4ckz:
I will really need the input of married men and women on this thread.

So yesterday at the bar, you know, ashawo bar, I sat in the same table with a married man, looked early 40's to me. He got drunk and got all chit chat with me.

He told me that he actually picked up ashawo life style after marriage, told me his wife always used sex as a bargaining chip early in their marriage, and often looked for the slightest reason not to have sex.

He said his first time cheating was after his first child, that his wife refused his touch for more than 3 months, he got to cheat with one of his colleagues at work (lest I forget, the man is well learned and rich too, I could get this from his fluency in English and his car).

The affair almost cost him his marriage. When mata cast, everyone blamed him, but he couldn't tell them how his wife deprived him of sex. He was later forgiven by the wife and the marriage continued.

According to him, before long the wife went back to her style of sexual deprivation, was only active when they wanted children. He did mention that he doesn't think the wife cheated, he has monitored her, and as far as he could tell, the wife was an always at home type of woman, and according to him was a good woman apart from the sex thing.

Before long he went back to cheating again, and that was when he started ashawo life style, he choose not to have a relationship with anyone again because of the threat it posed to his marriage.

He said he is sure his wife knows of his ashawo life style, but never talked about it for the sake of peace, and he has been living like that for more than 10 yrs, and their sex life though not dead comes once in a while, few times in a year.

He advised me that if I should cheat, that I should never keep a relationship with anyone, that I should try as much as possible to make it just about sex. Me that's planning to never cheat on my wife.

So married men, do your wives ever keep you for months without sex?

Also do husbands deprive their wives of sex?

I don't think I can even bear 1 month without, like, I must be lashing my wife like thrice a week to say the least. I am much more scared that since my life is like this now, maybe cheating would be inevitable for me.

So married people, how do you deal with sexual deprivation from your spouse, and is it even possible not to cheat?
What of the health threat to your spouse that comes with it?

ME I HAVE BEEN DEPRIVED OF IT FOR OVER 5 YEARS NOW BY MY WIFE

Monfeels:
I want to share my problem with you guys in the hopes that maybe I'll get some good advice or at least some insight into my problem.

When people first meet me their impression of me is that I'm good looking, cool and intelligent. Most girls usually assume that I have a girlfriend or a legion of side chicks that I Bleep whenever I want to.

The truth about me is that I've never been in a proper relationship with another woman before. All I've had is sexual partners that I stop talking to after I have sex with them, and girls I get intimate with just to control them and get them to fulfil my desire of having a female to own, please me and do my biding, and then I get bored of them and cease contact and move on like I never knew them.

The reason for this behavior is that I don't possess the emotional resources needed to engage in a healthy relationship with another human being. I have no empathy and I usually feel no guilt or remorse for my actions. It's impossible for me to care genuinely for another person. I don't feel people's pain or suffering and I'm not moved by the death of family members or friends. I simply do not care for any other person but myself. I've been this way for a very long time. I lack the ability to maintain relationships with people hence why I lose friends often. Relationships are usually a means to an end for me and when that end is met, I become irritated by the person I've gotten close to.

Despite the fact that I don't see the point in relationships, I still find that I get jealous of couples in healthy relationships. It's not like I want to experience what they experience, just that I am envious of the fact that they are participating in something I can't participate in.

When I find a girl that I want to get close to, I'm usually consumed with jealousy over her previous relationships, and over any current relationship she has with any member of the opposite sex, even if it's merely platonic. All I want is for her to devote all her time to me and shower me with attention and love. The problem with all this is that I don't want to reciprocate this behavior. In fact the idea of devoting attention to, and showering affection on someone else irritates me. It's all pointless, but I enjoy when it's done to me.

Another weird side to all this is that I don't just want to control the girl, I also enjoy making her feel bad, but in a way that makes her crave for me more. I enjoy poking holes in herself esteem, making her second guess the presumably good qualities she thought she possesed, making her not feel wanted by me, and making her do more to please me.

I don't love women, I only become obsessed with them. Obsessed to the point that I'm constantly tortured by thoughts of them being sexual with another guy especially when it's someone she has dated before. I want her all to myself and even if she had sex with someone before I met her or before we became close, I am filled with anger and jealousy whenever the thought crosses my mind, and I want to punish her for that. It's like I want to erase her past and replace it with me. I want to be all she's ever had. I don't want anyone else in her life and I don't want anyone else in her past.

All this must sound crazy to you guys but this is my reality and it's eating me up. I need advice.

You don't need any other advice than TO PRAY AND FAST AND SEEK FOR SPIRITUAL ASSISTANCE FROM SPIRITUAL ELDERS
Meanwhile, call me for a very affordable price of your low-fat chicken and egg at a very affordable price - 08060274015;

ken711:




"That was one smart decision I made, I did it in my name"

VERY GOOD OF YOU, AT LEAST YOU OUTSMARTED HER ON THIS.
DO THESE THINGS WITH IMMEDIATE ALACRITY;

1. SEND HER PACKING FROM THE APARTMENT
2 AND DONT EVER HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH HER AGAIN
3 TELL THE CARETAKER TO LOOK FOR INTERESTED PERSONS AND HAVE YOUR MONEY REFUNDED BACK TO YOU

The lady in question is evil and wicked and she will NEVER APPRECIATE WHATEVER YOU DO FOR HER, no matter how big the thing is she will never I repeat SHE WILL NEVER! and she will still continue to cheat you with other men.

kokoA:
African countries are just sitting down, folding their arms in the name of lockdown while praying and hoping that the white man gets a cure or vaccine for covid19, yet we have professors, PhD holders, etc all over the place in thousands of universities.

And you will be the first person to condemn the African professors and PhD holders with whatever vaccine they come up with then. Do we even believe in ourselves?

Chi59:

Talk to them yourself. I'm not your spokeswoman.

of course i know you will find this difficult. because you may be guilty too

Chi59:
The best thing I ever did for myself emotionally wise was deciding to keep sex out of my - ships (friendship/relationship).
I believe sex is meant to be the final stage of an intimate relationship, to wrap it up. But the moment you put it at the beginning of the relationship, you've messed it all up.
I get it that a lot of young people want a quick rumble in the sheets, but I belong to the old school.
And it helps me remain grounded.

You should also talk to your female folks to stop asking for premature and unnecessary financial help from guys at the first minutes of meeting them. it is a very bad practice from girls of nowadays

worworbabe:
Did your Father born her? why should she bear your Father's name?

What is in a name?

because you are totally oblivious of what is called THE MARRIAGE INSTITUTION. Is either you have not been schooled on the issue of marriage at all or you just came from JUPITER

worworbabe:


Can you be smart and post on topic? Changing your names to perpetrate forgery is tantamount to changing your Father's name because you are married? or you just deliberately chose to neglect the context of my typing?

Does changing that name affect her being his wife? so, again,What is in a name?

Our perception of things differs and we should always respect people's opinion and perceptions about some actions that they feel are sensitive especially when its coming from somebody that they expect much from

Acidosis:


Does getting married in the first place affects her playing the role of a wife? Girlfriends and baby mamas these days okay that role so well.

The young man said seeing his wife maintain her maiden name gives him the impression he's dealing with a girlfriend. Perception is everything. He was probably raised in a family where women adopt their husbands' names. We can't influence that perception.

Exactly! you got it, thats the way i see it

extremelygolden:


Yes it is. I pray thee to take it easy, ok?

Try to approach her via communication and prayer. Don't shout, don't quarrel, don't involve a third party. If she's a reasonable woman, she'll see the effort you're making to restore and retain peace in your home.

@the bolded are noted. God bless you sir/ma

Whyzaid:
that shows her action must not be overlooked. but then, take her go see a counselor it's either she doesn't know the aftermath of what she's doing or she's just trying to be a dangerous somebody.

You just hit the point i am making. I LOVE SENSITIVE PEOPLE SO MUCH

rain21:



Hian,, you are bothered over nothing please
She has done a change of name in the dailies already,so what are you talking about? How does a change of account name prove she's not submissive?
If she wants to divorce you she would, change of account name or not
I think you are possessive and she is just being defensive.give her tangible reasons why you need her to change her account name and stop making it look like it's a do or die thing

A bird of a feather flock together. Did I say you should abuse me by saying i am being possessive? You are just her kind. You women of nowadays will never do what will make your husbands be happy and comfortable. You are so full of your self and arrogant. All you do is to complicate issues for whoever needs help. Is that the way you should address this kind of unfortunate issue? I dont even think you know anything about marriage life and its intricacies.

rain21:
Do you know how long this change of name process takes in banks before it is effective?
The bvn is connected to the account numbers so she will definitely bear same name as the one in her bvn for all account openings.as long as she has done change of name in the dailies and has a sworn affidavit,all her documents are valid whether it's in your name or her maiden name.
You are just worrying yourself for nothing,I feel you are insecured. What can she possibly do with her account number in her maiden name?

Answers to the bolded; she is telling me she is not one with me, she is telling me that she has not become my wife in the true sense, she is telling me she can't use my name to transact should the marriage crashes( if she does not believe in the future of the marriage), she is saying she won't submit to her husband even when its what he wants..

jmaxjohn:
Let's be honest here.

Sir, the lack of intimacy with your wife has hurt your communication together, which in turn is making you quite paranoid and making her secretive.

Fix your intimacy issues. Fvck your damn wife, and you'd see how irrelevant this name issue truly is.
Make her feel like a gf.
Life is hard and short with our responsibilities and worries, many.
Help lift some of those 'responsible' burden off her. Make her feel alive again

Do you need to tell me to bleep my wife before i will do? its easier said than done o, not my wish too. As you have said intimacy in marriage is one of the major factors that bond husband and wife together. You are on point sir!

uruba23:
Two things involve either her maiden name do open doors or you married her not willing but by compulsion perhaps she got pregnant..

BEHAVIOURAL PSYCHOLOGIST THERE!!!

Whyzaid:
What was her response when you asked her?

She said nothing. Ignores me

extremelygolden:


You might be surprised that even celebrities like Joke Silver and others that still bear their maiden names long after they were married, are operating their bank accounts and even acquiring properties in their father's name. Beyonce, Kim Kardashian and lots of them, you know.

So don't get yourself worked up at all. It really makes no difference whichever names she uses, as long as there's love and peace at home, my brother.

At the bolded is key, very important

spongeisback:
The way most of you use irrelevant things to cause friction in your homes amazes me.

What makes you think your wife is being mischievous because she opened an account in her maiden name which you’re FULLY AWARE of?!

Don’t worry people that will tell you what you want to hear are on their way.

What is it that I have not heard? You won't understand jare.

spongeisback:
Ok oh! The thread just went from opening account with her maiden name to this:
•••



You and your wife are living in the same space for 5 years and no sex?! Why do I find this hard to believe?
Even if it’s true I think the issue of opening her account is minor compared to your current relationship with your wife. why don’t you concentrate on bringing your family closer and your sex life with you wife back on track or better still divorce instead of living under the same roof with someone you don’t trust?

Of course is a minor issue. You are point!

tenmariner:
Honestly I don't see this as an issue. Sometimes in marriage, you need to KIS ( KEEP IT SIMPLE)

Keep it simple until she will outsmart you. Sometimes also we need to be sensitive on some strange reactions from our spouses in a marriage. You don't just overlook some things that have deep meanings hidden

haywire07:
Apart from the fact that she might be saving herself the stress of BVN and all heaps of official validations,
Your wife might be planning a future for her and her kids. Your picture in that future she's planning is vague.

She's got a separate bedroom different from yours
She denied you sex for 3 years or maybe still counting

I advise that you start planning a future for yourself too and stop paying attention to this kind of frivolity.

She does not need to pass through the hurdle of BVN anymore because she's got an ID card in my name already, change of name advert and can easily use that to open an account easily in any bank.
Maybe she is planning something underground because the marriage is even full of crisis over the years.
Yes, she got a separate room and no sex for almost 5 years now and yet i am still performing my responsibilities for her, sending her to school, establishing businesses for her and not letting her go hungry, she even fine pass me self, the children are going to the best school around so.... I don't know?

LewsTherin:
Have you asked her why she does that? What was her reply?

Hang on. If she still opens with her maiden name, does it mean all her methods of identification are still.issued in her maiden name?

Yes, i asked her and even jokingly told her that i feel am still sending money to a girlfriend each time i see her maiden name whenever am sending money to her but, she would not even say anything or give any reason for not obeying. She already has an ID card with my name on it

thorpido:
How does that change the operation of the account?Money will not enter the account because she is married?
Sometimes,it is just for ease of operations.Maybe she has IDs still in her maiden name.

She has an ID that bears my name already and its not about ease of operation but it's about knowing deeply the kind of woman your wife is, her hidden intentions, and a possibility of being mischievous is what i need you to advise me on

Good morning nairalanders. Please how do you see a situation where a wife that supposed to have changed her name to that of her husband"s after almost eleven years of marriage, that she is still using her father's name to run bank account even with new bank accounts. I once told her that it is wrong but she will not listen. Today again, she sent another new bank account that she just open with her father's name to me that i should be sending whatever money there. We have done change of name in a national newspaper since but yet she is not effecting it anywhere.
Please how do you view this in your opinion?

ImaIma1:


5 year?? . What hapun?

long story .......hmm you know, issues
thanks for your concerns buddy

ImaIma1:


In the future ke! What about now?

Ehn... he will still get it but not as satisfactory as when the wife is still a nursing mother now. He should be patient at least she still meets him in the other room for the thing. Me wey i never Bleep my own wife for over 5 years nko and we are still husband and wife, bride price fully paid

Vortex369:


Well, your last line was a question: What I think?

Are you sure you really want to know what I think?

Since you asked for it, then I have to tell you what I think and the reason for my conclusions.

I think you are stupid, and I am not joking. I think you are one of the stupid husbands who have no idea what Fatherhood means and what being a real man in your home entails and how to be a husband to your own wife.

The reason I think you are stupid, is because at this stage in your Life, when your wife is strugggling real hard to bond with the young kids you still are worried about your silly sex life.

You have failed to be an alpha male, a real man, a true husband, who will cuddle his wife and his children and generate happiness for your wife. What bothers you is sex. Do you have any idea that it is sex that brought those children to this world, and when they come, you now sound as if those kids are inconvenience for your silly sex life. Do you even know how silly it sounds?

My advise is that you grow up. Call your wife and kiss her then apologize for complaining about Sex, and move into your bedroom and nurse those children to reach an age of grace.

It is not you that should be complaining of sex dimwit. If your wife needs sex, then become creative, you can make move in the kitchen, bathroom, toilet, under the bed and even at the BQ for a change.

You must not come here and lament about this nonsense again.

Do we not have real men again in this forum that will chastise these Indomie men?

Take charge of your home and bear all inconveniences. Life is not a place for perfect joy and happiness. Embrace the sorrows and pains.

IN AS MUCH AS I AGREE THAT OUR MAN SHOULD BE CONSIDERATE OF THE WIFE THIS PERIOD OF CHILD BEARING AND PARENTING, AFTERALL HE STILL HAVE BLISSFUL SEXUAL MOMENTS IN FUTURE WITH HIS WIFE AFTER THE CHILDREN BECAME GROWN UPS. IN THE SAME VEIN, WE SHOULD NOT ALWAYS MAKE MEN FEEL SO EMBARASSED FOR REQUESTING FOR THIER MARITAL RIGHT AND DO YOU KNOW THAT SOME MEN WILL EVEN GO OUT TO SATISFY THEMSELVES WITHOUT THE KNOWLEDGE OF THE WIFE FOR THE TIME BEING TO AVOID ALL THESE SHIT YOU PEOPLE ARE POURING ON HIM. WE SHOULD ALWAYS RESPECT PEOPLE'S PLIGHT AND RESPOND WITH ALL COURTESY MATURITY . NOBODY KNOWS YOU COULD BE IN HIS SHOES IN THE FUTIRE

RiyadhGoddess:
I hope after her shameful attitude at the mall, she suceed in keeping her husband till death. I have seen men who left and never returned after such show of shame from their wives.
The woman looks like the women the book of proverbs 21:19 talked about.
A wise and Godly woman will not stoop so low to fight her husband concubine but rather, pray to God to win/have/arrest the soul/heart of her husband. If God can't have your husband, you as the wife can't have him either.
My opinion though...
#WarRoom

Your idea works, but at times it doesn't work. It might even be confrontation and attacks like this(Prov 21;22) will make the side chicks take caution and stay clear.

Azeh:
Wats sexy abt her

osu mi oo

smat101:
I Am Planing To Seriously Beat My Kid Sister 2moro Morning

What I was scared of is finally happening...
I've a lot to say but let me try to be brief...

It's been 4years+ since I last went home to see my mum and siblings. I really love my kid sister so much even more than my mum.

There is a lot to say but to cut the long story short, when I came back she had already developed breast but she is just 14 years.
Just today I talked to her about sex, boyfriends, pornography relationship, sex, everything in that area.

Recently she was using my phone for Facebook, then I asked her consent to read some of her messages which she agreed. As I was reading through she dragged the phone from my hand when I wanted to click a particular chat. I became inquisitive but respected her privacy. I then asked her to log out when she is done...

Just this night I wanted to login to my Facebook then I clicked the Facebook icon her account was still logged in... What I saw broke my heart, she was planning to send nudes to a guy and the guy was planning to have sex with her this weekend, she kept on telling him that she was afraid, but he kept on telling her he will use condom, that she should not be afraid...

My problem is that she is a minor and this guy is 27...

So this is what I plan to do, Flog her thoroughly very early tomorrow, then later talk to her again...
Then that bastard beat him up in the evening with two other guys...

I really love this girl and Want the best for her pls parents preferably how should I handle this matter .

BRAINWASH HER WITH THE NEED FOR HER NOT TO INVOLVE IN SEXUAL ACTIVITIES NOW. MAKE YOURSELF A CASE STUDY BY TELLING HER WHAT GUYS ARE CAPABLE OF DOING, TELL HER THAT EVEN IF THE GUY USES CONDOM THAT THE CONDOM WILL BURST ALONG THE WAY AND SHE COULD BE PREGNANT AND HAVE HER ENTIRE CAREER RUINED COUPLE WITH THE BEAUTIFUL PLANS YOU HAVE FOR HER IN FUTURE......you know BRAINWASH HER AND ASK HER FOR HER PERMISSION TO TALK WITH THE GUY FOR YOU TO CHASE HIM AWAY

nice post
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