₦airaland Forum

asking anyone to forget anything. But sentiment aside if there is no resolution the problem will exponentially grow.
I believe that peace is the way forward nothing cowardly about that as the likes of EzeUche have labeled.

I don't know what type of rogue society that some assholes on this thread are demeaning fit for Plateau. But I want none of that!
I want a peaceful co-existence to be restored on the Plateau. This is not time for is "right" politics, unless of course we want more lives lost on both sides of the battlefield.

Stop using dat name Jos Boy. No one from plateau state will make such comments. Be proud of where ur coming from

thati  despice more than a dogs sh1t than your type, there are some igbos i will drink tea with but your type, i will never look into your eye, filthy bushman, you will get what you wish for one day

lies the hausa man will do anything in the name of religion he will never look into your eyes. he will kill u gbam ask people like us dat schooled there. They BURN CHURCHES AND KILL CHRISTIANS IN THE NAME OF POLITICS. Joshua Dariye is from Bokkos not Jos so does not kw what it means for someone to come from somewhere to claim his land. Jang is from Jos. Imagine this Hausa people they want local govt in Jos , Can d Berom man leaving in Kano get up one morning to say he wants a local govt in Kano?

The only thing i have lernt from that religion is hatred for fellow human beings on religious beliefs, BOMBING, KIILINGS, HIJACKS AND THE LIKES dats enough to put a sane person off

host Oprah Winfrey today celebrated the opening of her first church and the founding of her new religion, titled O, The Oprah Religion. The multi-tasking Oprah will serve as pontiff and deity for both.

“Expanding on Her enormously successful enterprises in television, film, the web, and Her magazine, Oprah Winfrey brings Her positive, motivational spirit to one of the most highly anticipated new religions since Scientology,” explained spokesperson and new Archbishop for the church, Gayle King, in a press conference in Chicago today.

“O, The Oprah Religion gives confident, smart women the tools they need to explore and reach for their dreams, to express their individual style, and to make choices that will lead to a happier and more fulfilling afterlife.”

“In addition, we’ve eliminated the regressive prohibitions – such as those against shrimp, clothing made of mixed fibers, and premarital sex – that older, outmoded religions still cling to, but which no longer fit in with the lifestyles of their congregations. In fact, Oprah loves to share a shrimp cocktail with her live-in life partner while wearing stretch-wool slacks! Now, with O, The Oprah Religion, you can do the same, and without the threat of everlasting damnation!”

King went on, “O, The Oprah Religion, has all the comforts of a traditional belief system, but combined with the uplifting spirit of Oprah, so that anyone from a religious background will still feel at home when they convert the new traditions of O, The Oprah Religion.”

“For example, instead of a spring fertility festival like Easter or Passover, with O, The Oprah Religion, you’ll celebrate the abundance of Oprah with Her spring holiday Oprah’s Favorite Things, which is observed during the second week of spring sweeps. During this holiday, believers smear the blood of a freshly slaughtered lamb on their television, and in the middle of the day the Holy Spirit of Oprah visits all supplicants and showers them with cashmere pajamas, gourmet chocolates, and Gladware”

“It doesn’t stop there!” added Archbishop King. “The Catholic tradition of confession has been incorporated into O, The Oprah Religion, but with a twist: confession occurs just once per lifetime, is syndicated nationally, and is officiated over by Oprah herself. Since Oprah serves as both pontiff and God in human form, penance is unnecessary, forgiveness is guaranteed, and it’s all done without the use of an intercessor! Verily I say unto thee: O, The Oprah Religion empowers all women with the tools for their own salvation! Praise be!”

Though Winfrey herself officiated over the opening ceremonies for the First Church Of Oprah, Savior, located on Chicago’s Magnificent Mile, O, The Oprah Religion does not require or even encourage Church attendance. Instead, believers are urged to stay home and watch services on their televisions. Regular broadcasts will be held every weekday at 11am. An additional service is planned for the most devout, to be called Oprah, After The Service.

Following her introductory remarks, Archbishop King spread her hands to the heavens, and Oprah herself appeared in the sky overhead, swathed in blindingly white robes and a pair of black leather knee-high boots with stiletto heels. Before Her, a mixed crowd of pre- and post-menopausal women shrieked in excitement, weeping openly at the heavenly vision. Several attendees were so overcome that they collapsed in pools of their own urine.

“Blessed are all who come before Me,” intoned Oprah after floating down to the podium, “and Blessed are all women who come to terms with things! Blessed also is this interesting hand-carved pepper mill; it is one of My Favorite Things! There’s one in each of your gift bags!”

With a flourish of trumpets from an unseen orchestra, production assistants scurried through the crowd, handing out gift bags to all and dispensing Egyptian cotton towels to the women who had wet themselves.

“Blessed is My church, enter ye now and view My services on the giant screen flat-panel Sony television within!” Continued Oprah, “Look within yourself, for you can overcome all obstacles when you believeth in yourself! Look also within your gift bag, as you all get a certificate for a free flat-panel Sony television of thine own!”

With a gesture from Her hands, the doors to the church swept open, and the crowds rushed forth to enter the church as an ivory chariot descended from the sky, whisking Oprah away to her apartment.

“Peace be with you! Praise be to Me!” she yelled as she drove out of sight.

In addition to Oprah’s Favorite Things, other holidays planned for the religion include The Feast Of The Assumption Of Maya Angelou, celebrated each summer with a poetry reading and live bird release, and the month-long Stedmanadon in the fall. Following similar marketing plans by the Kabbalah Center, a line of scented candles in the works, tentatively titled O, The Oprah-scented Candle, though plans for bottled water have been cancelled due to legal problems with Cirque Du Soleil.
Source: Davis McDavis

http://davismcdavis.xanga.com/197822930/oprah-winfrey-opens-church-founds-religion/

221 Comments

ifyalways:
LB,I chose to use Jos crisis cos its closer home.since this crisis started,people not animals are being slaughtered daily,now we have been having our prayers(likewise christians)have we or is there any effort/strucrure put in place to say,after salat,the iman wud have a brief talk with the youths?we have socities asar udeen etc,have they been educating people and discouraging violence or they prefer to keep quiet?In as much as this measures might not stop the madness going on in the north but it can touch/save a soul.when there is sharia to be implented,it starts from the mosque,we suddenly have leaders but when issues like violence erupts,it seems we do nothing.im assuming alot here,perharps there are structures up there but we all need to put in more effort and may Allah(swt) purify our Islam,guide us together with those he have guidedstrenghten us and put us into his care.Amin

NA TODAY?

[come joint the winnig team.] for una mind

the airtel 2good package is not a promo. it has come to stay and lots more coming.

I agree with the poster. My parents Told me they They once stayed in the military barracks at nnewi that was long before we were given birth to. For me i expect the place to be a city

Thank God

For me God has been Faithfull, i had gone through alot name it partly my fault.The Bible says obedience is better than sacrifice. Thank God I ve been redeemed.Dont want to ever go away  from Gods presence again lai lai.

This  happens only in naija. ALL ANIMALS ARE EQUAL BUT SOME ARE MORE EQUAL THAN THE OTHERS . When will we get Good leadership?

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My wife is 14yrs older than me & she warned me never to tell any 1

Na today pls spear our ears ok sugar mummy u mean?

My personal line.The guy in question is God fearing, gentle no sex before marriage guy which i am very comfortable with cos before now was wondering if we still had guys like that but sincerely  his insecurity is really getting to me.Thanks for all the advise

I have this fine good looking guy in my office dat i decide to start dating after he asked me out. Before we started dating he was always complaining that i smile alot and guys re always around me, even had to cut down on number of people i talk in the office despite the fact that its a customer care job and ur suppose te jovial all the time as it will reflect in ur voice when talking to customers.Anytime he calls my line and its on call waiting , he gets angry and doesnt pick is calls afterwards.antime the phone rings and dont pick then he concludes some else is with me and send s nasty text messages saying , u ve change, i know u ve someone blah blah.Claims he does that becos he loves me very much.

This post is really anoying. we all know its the mans nature to cheat, they see that as normal. But if a lady cheats its something else in Africa oh.Time shall tell. We shall soon change that notion

YOU DONT EXPECT US TO CONTRIBUTE EQUALLLY TO THE UPKEEP OF THE FAMILY AND STILL ACCORD U SAME SUBMISSION LIKE TIN THE DAYS OF OUR PARENTS WHEN THE MAN WAS THE BREAD WINNER, ALL HE NEEDED TO DO THEN WAS TO COUGH AND THE WHOLE HOuSE WILL SHAKE. cant eat ur cake lol,

MEN EGO AND PRIDE. IT DOESNT MAKE U LESS A MAN. HE SHOULD TAKE THE JOB AND STOP PRETENDING lol.

Just becos u touch them and they dont talk does not mean they like or enjoy it hm hm Men with their Ego, Always thinking about themselves. they love their friend and would not want to spoil her hapiness.

so? this is the real deal

that letter looks is fake lol

especially for US Ladies, u bear the shame , disgrace worst, u might contact an infection trying to abort or take drugs that might render u infertile in the near future, and the Man promising u heaven and earth to get inbetween is no where.

Single but not searching

Re: Why Do You Want To Get Married?
« #6 on: May 20, 2009, 09:02 AM »

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my toilet needs scrubbing, my entire house is full of cobwebs and dirt, my clothes are so,
Na d kind una dey wash woman pants

Fake luv,especially if u ve painted a nice pix about ur urself and ur bank account

because some one is out dear dying to luv u while u re out there chasing someone dat doesnt luv u. wat did u think u were doing to the other person too? Get a life,

:otakes 2 to tangle. your brothrer must really be a God help him. cos wat goes around comes around, ur bro should be prepared to marry a someone worst than a

born2fuck wat name even the post is same. Did u mean beat ur wife? cos we all kw men are the ones that beat their parents

Thanks 4 telling me ur from Lokoja, no vex any way