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Stats: 2,714,827 members, 6,415,824 topics. Date: Sunday, 01 August 2021 at 03:32 PM
|Politics / Re: Kperogi: There Was Always Something Suspicious About Abba Kyari by luckyikhide(m): 11:02am On Jul 30|
[i][/i]As a general rule, most people who have a compulsive need to be overly showy and self-congratulatory about a virtue or a deed—religious morality, policing, etc.— often have something to hide.
|Foreign Affairs / Elon Musk Warns The US Military: China Will Overtake The US. by luckyikhide(m): 10:07am On Jul 13|
Early this year, Elon Musk’s friend and co-founder of PayPal Peter Thiel, warned that big tech companies are too cozy with China. Calling Google a ‘treasonous’ company,” Thiel said the tech giant is working with the Chinese military through its artificial intelligence work with Chinese universities, a charge that Google later denied as “baseless.”
Peter Thiel is not the only person warning about China. Thiel’s friend, Elon Musk, also warned about the danger that China poses to the United States. Musk said that he thinks that if the United States does not use breakthrough innovation. Musk warned the US Military that China will overtake the US unless the United States adopts some radical innovations.
During a fireside chat with U.S. Air Force Lt. Gen. John Thompson at the 2020 Air Warfare Symposium in Orlando, Florida, Musk talked about the competition between China and the USA in terms of the economy and military. Musk predicted that the Chinese economy will eventually surpass the United States by at least two-fold – which would up the ante between the nations’ massive militaries.
Musk explained that “The foundation of war is economics,” Musk said. “If you have half the resources of the counterparty then you better be real innovative, if you’re not innovative, you’re going to lose.”
Answering a question from Lt. Gen. John Thompson about the competition between China and the United States, Musk responded:
“China’s economy is gonna be two to three times the size of the U.S. economy, at least double. Therefore, in order for the U.S. to be competitive on a military level, the innovation has to overcome a gigantic gap in economic output. – Okay. – So in the absence of radical innovation, the U.S. will be militarily second.”
Below is a video of the interview.
Below is part of the transcript from the interview.
“Making electric cars, that would be inconsistent with our mission. So we open-sourced all the patents. – Okay. – In order to help the other, anyone else who wants to make an electric car. So, I guess that’s the opposite of protecting the IP. Now, the real way I think you actually achieve intellectual property protection is by innovating fast enough. If your rate of innovation is high, then you don’t need to worry about protecting the IP because other companies will be copying something
That you did years ago. And that’s fine, you know. Just make sure your rate of innovation is fast. Speed of innovation is what matters. And I do say this to my teams quite a lot. That innovation-per-unit time, it’s like innovation per year if you wanna say it like that is what matters, not innovation absent time. Because if you’re wanting to make, say, a 100% improvement in something, and that took 100 years or one year, that’s radically different. So, it’s like what is your
Rate of innovation? That matters. And is the rate of innovation, is that accelerating or decelerating?
A weird thing happens when companies get big is that, most companies, or organizations, the bigger they get, they tend to get less innovative. Not just less innovative on a per-person basis but less innovative in the absolute. And I think this is probably because the incentive structure is not is not there for innovation. It’s not enough to use words to encourage innovation. The incentive
Structure must be aligned with that. That’s fundamental. So. – So, taking that
a business level to a national level, in terms of, obviously, United States, largest economy in the world, China, the second-largest economy in the world currently and gaining fast, what sort of things could you share with the audience here that are your thoughts on the competition, economic or military, between the United States and China? – Sure. Well, I think China’s a real interesting country, I have
To say. The thing to appreciate about China is just that there’s a lot of really smart, really hard-working people there. And they’re gonna do a lot of great things. This is sort of independent of Chinese government policy, they’re just gonna do a lot of interesting things. The thing that will feel pretty strange is that the Chinese economy is going to be probably at least twice as big as the U.S. economy. Maybe three times, but at least twice. Yeah, so, that assumes a GDP per capita
Still less than the U.S.
But since they have about four or five times the population, then it would only require getting to a GDP per capita of half the United States for their economy to be twice the size of ours. And as I’m sure people in this room know, the foundation of war is economics. And so if you if you have half the resources, of the counterparty, then you better be real innovative. If you’re not innovative, you’re gonna lose. (trumpet music blaring) – I’m not sure
Whether that’s a cyber attack that’s ongoing or not here, so. (string music blaring) (audience laughing) The clock says I have 11 minutes left, is that not true? – I guess it’s moot. – All right, so Smooth Jazz
, – Now the smooth jazz. (audience laughing) – It’s coming through the house system, we’re working to get it shut off. – Thank you. (audience laughing) – Um, yes, well, um, at any rate, (laughs) so with respect to China, China’s economy is gonna be two to three times the size of the U.S. economy, at least double. Therefore, in order for the U.S. to be competitive on a military level, the innovation has to overcome a gigantic gap in economic output. – Okay. – So in the absence of radical innovation, the U.S. will be militarily second. – Okay. – Basic, basic math.”
|Romance / All 44 Candidates On Nigerian Navy Supplementary List Are Northerners by luckyikhide(m): 4:08pm On Jul 12|
The supplementary list of successful candidates recently released by the Nigerian Navy has only northerners, SaharaReporters has gathered.
Successful candidates on the list were drawn from core Northern states with only a few from North Central (Kogi and Niger states).
An official of the Service, who spoke with SaharaReporters said such a thing had never happened in the history of the service.
He noted that the Nigerian Navy had always ensured equal representation of all the regions in all its lists, both primary and supplementary, querying why the latest one had not accommodated all the regions.
He said, “Normally, after recruitment, they release a list and those people on that list will go for training, they divide the list into two, Batch A and B.
“They released a supplementary list recently and this has never happened before that all the names on that list will be from the North, 44 candidates. They are not just from the North but mainly from the core North.
“In the normal recruitment list, every state is usually given equal number but I don't know why this is different. This supplementary list Batch A has resumed, Batch B will resume in January. These are the few people that will join those that are already there. As far as it is supplementary, every zone and state should be included.
"The former ones they did, all states were included in equal numbers except the Federal Capital Territory (FCT); the FCT is the only one that usually gets lesser slots because most of those using FCT to apply are not from there.
“My question is, why is this supplementary list representing only the North. It should represent all parts, not just a particular region.”
|Career / Re: Thread On Volunteering Opportunities In Nigeria by luckyikhide(m): 6:17am On May 16|
|Jobs/Vacancies / Re: How To Become Employed Within Just 4 To 8 Weeks Anywhere In Nigeria by luckyikhide(m): 12:01pm On Jul 22, 2019|
|Nairaland / General / Trending Advice by luckyikhide(m): 9:56am On Jun 14, 2019|
Thank God it's Friday
1. Hustle hard ooo! Make you no trek go find ur Bank ATM � just to avoid other Bank #65 charges �����
2. Hustle o... Make dem no see your good morning greeting wey dem go dey think say na money you wan beg...
3. Hustle ooo make your children no believe in *share this prayer to 30persons to make money* � � �
4. Hustle ooo make ur friend no carry ur girlfriend pass u for road inside car with tinted glass....
5. Hustle oooo make dem no give u sprite for wedding say wine na for special guest.
6. Hustle o make u no go like another guy pics wey ur babe post because u dey free mode
7. Hustle...make you no tag 20people to win 1k airtime �
8. Hustle o make your children no go dey beg 2k for instagram dey lie say your leg break dey wan carry you go hospital...
9.Hustle well make dem no tell u say meat no Dey but rice dey, make I serve you like that?
Oya add your own "hustle advice"
|Phones / Re: ***** Infinix Discussion Thread ***** by luckyikhide(m): 9:23pm On Jun 05, 2019|
any body in Lagos with Android phone should contact me on phone or whatapp on 07036634499 will like to buy . budget is 5 to 7k
|Jobs/Vacancies / Re: Npower Creative re-open portal for more applicants by luckyikhide(m): 4:32pm On Jun 02, 2019|
|Food / Kitchen Tips by luckyikhide(m): 12:25pm On Apr 30, 2019|
1. Never store Onions and Potatoes together because both produce a gas that causes either of them to spoil quickly.
2. Put two or three orange leaves in your hot palm oil on the fire. Let the leaves turn black before removing it. By then your palm oil becomes pure groundnut oil also giving your food a nice taste.
3. To avoid feeling a peppering hotness on your hands after cutting pepper with bare hand scrub your hand with salt and red oil then wash it.
4. If you happen to over salt a pot of soup, just drop in a peeled potato. The potato will absorb the excess salt.
5. If your Soup or Stew goes sour while warming it, add little piece of Charcoal and remove after warming, the taste will come back.
6. Never put citrus fruits (oranges, lemon, lime, etc) or tomatoes in the fridge. The low temperature degrades the aroma and flavor of these fruits.
7. When storing empty airtight containers, throw in a pinch of salt to keep them from getting stinky.
8. If your salt is becoming lumpy, put a few grains of rice in with it to absorb excess moisture.
9. To reuse cooking oil without tasting whatever was cooked in the oil previously, cook a 1/4" piece of ginger in the oil. It will remove any remaining flavors and odors.
|Religion / Family, Place Of Forgiveness by luckyikhide(m): 11:23am On Apr 30, 2019|
© There is no perfect family.
© We do not have perfect parents,
- we are not perfect,
We do not marry a perfect person or we do not have perfect children.
© We have complaints from each other.
© We are constantly disappointed.
© There is no healthy marriage or healthy family without the exercise of forgiveness.
© Forgiveness is vital to our emotional health and spiritual survival. Without forgiveness, the family becomes an arena of conflict and a fortress of evil.
© Without forgiveness, the family becomes sick.
© Forgiveness is the asepsis of the soul, the purification of the spirit and the liberation of the heart.
He who does not forgive does not have peace in his soul or communion with God.
© Evil is a poison that intoxicates and kills.
© Keeping heartache in your heart is a self-destructive gesture. It's autophagy.
© Those who do not forgive are physically, emotionally and spiritually ill.
For this reason, the family must be a place of life and not a place of death;
a place of paradise and not a place of hell;
A healing territory and not a disease;
an internship of forgiveness and not guilt.
Forgiveness brings joy where sorrow has brought sadness; of the
Healing where sorrow has caused the disease.
A family is a place of support and not of gossip and slander of one another. Shame those who plant evil about others. We are family and not enemies.
When anyone is going through a challenge all they need is support.
|Investment / Re: I'm In Need Of A Genuine Link To Make Money From The Internet by luckyikhide(m): 12:54pm On Apr 05, 2019|
we need more people to testify if its good
|Jokes Etc / Re: Show us how good and creative you are with your use of words... Fun all the way by luckyikhide(m): 2:39pm On Mar 06, 2019|
ChiefSupplier55:you too mumu... see how u spoil d flow
|Politics / Re: How Much Money Do You Think Was In The Bullion Vans At Tinubu's House? by luckyikhide(m): 7:01am On Mar 03, 2019|
no money in it...its just ballot paper's if u know u know OK bye
|Science/Technology / Re: Heavy Storm Leaves A House Totally Encased In Ice On Lake Ontario, New Yor(Pics) by luckyikhide(m): 5:56pm On Mar 02, 2019|
the cold no b here oh
|Religion / Re: Samurai's Prophetic Thread. Drop A Post And I Will See A Vision For You. by luckyikhide(m): 11:56am On Jan 15, 2019|
OK.. let me hear mine
|Jobs/Vacancies / Re: Victim Of GNLD - Funny Meme by luckyikhide(m): 10:00am On Jan 11, 2019|
funny those guys eh.. may God help us
|Business / Re: Reasons Why Others Are Making Money Online and You Are Losing Money by luckyikhide(m): 6:49pm On Nov 21, 2018|
how can I make money with my phone
|Jobs/Vacancies / Re: ... by luckyikhide(m): 7:13pm On Sep 01, 2017|
|Jobs/Vacancies / Re: Unannounced Vacancies In Lagos And Abuja - Check In. by luckyikhide(m): 8:17pm On Aug 21, 2017|
|Education / Answers Needed by luckyikhide(m): 10:44am On Aug 19, 2017|
A Christian sister in a certain Church got pregnant, the Church decided to discipline her since she was not married.
When the elders of the Church met her, she told them that she has stayed in the Church for years and no one is marrying her and she is getting to the age were she can't get pregnant if married. So she went and did artificial insemination since she wants a child. She provided the medical documents that showed that she has done the artificial insemination.
The Sister is pregnant without committing fornication nor adultery. Not so?
BUT, COULD THIS BE A SIN? If YES or NO
Give your reasons for your answer.
If possible Back it with Scripture, so dat we can learn.
|Crime / Boy Vs Girl by luckyikhide(m): 5:00pm On Jul 08, 2017|
Maths boy vs science girl . > Mathematics Guy > Dear Love, > Right from the day I set my eyes on you, I knew > there was an EQUATION between this > QUADRATIC attraction. I couldn't tell you because > I was afraid of the DIVISION that will DIVIDE my > love for you. My heart couldn't forget the > SIMULTANEOUS EQUATION between us. I tried > to GRAPH out how to present my > TRIGONOMETRY, but I wasn't sure of the > PROBABILITY that you will accept. > Now, I have the PROGRESSIVE SERIES to tell you. > Please, make sure this PERMUTATION and > COMBINATION between us is secret because I > don't want any BINARY OPERATION to interrupt. > LOVING YoU IS CONSTANT AS 4 FIGURE TABLE. > The Science Girl reply; > Hi, > Sincerely Maths boy, I don't have any CHEMICAL > COMBINATION for you. All I have for you is the > love of IDEAL LAW. I know you can see the > difference between CHARLES and BOYLES LAW. > My boyfriend is ROBERT HOOKE, > who is described as the father of CELL, in which > you cannot live without. You are not an ELEMENT > in my PERIODIC TABLE and if you are there, you > must be among the > TRANSISTION METALS because I don't usually > notice them amongst my FIRST 20 ELEMENT. I > already have an ELECTRONIC CONFIGURATION > for my love which can neither be created nor > destroyed as stated by The 1st LAW OF > THERMODYNAMIC. > I'm sorry that your CHEMICAL EQUATION is not > balanced. Stop making your heart bubble in love > for me because HATING YOU IS CONSTANT AS > O2 . > Which of them kill it. > Mathematics student /science student.Maths boy vs science girl . > Mathematics Guy > Dear Love, > Right from the day I set my eyes on you, I knew > there was an EQUATION between this > QUADRATIC attraction. I couldn't tell you because > I was afraid of the DIVISION that will DIVIDE my > love for you. My heart couldn't forget the > SIMULTANEOUS EQUATION between us. I tried > to GRAPH out how to present my > TRIGONOMETRY, but I wasn't sure of the > PROBABILITY that you will accept. > Now, I have the PROGRESSIVE SERIES to tell you. > Please, make sure this PERMUTATION and > COMBINATION between us is secret because I > don't want any BINARY OPERATION to interrupt. > LOVING YoU IS CONSTANT AS 4 FIGURE TABLE. > The Science Girl reply; > Hi, > Sincerely Maths boy, I don't have any CHEMICAL > COMBINATION for you. All I have for you is the > love of IDEAL LAW. I know you can see the > difference between CHARLES and BOYLES LAW. > My boyfriend is ROBERT HOOKE, > who is described as the father of CELL, in which > you cannot live without. You are not an ELEMENT > in my PERIODIC TABLE and if you are there, you > must be among the > TRANSISTION METALS because I don't usually > notice them amongst my FIRST 20 ELEMENT. I > already have an ELECTRONIC CONFIGURATION > for my love which can neither be created nor > destroyed as stated by The 1st LAW OF > THERMODYNAMIC. > I'm sorry that your CHEMICAL EQUATION is not > balanced. Stop making your heart bubble in love > for me because HATING YOU IS CONSTANT AS > O2 . > Which of them kill it. > Mathematics student /science student.Maths boy vs science girl . > Mathematics Guy > Dear Love, > Right from the day I set my eyes on you, I knew > there was an EQUATION between this > QUADRATIC attraction. I couldn't tell you because > I was afraid of the DIVISION that will DIVIDE my > love for you. My heart couldn't forget the > SIMULTANEOUS EQUATION between us. I tried > to GRAPH out how to present my > TRIGONOMETRY, but I wasn't sure of the > PROBABILITY that you will accept. > Now, I have the PROGRESSIVE SERIES to tell you. > Please, make sure this PERMUTATION and > COMBINATION between us is secret because I > don't want any BINARY OPERATION to interrupt. > LOVING YoU IS CONSTANT AS 4 FIGURE TABLE. > The Science Girl reply; > Hi, > Sincerely Maths boy, I don't have any CHEMICAL > COMBINATION for you. All I have for you is the > love of IDEAL LAW. I know you can see the > difference between CHARLES and BOYLES LAW. > My boyfriend is ROBERT HOOKE, > who is described as the father of CELL, in which > you cannot live without. You are not an ELEMENT > in my PERIODIC TABLE and if you are there, you > must be among the > TRANSISTION METALS because I don't usually > notice them amongst my FIRST 20 ELEMENT. I > already have an ELECTRONIC CONFIGURATION > for my love which can neither be created nor > destroyed as stated by The 1st LAW OF > THERMODYNAMIC. > I'm sorry that your CHEMICAL EQUATION is not > balanced. Stop making your heart bubble in love > for me because HATING YOU IS CONSTANT AS > O2 . > Which of them kill it. > Mathematics student /science student.
|Jokes Etc / Funny Joke by luckyikhide(m): 5:43pm On May 18, 2017|
During our secondary school days when a teacher is explaining a topic,they will always say when you get to the university they will enlighten you more.Now in the university the lectures will say we are not going further because i believe you were thought in your secondary school .............
I wonder who is deceiving who .
|Jokes Etc / Re: My Collection Of Crazily Funny Pictures. Lwkmd! by luckyikhide(m): 5:07pm On Dec 05, 2016|
|Nairaland / General / Amazing Fact by luckyikhide(m): 4:56pm On Dec 05, 2016|
DO YOU KNOW THAT THE COMING MONTH OF FEBRUARY 2017 IS A UNIQUE MONTH?
Do you know that February 2017 cannot come in your life time again with the following statistical characteristics?
This is because February 2017 shall have:
*4 Fridays; &
Researchers acclaim that this happens once every eight hundred and twenty-three (823) years!
Please don't hesitate to share this information its so amazing.
|Crime / Because Of The Boy They Burnt In Lagos by luckyikhide(m): 6:46pm On Dec 01, 2016|
BECAUSE OF THE BOY THEY BURNT IN LAGOS . . ***Saving Mama*** Today, Mama's health condition worsened drastically, and the doctor threatened, despite my tears, to abandon mama and let her die if i don't find a way to fetch her food. You see, the treatment wouldn't work, because she hadn't eaten for days. There is no food at home, no money either. Sometimes, she falls when she stands, and cries like a baby, when the doctor's injections come rushing down her veins. It's painful! Risikat, my younger sister, is a lorry-load of pain. I've seen her cry, countless times, because of Mama's state. Sometimes, she'd kneel before Mama, and tear her own clothe open, and bring out her little breast, and tell her to "suck and live," hoping to feed Mama with breastmilk. But she is only five years old, and hasn't eaten for days either. So no breastmilk comes out... And that makes her cry. Sometimes, Lagos is a city. But most times, it's a battlefield! I got tired of the war at home and i raced to the market for help. I had a little bowl, no larger than a baby's head, and i walked from table to table...begging for food; begging for love. I thought they'd understand, by looking at my face, how much I've been through, and how my mother's life depends on how much food i go back home with. I told them of how Papa had died two years ago; but no one cared. They talked about recession, and of problems here and there. None spared a drop, none stooped to give. No one! People are hesitant to help the poor...they'd watch you fall and crawl, weeping for help, and refuse to help. But the very rich get all the favours in the world, without even asking. I thought Tunde's mother would help me out with a cup of garri from her table. She refused. I stole a handful and ran away...I thought she would forgive! It makes me cry, when i see people who are cheerful givers, only when they wish to hurt. I mean, the vulcanizer who had refused to give me little money to buy food for Mama suddenly donated a tyre worth thousands of naira, for the mob to burn me with. Mama Tunde suddenly forgot about recession and donated a litre of petrol for them to burn me with. Everybody is donating matchsticks, and i'm wondering: Why this generosity? Why is the recession suddenly over? Why were they stingy until now? See, I'm not saying it's okay to steal. I'm saying it is okay to forgive. I'm saying a little kindness would have gone a long way. I'm not scared of death, or the mob anymore. I'm scared of those that live as though they are already dead - heartless, merciless. I am scared of people who act as if they are sacrosanct and unbiased. To my murderers, i ask: if at home, you discover that your son, or brother, or nephew stole a handful of garri from the storeroom, will you kill him? Will you shout at the top of your voice till the whole neighborhood gathers about him? Why not just scold me... And let me live? Tell Risikat that I couldn't save us. Tell her to gather my ashes when I am done burning...But never tell Mama that the handful of garri that revived her had been gotten in exchange for my life. Tell God I'm dead, and, I was killed by men meaner than the devil himself! Tell Lagos: I came, I saw, and I conquered...som ehow! Tell yourself that I'm gone, forget that I ever lived! Tell me goodbye...say no more. That'll be enough for my lifeless bones... SAVE A SOUL BY PASSING IT ON THAT LITTLE BOY IS STRONGER THAN THE HERCULES YOU KNOW
|Romance / Different Ways To Say "I Love You" That Have More Meaning by luckyikhide(m): 6:24pm On Sep 02, 2016|
Saying "I love you" has lost some meaning. While saying those three words can still be really hard when you're saying them to that special person the first few times, they're also words that get tossed around pretty casually. We "love" this and that and we feel like we have to tell people that we love them as if it's the right thing to do even if we don't necessarily mean it. When you hear the same thing over and over again, it starts to not mean as much to you, and soon we can start hearing the insincerity in the words. Saying "I love you" is still a big thing and a huge step for a lot of people but there are many other ways you can say I love you that have more meaning.
Here are 4 ways to say "I love you" that carry more meaning in them.
SHARE with everyone you love — even if you haven't told them yet.
1. I forgive your past.
This is such an important thing in a relationship. To move forward in a relationship, you have to not only love a person despite their past, but you also have to forgive that past. We are not the same
people we were a year ago and you can't hold a grudge against the decisions someone made before you even knew
2. I want you to succeed.
This is hoping they do well in life on their own and by their own strength. Not enough people in this world want others to succeed, so knowing the person you love wants this for you means more than anything.
3. I appreciate you.
Just picture someone telling you they appreciate you. How can you not feel great after hearing that? Telling someone you appreciate them means you value them as a person and friend and partner.
4. Thank you.
When you love someone, you do things for them without expecting anything in return...and that can include a thank you. That's why it's so important to say it. It doesn't even have to be directed at something they've done. It can simply be thanking them for being them and for being a part of your life.
|Romance / Lessons For Life by luckyikhide(m): 8:35pm On Jun 21, 2016|
FOR COUPLES AND ALL. (A Real And A True Life Story)
Just two years after our marriage, my husband brought up the idea of asking his Mother to move from the rural hometown and spend her remaining years with us. His father passed away while he was still very young. His mum endured much hardship and struggled all on her own to provide for him, see him through to the university. You could say that she suffered a great deal and did everything you could expect or imagine of a woman to bring hubby to where he is today. I immediately agreed and started preparing the spare room, which has a balcony facing the South to let her enjoy the sunshine and plant greenery. Hubby stood in the bright room, and suddenly, he lifted me up and started spinning round and round. As I begged him to put me down, he said: "Lets go fetch mother".
Hubby is tall and big sized and I love to rest my head on his chest and enjoy the feeling that he could pick me up at any moment, put me as smallish as I am into his pocket.
Whenever we have an argument and one of us refuses to back out, he would lift me up and spin me over his head continuously until I surrender as I beg for mercy. I became addicted to this kind of panic-joy feeling.
Mother brought along her countryside habits and lifestyle with her. For example; I am so used to buying flowers to decorate the living room, she could not stand it and would comment: "I do not know how you young people spend your money, what do you buy flowers for? You also can't eat flowers!" I will smile and say,: "Mum, with flowers in the house, our mood will also become better." Mother will grumble away, and my husband will smile and tell her:
"Mum, this is how it is in the city and with time you will get use to it". Mother will stop murmuring.
But thereafter, whenever I came home with flowers, she would ask me how much it costs. I will tell her the price and she would shake her head and express displeasure. Sometimes, when I come home with lots of shopping bags, she would demand to know the price for each and every item, I would tell her honestly and she would get even more upset about it.. Hubby playfully pinched my nose one day and said: "You little fool, just don't tell her the full price of everything and that would would solve the problem." This sparked the friction to our otherwise happy lifestyle and home.
Mother hates it most when hubby wakes up early to prepare the breakfast. In her view, how could the man of the house cook for the wife? At the breakfast table, mother's facial expression is always like the dark clouds before a thunderstorm and I would pretend not to have noticed that. She would use her chopsticks or cutlery to make a lot of noise as her silent protest.
As a dance teacher in the Children's Palace where i work, I come home exhausted from a long day of dancing around, and I do not wish to give up the luxury of that additional few minutes in the comfort of my bed and hence I turned a deaf ear to all the
protest mother makes.
From time to time, mother would help out with some housework, but soon her help created additional work for me. For example: she would keep all kinds of plastic bags with the aim of selling them later on, and at the end, the house is filled with all forms of trash bags; she would spill on the dishes, dish washing detergent when helping to wash the dishes and so, as not to hurt her feelings, I would quietly wash them again. One day, late at night, mother saw me washing the dishes, and "Bam" she slams her bedroom door and cried very loudly in her room. Hubby was placed in a difficult position as to whose side he should be on, and after that, he did not speak to me for that entire night. I pretended to be a spoilt child, tried acting cute, but he totally ignored me.... I got mad and asked him: "What did I do wrong?" He stared at me and said: "Can't you just give in to her once? We couldn't possibly die eating from a bowl however unclean it is, right?" After that incident, for a long period of time, mother did not speak with me and you can feel that there is a very awkward feeling hanging in the house.
During the period of the cold war, hubby was caught in a dilemma as to who to please.
In order to stop her son from having to prepare breakfast, mother took on the "all important" task of preparing breakfast without informing or discussing with any of us. At the breakfast table, mother would look at her son happily as he eats his breakfast and she'll cast that reprimanding stare at me for having failed to perform my duty as a wife. To avoid the embarrassing breakfast situation, I resorted to buying my own breakfast on my way to work. That night, while in bed, hubby was a little upset and asked me: "LD, is it because you think that mum's cooking is not clean that's why you chose not to eat at home?" He then turned his back on me and left me alone in tears as feelings of unfairness overwhelmed me..
After some time, hubby sighed: "LD, just for me, can we have breakfast together at home?" I am left with no choice but to return to the breakfast table.
The next morning, I was having porridge prepared by his mother and I felt a sudden churn in my stomach and everything inside seem to be rushing up my throat. I tried to suppress the urge to throw up but I could not. I threw down the bowl, rushed into the washroom, and vomited everything out. Just as I was catching my breath, I saw mother crying and grumbling very loudly in her dialect, hubby was standing at the washroom doorway staring at me with fire burning in his eyes... I opened my mouth but no words came out, I really did not mean it.
We had our very first big fight that day; mother took a look at us, then stood up and slowly made her way out of the house. Hubby gave me a final stare in the eye and followed mother down the stairs.
For three days, hubby did not return home, not even a phone call. I was so furious, since mother arrived; I had been trying my best to put up with her, what else do you want me to do? For no reason, I keep having the feeling to throw up and I simply lost appetite for food, coupled with all the events happening at home, I was then at a low point in my life.
Finally, a colleague said: "LD, you look terrible; you should go and see a doctor." The doctor confirmed that I was pregnant.
Now it became clear to me why I threw up that fateful morning, a sense of sadness floaded my soul through that otherwise happy news. Why didn't husband, or his mother who had been through this before, thought of the possibility of this being the reason that day? At the hospital entrance, I saw my hubby standing there. It had only been three days, but he looked raggard.
I had wanted to turn and leave, but one look at him and my heart soften, I couldn't resist and I called out to him. He followed my voice and finally found me but he pretended he doesn't know me; he has that disgusted look in his eyes that cut right through my heart. I told myself not to look at him anymore, and hail a cab. At that moment, I have such a strong urge inside me to shout to my hubby: "Darling, I am having your baby!" and have him lift me up and spin me around in circles of joy as he's fond of.
What I wanted didn't happen and as I sat in the cab, my tears started rolling down. Why? Why couldn't our love even withstand the test of one fight?
Back home, I lay on the bed thinking about my hubby, and the disgusted look in his eyes I saw at the hospital. I cried out and soaked the pillow with my tears. That night, the sound of drawers opening in our room woke me up. I switched on the lights and I saw hubby with tears rolling down his face. He was removing all the money he had kept in therr. I stared at him in silence; he ignored me, took the bank deposit book and some money and
left the house. Maybe he really intends to leave me for good. What a rational man, so clear-cut in love and money matters. I gave a few dried laugh and tears started streaming down again.
The next day, I did not go to work.. I wanted to clear this out and have a good talk with him. I reached his office and his secretary gave me a weird look and said: "Mr. Tan's mother had a traffic accident and is now in the hospital." I stood there in shock. I rushed to the hospital and by the time I found them, mother had already passed away.
Hubby did not look at me, his face was expressionless. I looked at mother's pale white and thin face and I couldn't control the tears in my eyes. My god, how could this happen?
Throughout the funeral, he did not say a single word to me, with only the occasional disgusted stare he gives. I only managed to find out brief facts about the accident from other people. That day, after mother left the house, she walked away dazed toward the bus stop, apparently intending to go back to her old house back in the countryside. As hubby ran after her, she tried to walk faster and as she tried to cross the street, a public bus came knocking her... I finally understood how much hubby must hate me.
If I had not thrown up that morning, if we had not quarreled, if...., in his heart, I am indirectly the killer of his mother.
Back in the house he moved into mother's room and came home every night with a strong liquor smell on him. Me, I was buried under the guilt and self-pity as a result of his mum's death and could hardly breathe. I wanted to explain to him, tell him that we are going to have our baby soon, but each time, I saw the dead look in his eyes, all the words I have at the brink of my mouth just fell back in. I had rather he hit me real hard or give me a big and thorough scolding though none of these events happening had been my fault at all.
Many days of suffocating silence went by and as the days went by, he came home late and late. The deadlock between us continued, we were living together like strangers who didn't know each other. I am like the dead knot in his heart. One day, I passed by a western restaurant, looking through the glass, I saw him and a girl sitting facing each other and he litely brushed her hair for her, I understood what that action meant immediately. After recovering from that moment of shock, I entered the restaurant, stood in front of my him and stared hard at him, not a tear in my eyes. I have nothing to say to him, and there was no need to say anything. The girl looked at me, looks at him, stood up to walk away , but my husband restrained her from doing so. He stared back at me, challenging me.. I can only hear my heart beating slowly, beat after beat as if I'm about taking my last breath. I eventually backed out, if I had stood there any longer, I would have collapsed
together with the baby inside me. That night, he did not come home; he had chosen to use that as a way to sending a message to me:
Following his mother's death, so did our love for each other.
He did not come home anymore after that. Sometimes, when I returned home from work, I can tell that the wardrobe had been touched - he had returned to take some of his belonging. I no longer wish to call him; the initial desire to explain everything to him vanished. I lived alone; I go for my medical checkups alone, my heart breaks again and again every time I see a guy
carefully helping his wife through the physical examination.
My office colleagues advised me to consider aborting the baby, I told them No, I will not.. I insisted on having the baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying his mother for causing her death.
One day, I came home and I saw him sitting in the living room. The whole house was filled with cigarette smoke. On the coffee table, was lying this piece of paper. I immediately knew what it is all about without even looking at it to read it's content.
In the two months plus of living alone, I have gradually learned to find peace within myself. I looked at him, removed my hat and said: "You wait a while, I will sign." He looked at me, wit with mixed feelings in his eyes, just like mine. As I hang up my coat, I kept repeating to myself "You cannot cry, you cannot cry..." my eyes hurt terribly, but I refused to let tears out.
After I hung up my coat, his eyes fixed at my bulging tummy with a stare. I smiled, walked over to the coffee table and pulled the paper towards me. Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and pushed the paper to him. "LD, are you pregnant?" He spurt out. Since mother's accident, this is the first time he speaking to me. I could not control my tears any further and they fell like raindrops. I said: "Yes, but its ok, you can leave now." He did not go, in the dark, we sat, facing each other. He slowly moved over me, his tears wet his dress. In my heart, everything seems so far away,even if I sprint, I could never reach them. I cannot remember how many times he repeatefly said "sorry" to me. I had originally thought that I would forgive him, but now I can't. In the western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold look in his eyes, I will never forget, never ever. We have caused such deep scars in each other's heart. For me, it's unintentional; for him, totally and absolutely intentional.
I had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but I realized now, that what had gone past is gone forever and could not be undone.
Other than the thought of the baby inside me that would bring some warmth to my heart, I am totally cold towards him, I no longer eat anything he buys for me nor take any presents from him, I also stopped talking to him. From the moment I signed on that piece of paper, marriage and love had vanished from my heart. Sometimes, he will try to come into our bedroom, but when he walks in, I will walk out to the living room. He had no choice but to sleep in his mother's room. At night, from his room, I can hear sounds of groaning, I kept quiet... This used to be his trick; when all was well between us, whenever I ignore him, he would fake illness and I will surrender and find out what is wrong with him, he would then grab me and laugh. He has forgotten that was the last time I cared for him and I showed concern because there was love, but now, what is there between us? Hubby's groaning came on and off
Consistently but I continuously ignored him.
Almost everyday, he would buy something for the baby, infant products, children products and books that kids like to read. Bags and bags of it stacked inside his room till it was full. I knew he was trying to use this to reach out to me, but I was no longer moved by his actions. He has no choice but to lock himself in his room and I can hear him typing away on his computer keyboard, maybe he is now addicted to web surfing but none of that matters to me anymore.
It was sometime towards the end of spring in the following year, one late night, I screamed because of a sudden stomach pain, he came rushing into the room, its like he did not change his from his office cloth to sleep, but had been waiting for this moment. He carried me and ran down the stairs, stopped a cab, holding my hand very tightly and kept wiping the sweat off my brow, throughout the
journey to the hospital.
Once we reached the hospital, he carried me and hurried into the delivery suite. Lying on the back of his skinny but warmth body, a thought crossed my mind: In my lifetime, who else would love me as much as he did? He held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in; his warm eyes caused me to manage a smile at him despite my contraction pain. Coming out of the delivery room, hubby looked at our son and me, eyes filled with tears of joy as he kept smiling. I reached out and touched his hand. He looked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto the floor. I cried out for him in pain... He smiled, but without opening that tired eyes of his.... I had thought that I would never shed any tear for him, but the truth is, I have never felt a deeper pain cutting through my heart at that moment. The doctor said by the time they discovered he had liver cancer, it was already in the terminal stage and it was a miracle that he managed to last this long. I asked the doctor when he first discovered he had cancer.
Doctor said about 5 months ago and consoled me saying: "Prepare for his funeral."
I disregarded the nurse's objection not to leave the ward and rushed home, I went into his room and checked his computer, and a suffocating pain hits me. His cancer was discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, I thought ... the computer showed over 200 thousand words he wrote for our son: "Son, just for you, I have persisted, to be able to take a look at you before I fall, is my biggest wish now.... I know that in your life, you will have many happiness and maybe some setbacks, if only I can accompany you throughout that journey, how nice would it be. But daddy now no longer has that chance. Daddy has written inside here all the possible difficulties and problems you may encounter during your lifetime, when you meet with these problems, you can refer to daddy's suggestion ... Son, after writing these 200 thousand words, I feel as if I have accompanied you through life's journey. To be honest, daddy is very happy. Do love your mum, she has suffered a lot, she is the one who loves you most and also the one who loves me most...." From play school to primary school, to secondary, university? , to work and even in dealing with questions of love, everything big and small was written there.
He has also written a letter for me: "My dear, to marry you was my biggest happiness, forgive me for the pain I have caused you, forgive me for not telling you about my illness, because I wanted to see you in a joyful mood waiting for the arrival of our baby.... My dear, if you cried, it means that you have forgiven me and I would smile, thank you for loving me... For all these presents, I'm afraid I cannot give them to our son personally, could you pls help me in giving some of them to him every year, the dates are on what to be given and when to give are all written on the packaging... "
Going back to the hospital, my husband was still in coma. I brought our son over and placed him beside him. I said: "Open your eyes and smile, I want our son to remember being in the warmth of your arms..." He struggled to open his eyes and managed a weak smile. Our son still in his arms was happily waving his tiny hands in the air. I press the button on the camera and the sound of the shutter rang through the air as tears slowly rolled down my face....
A fatal misunderstanding and the person who loves me the most in this world is gone forever...." Cruel misunderstandings, one after the other disrupted the blissful footsteps of our family. Our original intent of having his mother enjoy some quiet and peaceful moments in her remaining years with us went terribly wrong as destiny's secret is finally revealed at a price, everything became too late."...... ...
This is a true story.
LEARNING POINT - DO NOT EVER HOLD ON TO OFFENCES!!!
I am totally speechless, this story brought tears to my eyes as I read through each line eager to know what would happen next. It truly showed the devastating power of grudges and anger! Simple humility and communication would have resolved most of the problems in that story, as well as patience..... This story has really touched my heart and life as a whole and it h
as stimulated a paradigm shift. Though it is very sad, it is also very refreshing to know that from today, I can consciously start to live a life free of grudge..
People please let's live a life devoid of grudge.
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