₦airaland Forum

Tripitaka:
Oh well. People can find love and fulfilment anywhere; in the arms of someone from a different race, ethnicity, religion or even political leaning.

That said, I personally advise people to marry within their ethnic group, unless you're truly a cosmopolitan citizen. This doesnt make me intolerant or culturally unaware, but I wholly trust that intending couples will be well served when in "familiar surroundings".

Culture as we know it cuts across a host of sociocultural boundaries. It isn't just about food, clothing and language. Culture isn't what we learn in school; we start inhaling it the moment we are born.

Culture in a marital context dictates how your spouse treats you and how they may react in the face of marital crisis; in fact it impacts on the method of crisis management that may be deployed and the extent f parental interference.

What is your definition of familiar surroundings? Like the first poster indicated, people grow up in different parts of the country from which they were born. So what would be familiar to such a person? You most likely know little to nothing about your "ethnic group" such as the language, clothing or food and know much more about another.

How do you therefore return back to a group of people you are unfamiliar with but your extended family maybe familiar with to settle down? What would be the basis for that?

IME1:
I don't know why issues come up with inter marriages?

My father's father, my father's mother are from different tribes, I mean tribes that don't have one word similar in meaning or pronunciation
My mother's father, my mother's mother are from different tribes and different parts of Nigeria...

Can you beat that? That gives me 4 different names and an English surname to just cover it all up

My siblings also inter married and I am open to inter marriage because it's never about where you come from but who you are.

I know some Ibo people born and raised in Yoruba land and don't reflect their tribe but where they grew up.
I know a number of Hausa/Fulani who were born and bred in Ibo land and speak fluent Ibo and don't know road to the north or anything about the culture.
Finally I know and met many Yorubas who were born and grew up in the north and speak fluent Fulfude and eat and cook Hausa food with no interest in their tribes' food or cultures.

If only we can see past the things that divide us and embrace and celebrate the very things that unite and bind us, then would we have a beautiful country and blissful family units

Your case is amazing and is exactly the kind of family I would love to the see more of and be involved with. Nigerians are held back by some of the silliest and most ignorant ideologies.

Like you rightly stated there are lots of people brought up in entirely different parts of the country but are the end of the day expected to go back and marry someone from their "state of origin" because those are the people they are somehow "familiar" with. How does that make any sense?

This topic is majorly for the married couples and those who have witnessed inter-tribal marriages or have first hand information about such.

A lot of the times we see couples whom intend to settle down being faced with issues arising from differences in tribal groups, often times these issues are not raised by the couples themselves but by family members. However, I feel like people are not given a clear enough picture as to why being from different ethnic groups should be a hindrance to love and compatibility in other aspects.

The aim of creating this thread is to find out the possible issues that could arise when going into inter-tribal marriages and if possible, first hand accounts of experiences with these form of marriages and how their various issues were or can be tackled.

IvarDboneless:
that's BDSM plus Abuse fetish...some even tie a soft rope round her neck and move her like a dog while she's totally nude. flog her with soft rope and still fucking her in doggy style...things girls do for money. na wa oo.

M nt into degrading women like dogs and it has to be someone I have feelings for cus if i dont av feelings for her how do i even get angry. Plus, there is dis crazy possessive high i get when it feels like she belongs to me, usually wen m fucking her i would want her to say she belongs to me.

My craziest fantasy is BDSM but not in the movie kind of way. I like when my girl annoys me and I beat her silly but not to the extent of drawing blood, then she would cry n beg me to stop. Finally when am done i would apologise to her and forcefully Bleep her as shes still crying and telling me she doesnt want to. Finally, i would cook for her and feed her.

Amumaigwe:
Virgins are easier to satisfy on bed. They will not require a caterpillar to pass through their tunnel for hours to get the job done. That is why smart guys now date only virgins. Men have nothing to prove to you or anyone.

Thats why your "virgins" keep asking for no sex before marriage and the "smart guys" keep falling for it, while their "virgins" are steady receiving a strong dick on the side and still collecting your money.
At the end of the day, "smart guys" run to nairaland wailing and asking for advice

We are tired of these stories. Pls if you want to get married as a virgin look for a fellow virgin and live your "happily ever after".

Who are the young ladies sleeping with?
This tells you that not only the ladies are to be blamed but the men as well. Like the saying goes "it takes two to tango".

If men and women are taught that there are consequences for their actions, these issues would drastically reduce, but when only one party is told to behave while the other party is allowed to behave as they wish, we are all just deceiving ourselves.

Like Jesus said, let he who is without sin be the first to cast a stone.

No one can know what exactly you are going through. But I want you to put all faith and hope in God that things will only get better. If u have friends pls talk to them, especially a friend who u can pour ur heart out to.

Sadly, nt every one gets to have parents whom they can talk to and i know that because i av been der b4. I had bad things happen to me and i couldnt talk to mine because they didn't believe me. Over time i learnt to rely on myself and friends for emotional support. Also, the one thing i promised myself is dat i would make it in life so i dont av to rely on anyone and no one would get to use me like that ever again.

So please, pick up the pieces of your life, u dont have to be at ur best right now but just keep moving, find a purpose, reasons to keep living and to be happy. Dont let these people define who u r please. I wish u d very best.

The issue with women before anyone else is themselves. Women bring down their fellow woman, insult her and call her names all in a bid to feel self righteous. This is not the case with men, men would hail themselves and make each other feel good about their "accomplishments". How then can men be supportive of women when they aren't even supportive of themselves.

Another issue is who trains these men? Most attimes their mothers, what do their mothers teach them? That if they have sex its alright because they are men but if a woman does shes a slut. They teach him its ok to impregnate girls and abandon them, because hes a man and can do as he likes. Aren't these all wrong? Revolution of womens sexuality begins with the women.

The truth is whether we accept it or not women are beginning to embrace their sexuality and the sooner they stand up, support one another and teach the future generations of men that there are consequences for their actions both as men and women, the sooner they can be accepted by society.

I think your answer is in your write-up, hes caring and considerate with a good mind towards you. He is therefore a person who deserves your support, I advice that you help him in his time of need.

When you give, you should do it with the mindset that givers never lack and it is more blessed to give than to receive. But also be cautious to give what you know you can let go of and would not affect you negatively.

Lastly, do not allow your past relationship experiences affect your present and future negatively. Relationships are to be learnt from, avoid making the same mistakes twice but be carefully to consider the circumstances surrounding and the attitudes of the individuals involved.

This is wonderful information and serves as a very inspiring story to all who are going through similar situations. I am glad that your aunty is doing well and i pray she remains consistent in taking of her medication.

Nigerians can be really ignorant and its surprising that so many of them have phones and data yet do not use it. There have been so many advances in the treatment and management of various health conditions. So many diseases are no longer considered as deadly as they were 10 or 20 years ago.

BluntTheApostle:
Yes, it is possible that he is saying the truth.

Criminals try never to leave a trace. So, they killed the wife, sedated the husband, and they must have probably put his fingerprints on the weapons that they used.

Do we have forensic experts in Nigeria. I don't suppose we have.

So, the husband can't get out of this. All the evidences are against him. The criminals made sure they left no trace.

All these is supposing the man is innocent.

It is highly unlikely that he is telling the truth.
The scene looks like there was a violent struggle which is often seen in crimes of passion. The fact that he didnt cover up, clean up or dispose of the body could be because he did not predmediate the crime and didnt have a plan for what to do afterwards, so he stayed on hoping and planning towards an opportunity to get rid of it.

There have been cases of people staying in the same place as their victims for this reason. Some even go as far as having people over just to make it seem that everything is fine.

Eberechi24:
... Without any damage to your vagina.

Lol, your main concern is the vagina not necessarily the pain and stress.

The vagina is the major concern in this case but also theres reduced pain and stress especially in our world where women are not as active as they used to be and have to be in labour for hours or even days and still have their vaginas torn and stitched back when all that can be avoided with a procedure that takes about 20 mins.
Not to even mention the incontinence which is also a risk. Yes the recovery phase may be a longer than with normal delivery but theres always a disadvantage to anything.

Mcslize:
Abortion is a sin. You don't whatsoever have any justification for it. When having sex, always put at the back of your mind that releasing inside a female vægina will yield life.

Now, if you were aborted by your parents, would you have been alive?

Abortion is a murder case. That is why you need to be smart when making out with a lady. It is either you use a protection or if you are that smart, you withdraw (withdrawal method).

I have always said it; there is no justification for a grown man to impregnate a girl when he knows he is not ready to have a baby.

I am not that dull to ejaculate inside a girl and expect her not to be pregnant. Guys should use their senses when it comes to making out with girls. Don't get too carried away and ejaculate inside and when a child is formed, you will be planning of terminating it. A life that can end up being your savior in the future.

Say no to abortion!

All the serial killers and criminals of today werent they all babies once. Werent they all a result of normal conception? There is no telling what a child would be good or evil, so that should not be a reason to bring a child into the world when you are not well prepared. If my parents had aborted me, we would never know and BTW, i hope you know that the body is a house 4 d spirit so quite frankly you dont even know what happens to the spirit in such a situation.
Your reasons are not good enough. Women have the right to decide what to do with their bodies instead of bringing babies whom they cant fend for.

magkhan:
Had my first baby 8 months ago and I did not experience any of the above except episiotomy. It was very painful and itchy for the first four days. I remembered praying for the pains to go away. I woke up on the fifth day and had zero pain. Like without warning it just stopped.

That said, my next baby Will be via elective cs. Can’t go through that labour thing again.

I often tell women that this is the best option to avoid stress and unnecessary pain. Dont mind anyone telling you that its dangerous. All u need to do is go to a reputable hospital and you would have your baby in less than 20 minutes without any damage to your vagina. Remember, hospital not maternity home.

Year 2022, would be 25

I think what happened in your case is a situation of a girl who bleeds multiple times after being disvirigined. I have experienced it.

This particular girl i knew had been disvirgined by her previous boo and had a sex a few more times but then didnt have it for a few months and bled so much the next time she did. For the first three years after being disvirigined if she didnt have sex for a few months blood would come out as though shes having sex for the first time.

I also heard that it is more common with chubby girls.

Is this nigga ok at all? So he has the right to misbehave just because he is a man but the woman should keep herself irrespective of his bad behaviour. Please in the name of God let her go and go for a woman you can use and rub shit in her face.
The bible says love your neighbour as you love yourself but clearly you are a very selfish person and do not deserve a sincere person but someone who is as selfish and self serving as yourself.

I am glad when i see stories like this. Sexuality for a number of us isn't strictly defined, it covers a whole spectrum and even fluctuates from time to time. Despite trying to cover up our needs so as to meet up with societies standards, the body wants what it wants.

I remember my first same sex experience, it happened when i was 5, i spoke out and my family got to know and i was beaten throughly. Afterwards i learnt to keep it secret. There were so many encounters but suprisingly i and the people i had them with dont even mention it when we see.

I was molested a few times by the opposite sex when i was younger and i feel that was what made me seek solace in the same sex. Quite frankly i was scared of the opposite sex.

Through all my encounters i had never actually climaxed till the last partner i had. I told the person that i had never climaxed because i am not gay but i just like to be with someone of the same sex for the comfort and excitement. The person was persistent and kept pushing till the day i came like i had never come in all my life. I became a slave to my partner, nothing had ever felt so good. That was when the realization of my sexuality dawned on me.

However, life got in d way and we went to different schools. I was finally introduced to the wonders of the opposite sex. i enjoy it very much but every now and again i miss the good old days. I am happy when i see that i am not alone in this.

Mcslize:
Abortion is a sin. You don't whatsoever have any justification for it. When having sex, always put at the back of your mind that releasing inside a female vægina will yield life.

Now, if you were aborted by your parents, would you have been alive?

Abortion is a murder case. That is why you need to be smart when making out with a lady. It is either you use a protection or if you are that smart, you withdraw (withdrawal method).

I have always said it; there is no justification for a grown man to impregnate a girl when he knows he is not ready to have a baby.

I am not that dull to ejaculate inside a girl and expect her not to be pregnant. Guys should use their senses when it comes to making out with girls. Don't get too carried away and ejaculate inside and when a child is formed, you will be planning of terminating it. A life that can end up being your savior in the future.

Say no to abortion!

Theres no where in the bible where it was said that abortion is a sin. You have no proof that a foetus has a soul, the same way you have no proof that animals have souls. Whether you accept or not women have the right to choose what happens to their bodies and i would always choose termination than bringing someone who would suffer for no good reason. My opinion, you are entitled to yours.

I dont know why so many people are still against abortions especially in situations of confusion and doubt such as this. It is the reason why we have so many children without a sense of direction roaming around now. Children need a safe, stable environment to grow and when that is not available, its better that the need for children is put on hold. However we are human and mistakes happen. Please if you have no means of taking care, do find a safe way and abort it, nothing will happen to you and also whoever your heart decides to settle on should know the whole truth. Who ever will love you will do so irrespective of your past mistakes.

I dont even get what is with all these nonsense talk about her keeping herself and being wrong for having slept with the guy, who ever tells this to the men who open threads about sex? Or u dont know those guys are also sleeping with women? Society needs to stop having double standards for men and women. We are all judged the same before God.
Dear OP, pls let no one tell you how you should live your life or guilt trip you. Any man who will be with you sincerely, will be because of who you are and not because of his selfish need to feel like a conqueror. We all deserve love, I suggest you patiently wait for yours it will come in due time.

Mandeyy:
It's not true. The man wasn't selfish when he got married to her. A certain woman said her husband had this very problem, but both of them sought a solution together. That's love; that's the true meaning of marriage - for better or worse. In this case, this woman has a very high libido, and she doesn't want to help her man to find a solution to his problem. And she used the sex exploits she had with some men in the past to judge her man. The man may even be ok in bed for other women.

The man was selfish because he could have found ways to improve his sex life and make her happier but he didnt. Instead he was content with letting her suffer because he was getting what he wanted. The woman wanting better is just human nature, am nt saying she doesnt have her faults but still the man could have done better. When men complain that their wives dont try to look sexy anymore and tie wrapper around the house,what does society say? That the woman should dress sexy and do better to please her man, so why cant a man do same for his wife?

BiggyB242:
A relationship/marriage strive because each party has something to benefits. We all marry that man or woman for a reason.

We all do things with the hope of benefits. But while striving for these benefits we shud ensure we make the other party happy. Love is sacrifice. We shudnt b selfish about our wants. Satisfying ourselves while leaving the other person wanting is not fair and rarely ends well.

Mad o

I honestly dislike individuals who marry for selfish reasons. In this case, both the man and the woman married each other for their own selfish reasons. She married him for financial stability while he married her because she was "too" good in bed as well as having some other characters I am sure. This is unfair to both parties in the long run and can not be sustained, love is selfless and the sooner we learn to show selfless love the better for us all.
P.S. The man should have just found a way to up his sex game. Its not that hard, women need sexual love too.

I honestly don't believe there is anything wrong with you. The issue is that so many women are not in touch with their sexuality hence see sex as an obligation or a favour they are doing for the man. I go for as long as you mentioned and even more frequently with my girl and she barely complains, she enjoys it so much. My advice to you is to get into a relationship with a girl who is sexually "woke" and whose sex drive is in tune with yours. When you find that person you would never have those complains instead she would be initiating it.

In my opinion, ladies kiss and tell much more than guys do, But they often tell only close friends. They avoid telling casual friends, roommates or family members.

Mobree:

Wow... that's interesting! Will you be marrying her irrespective then?

That would depend on her not being pretentious anymore. If i notice she is still about dat life. I am out

Mobree:
Oh... a case of retaliation.. Are you still with that your gf?

Yes we r still together.