraps before this point?

Last I heard, all the lesbian women from back during my high school days -- mixed school -- all got married to men. I never stopped wondering about their lesbian side.

toboizilla:
✓ After exchanging pleasantries and she said i wish you all the best in your exam and i said i wish you all the best in life, how is that being rude ?

There is nothing wrong with lovers wishing each other all the best in their exams. However, there are all sorts of wrong with one lover wishing the other "grow and be wise". Worse, given the age gap between you two, it comes off as predatory... something a predator would say to someone, particularly a child, he is grooming/training.

toboizilla:
✓ 15 years older than her, and this happened 3 years ago

Yeah, you were being rude to your gal. And her mother knew it too. And at your age, you are definitely old enough to know what is rude to say to someone you claim to love or at least pretends to. 🥱🥱🥱

It couldn't have been a poor choice of words because only a father or mother or an elder should be able to say such words to their ward. But here you said those words, not once since you felt it OK to repeat them had the mother not raised an issue the first time. You know for a fact that those are disrespectful for lover to utter to another. More like words someone grooming another would say.

toboizilla:
Good day Nairalanders,
I just need some neutral opinions on something that happened between me and my girl.
On her 18th birthday, I posted her picture on my DP and wrote a simple birthday message: “grow and be wise.”
To me, it was just a normal blessing/prayer.
Later on, her mum told her that my caption meant I was indirectly saying she’s not mature. Because of that, my girl wasn’t happy with what I wrote.
Fast forward to yesterday — we were already rounding up our conversation because I told her I had an interview in the next 1 hour and 30 minutes. She even said “I wish you all the best.”
At that point, I said something like:
“I wanted to say ‘grow and be wise’ again, but if I do, you won’t be happy. The last time I said it, your mum sent you to attack me.”
I didn’t mean it in a disrespectful way. I only said it because I didn’t want another misunderstanding like the last time. But now that I think about it, the wording might have sounded somehow.
So my question is:
Did I actually disrespect her mum with that statement, or was it just a poor choice of words out of frustration? I’ll appreciate your honest feedback.

How old are you? I ask because I need to get some context to this "grow and be wise" suggestion of yours to a girl whom you refer to as a girlfriend. 🥱🥱

MedAnon:
✓ *File photo added for illustration

These are signs of anxiety and maybe even depression during those years. As a med student, you must have heard or read about them at some point. Are you still struggling with some of the same? If yes , please go seek professional counseling/therapy so you can rid yourself of this regret over what you may not have had much control over.

harjay1986:
✓ My analogy is base on the 100k you earn per month but yet it not enough for you talk less of marrying with such... Having a Marriage or children is decision... But owning a gadget that will not get you additional money just because your friends have such is tag as what you Want because what you need is some thing that can still do the work of that big price gadget without breaking your account.... Imagine Someone earning 100k now paying a house rent of 450k per annum is that not too much

Buying a gadget is also a decision. So, is marriage/having of children a want or a need?

ultraviolet27:
✓ All the situations you cited aren't applicable to this story now you are just one heartless person naturally his parents didn't suitcase murder him.or his siblings if not he won't be alive to travel out nor was he ever raped when he was little you are so unreasonable and incorrigible

Not trying to hold brief for the other, given that we know absolutely nothing about this boys upbringing except for the fairy tale review brought us by the OP who happens to be a third party with rose goggles on, are you saying it could never have been the case that the man witnessed his parents murdering someone or something along those lines?

I recall reading a story brought here on Nairaland by a lady who said her parents were kidnappers, and she had been complacent until after she turned an adult and decided she no longer wanted to have anything to do with them. However, she didn't have much luck out in the world and was considering contacting them for help. I don't recall much else, but I know that story got on the front page, too. 🥱🥱

All the evil in the world is committed by people, some of whom are also parents. Basically, someone's father and/or mother in Nigeria is are murderer. All those lynchings that take place in that country are done by someone's relatives, father, mother, brother, etc. So, I think we should not discount these possibilities since we know nothing of the facts as far as this story and the reason why the man decided to go no contact. 🥱🥱

yemmit90:
✓ I knew you won't be able to answer those questions, you can see the difference between us now, you rely on Google to approach an issue, while I rely on real life situation or practical experience to do the same.
The earlier you understand that Google only bring people posts/opinions for you as answers (which in most cases could be wrong), the better for you. I have personally seen my posts numerous time on Google search, does that made me an expert or best answers to such issues?
If you can't take your time to get practical knowledge/experience from those who are concerned, you have no right to question my practical knowledge because you lack the same and only depends on others through Google( in which their opinions could be right or wrong).
✓ Until you tell me what is wrong in thinking like Nigerian, or why do you believe thinking like Nigerian is bad, you don't have point but to keep wallowing in whatever thinking mentality you believe is right.

Ah, I see! So, empirical studies that show that adults carry on unresolved traumas from childhood which influence decisions that make even into their later lives are all opinions and in most cases are wrong? Wow.... studies scientific studies that show up when you search Google for results are all wrong and personal biased reviews are better? 🥱🥱🥱

2. What I told you is that your mentality is abso-forking-lutely Nigerian at your core and all through the inches of you. 🥱🥱🥱

harjay1986:
✓One thing many fail to know is the different between need and want... Many people spend their money on what they want every month and end up broke. They fail to recorgnise what they need... Just because your friend is using a phone of 450k now you want to force yourself to have it against your poor earning at the end you get it but hungry dey wire you now you are complaining that your salary is not enough... Haba now.. No be everyone have fast speed in financing in Life ooh

By that, is marriage/having children a need or a want?

yemmit90:
✓ Ok if I could understand you very well, the guy cut off his family probably because of pains or maltreatment he went through during his childhood period?
✓ Ok, If you say kids can abandoned their parents because of the way they treated them, can you highlight example of those bad treatments during childhood that could made someone abandoned their parents?
✓ Lastly, is it a sin to think like a Nigerian when I am indeed a Nigerian?

For you to rule out the possibility entirely despite not knowing anything about the man except for they spewed by a third-party whose narrative reveals he took is a complete outsider in speaks volumes of your mentality. 🥱🥱🥱

2. Why should I waste my time doing any such when you can easily learn these things by making Google your friend? 🥱🥱

3. You are indeed Nigerian at your core. I merely pointed that out since it is obvious from, again, your mentality. 🥱🥱🥱

Wealthyonos:
You can do a small marriage ceremony. You don't have the right to tell me to marry or not, even if I'm jobless. Ozwor

And after doing this small marriage ceremony, everything will magically be taken care of because you have obtained that marriage status, abi?

I am reminded of that imbecilic man sometime earlier this year who could not afford to pay the cost of delivery, only for the wife and unborn child to end up dead. If we check now, the man has moved on to another woman who may also end up 6ft under for the same thing. 🥱🥱

People like you are so unconcerned because, at the end of the day, it is the woman you marry and the children that will suffer the brunt of these bad decisions — their lives will be literally ruined, all because you had to have yourself a wife and child in poverty.

always247:
there was time without pampers and humans survived

. Will you be the one in charge of putting those napkins on your children and washing them? Or are you simply looking for ways to make life a living hell for someone else's daughter, all so you can claim you are married and head over a woman?

yemmit90:
➜I don't just say things withiout having alot of experiences or evidences, I have grown past that stage in my life.
➜ You can equally do the same, try to talk to alot of people in this situation and hear the reason they treated their parents badly or abandoned them.
➜ As for the guy in question, cultural change and bad influence usually made people to abandoned their root. He is not the first, and he won't be the last person who will travel abroad and totally forgot their families in Nigeria. He must have been manipulated to believe he is Russian, and has nothing to do with black race.

1. Well, it turns out that, as grown as you claim to be in whatever stage of your life you are in, you still don't know anything much about kids.

2. I talk a lot to other people... have been doing that for many years on Nairaland, and my posts serve as evidence, and I can clearly tell from all of that you, as grown as you are, have no clue about children.

3. You are definitely yet another one of them close-minded Nigerians who do all that is possible to stay disconnected from the reality of things.

yemmit90:
➜Kids don't use their treatment from the parents to act when they grow up, they only see it as discipline needed to become better person in future. Kids only remember or act when parents neglect or abandoned them and not taking care of their needs when they needed them the most.
➜ This guy is purely manipulated by Rassian wife and culture, and like you had rightly said, his reasons were irrational. His decision to abandoned his people might not be what he wanted but forced to do so by circumstances beyond his power.

1. You don't know much about kids, do you? I understand this mentality that a lot of Nigerians have when it comes to judging their own parents.

2. Oh wow! You have never met the man, but you are already sure that his reason for cutting contact is his wife. Way to go! You are a true Nigerian to your core!

koladata:
Nobody truly loves you except your mother

Tell that one to people whose mothers and/or fathers literally hate them.

Kaczynski:
➜what in the pot are you saying?? you literally saying alchol is good ?? you might as well say sugar is good and diabetes is good ?? you kook

Alcohol and sugar are not bad! They both have their uses and place in our regular diets and lives, just like water.

TheWebbers:
➜Watching alcohol get the better of my Dad. That sheet ruined him completely. A very loving, caring and lovable man but alcohol was his achilles heel. So I decided from a very young age that I will become 100% sober and that I will also never give any addiction a chance. Today, I don't taste alcohol at all, even if its 1%. And I'm also not addicted to anything.

IT was not the alcohol that ruined your father, but his lack of discipline or possibly mental illness that propelled him into ruin. You know this from the fact that there are lots of people out there who enjoy alcohol regularly and are not ruined by it.

P.S. There's alcohol in a lot of the foods that we consume regularly.

⚉ Fruits Ripe and very ripe bananas: The fermentation process can lead to an alcohol content of up to(0.4%) ABV.Other fruits: Ripe fruits like grapes, cherries, pears, and pineapples can also develop trace amounts of alcohol as they ripen.
⚉ Fruit juices: Juices can also ferment over time, especially if unconsumed for a while. 
⚉ Fermented foods Kombucha: A fermented tea drink that can have an alcohol content of (0.5%) to (2%) or higher, especially if home-brewed.
⚉ Yogurt and kefir: These dairy products contain alcohol due to the microorganisms that feed on natural sugars.
⚉ Sauerkraut and kimchi: These fermented vegetables can contain small amounts of alcohol. 
⚉ Baked goods and bread Yeast-based breads: Yeast fermentation creates alcohol in breads like rye bread and burger rolls. Some commercial breads can contain up to (1.18%) to (1.28%) ABV.
⚉ Other baked goods: Many baked goods contain alcohol, particularly through the use of yeast or flavor extracts. 
⚉ Other foods Soy sauce: Can contain a significant amount of alcohol, ranging from (1.5%) to (2%) ABV.
⚉ Vinegar: Especially apple cider and wine vinegars, due to their production process.
⚉ Vanilla extract: Pure vanilla extract has a very high alcohol content (around (35%) to (40%) ABV), but most evaporates during cooking, leaving only trace amounts in the final product.

always247:
I swear to God if i get stable and secure form of income that will fetch me 70k monthly na only death go stop me from getting married

Economy has been steadily getting worse, yet your wish is to see to it that you destroy your life's joy by your own hands? OK naw!

Na woman wey fit deal with you in this hard economy go dey out there on that budget for you to find. I hope you are ready for them, too.

HUSTLER001:
As a single man earning 110K a month, I just cannot sustain until end of the proceeding month. Shey you dey craze ni? Shey feeding, transport,utilities,rent savings,personal effects,e.t.c dey inside d money?

Anyone telling you to go get married in that condition is someone who not only hates you but wants to ensure your life ends up miserable for his gloating pleasure.

MONEY247:
➜Nice points... Combined income of 200k and diversifying streams of income... Would go a long way

Combined income with whom? A woman that Mr.100K would also expect submission from, in addition to treating him as head of her life in marriage, right? Poor men never know wetin don happen to them and their ilk in that country. 🥱🥱

mmsen:
➜ White people turn their backs on their families everyday. They will be in the same city and refuse to interact with them

. Most white people also don't typically have the crowd of traditional/religious folks we have in Nigeria, whose trade in gaslighting victims of abuse into keeping toxic parents— their abusers— close to them. Nigerians are a whole different brand of stewpid, who would minimize other people's trauma so they can claim a miserable win, at least, for their foolish traditional or religious delusions.

itumafriday:
➜That Jesus is the way the truth and the life . That he never fails not matter what .I grew up to realize it's true

The Jesus Christ of Israel who said that only said that He was sent to offer this truth only to the bloodline of Jacob, the man who was named Israel by HIs father. So, for you to claim this story is true for you is also for you to claim you are not blood descended from your Nigerian ancestors but from the man named Jacob. Is this the case?