I was the only one in the keke at first. So I jes spread finish for the keke. Oh the joy of not having to share seats. That joy was short lived though when one boifren and gehfren entered ��.

I didn't want to listen to their conversation at first o but the boy was talking in my brain.

They were jes giggling and holding each other till the boy na whispered in the gal's ear "the day I go finally "nack" you, you will so enjoy it." He said it a little too loud so I heard.

Na WA o! My poor "vagin" ears. The girl na responded "I've surrendered my body to God o. So I don't know that one that you're saying o!" The guy got pissed instantly. "You have surrendered what to who? So Wetin you come dey do with me? Cuz as you see me so, I never surrender anything." Of course they started arguing.




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http://diamondzblog.com.ng/2018/03/12/keke-diaries-episode-1/

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ATM WAHALA

.......so i decided to go the bank this Saturday morning to withdraw one small money. Me and my fat long legs were inside a ripped jean trouser with a multi colored shirt- to the bank we went.

On getting to the ATM ground (lol), I met a very long queue filled with angry looking men and women. Obviously most of the ATM weren't dispensing cash so boys were not smiling.

I quietly joined the long queue under the scorching sun. Two bank officials were on ground monitoring us as if we came to steal money. (Smh).


Suddenly, one of the guys on the queue walked straight to where the ATM was, ready to withdraw money, instantly bank officer 1 rushed to the front of the queue and confronted him -Omo guy said they should allow him withdraw his money after all it is just 850 naira he wants to collect. (Seriously? Who does that) people started laughing. After much confrontation he went back to his position on the queue.

After standing for up to 45 minutes, it finally got to my turn. I happily went to the ATM.

Now bank officer 1 went to lock the gate to reduce the crowd coming in while bank officer 2 kept monitoring us. Suddenly, one bad belle mopol man (Mr. Green shirt) entered the bank with one long gun and walked straight to the other ATM machine by my side with the help of officer two.

As he wanted to slot in his ATM card into the machine, two aboki guys that have been under the sun since patiently waiting for their turn rushed to the ATM angrily- that they must withdraw now too because they are also mopol men, that was when all hell broke loose.

Mr. Green shirt said no way, officer two said no way, they will not withdraw.

Aboki 1 started shouting that if Mr. Green shirt withdraws then he must withdraw too. Mr. Green immediately adjusted his rifle gun. At that moment I started shivering o...that was when my ATM machine started behaving like Indian film.

"I will kill somebody o" shouted Mr. Green shirt. Aboki 2 responded '' kill, we go die for here today".

At that moment, officer 1 quickly unlocked the gate, people started running out of the bank. See me see ATM and Mr. Green shirt with the two aboki guys.


Finally, my 1500 naira ( lol) came out from the ATM, I collected the money, bent low and started running out..... Suddenly I heard a gun shot "Kpa Kpa" omo Mr. Green shirt fired two hot shot. Immediately, aboki 1 and 2 started running for their lives. That was how we all ran out of the bank leaving Almighty mopol man and his rifle gun to withdraw all the money he desires from the ATM.

Chai ....Naija. #ATM #. #diary of miss writer#

Happy weekend friends.

queenitee:
I'm in love with this story already

officialflex:
nice very nice

please help me drop a comment on my book profile page on okadabook. Thanks

Chapter Two
Please, Bisola is a virgin!

‘’Can I see the ring? Bring it out and place on her finger.’’ says Pastor Taiwo.

Rick begins to search the pocket of his suit jacket and trouser, the ring can’t be found.

There is murmuring in the crowd. Bisola, now scared, looks at Rick quizzing. ‘’Rick, where is the ring?’’

Rick in a sorry face tells Bisola, ‘’I can’t find it. Bisola, I’m sorry, I guess I left it at home.’’
On hearing this, Bisola raises her gown a bit and begins to run out of the church in shame.
‘’Bisola! Bisola! ‘’Where are you running to’’
Bisola recognizes that voice, it’s her mother’s voice, and so she stops running and stands still.
‘’You better come back and finish what you started, ring or no ring, you must get married today. I don’t want a 30 year old virgin living in my house’’

Shamefully, Bisola resumes running and leaves the church building.

It’s exactly 3.00am in the night; Bisola is jolted from her sleep. She realizes it was just a dream. She begins to pray silently and unknowingly falls back to sleep.











Boyfriend Charles, Mr. No sex, No marriage
‘’My boo-boo’’ says Charles, immediately Bisola makes her entrance into the room. Music can be heard from the home theatre which Bisola finds irritating because of the noise.

Bisola hasn’t really been an outgoing person and she has always loved quiet environments. Growing up in the western part of the country, and from a middle class family who tends to place much emphasis on spirituality, a lot of youthful activities have been termed unrighteous by her. All through her teenage years and even into adulthood, the issue of virginity has been a big and important subject to her. One of her most prized possessions has been her virginity, no breaking the hymen until her wedding night.

Unfortunately, all what her boyfriends had always requested for was sex, sex and sex. Yes, they loved her but they all wanted a piece of the action before marriage, in order to test their sexual compatibility.

‘’Charles, please turn that down a little.’’ Says Bisola as she sits on a soft red couch. Charles turns it off completely and sits beside her, and then he places a soft peck on her cheeks.

‘’I miss you baby.’’

Bisola blushes. ‘’I miss you too dear.’’
Instantly, Charles gets up, raises her hand and brings her on her feet too.

‘’What do you care for’’
‘’Anything chilled, but it’s that why you have to make me stand up.’’ she tells him.

He kisses her on her soft pink colored lips. He sure did love her. But why wouldn’t she have sex with him. Certainly he would marry her, she is decent and also a virgin! Any man who finds such in a generation like this, would certainly want to keep one…….but he can’t endure any longer……and he has planned marriage in two years time. No sex for two full years feels like a death sentence pronounced in the court of law.

‘’Because that chilled drink is in my bedroom….. Baby please I’ve missed you so much.’’ Charles says it with a worried look on his face.

‘’I’m sorry I can’t…….I’ve told you several times….I’m a virgin and I’ve determined to remain so till my wedding night.’’
Charles lets go of her hand instantly, moves back to the sofa and takes his seat.
‘’Baby, if you really want us to have sex….then….why don’t we get married….besides you are not doing badly, you have a good paying job, a comfortable apartment.’’

Staring intently at the Television set which was turned off immediately Bisola came into the sitting room, tired of hearing same talk from her, he replies her harshly ‘’Bee, I’ve told you several times too, it’s no sex, no marriage!’’

Charles affirms on his decision to have sex with Bisola before considering her for marriage. Bisola sits on the sofa quietly, while Charles switches on the television set and goes back to playing his football game. Bisola sits remorsefully watching him.


Mama talks

‘’Mrs. Coker is back! Bisolaaa…..is the beans ready?’’ Bisola’s talkative mother enters into the sitting room noisily.
Sandra Coker, a fat light skinned woman in her mid fifties, very religious and business minded, a fashion designer and retailer of fabrics in the high brow city of Lagos-Losing her husband and last child, a son, Andrew Coker to the cold hands of death in a ghastly motor accident, exactly fifteen years into her marriage has caused her to take extreme participation in spiritual and religious activities with her first and only child Bisola Coker.

‘’Mum, the beans have been ready since ages.’’ Bisola says, as she rises up to welcome her mum. She collects her mum’s handbag.

‘’Hmmm…… Bisola, you won’t believe this. Do you remember Sandra Ani, Thelma’s younger sister?’’ She tells her daughter while taking her sit on a white comfy sofa. Bisola sits closely to her.

‘’Yes mum, I remember Sandra.’’
‘’you know she is 21? Her mother called this morning to inform me of Sandra’s wedding, which will be coming up in three weeks time.’’

‘’Oh…wow, that’s lovely.’’ Bisola says with an expression of joy on her face.
‘’Oh, that’s lovely.’’ Her mum mimics her.
‘’Bisolaaa you are 30, when will you get married my child?’’
‘’Mum, at the appointed time, God will bring my set man. Let me dish your food.’’

Bisola gets up and makes an attempt to go into the kitchen, this is not the first time she is having this conversation with her mother. After graduating from law school five years ago, and serving her nation in the compulsory one year national program for Nigerian university graduates, it has always been the marriage talk.

There have been several night vigils concerning this issue hosted by none other but her mum, Sandra Coker. Most of her relationships ended in a sour note because she wasn’t willing to compromise. Maybe it isn’t just the right time, but how can she tell her mum and friends this-at age 30. Her mum might just schedule her for a visit to the psychiatrist.

‘’Um….Bisola, I’ve been thinking….. There is this prophet at Badagry. I hear he prays for single ladies and within four months they get married. I….was thinking if we should go and see him…. because I doubt if this your…. case of singlehood is ordinary. I’m beginning to think there is more to this than meet the eye.’’

‘’Mama, I’m just 30... No, no, no, we are not going to see any prophet!’’ Says Bisola as she moves to the kitchen to get food for her mum.




A visit to the mad prophet.

Dressed in a long white gown and a little blue robe around his waist, with long white beards hanging from the chin of his round fat face, Prophet Ebenezer rises up from his chair and tells Bisola’s mother to wait outside his office while he conducts a special deliverance for her daughter who has a spirit husband hindering her from getting married physically.

‘’Holy water! Holy Papaya!!! Holy Micheal!!! Hmmmm…..my lady, kneel down!’’ Prophet Ebenezer orders Bisola to kneel down for special prayers in his office.
Bisola kneels adamantly. Prophet Ebenezer begins to rub her body, casting out every evil spirit of singlehood from her. He sprinkles water from a small white bottle on her right breast and commands the spirit husband to stop touching it, and then he lays his hands on it and presses it firmly.

Tired of the prophet’s touch on sensitive areas of her body, and with much anger, Bisola rises up and gives him a slap on his face.
‘’Mr. Prophet, what kind of prayer is this?’’
She hisses and picks up her bag to leave his office.
Prophet Ebenezer is shocked.
‘’You slap the Lord’s anointed?! You are doomed for life! No marriage for you!’’ He tells her, still astonished by the slap he just received.
‘’Get out, fake prophet! Your fake prophecy has no effect on me.’’ Bisola shouts storming out of the office angrily.
She meets her mother in the church auditorium.
‘’Bisola, what happened? Why are you shouting?’’ Sandra Coker queries her daughter. ‘’Is it not that stupid prophet, touching all my body and says he is praying for me! Arrant nonsense’’
‘’Bisolaaaa…..that is a man of God! You shouldn’t have shouted at him! She tells her daughter who is now extremely angry.
‘’Man of God or God of man….. Mum, let’s get out of here.’’


Heartbreak
Bisola has not heard from her boyfriend Charles for about a week. Six months has gone by since that rainy Sunday afternoon, she met him at the gas station. It’s been a rosy relationship until the past two months which has been a constant reminder of the need to get intimate.

Why wouldn’t he just propose and they get married and do it, Bisola can’t fathom.
Leaving her house very early, since its Saturday and no work, definitely she must meet Charles at his apartment and this marriage thing must be struck out once and for all.

Bisola gets to Charles’s apartment only to meet his front door wide open as if he was expecting her to come that moment.
‘’Charles, Why is your door open?’’ Bisola calls out as she enters into the house.
She can’t find him in the sitting room so she decides to check his bedroom, as she moves closer to the bedroom; she begins to hear the voice of a lady moaning. She opens the door and sees her boyfriend on top a naked lady, seriously having sex.
‘’Charles, who is that, I thought you locked the door.’’ The naked lady under Charles’s sweat filled body inquires.
On sighting Bisola, Charles gets up immediately, puts on his shorts quickly and moves to where Bisola is standing.

Bisola stands still for some seconds in shock, and then runs out of the house. Charles tries to go after her but stops at the door when he realizes he has only his shorts on. He really loved her but he can’t endure it anymore-the urge he felt earlier in the day was too strong, he had to just do it, yes, he had to do it with his ex.

Bisola hurriedly enters into her car and drives out of the compound. Deeply in tears and not concentrating while driving, she almost hits a car while trying to make a u-turn. She stops her car instantly, while the driver in the other vehicle stops his car too and comes out to check on her.

Here comes Tomi, bad boy Number one.

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nice very nice

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I'm in love with this story already

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Inviting you all to check out my first book. Thanks.


PROLOGUE
Raining cats and dogs outside a beautiful fancy restaurant, a sleek Toyota camry car pulls up, and then parks very close to the entrance of the restaurant. Car door opens, an umbrella in the air, Efe Oghenetega, people’s favorite Television presenter of the year runs excitedly into the restaurant to hear the latest crazy relationship gist from her childhood friends, Bisola and Genevieve.

‘’Imagine him trying to get into my pants, I refuse, then he says no sex, no marriage.’’ Bisola tells her friends who gawk at her; they feel she is outdated, and certainly not ready to settle down.

‘’Ooops, that would have been my golden ticket to finally get called Mrs. Somebody.’’ says Efe. Genevieve giggles and makes fun of Bisola calling her ‘’Old adulterated Virgin’’.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Just out from the shower, Derrick Tomilola, dries the water on his head with a big white towel.
‘’I can’t marry her, don’t love her either, just want one more night with the desperate slut.’’
Raymond, who is busy at the computer game, laughs and tells him to hurry up, so they don’t arrive late for the business meeting scheduled in an hour’s time.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
‘’Ah,Gennnny!’’ She stresses the name.
‘’When will you get married? You are aging, can’t you see, by November you will be 29.’’ Tina Awurum tells her beautiful ebony complexioned daughter, Genevieve Awurum, CEO, Global Pride Ventures. Genevieve becomes mute, gets up, and walks out of the bedroom, obviously tired of hearing the same words almost every day.








Chapter one
Efe, you need a man!
Intense breathing and sounds of extreme pleasure can be heard in a slightly dark room, moments later it stops. A young man gets up instantly and moves to the convenience to get a bath. On a small stool, is laid a smart phone which begins to buzz. A curious young woman who is still on the bed reminiscing about the pleasure experienced in the last few minutes, bends a little to pick up the phone. Seeing a text message notification, out of curiosity she reads the message.
‘’Baby, when will I see you again, I still can’t get over your touch on my body yesterday….oh baby, I miss you.’’- Lola.
With anger written all over her face, Efe wraps the bed duvet on her naked body and stands in front of the bathroom door, red manicured fingers moves through her hairs, drops them on her waist, sighs and waits for Sly, her lover to come out.
Three years of constant relationship traumas, from Steve to John, then Fred and now Sly. Steve just wouldn’t marry her because he considered her too fat which seems rather awkward because she is just a size 8. John’s mother wouldn’t accept her as a daughter in-law because she is not from their tribe. Fred only wanted sex and nothing more, immediately they had sex, off the fence he went.
Joggling early morning jobs at the nation’s number one television station, getting home late every day only to face the ever constant question about marriage from her parents, at 29, Efe is confused and depressed. All she wants now is marriage. Sometimes she feels a magic wand of bad spell has been cast on her.
‘’Efe, what’s wrong? Why are you looking perturbed?’’ Sly tells Efe as he comes out from the bathroom.
She shows him the text message. ‘’Who the hell is Lola?’’
Sly moves briskly and sits on the bed.
‘’Did you have to go through my phone again? Give me that.’’ He stretches his hand to collect the phone. Efe angrily throws the phone on the bed.
‘’Sly! Can’t you be faithful for once?! Who is Lola?’’
He gets up from the bed, picks up his clothes from a chair on the other end of the room, and begins to wear them. Not paying any attention to Efe.
Efe is wounded. This is a man who just promised her heaven on earth on that cozy bed some moments ago. Now he acts as if he has never met her.
‘’And what do you think you are doing? Am I not talking to you, Sly!’’ Says Efe surprisingly.
‘’I’m getting dressed as you can see, and I think you better do same because I have an appointment with someone in a few minutes.’’ he replies her coldly.
She sighs deeply.
‘’Going to see Lola, right? So what we just had means nothing to you. We’ve been in a relationship for the past six months, you’ve had sex with me almost every week, and still I mean nothing to you?’’
Sly puts on his shoes and stands up.
‘’Girl, get dressed I have to leave now.’’
‘’Sly….I mean nothing to you right?’’
Sly replies her, now obviously angry, ‘’It’s just sex! Yes, Sex! Get it into your head! I’m not ready for any commitment….. With you….or anyone……. now ……please ….Get dressed.’’
Efe totally shocked to her marrows, slowly drops the bed duvet, and with teary eyes moves into the bathroom. She remembers Fred, her past lover. It’s another relationship disaster.








Adviser chi-chi: Married but single.
Passing through the busy bubbling market, wearing blue denim gown on red high heels making tap-tap sounds, Efe suddenly sees her friend Chi-Chi who owns a very big boutique in the market pricing a shiny necklace.
‘’Chi-Chi, Chi-Chi’’
‘’Presenter of the year, what are you looking for here,’’ says Chi-Chi on seeing the caller.
Efe drags her friend by the hand. ‘’What kind of question is that? Let’s go to your shop, I have gist for you.’’
They move towards Chi-Chi’s shop.
Today makes it two months her relationship with Sly ended. Frequent text messages from different ladies pouring into his phone and with the last altercation from one of his side chicks; it was so obvious that their relationship was already hitting the rock.
She just had to call if off.
Immediately they enter the boutique, Efe starts telling Chi-chi about the date she will be having the next day with a friend she met online.
Chi-Chi is very excited to hear this.
‘’My dear, you know you are gradually approaching age thirty, hmmm, you need to settle down fast. I didn’t take any chances at all, remember I met Daniel online?’’
Efe nods, wondering what Chi-Chi is about emphasizing again.
‘’On our first date, I made him have unprotected sex with me, months later I was pregnant and he had no choice but to marry me. At age 26, I was already a married woman.’’ Says Chi-Chi happily.
Efe looks at her disgustingly.
‘’and where is he now? When last did you even set your eyes on him? That your abroad husband that you haven’t seen for almost four years now. You are always so quick to remind me of my age.’’ She hisses, obviously angry.
Chi-Chi looks at her mockingly and says, ‘’at least I am in a man’s house, it is still better. I can’t imagine being almost thirty years of age and still single.’’
‘’Sometimes, I wonder what kind of a friend you are’’
Efe picks up her bag about to leave.
‘’And I don’t even know why I keep coming here every time.’’
She leaves the boutique angrily while Chi-Chi beckons on her not to leave.
‘’Efe, please don’t go, I was only joking.’’








Saki, Saki, My online boyfriend.
Dressed in a short pink gown, sitting with legs crossed, revealing thighs a little, Efe waits patiently for Saki, a man she has been chatting with on the internet for the past two months. With red painted nails, she gently picks up a glass cup and sips a little wine from it.
A few moments later, she hears a husky voice behind her which prompts her to turn. Efe sees a man wearing sunglasses, in local attire with canvas on his legs.
‘’Is that my princess, Efe?’’
Saki calls out to the beautiful lady sitting close-by.
‘’Oh, that’s my baby,’’ says Saki with black stained teeth.
Efe is dumbfounded.
Saki takes his seat directly opposite her and signals the waiter.
‘’You look lovely my baby.’’
‘’Please, who are you? Says Efe surprisingly.
‘’Mr. Saki’’ he responds.
Efe is shocked.
‘’But… but ….you don’t look like the profile picture I…. I saw online.’’
Saki looks at her, smiling and says ‘’Oh, that’s my friend’s son, he lives in the US. A very handsome young man, so I decided to use his picture.’’
The waiter arrives; Saki places an order for a local meal and beckons on Efe to place her orders too. Efe still in shock, tells the waiter not to worry, she will only need a drink which has been served her already.
It’s much better being single at 30 than having an old black stained tooth boyfriend like Saki.
Especially for a fine TV presenter girl, Nope!
Saki begins to talk to her. Efe stares at him intensely with eyes full of fury and lips tight. Seconds later the waiter arrives with Saki’s meal which he munches on instantly.
‘’My darling, don’t you care for a meal?’’ Saki says, immediately his meal is served.
‘’Old man, please don’t darling me! Who is your darling?’’ Efe hisses, picks up her purse about to leave the restaurant.
‘’Where are you going to? At least, pay for my meal.’’ Saki tells Efe, already eating the food hurriedly.
‘’You must be crazy! And mad! Idiot’’ Efe angrily walks out of the restaurant, feeling slightly embarrassed too.
On getting home, she meets her father at the balcony. Gabriel Oghenetega, chief executive officer of Clark oils, a big oil and gas company in the country. He has lovingly catered for his wife and two daughters in the past thirty years. Being someone who loves children a lot, constantly, he has encouraged his elder daughter after her graduation some years back to get married, all to satisfy his longing desire to see kids playing around the house again. It has been seven long years of waiting to see his daughter walk down the rosy aisle and months after, give life to beautiful babies.
‘’Evening dad’’
‘’What is good about the evening, Efe? You graduated seven years ago from the university, and for the past ten years you have been dating, when will your numerous dates ever come to this house to seek your hand in marriage?’’ her dad responds angrily.
‘’Dad, not again ok?’’ says Efe as she walks out on her father angrily, and goes into the house.
The night hasn’t been fair. Saki’s look, bad table manners and now daddy’s marriage talk again, can make a sane woman go stark crazy.

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MercyObidake

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