when ppl say never hit your wife, they mean never become the aggressor. what is happening to to you is domestic violence and your wife is abusing you emotionally and physically. you need to leave that woman fast. she's poison! don't try to change her, don't blame yourself for anything, just, cut her loose!
EDIT: so I just read the old article you included in the link, i change my mind. with more insight to this: OP, I dont mean this in an insensitive way, your wife has some deep issues and must have suffered some intense psychological trauma to cause her to feel a lot of bitterness and act out in sadism when angry, the knife, the fork, hitting you with a shoe on your head and not stopping when you didnt even react!! this last one is a huge red light, something is really wrong with your wife, she loves to inflict pain and if her personality is as contrast as u say, that everyone thinks she's this sweet girl, then whatever is wrong with her runs really deep, it's not normal at all to keep hitting a person with a shoe on the head when they're not fighting back, she wants to hurt you, she wants u to feel pain.
I'm honestly convinced your wife has suffered sexual assault at an early age that led to a break in psyche, she's mastered suppressing her feelings, her nice girl act is not an 'act', she's actually that nice. but when she's angry, all the bitterness buried beneath the surface emerges and she finally deals with all the buried emotion in its magnitude, it overwhelms her and she wants to act out to hit something or punch a wall etc. when she's alone and unhappy, even when she lived with her parents, u really dont want to see/imagine what your wife does to and says to herself, this anger she shows you, she's lived with it for a long time, she's been her own victim till now when she made u her victim. there is nothing she has done to you that she hasn't done to herself times hundred.
if you choose to for better for worse it, find a psychiatrist or psychologist and go with your wife for counselling, your wife, with or without you will never change till she finally begins to work on whatever buried bitterness she's had to live with for years. try to get help together as a family or get a divorce if u would rather not go through it. it's really that simple, your wife will live with whatever has happened for the rest of her life but how she manages the accompanying emotions, her anger and abandonment issues can all be taken care of with a good psychologist and emotional support on your part. educate yourself on the topic of sexual assault and learn the necessary sensitivity training and triggers. counselling will teach you all this.
no, i'm not thinking too far, your wife ticks a lot of boxes: -extra charming cos of distorted/low self image and need to be accepted -her over-religiousness is for closure that she needs and like u said her prayers are always for her god to attack ppl for her. even her relationship with god isnt healthy, it's a coping mechanism. the idea of a protector that will attack on her behalf. -she talks from 12am to 4am alone when you're asleep, OP, your wife is full of a lot of buried emotion, she really wants to talk to someone about something. -despite being a nice girl, before you married her, she had no friends -she's very quiet, hardly finishes her words (withdrawn personality, mastered suppresion)
you should never have raised your hands to hit this woman, when she froze for 5 minutes, it's not that she was thinking she overstepped her boundaries, she was actually coming back to her senses, when your wife gets angry, she loses her mind and forgets who she's dealing with. even worse when the person who angered her is male, she reacts with more venom cos subconsciously he represents her aggressor and she wants to hurt him to make him feel pain. she probably has conversations with herself and imagines herself confronting her abuser and being able to hurt him back and make him regret his actions and cries alone cos it's only in her imagination that she can deal with him. when a man makes her defensive in her personal space, she attacks. till u actually hit her, u just represented something that she has bad blood with and now you've added yourself to the list of men that have ruined her. she has stopped hitting u cos she has buried the incident of the slaps too but OP, the same place it's buried is the same place her demons she's battling are buried, she wont touch you but when her bitterness surfaces when she's alone, this time you're one of her enemies. the resentment is growing and when she sees u, she's filled with such bitterness she shoves u. if u do not intend to fix this marriage OP, walk away NOW. a lot of bitterness is brewing in this woman and if you add yourself to the list, we will read about u in the news the day this woman snaps. the same way u never saw her eyes so red the day she yelled, u will never believe she has it in her to go the extent she'll go, your wife will surprise you.
nigeria does not have a good support system for ppl who have had to deal with the trauma of sexual assault, society takes it lightly too but this is 2017, ppl should educate themselves on this, when we read here everyday '6 yr old girl raped in lagos by 43 yr old man', that girl is someone's future wife and she will NOT just be like everybody else, the scars of her trauma will show one way or another and she'll need extra sensitivity cos she's a "special" case. your wife is not a naturally aggressive person, that i can tell u and it's sad that another human being created this monster in her. OP, this is really not your battle, it's not you she wants to fight, you did not give her all the bitterness she's carrying, so let the slaps u gave her be the last, you wife is a very very bitter scorned woman whose hurt has taken years and years to germinate, the person who hurt her isnt dealing with it, u are. if u add to her bitterness and it gets too much, the person who created 99% of this mess will not be the scapegoat, again it will be u. i haven't dealt with sexual assault personally or with a family member but i have met closely with some of the victims and the effects of sexual assault are too underestimated. ppl should be killed for damaging another human like that.
if u do choose to save your marriage: apologize profusely for hitting her and become super sweet, if u choose to undo this mess, u have to be ready, sensitive, patient, very educated about this issue and strong for the both of u. if u choose to walk this path, u will watch her fall apart and u have to be ready to help her reassemble. don't let her hit you, hold her hands and keep holding it and talking to her till she calms down. your wife is actually a very sweet person, the person you knew her to be when u married her exists, just buried under layers of bitterness. i dont blame u at all for hitting her, there's nothing illogical in hitting someone who came at u with a knife, i can understand why u snapped but let it be the last time. your wife wants to talk to you, listen to her, she talks when you sleep, when you leave she follows you, it's annoying but it's her subconscious, she really wants to reach out. listen to your wife! make out time and let her rant, she will talk about so many things, no matter how messed up it sounds, keep listening. then talk back about whatever and if she interrupts and tries to talk, let her talk, just listen. u can stop the midnight talks by changing it to day time. stop sleeping in your sitting room, move back to your bed.
when you're ready to make the move, try pulling it out of her, on top of your new sweetness, be extra extra sweet to her for the whole week like her sh!t dont stink, on a friday(so if she spills, you'll both have the weekend to grieve), make sure she's in a nice awww darling mood and when you're holding her, just brush by a conversation u heard at the office that made u really sick "about a dude that assaulted some teenage girl and how mad it makes you that men like that are still walking around breathing and if they ever dared it with someone u care about, u'll deal with them and how no matter what she was wearing or where she was, no one has the right on another person's body without consent and the worst part is there are girls out there who have experienced this and told no one and the animal didnt get caught" stay on the topic of sexual assault and follow body language, dont change the topic, be gentle, when she cracks, try to get her to talk, say what u have to "she can tell u anything, u wont judge, u love her from here to japan, if it affects her it affects you, u are both one and she can confide in u etc" when she talks, encourage her to keep talking, show that you're listening, console her all you can, cry with her even if u have to force the tears though i doubt you'll have to force them, make her see that whatever sunken place she's in, you've somehow gotten there too but dont cry more than her haba. tell her that both of u will go for counselling together, find a good therapist and go with her till she makes progress to go alone. make sure u find a therapist before u try to get her to talk about this and once she talks, the upcoming monday, begin therapy. and dont expect to work this out in 2 days, give yourself time like 4-6wks to build the emotional environment of trust and zero judgement to be able to access her when the time comes. note: she has to open up to you before you can go for therapy.
-u can expect her to go into depression for a while, she might need anti-depressants, sleeping pills too, she will be dealing with a lot of emotion once she finally lets someone in. -NEVER EVER make a joke about her incident or say something mean to her about it... NEVER EVER!!! NEVER EVER!!! I MEAN IT OP. -if u want to divorce her and not work through this, which is honestly the easy way out for you, then pls dont bring up anything i just told u here, dont taunt her over this, dont ask her about abuse or anything, just let the marriage end and pretend u didnt even read this. she will still live with herself so she has it heavy already.
i really do sympathize with you, u have found yourself in a very unfortunate position and no decision u make will be easy. sadly enough, i feel sorry for your wife too, she's really lived her hell and she's putting you through it. both of u dont deserve this. i also applaud you for all the grace you've shown, it's very hard to break the cycle of abuse, abused ppl mostly pass it on to others, maybe not in the form they received it but they leave their mark, so i can imagine how strong a person u were to endure all the emotional & physical abuse. and no, slapping her back was not abuse, u defended yourself full stop! dont feel sorry for yourself, just do what u have to do: stay & do the work to mend this if u can or leave if u cant. u have to accept that your wife has issues that cause aggression when it flares. in time, u will also notice she's protective of children or animals or things she pictures as defenseless, it'll show in her mothering, not wanting your kid to go out, being too clingy to the child, convinced the big bad world is out to get her child, all that u will both work through in due time. once you can get your wife to show you the dark place she's in, it'll not be her safe place anymore, she can't hide there anymore, whatever comes to surface will be dealt with by both of you and u will finally live with the smiling smiling girl u married. good luck OP
Had to quote this for future reference..! I doff my hat
Southboy there's nothing like a twenty four hours day of judgement as people mistakenly take such scriptural passages at face value.
Let's start from the basics; Don't be deceived, the judging of this world is ongoing. Jesus himself made that clear in John 12:31 when he said "now there is a judging of this world". What does it mean? If you are hearing the goodnews about God by any means or aware of the existence of the almighty you are living in the period of judgement Jesus spoke about. How you respond to it determines whether you'll be guilty or acquitted. Therefore whether adjudged write or wrong (we know whether we are willful sinners or not) is determined at ones death. Hence the Bible says "after death comes judgement" (Hebrews 9:27). There's no cheating here cos just as the Bible highlights, we reap what we sow (Galantians 6:7). Besides, Romans 6:23 says that the wages sin pays is death.
for clearer understanding take for instance you have a case in Court which may have been on for so many months or even years. The day the case will be decided and you're on your way to Court what you'll tell a friend who probably wants to know where you are going is: Our JUDGEMENT is today Why? Because that day determines your acquittal (freedom ) or indictment (damnation)
Therefore there's nothing like a twenty four hour day that God will line people up to remind them what they did on a certain day. God is not myopic, he knows you know whether you're guilty or not.
For willful sinners whose judgement ended with death there will be no resurrection. Conversely for righteous one whose favourable judgement ended too with death, God promised "there's going to be a resurrection of both the RIGHTEOUS and the unrighteous"
Who are these UNRIGHTEOUS ones mentioned again you may ask; anyway those are those who never had an opportunity of knowing God less taking side for or against him. Such ones will also experience God's justice by being given an opportunity to hear about him and be allowed to make their own decisions. Hence the book of Revelation 20:4, 11-12 spoke of another judgement conducted during the one thousand year reign of Christ. Worthy of note in that scripture is that a scroll (God's law or the Bible) was opened. Just the same way Bible is being opened to you today and you accept/reject. Note too that a thousand years is to God a day (2 Peter 3: which is why the Bible speaks of the "judgement day". It's a period of time.
In conclusion, we are living during the period of the judgement and judgment day as the Bible use it in some passages is in the future and it's not not for you and I but for those not day of salvation as you and I.
If this is true then your sister can forget about going to the US, Canada, the UK etc. The question of whether you have ever been deported from any country is asked on their application forms. Stating the use of a falsified visa as the reason is sure to lead to an automatic denial. Sometimes, pure honesty is better than endless fasting and prayer.
I lost a senior colleague two weeks ago as a result of job-related stress. She's a workaholic (Not that she has an option though)
I too nearly died of Stress early last year upon my resumption to work after my programme abroad. Here is how I started dealing with it:
You’re putting on weight: I noticed this and commenced after work exercise. Registered with the gym house (on the positive side I build my muscles. Poorly formed six packs with well defined abbs)
Your joints ache: My gyming took care of this. I also obtain massages once a week
You’re always tired: Has reduced considerably, but that doeant negate sleeping off on the centre rug with either my work clothes on or my sport wear once in a while
You have headaches: Sure, but that was then. Now it is minimal. I realized that my exercise makes me drink more water and I heard water is an antidote to headache.
Warnning: My Dr. said Stress is a silent killer. Kill it today before it kills you. Work hard, exercise harder and eat healthy.
I think its out of respect she hasn't been charged to court as a former presidents wife and so dat she probably returns or gives up sm of the stolen funds. However if this shud goto and become official csn patience jonathan stand the heat? Lets not start wat we can't finish I think bt I don't feel she shud be harassed as previous 1st ladies never were bt on futher checks No previous 1st lady really looted the looting was done by their husbands and they just benefited bt patience took it a step further. Lol
hucienda: This is just one out of many, many examples.
Who doesn't know that even the Acting President experienced some level of ill-treatment when the President was away in hospital in London? As usual, these things are swept under the carpet in Nigeria.
Buhari's administration has simply brought to the fore the obvious - that there are two classes of citizenry in the country.
If all Southerners serving in this govt. should be bold to open up what they're passing throught in the hands of their colleagues and subordinates of the Northern extraction, you'll feel sorry for them. Truth is that they're ashamed cos they helped in one way or the other in installing this govt.
Even the no. of BMCs are waning in this platform as some who have not allowed their conscience to be battered in it's entirety are getting to understand that they are harming their tomorrow today.
KennedicalEnergy: Mine Was In 12th September, 2003. My Elder Brother And I Were Going To Grind Cassava. We Had Already Crossed The Road, When I Heard A Deafening Noise Behind Me, I Saw My Brother Running And I Had To Run Also. He Ran Towards The Left And I Ran Towards The Right. The Next Thing I Saw Was The Shattered Brain Of My Elder Brother, Chinedu. That Lorry Killed Him Instantly. The Driver Ran Away. I Ran Home Crying. I Went And Told My Parents What Happened.
DavidEsq: I never fought. The fighters were my very close friends, so how u wan take my trouble ? Later strengthened my resolve never to fight wen I found out some strange ill luck seemed to crawl after me, like something out of a horror movie: I never got away with stuff, everyone else got away with. I mean, never. So I kept the violence inside of me and lifted weights in a very sadistic way. It kept my tempers low. So it was hard to provoke me. U just can't provoke me. Not even Africa for Ekosodin . Now I've found Jah and I'm learning how to make peace at all cost.
Very commendable. true Christians seek peace and pursue it All the best bro
Hope the father of that boy is contacted before he's buried cos I dont want to begin to hear scandalous stories later o.
I must admit Ekwu is a callous fellow (He's from my town BTW), but burying his son without properly informing him and his kinsmen would be war. Eucheria was properly married according Igbo tradition and as such the boy is not a bastard. She may have her greviances which maight as well be justified but two wrongs cannot make a right.
My sincerest condolences to Eucheria and the EKWUs.
I've been trying really hard to mind my business but it's becoming increasingly difficult!
President Buhari's speech this morning was so "Unpresidential". I decided to ignore it and get busy with my life but a section of the speech has stuck to my brain like a leech.
It has to do with the "Unity of Nigeria" So the reason why "Nigeria's unity is settled and not negotiable" is simply because President Buhari hosted Chief Ojukwu in his hometown in 2003 and they discussed into the night.
1. Let me assume that the so called meeting even held, how does the product of such social and familiarization venture translate into a resolution that should be binding on the whole country.
2. How does such meeting address the yearning of the an entire region or federating unit? How does it invalidate their agitations?
3. It is inconceivable that Ojukwu would have agreed with Buhari that the unity of Nigeria is not negotiable. Would he not have given conditions for the country to remain harmoniously as one, and not acrimoniously bound together with fetters of bigotry, nepotism and marginalization?
4. By the admission of President Buhari in his watery speech this morning, he discussed with Ojukwu in "great depth", they also "analyzed the problems of Nigeria". Now, what baffles me is the fact that PMB told us the conclusion of the meeting without bothering to state either implicitly or explicitly the premise for the conclusion. Pathetic!
I'm left in a state of bewilderment by the conduct of our President as expressed by his speech this morning. It has left a sour taste in my mouth. Statements such as the ones made by PMB this morning make Nnamdi Kanu's crude methods seem reasonable.
The unity of Nigeria is negotiable! The unity of any country on earth is negotiable! Nigeria is not a secret cult, where members cannot quit if they are no longer interested.
The only way to remain a united nation is by continuous negotiation and renegotiation of the terms of our nationhood.
Marketfund: Your observation is relative. It depends on tribe, family, situation and so many other factors. Although one thing is certain, its not that Muslims do not see death as big deal, but its just that, Death is part of life. We understand that you are created, you will die and that is part of life. Also, the day you will die cannot be delayed or advanced, when it comes it comes and there is nothing you can do about it. We also do not believe someone (witchcraft, juju etc) is responsible for someones death, when its your time it is your time hence you're encouraged to live each second of your life as if its your last cos death comes unannounced. So, my broda, each breath you take is moving you closer to your grave and each day is another less day you have on this earth, so cry as much as you want, feel sad, show emotion etc all that is left after death is you and your deeds, Period.
I said it that religious inclinations could be the underlying factor in the differences noted.
Family / Re: I Beat My Wife. What Would You Have Done Differently In My Situation? by MARKETfund: 3:24pm On Oct 24, 2017 
with well defined abbs) 
? Later strengthened my resolve never to fight wen I found out some strange ill luck seemed to crawl after me, like something out of a horror movie: I never got away with stuff, everyone else got away with. I mean, never. So I kept the violence inside of me and lifted weights in a very sadistic way. It kept my tempers low. So it was hard to provoke me. U just can't provoke me. Not even Africa for Ekosodin