₦airaland Forum

Akpos walks into a bar
and orders for a
drink.
He was obviously
upset.
"Akpos, what is the
matter?" asked john.
"john, It is a long
story. I met this
beautiful
woman who invited me
to her house. We
stripped off our
clothes and jumped
into bed and were just
about to make love
when her husband
came in the front door.
So I had to jump out
of the bedroom
window and hang from
the
edge by my fingernails
without any clothes
on.
''That's tough!'' said
Ofego.
''Right, but that's not
what really got me
aggravated. When her
husband came into
the room, he wanted
to have sex with her
but he had to piss first.
And the lazy son of
a Naughty Lady pissed
out of the window
right onto
my head.
'poo! No wonder you
are in a bad mood."
Ofego said.
Akpos continued: 'Yeah,
but I haven't told
you what really really
made me mad. Next, I
had to listen to them
grunting and
groaning and when
they finished the
husband tossed his
condom out the
window. And where
does it land? On my
goddamned forehead!''
''Hmm, that is really so
bad!'' Ofego said.
Akpos said: ''Oh, I'm
not finished! See, what
really pissed me off
was when the husband
had to poo. It turns out
that their toilet was
broken, so he stuck his
Bottom out of the
window and let loose
right on my head.
That would sure mess
up my day. Ofego
said.
Akpos said: 'Yeah,
yeah, yeah, but do you
know what REALLY
REALLY REALLY pissed
me off?
Ofego said: No.
Akpos said: When I
looked down i saw that
my feet was only SIX
inches off the ground.

AKPOS: I cleaned my
computer and it's
broken.
TECHNICIAN: What did
you clean it with?
AKPOS: Soap and
water.
TECHNICIAN: You are
not supposed to use
water near a computer.
AKPOS: I don't think it
was the water that
broke it, I think it is the
washing machine.

Goodluck Jonathan,
David Mark, Obasanjo
and former miss world
Agbani Darego are
traveling in a train. The
train suddenly goes
through a tunnel and
it gets completely dark.
Suddenly
there is a kissing sound
and then a
slap! The train comes
out of the
tunnel. David Mark and
Obasanjo are sitting
there looking perplexed.
Goodluck Jonathan
is
bent over holding his
face, which is red
from an apparent slap.
All of
them remain diplomatic
and nobody says
anything. David Mark is
thinking:
"These men are all
crazy after
Agbani Darego".
Goodluck Jonathan
must
have tried to
kiss her in the tunnel.
Very proper
that she slapped him.
Agbani Darego is
thinking: "Goodluck
Jonathan must have
moved to kiss me, and
kissed Obasanjo
instead
and got slapped."
Goodluck Jonathan is
thinking:
"Damn it, Obasanjo
must have tried to kiss
Agbani Darego, she
thought it was me and
slapped me." Obasanjo
is thinking:
"If this train goes
through another
tunnel, I could make
another kissing sound
and slap Goodluck
Jonathan again".

Mrs. Akpors Buys A New
SimCard, Puts it In Her
Phone and Decides 2
Surprise her Husband
Who Is seated On the
Couch In The Living
Room... She Goes To
The Kitchen, Calls Her
Husband With the New
Number: "Hello Darling"
The husband (Akpors) Responds
in A Low Tone: "Let Me
Call U Back Later honey,
The Dumb Lady Is In
The Kitchen.

yhuci: what would you do if you're home alone and a mad man as in a huge one enters your house with a weapon?

. . . I'll do what ur father did last year. . . leave my family and run away

Jonathan met with the
Queen of
England. He asked her,
"How do you
run such an efficient
government? Are there
any tips u can
give to me?
I want to help Nigeria."
"Well," said the Queen,
"the most important
thing
is to surround yourself
with intelligent
people." Jonathan
frowned, and then
asked,"But how do i
know the people
around me are really
intelligent?" The Queen
replied, "Oh, that's
easy, you just ask
them to answer an
intelligent riddle."
The Queen
pushed a button on her
intercom.
"Please send
David Cameron in here,
would you?" David
Cameron walked into
the room
and
said,"Yes, your
majesty?" The Queen
smiled and said,
"Answer this riddle.
David, your mother and
father have a
child, it is not your
brother and it is not
your
sister. Who is
it?" Without pausing for
a minute David
Cameron answered,
"that would be
me." "Yes, very good,"
said the Queen.
Jonathan went back
home to ask his Vice
President Sambo.
JONATHAN: Answer
this. Your mother and
your
father have a child, it's
not your brother
and it's
not your sister, who is
it? SAMBO: "I'm not
sure, let me get back
to you." He
asked all his staff in
the Office but none
could
give him an answer.
Finally, one day, VP
Sambo
ran into Dora Akunyili.
Sambo asked, Dora,
SAMBO: Your mother
and father
have a child and
it's not your brother or
sister, who is
it?" Dora answered
sharply, "That's
easy, its me!"
Sambo smiled,and said
"Thanks!" Then he
went back to speak
with President
Jonathan. Sambo: Sir, I
have the answer
to that riddle, It's
Dora Akunyili! Jonathan
got angry,he
said to Sambo. "No
wonder Nigeria isn't
moving forward, I am
surrounded by
Dummies! The answer
is
David
Cameron!" WHO IS
MORE INTELLIGENT?

It happened in a
hospital in Warri, Delta
State ... Intensive Care
Unit (ICU) patients
died, in the same bed,
every Sunday at 3pm.
Doctors thought it was
something
supernatural. So, a
team of experts was
formed to Investigate
the cause or causes.
The following Sunday,
few minutes before
3pm, all doctors &
Nurses stood around
that particular bed
waiting to see what it
was. Then suddenly
Akpos (Part time
sweeper) entered the
ICU, unplugged the Life
Support system of
that Bed & then
plugged his blackberry
charger.

Teacher : If your father
has N10, and you
asked for N5, how
much will your father
have?.
Akpos: N10.
Teacher : You don't
know maths.
Akpos :
You
dont know my father!

Rukewe was burnt to
death so they called
his 2 best frnds Ogene
and Akpos to identify
the body.
1st went ogene...
Ogene: He's burnt
pretty bad his face is
beyond recognition.
Ogene asked the
motician to roll the
body
over'..
The motician found
this really weird..
He rolled the body then
Ogene said ' that
aint rukewe!
They calld his 2nd frnd
Akpos to identify the
body.. '
Akpos also askd the
same
question to roll the
body over' he also said
this is not rukewe!
The motician askd why
did both of u
wanted me to roll the
body?
Akpos: rukewe has 2
assholes ..dats not
rukewe..
Motician: huh dats
impossible!
Akpos: I'm telling u he
got 2 assholes cos
evrytime wen three of
us go to the Club
people say ''Here
comes Rukewe and his
two assholes!''

Boy: Do you have a
boyfriend?
Girl: Nope;I don't want
to have a boyfriend.
Boy: Gen. 2:18 The Lord
God said,“It is not
good for the man to
be alone. I will make a
helper suitable for
him.”
Girl: But I don't love you.
Boy: 1 John 4:8
"Whoever does not love
does
not know God,
because God is love."
Girl: And how do I know
you mean those
words? Boy: Matthew
12:34 "For out of the
abundance of the
heart
the mouth
speaks."
Girl: But how can I be
sure that you're loyal
and honest?
Boy: Mark 13:31
"Heaven and earth will
pass
away, but my
words will never pass
away."
Girl: But why me? There
are a lot of girls out
there!
Boy: Proverbs 31:29
"Many women do noble
things, but you
surpass them all."
Girl: But what is in me
that you like?
Boy: Song of Solomon
4:7 "You are
altogether
beautiful, my
darling; there is no flaw
in you."
Girl: But I'm not all that
beautiful...you 're
exaggerating.
Boy: Proverbs 31:30
"Charm is deceptive,
and
beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who
fears the Lord is to be
praised."
Girl: What happens if I
say yes?
Boy: Genesis 2:24
"Therefore man shall
leave
his father and his
mother and hold fast
to his wife, and they
shall become one
flesh."
Girl: How come you
know the scriptures
this
much?
Boy: Joshua 1:8 " This
book of the Law shall
not depart from your
mouth, but you shall
meditate on it day and
night, so that you
may be careful to do all
that is written in it.
For then you will
make your way
prosperous and you will
have
good success."
Girl: wooow, I can see u
really love God.
Boy: Psalm 34:8 "Oh,
taste and see that the
Lord is good!
Blessed is the man
who takes refuge in
Him.
Girl: hmmmh! Ok please
give me time to
think
about it.
Boy: Philippians 4:8
"Finally brethren,
whatever is true,
whatever
is honorable, whatever
is just, whatever is
pure, whatever is
lovely, whatever is
commendable, if there
is
any excellence, if
there is anything
worthy of praise, think
about these things."
Girl: aw! I love you
already
Boy: Revelation 22:21
"Amen!"

Akpors goes off to
Unilag.
Half way through the
semester, he has
foolishly
squandered all his
money.
He call his father at
home.
"Dad," he says, "You
won't believe what
modern
education is developing!
They actually have a
program here in Unilag
that will
teach our dog,
monkey-boy how to
talk!"
"That's amazing," his
Dad says . "How do I
get Monkey-boy into the
program?"
Akpors smiling said...
"Just send him down
here with N10,000"
Young Akpors says. "I'll
get him
in the course dad." So,
his father sends the
dog and N10,000.
About two weeks to
end the semester, the
money again runs out.
Akpors calls home again.
"So how's Monkey-boy
(the dog name is
monkey- boy) doing
son?" his father asks.
"Awesome, Dad, he's
talking up a storm," he
says,
"but you just won't
believe this - they've
had such
good results they have
started to teach the
animals
how to read!"
"Read!?" says his father,
"No kidding!
How do we get
monkey-boy in that
program?"
Akpors smiling said
"Just send N20,000, I'll
get him in the class."
The money promptly
arrives.
But our hero (Akpors)
has a problem.
At the end of the year,
his father will find out
the dog can neither talk,
nor read. So he shoots
the dog.
When he arrives
home at the
end of the year, his
father is all excited.
"Where's monkey-boy? I
just can't wait to see
him
read something and
talk!" "Dad," the boy
says,"I have some grim
news. Yesterday
morning, just before we
left to drive home,
monkey-boy was in the
living room, kicked back
in
the recliner, reading the
Punch Newspaper, like
he usually does.
Then he turned to me
and asked, "So, is your
daddy
still messing' around
with that little redhead
Ekaette who lives in
town?" The father
exclaimed,"I hope you
shot
that son of a
bitch before he talks to
your Mother!"

I was coming home
saturday evening
after a hectic day and
found a small bag on
the ground. I opened it
and behold what I
found inside; $20,000
dollars!! Fear first
catch me, but I took
the bag home and
when ...I emptied It, I
found some
Documents, ID card,
ATM card and an
Iphone.
I thought about
throwing the sim away
and keep the phone
and also dispose the
documents and keep
the money. After a
long thought, I decided
to
leave things as they
were, hoping that the
owner would call.
Not long after a call
came through on the
Iphone, I picked and
talked with the caller.
Apparently it was the
owner of the bag coz
he named absolutely
every content of the
bag. We met
afterwards and i
handed him
the bag. he offered me
$2,000 dollars but I
turned it down , he
collected my number
and
i left.
Yesterday he called me
and offered me a
job
at Chevron worth
750,000 Naira per
month,
a 3 bedroom flat fully
furnished, and a 2012
BMW X6
As I was smiling and
testing the
car my brother just
slapped me and said
"Oya Oya Oya okoro
Wake up!! Food is
ready!"

Dad: akpors, your Uncle is coming to
collect the money i
owed him. When he
comes, tell him i have
travelled to Benin.
Akpors: Yes Dad
Uncle:Where is your
father?
Akpors: He has
travelled to Benin.
Uncle: When is he
coming back?
Akpors: Wait, let me go
and ask him?
Boy: Dad, Uncle said
when are you coming
back?
Dad: Tell him next
week friday.
Akpors ran back and
said:
Uncle, my dad said i
should tell you that he
wil
be bak next week.
Uncle: ok, go and tell
him that if he comes
bak
next week, he should
let me know.
AMONG THE THREE. . . . Who is more foolish?

WAEC examination,
Akpos was
asked to complete the
following:
1. He who fights and run
away?
Akpos: E don surrender
be dat na, na
fear catch am
2. A rolling stone?
Akpos: No fit just
dey roll, na person push
am
.
3. He who lives in a
glass house?
Akpors: Na rich politician
e go be.
4. A stitch in time?
Akpors: Dey
prevent further tear
tear.
5. Birds of the same
feather?
Akpors: Na the same
mama born
them.
6. One good turn?
Akpors: Na correct
power steering fit do
am.
7. A bird in hand?
Akpors: Wetin e
wan be again if no be
barbeque. Dem
plenty
for chicken republic.
8. Half bread is better
than?
Akpors: Puff puff, buns
or garri
without sugar.
9. A journey of a
thousand miles?
Akpors: Na d person
wahala be dat
na, Why e no enter car
or aeroplane
jeje?
10. He who laughs last?
Akpors: Get brain
problem. Make dem
examine am, becos
na begining of madness
be dat.
11. A patient dog?
Akpors: Na hunger go kill
am.
12. All work and no play?
Akpors: Na bank job be
dat bros.
13. Once beaten?
Akpors: Na revenge go
follow be dat.
14. A fool at forty?
Akpors: U never
see Naija own, our own
starts @ 50
15. A toad does not run in the daylight?
Akpors: . . .for fear say china people go carry am do better meat.

UlqU3: @j boy, you get bodybagged, run to your home-site to spread lies and badmouth someone behind his back? smh

and ur current battles on rap genesis, u've been winnin via no-show. . . PDP ish. . U've been paired wif weak vets even a female lately.

Akpos: Dad, whats the
difference between
'potential' and 'reality'?
Dad turns to wife:
would u sleep with
George W. Bush for $1
million?
Wife: Of course, I will
never waste that
opportunity.
Dad turns to daughter:
Would u sleep with Brat
Pitt for $1 million?
Daughter: Yes! He is my
fantasy.
Dad turns to elder son:
Would u sleep with Tom
Cruise for $1 million?
Eldest son: Why not?
Imagine what I would
do with that money.
Dad turns to his
youngest son Akpos; U
see
son, 'potentially' we are
sitting with
multimillionair es BUT in
'reality' we are sitting
with two prostitutes
and one Gay idiot.

Ema prince: couldn't access none of these links...why not copy the verses and paste at FFR lets see

. . . If ur on facebook. . . It shuld open up

UlqU3: @j boy, you get bodybagged, run to your home-site to spread lies and badmouth someone behind his back? smh

. . . . Call someone that will say what i said are all lies. . . Half of the niggaz on rhyme and pattern wont even u water to drink when ur thirsty, cos of ur mofo attitude

U3 links
.
.
.
.
.
https://www.facebook.com/notes/rhyme-and-pattern-rap/rap-2012text-battleu3-vs-tek/10150906362512109
.
https://www.facebook.com/notes/rhyme-and-pattern-rap/rap-regal-kiid-vs-uduaku3/10150844454037109
.
https://www.facebook.com/notes/rhyme-and-pattern-rap/rap-olympics-2012-finaltextdissround-5-u3-vs-dloks/10150881281037109
.
https://www.facebook.com/notes/rhyme-and-pattern-rap/nt-battle-72-u3-vs-sarosh/10150427960202109
.

qEekzEe: Yo whiNes doznt change shii,,u3 got mxt titles on fb closly followd by siddogg, , either he beggd /rigged votes, dats jxt aN accusation so chuka shud 4get bout wah he is sayin, or r u d 1 wif d mxt titles? Joker!

its like claiming that police were accused falsely for collecting bribe

яhymΣ_ ȴunα†!¢:
He is the nigga with the most titles on facebook. . So don't underrate him

we know how he got it. He am solicit for votes very well

Ibime: Abeg send me link to his previous work

i will sir. . . Lemme go un-earth that nigga

яhymΣ_ ȴunα†!¢:
Shi.it!!! U3 vs Ibime? Damn!! Ibime this nigg@ gon murk you

if i hear. . . And i know that dickrider must have paid so much to be paired wif da great ibime