₦airaland Forum

UPDATE.

Everything has normalized now!, Thanks to my sister in law, Feeding fee is entering steady now, and I can now take care of other things...

yomsad:
My 5months salary... Chai

My 2 years Npower salary..... Choi Chai.... NA WA OOOO... SEEE LIFE.

Kudos man,You are a unique typical example of a specie who acts on the saying "" DO UNTO OTHERS, WHAT YOU'LL HAVE THEM DO TO YOU"""..

HE MUST HAVE A LOT OF EMPATHY...

That means iyabo Ojo, will have so many people to sue..... U don't joke with your kids..... U don't take shit from anyone who talks thrash about them... Then be prepared to sue so many people then.

PopeFlatino:
Have they helped before?...that's d question,am not used to begging because before this year I have been very industrious..but things aren't Rosy as before,am even loosing prestige...I don't have option than to seek for their assistance for d first time,,all of them failed respectively

You're right bro!, but remember nobody owes you anything, try to imagine if tables were turned, U may probably do same, and even if u won't..... It still remains your choice.... Always have it at the back of your mind that nobody owes u a thing...
When you go about with that mindset, ull do better for yourself...

Uyi168:
Not being born is the best thing ever.. To die immediately u are born is the second best thing

I quite agree with u......

PopeFlatino:
U know one thing I realize in this present world,, People expecially Relatives won't pay attention to u until u die..am a Living testimony,Since this year I have been suffering massively like never before but no one cares,suicide isn't an option yet but with d way am depressed and broke I pray I survives it..

I will go on Facebook to make a post like "so depressed" or any possible message accross to interested ones,all of them will start famzing u publicly , asking u on comment "Nna wats d problem?"... but once u inbox d relative that u need little cash to solve ur problem he /she will snub u or block u.

To d extent dat I even begged for 2k here on nairaland and a guy messed me up with joke..

But once u die ,all of them go just contribute #10k or more for ur burial...

In summary,We should learn to detect signals earlier,if u have help a brother before it turns soar

But for how long will they continue to help u, if that's the case, everybody will become beggars and nobody will do the work...

iomoge2:
no
You won’t be perceived as deceptive

If it’s jollof rice you want to give your child adding a few spoons for the other child won’t hurt
If it’s snacks as you say give them both
When it finishes
They will know it’s finished

But like Zaynie said up there
What you need is a source of income
Your own income
No one says the man must have more
You can have more if you want to
I for one isn’t scared of getting my hands dirty

Women are out there making money
You are learned
You have a smart phone
There are businesses you can do with Zero capital
Drop shipping is one
You can do errands n make money
You can add housecleaning to your dry cleaning business and
Don’t be comfortable with your 30k package
Start a side hustle and with time you won’t need the package again

Let your hubby do what he knows how to do
You are smart and can do yours too

Go on instagram and follow influencers
Laura ikeji posted some business you can start with twenty thousand not to long ago
Someone else posted zero naira biz
Just find your passion

You sre not wicked as you stated
You sre just on one tight budget
Get out of your comfort zone

Zaynie has a business class coming up soon. Check her dairy she wrote about it
I advise you join in snd you will learn so much
What ever the amount for the class; I am willing to pay for you.
Just show interest
Contact her. She knows how to collect her money from me
There is so much money to be made out there


Hugs

Oh my!...... Thanks so much Sister.... Uve been very very helpful.... I'll contact her ma... Zaynie has touched my life in so many ways that she can never imagine...

Ameeria:
Wow! Things have really escalated. Indeed,take it easy with him. I'm in strong support of you making sure he fends for the bread at home, considering the latest addendum he brought in. However, I think you should not allow faces to tear beyond repair while at it.

I hate it when money makes a mockery of people's peace. May God in heaven bless you and your family beyond expectations. 30k for the whole month earning is beyond low fa...small towns have a way of ridiculing ones qualifications when compared to earnings. It is well.

Amen.... Thanks sis

Shauron1:
[uote author=Laeroy post=78313583]

I want to ask a simple question, is your husband on nairaland?. If he's not I think you need to be very careful with your utterances here. All these your questions and ranting ought to be anonymous, but almost all your personal information are here online, I can already locate your house because I stay in ijebu ode. How will your husband feel if he sees how you expose your private lives online with loads of insults and I don't care attitude. Please you need to be more mature about your personal relationship and dealings. Thank you

Thank You Sir.

UPDATE......

So Because he dropped 2,000 naira for dinner, he began to tell me the story of my life, I said it! he was expecting that I assist him when the house was dry, ranting in front of his sister that if he said he doesn't have money the he meant it but for me I'll have money and pretend like I don't, I replied telling him that he isn't the only one who knows how to mortgage his Salary leaving us to feed on the crumbs that comes from laundry ,infact I said right in front of his sister that he is so wicked and heartless that he brought her and the kids without having proper plans for us expecting me to cover up his financial struggles, I told him point blank that he cant dictate how I manage my finances too, that I can equally use up all my finances too and fold my hands that I have nothing, Oga I reiterated not everybody can be as cold and insensitive as you are, u mortgage all your salary, and always go about with almost empty wallets so that we can see u have no money, he replied asking if he should use all his money for feeding? I said set some aside for feeding, the money from laundry isn't enough....Na so he enter room begin dey iron clothes wey customer wan collect tomorrow....


N.B: Wetin even pain me pass be say he wan paint to his sister say na only him get and dey do everything for the house , say me I no dey do anything, immediately I begin dey list everything I get for the house, say if I go comot here today na so so so and so be my own, i am not leaving here empty handed, make their brother no think say na only am get everything wey dey dat house....IF I NO REPLY AM, SHE GO DEY WITH THE MENTALITY SAY NA HER BROTHER GET EVERYTHING WEY DEY The HOUSE...Na Im make am vex enter room to dey iron clothes.......rubbish and ingredient...


TO BE CONTINUED

Triniti:
“My husband is from a poverty stricken background “ this op Na real witch, how can you say such a thing about the father of your kids? The audacity!

I meant to write humble background.....but it was poverty stricken that crossed my mind at that time. .. besides u wey I dey tell I don't even know u from Adam ...so u can only imagine who my hubby and I are.....
Oh yea, I came here to rant and did got some real good advice....Till then, continue to imagine who I am...

ImaIma1:
Madam as I said in another post...at this point, do what you can afford to do especially as you are not even getting any kind of support from your husband.

Maybe when your husband sees that there's no food for his sister, he will step up, or the sister will leave when she sees that she has to be responsible for herself and her kid.

Except a miracle happens, my sister this condition has been like this for 5 years and counting, for 5 years we have never bought food in bulk, except I buy with my money with the hope that he will return it... NA lie, the other time we had food in bulk was after the burial, but unfortunately or fortunately, it was consumed under 3 weeks during the holidays when inlaws came for holiday, except he changes his thought pattern and begin to set aside some money for feeding from his income, I don't think situations can change except like I said A MIRACLE HAPPENS, sister in law can only leave when the house is renovated and she gets a cp tenants or if there's fund to rent an house for herself.....
Let me get used to the new change.

Lumpyy:
This is where i am sure all the wahala is springing up from,wait o,do you WISH it was only your husband that cares for EVERYTHING?it seems to me you are holding a grudge cos of the 20%(as stated earlier) u put into the family,if a man is capable of dropping 100% funds for the family,FINE but if he recieves only over /100k and u said he does 80% of food,find peace with it and encourage him to get better,the inner anger will fuel situations that is not warranted madam!!

He pays the house rent, I pay the shop rent (30k difference), no water nor nepa bills, no generator, fuels car to his place of work except on Sunday that he carries is to church, he saves for the kids, I do same (same amount for both kids), u drop money for feeding when u like, u pay child's school fees, I'm responsible for every other thing that concerns her except when she's ill.... U mortgage your finances, to finance ur housing project, education plus helping your family , and rely on the stipends that comes from laundry business (which I set up, I had to stop my involvement in the business' because I was practically feeding the family given my input in the job) to feed the family, u don't help me with any of the house chores plus the baby sitting etc and u expect me to salvage your present predicament...

No I can't......forgive me for ranting.... It's just a way of letting out the steam bottled up inside me....

BTW, I'm putting out my big Gen, geepee tank and washing machine for sale....send me a mail..... And I'll send u pictures of the equipments... Location is ijebuode ogun state.

ImaIma1:
We both know that the Op's issue is not just financial but mostly the attitude towards her inlaws. She rightly said that she would do it for her own sister and kids but not for her inlaws. Is the money to do it for her family coming from a different place? She described her inlaws as poverty stricken.

My point is not for her to accommodate all her inlaws but to handle the situation wisely.

Don't I have a right to choose what to do with my money and likewise who to do it for.... My dear if Ive got all the money in the world... Dat which I can do is what I will do..... So u want me to ensure enough provisions dey ground, so she no go see reasons to comot here..... Make we dey here dey drink the garii and concoction rice together.... She naaaa jammmm

DonTim1:
Op, I tell you sincerely, you are not wicked! And your actions are not insane, the problem is money!!!

When there's enough money, you would even want in laws to come often, worst case, you create their own in law area to avoid 'nuclear family interference'.

Although, hubby broke rule, the woman had the option of returning to family house, I think you should discuss with hubby how long you guys are willing to host her for and how you intend to help her when leaving so everyone has peace.

I repeat, money is the problem, no one is wicked, money has a way of making you kind and show love.

Wow, how did u know this.... Initially when she came to join I had mixed feeling in the sense that I was like hmmm this one she came to join us, I know she will be doing some small small amebo about some certain things that go on in here, but on a second thought, I was happy that I will be able to feed well again under him because he will not love to make his sister go hungry but I lied, that same punishment he was giving the kids and I is what he is doing to us presently, still expecting me to savage the situation..... Iro nla..... I pray next week gets better, if not the famine will continue, make we see person wey go tire......

She was asking if she can buy ewedu and eja didin make we take chop eba... I say it's welcomed..... If she like make she dey feed me.... It's my right, ma their house I dey.

faithfull18:
I can definitely relate. Is your husband from Ondo state? There's a reason I am asking. How does one spot this kind of trait in a man before getting married to him.

Men who still live single lives while married, men who are heroes outside their home but are something else inside, men who don't care what their wives and children eat and wear as long as they are satisfied.
These men enjoy soaking garri because they don't want to spend money, once they manage to pay school fees, they don't do any other thing because they know their wives can handle it when it isn't their responsibility and most of them are usually from very humble backgrounds.

Can it be upbringing??

I have actually noticed a trend.

Yes upbringing I think, he is from a polygamous home, And both women were living separately with their father instructing them they should feed their children while he takes care of their school fees, he insisted that exactly will play out in his family too, we have had numerous argument about the matter as I can't force him to give us money for feeding... So I resolved that whenever he drops we are fine.... If he doesn't (prior to his sister arrival), I take the rest up...
Now that his sister is here, she does most of the cooking, I hand over the cooking to her... Let her do whatever she wants.....
There's that thing about blood, hmmmm let me stop here..

sisisioge:
Oma ga ke? Who did you offend? Biko don't cook soup and put in your wardrobe. Better do beverages and eat out. Why is the oga like this fa? It is well. May the good awesome wonderful way maker who we all call God bless your home fa. Brokenness is seriously offensive! Whew!

Do beverages and eat out until when exactly ......my sister, that will eat my pocket deeper??
I will proceed as plan as I guess the hunger strike has began indefinitely......
I've indirectly told the sister that very soon it will be every man for himself....

If she likes let her tell all her village clans.....I'm not perturbed, because as nice as she can be.... She was a specialist in discussing her father's wife weaknesses to all her siblings when he was still alive....

I'll do the good I can to the kid... But as per the feeding.... I'll not go near there never! If her brother drops money for feeding, I'll gladly cook but if he doesn't...... I go back to status quo....

Aye yi o le.

Gift7428:
Keep quiet there. No rich man came for you. Now who is suffering the hardship? Please dont use Dangote again its an insult.

Yes ma....

TonieLee:
Madam asset wey sabi all the insult for this world. No be me do u oooo I no send u go marry poverty stricken man

TonieLee:
Madam asset wey sabi all the insult for this world. No be me do u oooo I no send u go marry poverty stricken man

Poverty stricken man like some of your brothers wey dey village abi.... Shey u no know say no be everybody go marry rich man like dangote... I as a person no like rich man, because majority of them go use u play futubollu.... If NA lie make u ask teni... Niniola sister.

@ sisisioge and faithful18, trust me....

The conditions are still same.... Just because my husband is aware that I have some savings, he expects that I dig into it and save the family.......
Iiess..... The situation is still same...... We are on the food without fish, meat or egg parole and he is on the garri drinking mission...... As he cannot come and kill himself... I cannot either......
The weekend is here, let's see if anything changes. But as from next week, just incase no show happens from their end, I'll prepare correct soup, buy better food stuffs and hide in my upper wardrobe..... Before they all come back from work as I usually return from work before dem, I'll gladly chop, clean mouth and wash the plates before they return, carry my soup and anything I cook back to it's usual position, until the change I prayerfully seek for happens.... UNTIL THEN, MAKE I ADJUST TO THE CHANGE, WEY BUHARI TAKE GIVE EVERYBODY....

Now if this my perceived stingy and akagum habits does not sit well with any of us who have objections to my decisions... Abeg I can ask her to send account number.....u don't need to know anyone before u help......

TonieLee:
See how frustration has turned u to a mad woman online . Only 1kid and u are running helter seketer . Asset

Bitch! Get off my mentions....
By the way I have two kids...
Now Bleep off Lil brat..
No hard feelings.

TonieLee:
Marriage is not for everybody, e remain small make she tell us which style her husband do her before she carry belly. Try tie ur tongue small no be everything person dey talk for outside.

U see poverty stricken family u still go marry their son n u are here ranting abt finances, abi did he Churchill u?

Idiot, I tell u say I no reason am before I marry am, abi who tell u say I be liability to am like u... Ode

zaynie:
Op, those who haven't been in your shoes will crucify you.
I can feel your pain.
You aren't a bad person, na money dey cause this wàhálà. When money no dey, visitors are unwanted biko.
If you can, declare your stand to her to your husband's face. Tell both of them you can't feed her because you don't have the means. Be prepared for the uproar that will follow but have your reply handy. "should we comman collect monthly feeding allowance from you?" cos how am I supposed to cater for everyone with no money? "
Make sure you aren't hostile to her. Take care of her child and be nice to her but cook for yourself and your child and if there's some left over once in a while, please give her child some too.
Don't suffer in silence but also remember that things change.
Sometimes saying it out instead of acting or giving out vibes solves a lot of problem.

Mama Zaynie, I appreciate this,but be assured that if I'm being blunt about it, it will cause problems in the family, not that I can't tell her straight to her face that the times her brother refuses to drop feeding allowances then she should be responsible for the upkeep and that of her child, but she's someone who l don't wish we ever have an issue, and the relationship we have built over time is worth more than having to let it break over her brother's Attitude,
Yesterday while we eating during dinner, I took the last meat because sincerely hubby doesn't eat meat except on rare occasions because of his health conditions, as I was having the last bite, she in a low and polite tone said (" Bawo ni bale Ile ma se jeun Lai si nkankan ninu obe" ) meaning how will the head of the house eat without anything in the soup, my response was that but he doesn't eat meat and that's the last chunk in my plate, these observations I'm sure she will tell her sisters, one thing I know is they can't face me about that development but they sure will say some - ve things behind me..

I'm just praying that the money used for the house renovation can come quickly so Dat she can leave or better still I pray God blesses them more so that the problems we are encountering can be solved

Gloriagee:
Please why on earth did they ask the widow to leave and then they kukuma left the house vacant after everything. Ko ye mi o. Do what you can. Be good to her and make up with your husband fast. He def cant be expecting you to feed the entire household on a long term basis. Learn to stoop to conquer. I never learn am finish but that's what our foremothers did. May God grant u wisdom.

Before his father died, the house wasn't fully completed, what I mean is that the house isn't painted and the floor of the sitting room, room, passage, kitchen isn't cemented and tiled. So they were literally living in a dusty house, now that baba is late, they said they want to convert the house to three self contained apartment with the rest of baba's pension when it is collected, mind you, he has four siblings from his mother side 1 of whom is late. And two siblings from his step mom...

So right now , they're in the process of collecting the rest money from the pension administors, after which they can renovate the house and she possibly moves back there..... The said house isn't too far from where we stay.....

When u say make up with my husband, I don't exactly know what I mean, we talk briefly and we greet each other.... Before he left for work, I asked him for money for dinner, he said he doesn't have money.... What do I do?

IamD18:
You are lucky and should be happy she did not poison you. You lots play too much, why promise her marriage just for sex? When you know that marriage is one thing they all wish and can do anything for.

A lady travelled all the way from Porthacourt to Abuja with her money to see you, kept fvcking you, cleaned your house, did laundry for you, cooked for you and you had the mind to tell her you were joking. Nna nawao, una too like play for this country oo..

You are not even a good player, you shouldn't have even told her you were joking immediately she asked when you were planning to see her parents, because she might out of anger, poison or stab you in your sleep and nobody will know what happened.

Simple thing you should have done; Play along with a fake date, allow her travel back, then you dismiss her gradually with attitude, not gambling with your life in your house all because you had your way. Even left her in your house for work?

Well, just like you were joking and playing with marriage promises with her, let's hope she will play and joke with your money.

Imagine! Even after telling her you were joking, she still allowed you fvck her countless times and you thought she was doing it in vain? This guy no just get common sense!! He thought she was shouting "Harder! Harder!" In vain.

I was having a bad day due to my own family issues until I read your comments, I laughed my self to stupor, thanks for entertaining me, I wish I could pay u for it

missyojo:
Hummmmmm!!!!

After carefully reading through the write up and the comments, I now begin to see what women experience in their marriages.
Op, I would advise that you sit your husband down and have a heart to heart discussion as to how the family would be run. If your husband doesn't give you monthly income for the upkeep of the home, let him start doing so. Because this issue of him not dropping money for breakfast nor dinner most of the time is totally wrong of him. The Bible said a man that can't provide for members of his household is worst than an infidel. He is the head of the home, you are his helpmmate. Thanks to God he is working, if it's 30k he gives monthly as feeding allowance, then you should take it up from there when the money finishes before the next one comes.
And as for your sister in law, please don't treat her badly. Whatever you can afford to give her daughter please do, maybe once in a while. Because from your write up, you didn't state that she's giving you a you a tough time in your home. We don't do things because of today but because of tomorrow and for posterity sake. Who knows maybe it's the sister in law that will stand for you tomorrow should in case anything happens (God forbid).
I wish you all the best.
Cheers!!!!

Thank you sister!, like U rightly noted, his sister isn't a problem to me, I have to get to live with the fact that she is to stay with us temporarily and indefinitely, however my issue is with her brother, this guy freaks me out with his financial woes, we have fought financial battles about who should provide this and that for the family..... I have discussed with him severally that he should set aside a particular income for feeding purposes but he will not listen, he said the laundry business he created is for feeding, the money we make from laundry is not regular, he prefers to buy fuel in his car and drive to work than to provide for the family, He will always drum it in my ears that when his mother was alive, their father was responsible for schooling while their mum took care of feeding and I should likewise do same, when I was involved in the laundry work..... Doing 50percent of the job, despite that I was a nursing mother until I stopped recently, WE basically used all the money for feeding, that was literally me feeding myself, so I told him point blank that he should note that he doesn't feed me in this house, he flared up and said that I involved myself in laundry doesn't mean I feed myself, Dat I was only be supportive, so I stopped doing laundry when I had my second child, cos I felt the burden would be too much for me to bear and made him manage the business himself, since then it's been from one story to the other, he just feeds us when he feels like, not minding that his responsibility is to provide for the kids....He said his salary is for other projects like building house, schooling etc, and laundry is for feeding which isn't regular.....

Inception:
I noticed you did not mention your husband as part of those you love.

Do you love your husband?

I do love my husband, but when issues like this happen, u refrain from using the word love on him, my husband is human. He has his strength and weaknesses, finance is majorly the cause of the conflict we encounter in this marriage, always telling me that I have to be support at the home front, which I have come to terms, now uve brought extra baggage for me and u expect me to deal with Dat, is that not looking for trouble......

BTW, he will never help out with any of the house chores..... Yet he wants u to help him out with his responsibilities... Cause the last time I checked, the man's duty is to provide for the family

[quote author

Logobenz:
Hi laeroy.I'm having issues with my mail. But I'll send you a WhatsApp message right away!

HI Logobenz I didn't get your message.....

CanadianNaija:
Op is being honest and you people are terming her wicked.

Do you guys not see where her husband said family won’t live with them? I guess he said this so her siblings problem won’t fall on his shoulders.
So why should he bring in his sister and her kids without consulting with her, when he knows that they will look to the woman for food and other things, and it’s not like he provides for majority of these things himself.
He’s making it hard for her to provide for herself and her child, without seeming like a wicked sister-in-law to his sister. How is someone that earns 30k supposed to feed a family of 9?

Did you guys see where he ate before he came home when she texted him that there’s no food, and ignored her. So if she has food enough for just her child tomorrow, is she supposed to share it between the kids so she can answer good woman, or let her child go without so that she doesn’t seem like a bad person?
Why do you people reason like this?

Op your husband’s family are terrible people, for what they did to their dad’s wife, and I like the fact that you have seen them for who they are.
Do what you can for her kids as children are innocent, but do not go out of your way or overshoot your budget to do so.

Thanks Sis, it's the reason why I came to seek for advice here, most of the times, he will not drop feeding fee cos he knows I'll sort myself and the kids out before his return from work and now that his sis and kid is temporarily with us, I don't know how to go about the kitchen area especially for the kids, I'm a nursing mother, I can't eat well again, because of my budget..
This morning she came to me and asked what the children will put on the noodles they'll be taking to school, I told her to ask her brother, someone who didn't drop anything for dinner, did same this morning, he didn't drop anything likewise for breakfast, they both went to school without anything on their food to school... I was able to share the snacks I bought for the week for the both of them... She has gone to shop without eating, he is preparing to go out and I sure know he will sort himself out, I will as well go buy bread and tea and have that for breakfast,.... In the night, I'm sure same will be repeated, is this how ill continue, and the thing is her baby daddy usually gives them money for upkeep, but I think it's not usually enough for their both feeding, transport and upkeep.....
. I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, I wish I could tell her politely that I may not be able to do everything I do for myself and child to them, but how do I without being tagged WICKED AND MERCILESS...

Logobenz:
Hi laeroy.I'm having issues with my mail. But I'll send you a WhatsApp message right away!

OK brother