₦airaland Forum

Danisaint112:
✓ Sad how some people have comprehension issue. I know what you are. I shouldn't have wasted my time educating you on this issue.

Your writeups clearly indicate that your belief is in the onus lying with the child to earn love and fair treatment from you, the parent, by way of respect and obedience towards you. Why take offense when your stance is repeated back to you? 🙄🙄

descarado:
✓ That's harsh and extreme.

It is also very common. Most parents I have met are blind to the way they treat their biological kids.😩

Taiwojon:
✓ So your mom is a deeper life member Yet you have hatred for God and it people. Wow! What an upbringing. What happen to you bro?

See mumu comment abeg! 🫤🙄

I don't destest the deities. With over 4000 out there, it makes no sense to detest any of them. Those whose conducts I detest are your gods of men who use the names of deities they know absolutely nothing of in selling you their political agendas...Men like Kumuyi whose doctrines never seen to make sense and changes with the tides and seasons. 🙄🙄🙄

Most people who fall for these scammers-in-the-lords do so out of desperation....that is how many of them get caught up in that delusional cycle when they are at there lowest. Fortunately for me, I was never able to logically realize a real connection between the numerous contradictory claims that comprise most every religion hence the reason I abhor these manipulators for taking advantage of others by them.

remember:
➜Not possible to love all your children equally due to many factors:
1. Personality differences: Unique personalities and temperaments can create varying bonds.
2. Behavior and character: A child's behavior and character can influence parental affection.
3. Appearance: Physical resemblance to loved ones or personal preferences might affect parental bonding.
4. Intelligence: A child's intellectual abilities or achievements might draw more parental attention.
5. Law of attraction (gender affinity): Parents might naturally bond more with children of the opposite sex. Opposite sex attraction each other, the father will like the daughters more than sons while the mother will like the sons more than the daughters
6. Mood or situation at birth: Circumstances surrounding a child's birth can impact parental feelings.
7. Individual needs and circumstances: Different needs, health issues, or challenges might require more attention.
8. Growth and development: Children might receive more attention during specific growth phases or milestones.
9. Shared experiences and interests: Parents might bond more with children who share similar passions or experiences.
10. Parental biases and expectations: Unconscious biases or expectations can influence parental relationships.

I have seen foster/non-biological parents love their wards equally despite all of the above. I have seen situations where children are afforded the same level of care and love by people not biologically related to them. I have seen cases where a troublesome child is loved to death by both adopted parents and adopted siblings, despite all of the headaches he keeps inflicting on the family and the rest of his siblings.

I say all of that to insist that there are those out there able to look past all you have pointed out to love unrelated children equally and fairly. However, it seems that when the wards are biological, something else seems to get in the way much of the time. At least that is my observation so far.

Celestialsword:
➜small mistakes that you call insignificant,can cause a whole lot of damage

None of the mistakes of my past have ever resulted in damages of the magnitude you describe, though.

Mushi Mushi!

LordReed:
➜Really? It shouldn't matter if the children are well behaved? LoLz. Na wa o. Nothing Musa no go see for gate.

I have been trying to explain from about 4 comments ago that even abusive parents could have well-behaved kids, but you keep conveniently ignoring this fact. 🙄🙄🙄

This is why I don't pay attention much to what most parents say about their kids, because in the end, many are too blind to even reason the true reality of things.

Democracy dates back to the Greek Empire. How can England and America be considered the first, for Pete's sake? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Anyways, from history, we know that the clay which attempted to mix with the Iron is instead the religion of Christianity, the terrible political weakness from within(Iron & Clay) the Roman Empire(Iron) that eventually led to its end. Rome's power was transformed into a political, religious power from which Christianity rules most of its franchises worldwide.

LordReed:
➜Tell me since you are now in my house to know how I treat my children. What explains why they treat me with fairness and equity the same way I treat them.

You keep going on and on about the children's supposed behavior towards you, even after I have explained several times now that it doesn't and shouldn't matter how the kids treat their parents. 🙄🙄

LordReed:
➜LoLz. "...intent on having us believe." You must be mistaking me for someone who gives a shit about what you believe. You are free to believe anything you like. I am here sharing my experience but you don't get to tell me my experience is invalid. I never told you my experience is a template so I dunno what you going on about.

I keep explaining to you that the behavior of the children towards their parents DOES NOT serve as an indicator as far as how the kids are treated by them. And hence should be considered any such. You know this from the fact that there are parents out there whose only biological child treats them like crap no matter how much love they throw the child's way. Yeah, treating someone, especially your child—or your children, for that matter—fairly and equally does not translate to getting the same treatment back.

LordReed:
➜You've seen abused children behave with fairness and equity to their abusers?
➜ And I tell you the effect my fairness and equity has on my children. May be you are not familiar with how well treated children behave that is why you think everything is a sign of abuse.

Children are under NO OBLIGATION to deal in fairness or equity towards their parents or abusers. That you treat your children fairly and equally DOES NOT GUARANTEE that they will reciprocate the treatment, and that is OK.

2. I am quite familiar with how well-treated children behave towards their parent-figures, and I know for a fact that there is no template to this behavior as you are so intent on having us believe.

LordReed:
➜Says who? It is quite a big indicator.
➜ Do you think mistreated children behave the same way well treated children do to their parents?
➜ I am not talking about respect and duty. I am talking about fairness and equity. Maybe you've not seen it before but that is the effect it brought out in mine.

1. Not from what I have seen.

➜ Children don't all behave the same way towards their parents. There are abused children who would obediently and respectfully approach their abusers, some going as far as to cling to them, and then there are those who would distance themselves from their parents. So, using their behavior alone does not work.

3. But this discussion is in regards to fairness and equity are meant to be from the parents towards the children, regardless of the children's behavior, though.

parags:
➜The moment you accept that not all people are built or conditioned like you , the easier life becomes .

I have never believed that people are built and conditioned the same as I, though. I have instead realized that when dealing with people, it is best to do so wisely rather than not to.

LordReed:
➜I am one of those self aware parents. My kids know I am even handed when it comes to how I interact with them. And I am not just saying it, it reflects in how they treat me in return.

That last statement of yours makes me question the first. The way children treat their parents has little to nothing to do with how the parents treat them. So, the way your children treat you can't really be used as an indicator of your love for them.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ujhn1JdOSB4?si=DszFVFpBb2c--Pgg
We see this a lot in homes across Nigeria, where you are bound to find some of the worst parents on earth have some of the most respectful and dutiful children.

Lovelies1:
If going by the the Biblical Prophecy by Daniel. Concerning the nation that will dominate the world. We know we are on the last phase which is the iron and the clay.. which kingdom or country should we be looking at.

None of this is true! Daniel's prophecies were recorded about his country and people in the land of Judah, which was under captivity at the time.

Iron is the Roman Empire, which was the last of the Empires that ruled over Judah during the final days. The Clay is a religion of Christianity— a political system— that came from within the Roman Empire, the weakness that led to its eventual destruction/transformation into what we have today.

Doxy1:
➜Enugu native doctor, Ezeani, dedicating his newborn twins to the gods has surfaced online amid his arrest over alleged human rituals.

Oh, come on naw! 😩😩😩😩😩

DaGC:
➜The question still stands Sir🙄

Do you need to be in the judiciary to acknowledge the facts stated, or something?

DaGC:
➜Ogbeni, you be Judiciary? This one you are always keen on agreements before any action

A relationship between two human beings is an agreement. Yes, that relationship you have with your parents, your siblings, your beau, your friends... all agreements with contract/agreement details explicitly or implicitly stated.

Danisaint112:
➜Being treated equal is different from love. Don't mix it up. Only an irresponsible parent promote partiality.
➜ A parent can love all their children but there would always be one they would always love and cherish more and this is usually tied to their character.
➜ It’s either the child has a bad character and the parents support evil, or the child upholds good character and the parents hate evil. This is a fact that has been known for ages.
➜ Maybe you are used to insulting your parents or talking back at them reason you found my harmless comment offensive.

1. In what ways?

2. So, the parent is said not to love and cherish all the children equally, abi? or what else are you saying here.

3. Ah, I see! So, children with bad characters should be loved and cherished less than children whose characters you, the parent, perceive as good and fitting?

4. Children who are disrespectful to parents should be loved and cherished less, right?

And one would wonder why I insisted that only biological parents who are at least self-aware can truly love their children and do so equally.🙄🙄

tiswell:
➜Your personal beliefs doesn't negate the efficacy of the African heritage. You are on your own

. Pay attention! 🙄🙄

The key here is that not all Africans believe in your African traditions, so do not go around imposing your traditions on others in relationships and marriage. The assumed efficacy of ideas you hold is your personal belief. Make certain that you clearly draw out the details of your expectations and roles in every situation when dealing with others.

shoboy9:
@OP can you discipline your kids equally?

Why not?

Psoul:
➜Nature did not permit living everyone equally even when those people are doing the same thing for you. Even God the Creator of all, picked Israel as His favorite people.
As a parent, there is this your child that understands every of your body languages, the child is always around you. That will always be your favourite.It doesn't mean that the gap between the child and others will be so wide that it will make the others feel uncared for.
Most times, that your favorite is not always the one you give things more than the others. My favorite is that one that I always call and send on errands cos I know he/she will deliver very well more than others. If I want to go out, I'll go with that one. The others will even be feeling that they have more time and space to play while the favorite is always around me not having time to play.
But they will not understand that they're are things he/she is learning that will help him/her in future more than them. I still disciplines my favorite child same way I do to others.The others know that because my favorite is always close to me, is easier for him/her to tell me what he/she needs especially school stuff or casual entertainments. Do they will always come to my favorite and request that he/she should go and tell Daddy that they want so so and so things.
Him/her bn the favorite had never bn an issue in the house cos I never allowed myself to treat the favorite far better than the rest.

Nature and your gods have nothing to do with what is clearly a human behavioral problem. I have seen foster parents — non-biological parents, by the way— capable of loving their children equally. However, I have yet to meet biological parents who can do the same. It is weird.

Antichristian2:
Everyone is here to promote their own denomination!

It is the same thing you muslims also do. Even Buddhists, Hindus, etc., do the same... promote their own denomination.

tiswell:
Are you an African man?

Again, I disavowed African traditions from when I began realizing how insane many of them are. Plus, I didn't get a vote on any of the ideas, and I don't see the logic in living by standards that do not benefit me or my future in any way.

DaGC:
➜Honestly, you don make me dey laugh for this my break🤣😂. You sound like a hedge fund manager with marriage, I mean no disrespect 🙏🏿. It's just that it's not often you see some Nigerians speak with so much 'logic' about life issues. We are human beings, some certain parts of life is to be experienced and not because you signed an agreement that forces you to experience it.

Your statement immediately reminds me of the many people out there who lend money to friends and family members without written proof of such a transaction. They claim that the trust, or is it a bond between them, should be enough to carry the agreement. But, after some time has passed, many of these same people come back wondering why their debtors would not pay them back the money owed. Some treat them like beggars when they go asking to be paid the money borrowed. When such people complain, I can't help but see them as fools who deserve the treatment they keep getting.😐

Sigh! You are free to continue experiencing your unsigned realities with others. It's just that...don't complain about it later on, abeg! 😐😐

DaGC:
➜Contract ke?😂🙆🏿‍♂️. It's not meant to be static, but dynamic.. Baba, it's a process. Of course things will definitely change, but talking about it and trying to make changes to make it work (action) goes a long way to keep it going.

Contracts can be updated every anniversary and so on. It does not have to be static, but it is better than nothing at all. Communications and agreements are better when backed by written agreements. That much we have learnt, and this model works even in family and romantic relationships.

LordReed:
➜Interesting. I'll give machine wash a try.

I heard in places like Japan, there are now washing machines designed exclusively for washing sneakers when out and about. They are usually coin-operated and come with a drying unit as well.

Britishpea:
➜Look no one is smart enough to notice all things before marriage...Even if you do, love and some other factors including(i have to get married)might make you not to see them as big deals...

This is wrong!🙄🙄🙄

Lots of people plan around these things before marriage. They even go as far as to sign contracts to ensure they understand their expected roles after marriage. It is kind of like signing a contract when seeking to have a roommate. You pay attention to these same things. So why would you not pay attention to them when it comes to marriage?

DaGC:
➜I agree with everything you said this time.👍🏿
In the end sha, communication and actions goes a long way in fixing relationships/marriages. It is never perfect🙄

Marriage is an agreement. If you both communicate the roles you will each occupy in marriage, sign a contract to that end, and ensure you work towards keeping your end of the bargain, then fine. Never place your bet on what you think or have seen at one time or heard alone. Why? Because individuals have a right to change... we are humans... and we don't necessarily do it the way others expect us to.

Betnomore:
That is bad parenting. Simple as ABC. Favoritism should be in ones mind and not obvious in action

. But our actions are typically driven by our thoughts.

Danisaint112:
➜It happens when they are all responsible, but 99% of the time, it doesn’t. The reason it doesn’t happen is because of the bad character children exhibit. Respect you see begins at home and reflects in Life. Discipline and respect often determine how much love and blessing children receive from their parents. While responsible parenting is key, children also play a major role. Those who are obedient and loyal tend to experience deeper affection and support. Unfortunately, when children talk back, disrespect, or even harm their parents, it creates emotional or physical wounds that can affect the relationship permanently.
Personally, even as an adult, I would never raise my voice at my mother—let alone insult her. When I see others do it, I’m genuinely shocked.
Respect is powerful. It’s often the reason people return—even after mistakes. A man may err, but if the woman he’s with carries herself with deep respect and dignity, he’ll often come back, humbled. As men, we don’t mind going the extra mile or making sacrifices for a woman who is respectful, wise, and loyal. Sadly, many marriages fail today not because of lack of love, but because of lack of mutual respect. Whether you’re a son, daughter, husband, or wife—respect is a foundation you can’t afford to ignore.

I can't believe what I just read?

See what I mean about parents needing to be self-aware to recognize the problem. Just imagine this poster attempting to provide justification for why children should not be treated equally by their parents. He even suggests that children who don't show parents enough respect and loyalty should be loved less. 😩😩😩😩😩

Coly2012:
➜Kids are human, you can't love them all equally just as you don't love you siblings and parent equally, as a father I found out that I have come to love me boys differently based on their personalities,intelligency and gifts.
All I do is to show them how i love them equally but deep down I no what I feel about each of them .
I have taken time to ask them severally who they think is dad's favorite, and every time they always say different thing because even them are confused just like their mother.
E no eazy at all to mentain order and sanity.

No dey deceive yourself. Your children are aware of the imbalance. They might lie to you in order to make you feel good about yourself, but they are aware!