₦airaland Forum

thorpido:
Well, depends on how much you are able to raise.It may not be a restaurant now but an outlet to sell food and you grow it from there.

OP, I like this idea and can get behind it. So what have you decided to do? I see there is a job possibility out there along with the fashion apprenticeship. I may not be able to get on Naira land and check this thread everyday due to work commitments, so my responses may be few and far between. But the choice is yours as I have said. I really do not know how the DMs work here, but then, would like to keep things on here and in the open. No need to post a contact #. If and when you decide, all that's needed is your acct #

MhizzMarcelina:
Thank you so much for opting to help me. I am so grateful. The thing is that I would have loved to go into the selling of cooked Food business because I know how to cook very well. But my Aunt has said I can't do such kind of business staying in her house. She suggested I should travel to the village to do such not in her house. Right now, I just need a Job honestly Speaking. Or to learn a trade. I can learn about Fashion designing. Thank you so much. Please, can i inbox you?

I've always suspected that the issues involved are beyond financial. Is there some other backstory we are not aware of? I'm sorry, but I can't offer you a job but can proffer some advice. The purpose of a job is first and foremost to provide income = running a business that generates profit. Can you try to convince your aunt that you can do this in a dignified manner suited to her tastes? I can see her being concerned about the "table and wheel barrow" modus operandi of your plan being that you are a graduate. After all, we Nigerians are a proud and somewhat haughty people. How about you come up with a plan to do this in a more established manner rather than the seemingly mobile/hawker format you currently have? I honestly think you have a better chance of succeeding if you go into this business, primarily because this is your choice and you seem to have an interest in it.
Your other alternative as you mentioned is to learn a trade. Have you thought through how this will work. How long before you are proficient and can start earning an income? What help do you need for this?
I am willing to help out financially, which I think may probably be the least of the issues involved. But you need to state exactly what you need and put some skin in the game by fighting for yourself. Think about this. You have been offered financing to pursue the business of your choice but your Aunt is the stumbling block. You need to figure out how to overcome this. But know this. I will still support you whatever way you decide to go. My only concern is that one way seems to have a better chance of success than the other.

thorpido:
Hi all,
I have verified the Op's story to be true and her present situation to be as she said.
Anyone willing to help her can go ahead.

Mizzmacerlina,when you do get help,just like Liftmaster said,moving out for me is not the first step.Establishing a business/handwork is the first step.When you have stabilized,you can then make plans to stay on your own.

cc:Liftmaster,Danzakidakura

Thorpido, Thanks very much and God Bless you for doing this. I looked for this thread a few days ago but it seemed to have vanished.
I am willing to go ahead and help based on your validation. I will help financially, but I really do think that the biggest help the OP needs will be guidance (perhaps a life coach) and in addition a business mentor if going into the food business. I throw this out to the house. Is there someone who is experienced in this business that can mentor the OP in her business?
OP, please start by posting some details like your general location (city) so that anyone around you can reach out as a business mentor. Then let us know what you have decided to do. Do you want to pursue the food business as originally stated or go learn a trade? You previously posted details of what the business will entail so that's a good start. If you are looking at learning a trade, what help do you need? Post details, then you can post your account details if comfortable doing that so that I can reach out to you.

Danzakidakura:
it's ok she can put her number up here I will call her. She should be willing to have hand work. I will pay house rent, and put her to learn hand work. Pls I don't do pm.

Kudos and may many blessings come your way Danzakidakura. But please let me suggest something. If and when you validate the situation, please, post the outcome here. The reason I say this is to serve as a precedent and guide to others for the future. There are lots of threads on Naira land where people have been misled and taken for a ride because they did not properly vet the situation. I am not saying this is a not genuine case, I have a feeling it may be, but feelings and emotions can often lead to poor judgement.

Second suggestion, and I hope the OP considers this too. If you pay her first house rent, how will she cope with daily expenses? Food, electricity, water, clothes for her child, medical expenses? I imagine these are currently being taken care of by the aunt while she's under her roof. Please consider letting her first establish a steady income before leaving the aunts house. OP, they say "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" Your aunts harsh words do not cause physical harm, you can persevere until you have established yourself. If you are running from harsh words, how do you intend to succeed in your business, where selling and trading can be a dog eat dog world? Just putting this advice out there to help you succeed so that when you leave, you will leave your aunts house for the last time and not have to come back.

thorpido:
If you guys are willing to help her,i could check her out.

She already sent me a PM so i'm waiting for her reply.

Na una wan give me work o.

cc: mutter, danzakidakura, adeadeyera,

Good Sir, please go ahead and research the situation and let us know on here. I am open to covering expenses. For those sending PMs on this issue, please leave your messages on this thread. I don't do PMs

"Firstly, I was actually Compensated for loss time by the DPO, Every time I had to visit the station, I was paid 1500 by the DPO, according to him, 500 for feeding, 1000 for TP."

OP, Did you sign any payment vouchers or documents for the money you received? Where do you think the money came from? The shell games continue!

mutter:
Super advise.
I could not have put it better!
Also the last question who is the man on your profile picture... It would be interesting to know the answer.
That being said....
Is there anyone who can verify this story?
Years back some Nairaland members would verify a story for people to react.

My dear I can understand your frustration and feel your pain.Hope you are helping your aunt with the housework, make yourself an assert and not a burden.

Please let us get this story verified.
From there we can help you with the shop.
I personally undertake to make a fair contribution if this can be done.
So let God send helpers in the Form of people willing to confirm this beyond reasonable doubt.
Also you will undertake to give an update.
Business may succeed or not but update is fair as it motivates people to help in future.

100% agreed, to fulfill all righteousness! Would be nice if a reputable moniker on this site can verify her story. Not trying to throw anyone under the bus, but if someone like thorpido says it's legit, then I'm all in. Unless it's not the same thorpido from the days of TEHN?
Times are hard so I will be willing to chip in to cover expenses to verify this situation. But must be a reputable person we all know.

MhizzMarcelina:
Thank you dearly. I do have a plan. But for now, I just want to leave her house and start living on my own. I want to start a foodstuff selling business or cooking of food like rice and stew and selling it early in the morning.

Let me give you some candid advice. I know this will be a difficult pill to swallow, but do not let your emotions cloud your judgement. I think you are putting the cart before the horse. First, you need to start thinking like a parent. This is no longer all about you. The "I wants" need to stop. You need to do what's best for your child. It is not yet time for you to leave your aunts house, at least not under the circumstance of having zero income. You want to start living on your own, but you first need to be in control of your own destiny. Start your business while under her roof with free accommodation. Work hard at it and let it grow and flourish then when you have steady income from it, you can rent your own place. Do not rely on any employer, person or charity to provide you free accommodation. Has this approach not failed already? Ensure you have an income to pay your own rent so you can provide a steady accommodation for you and your child. Start thinking about your child's future. School? What are your plans in this regard?

Your aunt has been very kind to allow you to come and go with your child as you please. She may be rough around the edges but she does have a goood heart. You even trust her enough to leave your child with her and relocate. For the sake of your child, stick it out there a little longer while she still has the will to accommodate you. And pray for this woman. Pray that God blesses her for her kindness towards you. Your prayers and gratitude may just be the key to your breakthrough. Finally, attitude matters. God sees the heart. You said and I quote "This aunt of mine thinks without her, I am nothing, I really want to prove her wrong." Take this as constructive crtiticism, but this is nothing but prideful and egoistic. Why is this your motivation as opposed to wanting to provide future opportunities for your child in a stable and conducive environment of your own?
Please provide details of your plan. There are folks willing to help you succeed.

thorpido:
Young girls never learn

Take responsibility for your sexual wellbeing.First thing to master well is your reproductive cycle.There are periods in your cycle that are safe and some days are not safe.Master it well.
It is still possible to get pregnant any day of your cycle so have a back up plan.If your partner won't use a condome,you get a femdom.Get a spermicide or use a morning after pill or just get on long term contraception if you will regularly have sex.

Anyway,Op,it's a new account so....

This is very important information for the OP to note. The die is cast, but it can get worse if she gets pregnant again. Continuously sexually active or not, we all know that it only takes one time for a lady to become pregnant.

OP, having said that, like someone mentioned in a prior post, I think you need to start a small business or something along those lines so you can start contributing financially to the household. Your Aunt is probably irritated with you because you are contributing nothing at present. Develop a plan, present it here and you will probably get some support to get you started, myself included.

[b][/b]"Very shabby and plenty children"
"[b][/b]What's the implication of marrying a girl you don't love and is older please"

You need to clarify the above before we can choock mouth and judge your matter. Are these plenty children yours? Do you mean your significant other is very shabby? Are you already married to her even though you don't love her? If yes to these questions, why did you go ahead with open eye and breed many children?

drunkdad:
I just wish there's a proactive step I can take to just bring everything to a stop because if it's prayer. my mom has been doing that for over 20 years

First, you need to recognize that he has a disease called alcohol addiction, then prepare to spend some money. Best case solution is to check him into an in house rehab program. I know there a some in Lagos and Abuja that do a good job. Next best solution is to get him away from his current environment to someplace else. Excessive drinking of alcohol is a social vice. Nobody likes to drink alone. Get him far away from his drinking buddies to another location, to a far away state if possible for a period of time. There is a high likely hood that he may have a change of heart when away from the bad influence of his buddies.
Finally, addictions are extremely difficult to overcome unless the addicted person is really reallly ready to change. Nothing will work until your Dad is convinced that he needs to change his life.

GboyegaD:
Oga, no vex; what is this inconvenience? Don't we all host people from time to time? We are a people and I think we have some communal sense, why act as though it is strange? Anyways, what do I know sef?

No offense taken. It's not an issue of inconvenience but the issue here is the husbands lack of discernment. Regardless of whatever the reason for declining is, the wife has a right to do so. Her declining may be being inconsiderate but she has a right to it. I marvel at those on here that think that because a husband asks his wife to do something, she must always say yes. A wife has rights too. I hate to say this, but wisdom does seem to be in short supply In some of the antagonistic responses.
One further point. You said "Don't we all host people from time to time? We are a people and I think we have some communal sense, why act as though it is strange?" Why do you speak like we are all together in his marriage? Everybody is different. We may have certain customs as a people but it doesn't mean everyone agrees with these customs and willingly participates. Every individual has rights. She has spoken her mind and we as a people need to learn to respect other people's rights and opinions.

The wife was glad to do the hosting when she was 5 months pregnant. I personally think that was inconsiderate of the husband to ask her to do so, but regardless, she gladly oblidged. This time around she said no and is vehement in her refusal. There is something going on here. A sufficiently wise husband should discern something from this. Regardless of what path he takes, the issue will,still remain. He will be wise pick his battles, drop the issue and move on. At a later time when tempers have cooled, he can come back and try to figure out what exactly the issue is.

SirMichael1:
trust me, If it was up to me to cancel or postpone, i would. If i had been informed that my wife would not want to do it, i'd have rightly interjected that sunday when it was announced and have mine shifted.

It is up to you decline to host in your house this time around. Like I said before, Heavens will not fall if you decline. It's clear to me that what is primarily holding you back from declining is a bid to "save face" in front of your Church members, ergo, ego! Why do you care about what other people think of you even to the extent of prioritizing this over your wife's feelings/happiness? This is a trivial matter. Swallow your pride and move on! Do not let your pride put a wedge between you and your wife. She is already obviously not happy about something. You need to fix that first and forget about what people are saying

lilyheaven:
Bro’s you can write o,
You see , the sister is not coming as a third party, besides he is not going to tell her his wife refused.

My husband always host party from time to time, the first time I tried doing it on my own, it was so stressful, I was even pregnant cooking for 40 men,
What I do this days, I invite my friend and cousin for assistance.
My husband goes to market, I do the cooking, while they do the serving and cleanup .

Sista, but in your situation you are doing it willingly. The wife has said no, even with his help. Why can't he respect her opinion? If he truly loves his wife, as a church member should, he should go look up the definition of it. Love is patient, love is kind, love is longsuffering. etc. This is the time to excercise those definitions. They say you catch more flies with honey than vinegar! He should cancel and see how much more love and respect he will get in return.

lilyheaven:
While we consider the wife here,
Also consider her husband.

It’s stressful, yes.
But her husband has been eating from others,
That is why he wants to do it, despite him not having enough.

He is not going to invite her sister or sister in-law without her consent.

I don’t see any issues here, once she accepts any of the above mentioned can come around, case closed.

The issue is asking or proposing to invite third parties into the picture after she has rejected her husbands offer to personally help. I would not do it if I was him. The fact that the husband has been "eating from others" does not mean he owes anybody anything, even up to the extent of inconveniencing his family. A wise husband will always protect and put his family first. Nothing wrong in postponing his hosting rotation or holding the meeting in the Church this time and hosting it later when he has the funds to get a caterer. The fact that he is insisting on exploring options to host the meeting after his wife has said she doesn't want to do it points to egotistical driven motives. It will be extremely therapeutic for this husband to swallow his ego once in a while to remind him that even though he is considered the head of the household, his primary responsibility is to his family not to any outsiders.

lilyheaven:
You have begged her already, just tell her you want to invite your sister or sister in-law,
Believe me, once they arrive and start the cooking she will come out because she won’t like them to scatter her things, besides they will always come around to ask her were to get salt or extra pepper, I know she will answer them.

She might even end up cooking the food herself.

Yes, but know that she will not be happy with this approach. You may have won the battle, but would have started a longer term war. Successful marriages take lots of give and take. Why must he win this particular issue? Especially at the expense of peace in the family? If he backs down and tells his wife that he will ask for a cancellation, she may reconsider. If she doesn't, at least she will appreciate the fact that her husband has consideration for her feelings and is looking out for her. The meeting is once in 20 months, he has to live with his wife everyday.

SirMichael1:
It's quite late for that now. If I had known my wife would not agree, I would have told the committee to rotate me with someone else.

I'm even thinking of rewarding her, as a surprise, half the money the caterer asked of. That's 10k.

Then hear this loud and clear. Tell them you cannot host at this point in time for family reasons. No further explanation needed. Heavens will not fall. I am sure the main purpose of the meeting is not to have a meal. The meeting can be held in the church.They can either cancel that months meeting or swap with someone else or host it in the church. You need to stop worrying about what people think about you and do whats best for your family.

[quote author=SirMichael1 post=93497706]The previous get togethers I went to, their wife did the cooking. It's just making of soup while I make the swallow.[/quote]

“Like happiness, unhappiness usually springs from a comparison.”
OP, you will do well to run your own race. Do not worry about the next person's pace, mind yours.
In my opinion, you erred the last time when she had to entertain while being 5 months pregnant. This is the time you should been considerate and gotten a caterer. I think this may be the crux of the matter. If you had done so last time, she may not be as vehemently opposed this time around.
Having said that, know that she has a right o refuse. Best you can do is to plead with her that you cant afford 20k Naira for a caterer. But then, you will open up the door to putting a price on her contributions

Is it possible to move your hosting rotation a few months out until you have the funds for a caterer? Perhaps swap places with someone else in the group?

boyka24:
I am boyka24 @DontBullshitMe@dobnina@Liftmaster
if u guys could help I will really appreciate it but nevertheless whatever happens it's God's doing... thanks

Sir, the obvious answer to your prayers is starring you in the face! First ask your family members!

Kullerman:
I will glad if u could render any help moreso revealing my name itself is painful cos I have some family members who come here a lot. I hope no one identifies me by that name as there are lots of that name in the world

Why should this not be a good thing? If your family members see that you need help, they should help you! My counsel to you is that you reach out directly to them for help.

Snakedoctor1:
Private use. Travel to other states. I am still thinking I should settle for my usual Japanese. I really crave yo test an SUV Benz of such class within my budget.

Based on your needs and your desire to drive a Mercedes, I would recommend a sedan first and foremost then perhaps one of the smaller crossovers like GLA, GLB, GLC or the GLE SUV. I am not a fan of the earlier ML. It was trouble when new and would be a disaster used if the issues have not been sorted. Whatever Benz you consider, be prepared to pay a bit more for the best unit you can find. There is nothing more expensive than a cheap Mercedes!

I second the "buyer beware" caution for buying an older Mercedes or any German brand. They tend to need lots of maintenance at around 100k miles. But what caught my attention is that OP is cross shopping a three row SUV vs. 2 row SUV vs a sedan.
My question to OP is "what exactly do you need the vehicle for or to do for you"?

DRiches:
Hello, please am a resident of the United States and currently, I am really in need to renew my passport. I got appointment at the embassy in March but the pandemic did not let me go for capturing.

Please, I would appreciate if anyone can connect me with someone at the embassy directly? I do not really know if it's possible to get any emergency travel paper from the embassy? Because I really need to travel back home very soon. Lastly, or, is it possible to travel with the expired passport, has anyone ever tried this?

Note, I have called the embassy several times but with no response.

I would appreciate your contribution.

Under normal circumstances, you can travel to Nigeria on an expired Nigerian passport and renew when you get there. It's relatively easier if you're on a direct flight from the U.S. With Covid, I have no idea if the few operating carriers/evacuation flights will exercise the same optionality as under normal times. You would need to email/call and confirm before buying your ticket, and be sure to get written confirmation. It helps to provide them with the written rules when making your inquiries as most agents are usually unaware.

This is not good. Firefighting foam is allegedly carcinogenic

The devil lies in the details. A house does not equal a home. In my opinion, if you're seeking to own a home, then it should be where you and your family live day to day. Having said that, neither decision is incorrect. It all depends on perspective.

One of the most efficient ways I've found to process a Nigerian Passport in the U.S. is through the local Nigerian Association (or local Nigerian tribal association) in your state. I don't know what state you're resident in, but in my state, the Nigerian Association brings members of the consulate from either NY or DC to a central city in the state to process passports every year. The officials of the Nigerian Association have direct contacts/access and can help you make inquiries.

It may have escaped your notice, but the scheme you described is illegal, immoral and abhorrent. What is the money to be used for? Bribe the Director? Curry favor from a government agency or directorate? It is unfortunate that this type of behavior is generally accepted in Nigerian society today. In case you're wondering what you should have done, you should have stated clearly that this is an illegal act and you will not be involved in such a despicable scheme. If you have 350 - 500k laying around, why not start a business or invest in something? If bribery is what it takes to get a govt agency job, you should abstain, maintain your honor and prevent any blemish to your conscience.

This King don enter one chance o! This woman will go back to Canada and file for child support which will then start to rack up. Anytime this man tries to enter Canada in the future, he will be arrested . Not to even talk about the drug use accusations and videos. His citizenship can be revoked if he has already naturalized.