₦airaland Forum

liefdesverhaal:
She is adamant. The truth is I am a very religious person but I believe this situation requires practicality as much as wisdom.

The unfortunate thing is that We didn't court for long. Reason is that I was in a seven years of bitter long distance relationship that I wanted to end desperately and when she came along... I saw her as the best way to let go of the other person.

I saw some of this threat early(Three months later) but by then she was pregnant. I was worried but family and friends advice that things will be better after the delivery and marriage and I was not ready to have another child out of wedlock.

How do i get out of this quagmire?

You shouldn't get over someone by having anoda person...it never ends well...the period u were suppose to be single and get to know ur weaknesses and strengths and what you indeed need in a partner you spent it marrying someone you didn't know well...now u have to go back to square one.

Fast and pray for God's wisdom and guidance in dealing with these challenges you're facing. It might not be all that bad when yua done seeking the face of God. My 2kobo

What will you do? Shout and scream at the man?invite everyone into the home who will beg you?d man sef go beg...den you will do shakara for one month or more and probably say you will leave him and he should stop seeing the girl...den everyone one will beg you not to leave the home for anoda woman and dt men cheat all the time and you'll believe and move on with your life. If yua lucky he won't do it to your face if you aren't.
.well?

Truth is i will do nothing...coz no matter the tantrums,and d outbursts that will ensue it will not take back the disrespect,disloyalty,infidelity and the fact that he chose the sidechick over you...so I'll do nothing,say nothing,react to nothing,not gonna call anybody and I'll move on with my life before i let one misely man called "horseband" give me sleepless nights over his own transgressions. If my silence doesn't make him have a rethink then it'll be time to plan my exit.

Honestly life is too short to allow someone hold the key to your happiness and peace of mind abeg

Gasout:
Just wondering..

My friend and I went to pick his wife at her work place yesterday. I was sitting side to him in the front sit when his wife came out of her office. When she saw me at the front sit. Immediately, her countenance and look changed. perhaps, she was expecting me to move to the back sit which I politely ignore.

My opinion: whenever there is outing between I, my wife, and my friend, I think my friend should be the one to occupy the front sit. Though, yet to marry...
[b][/b]
Nairalanders, what's ur take on this : "who should sit at the front sit between ur wife and friend?"

My own is i seriously pity d woman dt will marry you...imagine u saying when u get married and deres ever an outing with u, ur frnd and ur wifey dt u expect ur wife to sit at the back

Shows how she'll be a thirdclass citizen in ur home and dts quite tacky of you...u might think it's just a seat but d intention behind it speaks volume!

EggovinMma:
The guy dey lonely na.
Him no no say women be companion to a man.Man wey hang out with friends MUST surely retire with woman for room! Except him na gay.


He needs to realise that he is lonely and must carve out his own family.

u don finish dis guy o chai!

Tallesty1:
Satan is playing with your heart.





Most of them come back with another man instead of cert.

wicked!!

tellwisdom:

You women get wahala aswear. So few minutes importance sitting at the front wey u suppose give am, na em dey hard u?...In short, come drive

....oga u no understand....it's not d front seat dt is d main ish but d fact dt d op no respect his frnds wife coz she wanted to seat dere...some women will seat at d bk and wudnt mind but when a woman is giving u d eye it means its important to her den u stand up...it's courtesy nothing more nothing less

Gasout:
U think am arrogant? No! Am not. Even her hubby(my friend) cannot dare ask me to move to the back seat.

Na wa o..are u sure u and dt guy are not engaging in an illicit affair..coz d way u dey drag dis issue kon dey stand ur ground is quite suspicious and questionable why u no marry ur best frnd nw since u feel no woman shud take ur place in his life...shior!

babygirlfl:
Who seats in the front of a car might be petty depending on who is involved. What is not petty however is op's attitude. Also, in marriage, petty things tend to be the cause of trouble. If the wife considers it petty and ask you to stay in front, then its fine. In your friends case, it seems it is important to the wife who sits in the front and it is so rude of you to ignore and stay put. You also do not have respect for him and his wife (this might be secondary to him not having respect for her anyway).

I used to ignore who sat at the front of the car until I realized that some people just lack good manners. Letting them stay in the car because they were there already will give some people without manners the right to think that that is how it should be. They might not understand why they can't stay in front next time.

The fact that you are arrogant about it is enough for some women to teach you a lesson by making sure you get off that front seat just for the fun of it and not because it means so much to them who seats in the front. Most sensible men won't even let you treat their wife in that manner.

op, If your wife comes to pick you with her friend in the car, would you expect her friend to act in this same way you acted?

Gbam!!

Onegai:
Get up first, let me then tell you "oh relax, stay there". That's good manners, not a wifely thing. Simple, basic good manners. Not common apparently. But if it's too hard for you to understand, don't stress yourself.

Onegai abeg leave am...he still won't get it. Almost as if he's dragging d man with his wife

Op u need to change dt mindset of urs o...what discussion were u guys having dt you can't say it while seating at d back...i have problem with ur frnd not saying u shud go to d back sef...u knw how dey say lil issues make up big ones...dis scenario sums it up. Exactly how shud marriage last when some ppl will pick best frnds over spouse..."even if it's ur best frnd" why una no just marry den.

U don't think its bad ko?? Let ur wife tell u sweetie sit at d bk coz her bestie dey front

Pls op what's d name of d font yua using on ur fone...really feeling

jetage1:
First haterz should Bleep d hell outta my space, its my personal standard, anyways, so many friends have been saying give marriage another Chance, but each time i list my 10 Qualities they go mute. Guys are my standard too high? Here are d 10 most important qualities i am looking for in a woman, the ones marked * can not be compromised for any reason.
1. She must be a Virgin*
2. She must be 23 to 25 yrs old, maximum 25 years*
3. She must be a graduate, Virgins who are undergraduates are exempted*
4. She must be a career or bizness woman with at least 3 million naira in savings(am not after her cash, am earning comfortably) thats if she can no longer provide her virginity
5. She must be 5ft6" -5ft8" tall, i dnt like women who are obviously taller than me
6. She must not be too thin or too fat, weight not above 60kg, ideal body type, Yemi Alade's
7. She must be a God fearing Christian frm any part of d country, but must b of same religion*
8. Must be Fashionable but yet domesticated*
9. Must be able to blend in with my friends at all levels and must see members of my family d way i see them.*
10. She must love me, cherish me like crazy, and be able to put my needs above hers*



So tell me guys, is my list unattainable? just wanna knw, oya for those ladies who are already ready to bash, lets go there.

Sharp sharp get clay and mold her yourself

NL peeps got no joy i swear

taryour:
no dear it's not a nightmare it's real, so wake up and face reality. and NO his love for you was not 200% as you think, It's not even up to 60%, else he would have tried reaching out to you in those 9months you were apart (except you dint tell us the full gist ). true love doesn't die in 9 months.
You both made your mistakes. He has moved on now you should also move on. I your life is not over so don't drive yourself insane over it. dust yourself up and look on the brother side of life. your man will find you and you will fine your man. love your ex alone and let him leave his new life in peace. If you wish him bad be prepared to face the same fate you wish him in many more folds. goodluck

Op if i were you...i will follow this advice

thorpido:
I don't understand you.You were not keen on resolving the issues you guys had and was okay to ignore him for months and even cut off contacts,yet you're biting yourself he didn't marry you?
You say you don't fully understand the male gender,well you really don't!what was he to do?Stay there till thy kingdom come?What you really need to understand more is yourself.
Relationships take efforts and a lot of compromise.You didn't really want what you had so just let it go.
It's a good thing you've drawn closer to God.Trust Him to give you something better than you have had.

And this one too...dts all u need

Pasò to fi na iyale...wa fi na iyawo...let any yorubas in d house translate it for her

Sadly i know u won't take our advice...yua gonna marry dt man den come to NL to open another thread when situations turn on u.

Goodluck

naijaboiy:
[color=#1980BC]How exactly does this follow?

Obviously you were at bill gates' wedding ceremony. [/color]

Please kindly read d whole thread to know how it follows

eniolaamoda:
Aunty Wey dey swerve person
We talking of made bill gates here Naija version
Not d one that is YET to b bill gates

The one that already is one of the richest men not one aspiring to be

U grab.

Ode no be u say Bill Gates...did u specify weda na naija version or african version...infact did u even say any version

eniolaamoda:
U think ppl like that r stupid enough not to sign a prenuptial document I don't know what d exact name is called tho but it an agreement that will make u not take half of his salary he can only gv u what he wishes to gv u

U think wen bill gates got married he signed a prenup...did he even knw he'll be a billionaire??...abeg swerve!!

eniolaamoda:
U r not Annie but I can bet my life u will accept ur husband

Let me ask u a sincere question pls
If u r married to bill gates and he impregnated another lady outside
Will u leave d marriage or stay?

Someone like Bill Gates ke divorce is extremely attractive coz u get HALF

na today,12inches got me laffing...if u guys do a wider research u will find more shocking truths...then d men start making it look like women aint allowed to enjoy sex...this society ehn kills women every seconds...d ones dt get to thrive are d ones dt are truly determined.

she shouldn't swear for the man abi....she should pray for him to change ba...when will men start taking responsibility for their actions rather than blame the wife...how can a woman suffer with you and then you pay her back by sleeping with whores....why evils na?

TooNoisy:
Interesting comments from some people advising her to quit the marriage.

I wonder if the advise would have been the same if it was a man that told the story.

So if a man says his wife has been unemployed for 5 years and he has been the one providing for her and even sending money to her people, yet the wife shows no appreciation, will we say he should divorce her? Most responses will even suggest that is what is expected of him and all he needs to do is to talk to him wife.

Why is it the advice different now that it's a lady narrating the story?

My advice is that husband and wife should resolve this amicably. This does not warrant divorce.

Both have different roles to play in d marriage and d hubby is doing none...a man is meant to be a provider and protector in the family while d woman is d helping hand and she takes care of what's needed in the home and it seems in their own setting the woman is doing both and to top it all she's being abused for it.

Am very sure what made d woman tired is d constant abuse of d hubby plus his family and dts just all shades of wrong! D man isn't providing and he is not protecting his wife from his family...ur example here doesn't fit coz we see men everyday who leave their wives coz they don't know how to cook and do other things in the home

Not every issue can be sorted amicably..coz d man will just lie dt he'll change...when you aint getting what u need from ur partner for so many years i think one is allowed to leave...marriage no b do-or-die affair.

Why NL dey always beef ladies like this ehn

babeabike:
From your comment I'm guessing you are not married.

So I'm meant to make her 3 square meal for a week as a guest...ok?

Aunty mi,note oooo I av not bn cooking persay since I clocked 34weeks because its BN me n my hubby which he understands or I eat at work.

Don't worry I will not rant again.infact before I leave for work on the,I will dutifully go and make her breakfast..that's cool right?

But if it was ur younger bro or sis u wudnt have minded cooking ba...or what if it was ur MIL...wud u still complain...let's be honest here from ur write up you've been beefing d gal before she even set foot into ur home...u think am not married toor if u need d girl's help "ask" and stop coming to NL to air ur frustration wen it can be sorted out if u apply maturity...u aint d first to get married neither are u d first to get pregnant...have a lovely evening

babeabike:
Here is my story ;

I got married early this year and I'm heavily pregnant (38weeks).Since we got married its been only my family and friends visiting that had to spend the night.Aside my MIL who comes like every other week to help and look out for me,none of my husband's fam Av had to spend the night.

Then last week my hubby informed me that his paternal cousin will be spending Xmas season with us.I first got pissed when he said he will be going to pick her from their place.I said maka why a girl of 18.but told him if he insisted, he can go ahead to do d pick up even though I found it unreasonable.

Since the girl arrived on Thurs,she seats like a queen in my living room while I sweat out in my kitchen(note I'm heavily pregnant).And when food is ready,my husband calls out for her to pick her food.Then yesternight, I said I'm not hungry and of cos tired and since the house is full of food,she should go and cook whatever she likes because of that she went to bed without eating.

Since that yesterday she started locking herself in the room.imagine? This morning she woke up forming stomach pain,so my MIL who came around did all the chores including cooking.

To cut the long story short.if this girl was my family,I would Av called her to order. But I've decided to be quite because definitely this is her first and last opportunity to visit.

My mum has been here severely since I took in and when she comes,she helps with all d chores inclusive cooking(note,she is a senior lecturer,no b say she jobless oooh).Even when my elder sister passed a night sometimes ago,she helped out inclusive folding all my husband's cloths(note she is married and also gainfully employed).That's just to mention a few of my ppl,others are my sis in law,cousins and even my friends.They never sit and watch me sweat out,talkless of a small girl.

I'm already thinking making up my mind that aside my Parents in-law,I may not entertain all those young cousins and relatives from my husband's side because I cannot take such shits.because if it wasn't holiday,would she wait for me everyday from work(after driving in Lagos traffic) to come cook for her without giving a helping hand.

Maybe its just my take but for me this is one of those obvious reasons wives bar husband's fam from coming around

Ur rant is actually baseless...assuming d girl entered ur kitchen to cook her food u will still find issues with it...she's a guest...u expect all guests to come into ur home,cook and clean all ur clothes and what not seriously? D ppl u mentioned are close family so they wud do it outta love but u and d babe sef no close and u expect her to be all chummy and start doing all chores...o ga o...some women need serious brain resetting...den u brought it to NL like we r suppose to praise u or go beat d girl or better still abuse ur hubby for allowing her to come to ur home...some women be finding issues where there's none since 1800

Won de!! all these lists won't save today's marriages if people keep on marrying for the wrong reasons and men still think it's a woman's sole responsibility to save d union forgetting it takes two to tango!

You sound pissed!!!

Most married couples do it alot...so no big deal

M just speechless

LastProphet:
so he is the one that respected her by committing adultery he refused to confess abi? so his sorry excuse is to hide behind some archaic culture that protects only the men abi? so Mr OP have you asked your parents if there is punishment for you that first cheated on her? that should be the first thing to tell your parents before her own

Ooh he cheated didn't read dt part...when a story is filled with grammatical errors one finds it hard to understand

Am just worried abt d children....growing up in such TOXIC environment...to d extent ur daughter called a prostitute

N.B: "Married folks please shield your children away from ur marital issues...it doesn't help you,them or d society"