₦airaland Forum

Op,you don't deserve such treatment from anybody, even his mother cannot even caution him when he is wrong,instead she is advising you to forgive him,forgive what entirely? What he will still repeat the next day?

Look for a place to stay with your kids immediately,if he comes for you, fine,you can start communicating/working on your marriage from there.

Don't stay in an unhealthy relationship because of what people will say,people will always talk whether you stay or not.

Onegai:
Smiling and behaving wonderfully does not stop abuse. It is normal for a human being (Even a woman and a wife) to be upset about things. It is NOT normal when the person you are upset with lashes out at you violently for justifiable reasonable God-given emotions. All these his smiles is because whatever maggot that eats his brain is not affecting right now. The next second may change it and if you want to spend the rest of your life on tiptoes and occasionally getting beaten up the way you decide to be a human being, please ignore me and listen to everyone saying that his violence is your fault. Every human being (Even a woman and a wife) is allowed to get angry but nobody has the right to express his anger in a violent manner. If your husband is a hot-tempered man, if it was truly all about Anger, he would be fighting the policeman on the street. But he isn't, he's acting like a gentleman outside and dealing with you inside. That is Pretense and it is NOT normal.

If anything happens to you, you will become gist for max a week and we will all forget and move on to the next sensational case. But your children, your friends, your mother, their lives are almost destroyed. Reflect on that.

Nothing to type again after this.
Op,for your own good,separate from him till he is ready to become a normal human being.

I pity the kids involve, the woman should have known that the husband was an HE GOAT,now see how she ended her life
The man must pay for his crimes, hope justice is done.

And the OP will be thinking that his troubles have been settled, it has just begin.

I think I owe you all this one. I finally summoned courage to own up my misdemeanours to her. It wasn't a pretty sight having to endure her breaking down in front of me, but she agreed to walk me through the problem until we find a lasting solution. She never really bought the 'I'm not responsible' part. She kind of brushed off the paternity issues. Her only condition is that the lady won't come in, but she wasn't keen on ending my relationship with 'the child'. In her own words, she feels having to care for the child only to quit later, irrespective of the reason, is not so nice. We slated to conclude the discussion tomorrow before reaching out to the lady. I'm aware she's just trying to be strong for me, because I saw her lost in thought quite a number of times today. She's not even in our bedroom now, preferring to see a movie in the living room, something she doesn't really do because we usually see movies in the room together at this time.
I think she is still working through my trouble, and the damage I've done, but honestly, she's keen on pointing out to me that it's one of the many problems we may encounter. Thank you for your advice guys. I'm really grateful.

femmefetale:
Oh Lord! Keep me away from useless men like this. Amen

I pity the woman

The woman sounds so foolish, so you are waiting to be a blind person before you will know what to do

I will not trust him with my money again, he is very smart when it comes to exhorting money from you,advise him to put his skills to use outside and not to practice it with you.

itsy:
thanks to everyone that commented on this. Everything is settled now. I talked with hubby to find out what his fears are and I got to know that hubby is scared of a boss manipulating or 'seducing' his babe,lol. I assured him that whenever an issue like that arises, I will let him know and will remain faithful no matter the temptation and if it gets too much, I would resign. Yeah!am going after my dream with hubby's full support, thanks once again. nairaland is indeed,a family

I knew that is what his fears will be,most times communication is the key in every home

Everything that has disadvantage has advantage.

I wonder who is writing such articles, why will you think you know the mind of every successful Nigerian Man or Woman.

I am even questioning the legitimacy of the story myself, so the kids are wise enough to look for their mother in such a way eh?who gave them the fliers?

If the wife is my friend, I will tell her definitely in a coded way,

If she like she avoid me or take it the wrong way,but I have done my duty as a friend.

Talk to your husband and make him see reasons,
Try and know what exactly are his fears for insisting you stay at home and address them.

I don't see why he would want an adult to just sit at home doing nothing.
Idleness is not good for anybody, he should know that.

Some people are blessed that way,to make other people happy.

Going to the market for the wife as in how? Are they not going to eat the food together?

Don't you see men selling stuffs in the market and vice versa?

I wonder were all this rules are written.

enieme:
I don't think it's about being irresponsible.
He made some mistakes in the past and now he's more mature- he simply needs support with getting his life into order.

If you think at his age he cannot support himself and you are willing to be that support,
I wish you luck.

You don't like your wife's progress? An opportunity for extra income for the family and you are debating,

The heart of man sha

He doesn't look like a responsible person to me,his life is full of stories. Listen to your fears about him,don't ignore them and do what you will regret later in future.

Evina:
No! Not all wives do this and you did not marry a bad woman, just a temperamental, rude woman who also has some insecurity/trust issues. (She obviously hasn't gotten over that betryal of trust you inflicted on her)

Great sex will not change anything!

She needs to consciously work on her character!
If you are a Christian, look for scriptures on anger, check the book of proverbs, print them out in colorful pieces of paper and stick them to your bedroom wall or areas she can easily access.

When she is in her sober moment, make her understand the kind of home you envisage building with her and how her attitude kills that vision. Make her understand how her actions affects you as a man and what it may eventually lead to.

If she genuinely cares, she'll make an effort to change.
It will take time, but you'll see the changes.

Funny but true post.
I think the woman is angry over something her husband has done in the past, that is why she always sounds angry and rebellion.

Nice post. Don't mind some men,to clean your own house is a crime,to look after your own children they can't do it,just because they think it's the sole responsibility of the woman,
I wonder were that their mindset comes from,I put it down to the upbringing of their parents.

Women are careful drivers while men over confidence is what is affecting them,they feel they are experts, thus resulting to bashing of cars and accident.

At dangotesmummy, So right, especially when they see you as a woman driving,they feel they must overtake you.

If you want to still work on your marriage: first look at yourself as the imperfect one.
You've stated some qualities you don't like in your wife like: wearing of trousers,
Like going out and coming back late, spending too much on lingerie, keeping attitude and so on.....

Those are not VALID reasons to end your marriage which involves kids.

You are not perfect, there are alot of things she don't like about you also.

You even stated how she is the least of the group of people you wanted to get married to,
You don't Love your wife from your writeup, i am sure you even think you did her a favour by getting married to her. That is very bad of YOU.

But remember before you end your union that the grass is not greener on the other side.

ANANABA000:
Thanks for all the many admonition Guys.
You're all so very awesome.

However, we're missing out a few things here.
I never mentioned that I cheated anywhere in my post, neither was I caught doing that.
I give my kids all the attention they deserve and they love and appreciate me.
Of course I'm not a saint, but I'm better than 80% of Guys in my age range And in same situation.

It's odd to have a woman of the house act the way mine does and I doubt that it's due to hormonal changes.
I unfortunately have the responsibility of living with a woman who still walks the streets in tight jean trousers after two kids.
I've never met her mother after 5 years of wedlock all thanks to her parent's divorce some 20 something years ago.

You know, that category of women, who believe they still have "something to give to society" not just hubby.
Those who invest in sexy pants and lingerie yet don't have the urge for sex with hubby.

That category of women who spend all their time outdoors, while a nanny does all the hard work and have nothing to show for all the wasted time.
That category of women who leave home at 7am and return at 8pm yet their kids look like orphans.

How I got into this?
After two heartbreaks from two relationships. One due to genotype mismatch, the other due to not having family consent. I spun into action to salvage my situation.
I courted for 9 months, I was desperate to have kids then.
I had a string of girls and she was just one of them.

Apparently, she was the one who was desperate enough to endure being a foot mat.
It was all about the baby not the Mama.
I pushed and kicked, I bad mouthed and cursed but she stayed until the pregnancy came and that made me think twice.
Five years down the line I have a home I wish will break.
You need to really imagine my situation to understand what I'm going through.
I wonder why people find it hard to give it up when it's not yielding the desired love as designed by God.
I wonder why I have to live with trying for a happy home for the rest of my useful life when it doesn't seem possible.

So I'm not asking for how to make it right, I'm asking for how to put an end to this marriage.
I'm sure we have experts in the house including experienced members who know how to end a union.

.



If you want to end your union,the first thing is to tell your wife first.

Siena:
[color=Blue]Sis, it's still a lie.

For you punishment, no more cookies for you. [/color]

Na wah,this your punishment is harsh o

Byvan has said it all,

I have three boys,some people I encounter still make some foolish remarks like : try one more for a girl, girls will take care of you,only boys na wah bla bla...most of these people that don't mind their business; I think they are not happy with their lives.

Don't live your life for other peoples approval, you can't please them,they will always say what they like,its their mouth.

You are the only one that can make yourself happy.

Siena:
[color=Blue]Of course they'll believe whatever you say, you're their mother.

They'll even believe you when you tell a barefaced lie. [/color]

I do everything for their own good

Allow your wife apply with the name on her credentials, when the change of name is ready,she can then add it to her credentials.

It is not suppose to be a problem as far as it does not reduce or add to her salary

I am even surprise you got reply what do you mean by "wife beat husband's relative no matter what?" The thread does not have beginning and ending.

My kids do that alot, when you cook a particular meal, that is when they want something else,I don't even listen to them,I serve the food to them and tell them,the food will make them to grow very tall and strong

Or I use another means by telling them that if they don't eat,no cartoon channel for them OR I can also threaten to spank them,that works for me.

They believe whatever I say

She is the cause of her own problem, consoling herself that an animal of a man is her husband.

At Op, you alone even gave practical suggestions on what to do about his behaviour, I suggest you carry them out,most times, you need to take action to make some one understand,if words are not working.